CHAPTER 22

A few hours later found Carlton and Henry watching as the two sisters played Idiot Solitaire, as they insisted it was called. Amy won all but one game, each by a margin of 10 cards or less. Beth didn't mind since that was what usually happened and at least she was getting rid of more than three/fourths of her cards each time.

After the fifth game, Beth sighed, "Why do I keep picking games that involve fast thinking and logic when I can't really think with these drugs?"

"I don't know, because you like torturing yourself?" Amy replied as she sorted the cards.

"Whatever. Do you want to play speed?"

"How about a game that everyone can play?"

"Okay, but Carlton only has use of one arm, so that eliminates a lot of games."

"Hey," Carlton put up his hand peacefully. "don't let me stop your fun!"

"No, it's fine. We can play poker or blackjack." Amy replied as she picked her cards up.

"Blackjack." Beth nodded.

"Okay."

"Amy, you get to shuffle." Beth said as she put her deck off to the side

"Oh, why thank you. Because I love nothing better than to shuffle." Amy rolled her eyes.

"Yep. Don't I know you so well?" Beth smiled widely.

"Doesn't that mean that I'm dealer?"

"Unfortunately."

Amy just laughed as she moved the tray so everyone could reach it and passed out the cards.

Halfway through the 8th round, the door opened and Dr Morgan came in with yet another doctor.

"Hello everyone." He politely greeted. "I hope I'm not interrupting?"

"No, it's fine." Carlton sighed as he leaned back from the game. He hadn't been doing so well and appreciated the break.

"Hi Dr Morgan." Beth smiled slightly as she handed over her cards.

"Hello Miss March. I've got some good news for you. Since your exams came back clean, we are going to release you within the hour."

"So I can go home?" Beth asked hopefully.

The other doctor smiled and stepped forward. "In a bit. My name is Dr. Tanya Williams and I'm the hospital psychiatrist. I would like to talk to you alone for a few minutes, if that's okay?"

When Beth didn't reply right away, looking down at her lap instead, Tanya continued. "This in no way is going to keep you here longer. I just want to talk to you about how you are feeling about all this and to prepare you for what might happen in the next few days and weeks."

Sighing, Beth looked at Amy who smiled and patted her arm, "What can it hurt?"

Turning back to Tanya, Beth asked, "Just a few minutes?"

"Yes, I promise." Tanya smiled.

"I guess," Beth sighed.

"Good. Now, may I ask the rest of you to leave the room? I'll have a nurse come find you soon enough."

Nodding, Carlton followed as they filed out, sparing one last glance at the door to see how nervous Beth looked.

Once they reached the end of the hall where there were a few chairs and drinks machine, Amy leaned against the wall and said, "Wow, I'm actually a bit surprised that she agreed to it."

"Yeah, me too." Carlton agreed as looked at the choices of drinks.

"Has she always been reluctant to talk to psychologists?" Henry asked.

Amy ran a hand through her hair as she thought. "I'm not entirely sure. At least since high school. In elementary and middle school, she had speech therapy since she had a slight speech impediment. She convinced them in 8th grade to stop the sessions but the only reason she gave me was that they kept taking her out of choir, which of course was her favorite class." Amy laughed slightly. "She told me once, about 8 years ago, that she wished that she hadn't stopped them. But then laughed and said that it was another mistake in a long line of things she wished she could change." Amy shook her head.

They lapsed into silence for a minute before Amy changed the subject. "So, I'm thinking that you two can drive Beth back to her place while I get her prescriptions filled and dinner. How does that sound?"

"Okay, I guess" Carlton shrugged.

"Yeah, that's fine." Henry replied as his phone went off. Shaking his head when he checked the caller id, he answered, "What is it Shawn? … It was fine, what do you want?" Henry sighed as he walked away from the other two. "Cut the crap and tell me what you want to know. … Yeah, they're both fine. Carlton got released this morning and Beth will be released within the hour. …"

Noticing a nurse coming towards them, Carlton stepped to meet her.

"Hello. Dr. Williams asked if a Detective Lassiter could join them?"

Carlton shared a look with Amy as she asked, "Just him?"

"Yes. She said that it would be just for a few minutes and then the rest of you can come back."

"Okay," Carlton shrugged as he started back down the hall.

Stepping into the room, Carlton noticed right away that Beth had been crying. Moving quickly to her side, he asked, "Hey, what's wrong?"

