Chapter One: Big Ben
If you hate someone's guts. I suggest you drop everything and run. If you stay in a relationship with that person, you are probably making the biggest mistake of your life. There are stupid people out there who will break your delicate little heart and treat you like dirt. If they lay one finger on you, get OUT. Leave. It is hard but there is better out there. Find a family member to support you and help get your through this.
I live in London, England. Busy-ass place and that is no joke. Cars, pubs, people. Too much hustle and bustle but I found myself falling for it. Cities had always attracted me whether I was here visiting my father or if I was visiting my other father in Beijing, China. You read right. I have two fathers. It happens, I'm sure you are aware. Not everyone on this planet can be heterosexual and I, personally, think you should have the right to love who you love. What I forgot to leave out is that I'm also a man and I'm currently dating a, you guessed right, man. It's like homosexuality runs in the blood or something. At least that's what I thought when I was younger.
My father is some sort of important executive and he has many co-workers which he often takes out for lunch to discuss business matters. He was talking to one of his friends from the building he works at and he mentioned he had a son. This boy was also gay and so my father thought "Hey, why not embarrass my boy by meeting this man and talking all about him and what he does?". I just prayed to God that he didn't break out the baby pictures or something along those lines. I think I would rather have this kid use his imagination instead of seeing actual pictures of all my embarrassing memories.
I met Benjamin Hill, the name still bothers me even though I began dating the man, one snowy evening. We went ice skating, which was not my forte. I fell into his arms, looked into his eyes and it was like something clicked. It was not love. God, no. I felt love once when I was a child and remembered the feeling vividly, much to my dismay, and this was no where near love but I did like Benny. He was there when I called him and home when I visited him. Unlike my parents, he was there. I respected people who had the decency to care for others.
Benny was tall, slim, and polite. He was basically skin and bones, much like myself, but I still had underlying muscle from all those karate classes I took. I'm a black belt, you know? I could care less about looks though. As cheesy as it sounds, it's what is on the inside that counts and that's true. You could date a model but if you can't hold a conversation with him, you have nothing. Well, you have a brainless buff guy but- That's beside the point. Benny was sweet and told me about his dreams. He talked a lot and I liked that about him. It gave me an excuse not to tell him about myself. It gave me an excuse not to tell him how depressed I was most of the time or how alone I felt or how I just wanted to rip the skin of my body and break free.
I was a good listener but I forgot to share my feelings too. I forgot to talk about myself to anyone and that made me grow bitter and cold. I couldn't trust anyone but I didn't even give a single person a chance.
Benny and I started dating for a few months and in those months I started noticing odd patterns in his behaviors. I'd mess up one little thing and he would erupt. He would spit out harsh words like a volcano would spit out fire and flames and dear God, it burnt. I was scolded regularly by my parents but never have I heard such cruel things and sometimes they got to me. He never hurt me physically though, and I was thankful for that bit I kept an eye on Benny. I thought I began to trust him but now that forming trust was long gone.