Beth sniffled, "Just bad memories."

"You got some of your memory back?" Carlton asked with concern as he glanced at the doctor.

Beth shook her head as Tanya replied, "Not yet. Since apparently no one has actually talked to Beth about why she might have lost her memories, I explained to her that sometimes the brain will block out a traumatic event in order to protect itself. She was just explaining to me why she thinks such a simple accident had triggered such a response."

Carlton sighed and rubbed Beth's arm. "I'm sorry that you had to relive that."

"Ditto," Beth nodded as she wiped her eyes. "I just wish that my memory of the last two months would come back so I could stop feeling so hopeless!"

"Yeah, me too," Carlton sighed.

"Now Carlton, based on the short notes that Dr. Kirkpatrick had given me, we are assuming that her brain is trying to protect her from a traumatic experience that happened about two months ago. Is that correct?"

"Yeah. Did he give you details?" Carlton asked cautiously.

Tanya shook her head as she glanced at her clipboard. "No, it just says that something happened about two months ago and that you were with Beth at the time."

"Yeah, it was pretty bad. But she did get through it." Turning back to Beth, he said, "You got through it, okay"

"You're making me nervous," Beth laughed shakily.

"Beth, I don't want you to worry about it too much." Tanya smiled reassuringly as she continued. "Your memories might come tomorrow or next week or not at all. You just have to remember that you got through it once, you can get through it again." Beth nodded. "I want you to repeat after me: I can't change the past, only the future."

"I can't change the past, only the future."

"I got through this once, I can do it again."

"I got through this once, I can do it again."

"I'm not alone, there are people who will help me."

"I'm not alone, there are people who will help me." Beth smiled at Carlton.

"Good. Now can you repeat all of that back for me?"

"I can't change the past, only the future. I got through this once, I can do it again. I'm not alone, there are people who will help me."

Tanya smiled, "I want you to say that anytime you feel overwhelmed. Since you experienced panic attacks and a few suicide attempts…"

Beth laughed shakily as she ran a hand through her hair. "I am not suicidal! I have a really strong stance against suicide, I won't even cut myself."

Tanya looked down at her notes. "It says here that two months ago, you had quite a few panic attacks and a suicide attempt. Is that correct Carlton?"

When Carlton didn't answer right away, Beth looked at him unbelievingly. "Carlton?"

Clearing his throat, he said rather quickly, "It wasn't so much an attempt as a, um, a scare. I found you with a knife to your wrist. And it freaked me out. One because I hadn't seen any signs, well at least I thought I didn't. Two, it was only really by luck that I even found you when I did. And three, you had this look of utter defeat on your face that told me that at least part of you would have gone through with it, which made me feel even more scared and …."

"Carlton. Carlton stop!" Beth exclaimed, halting him. "I, um I don't, don't believe you." She laughed nervously. "I would never have done such a thing! The closest I get is chopping off half my hair."

Carlton smiled slightly, "Beth, I would never lie to you. You did start by cutting off half your hair." He ran a hand through her messy layers. "When I first met you, your hair was halfway down your back. The morning I found you with the knife, you had chopped off more than 12 inches."

Beth looked down and ran a hand through her hair. Closing her eyes, she took some deep breaths. "It was, um, sunrise and still a bit chilly. I had my eyes closed but I heard you race across the porch and still the knife. Even though you tried to speak calmly, I could hear the panic in your voice. You, um tore your shirt and wrapped my wrist before kneeling in front of me and getting me to talk about it a bit."

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Carlton tried to keep his face neutral as he asked, "You're remembering?"

Beth nodded, "I don't remember everything that was said, but I think that you made me a promise to always be there for me and I quietly made a promise to myself that I would never scare you like that again." She laughed shakily as she wiped some tears away. "I guess I haven't held up my end very well."

"Hey, you're fine. You can't control everything." Carlton pulled her into as tight of a hug as he could while still minding his injured arm.

Beth sniffled as she hugged back, "I know."

After a few seconds, Tanya coughed and said, "I'd hate to break up this moment, but I've still got a few things to discuss."

Carlton blushed as they pulled apart, completely forgetting that they weren't alone. Seeing his face, Beth laughed, "What's wrong Carlton? Not comfortable with PDA?"

"Like you're one to talk," he grumbled as he turned to face the doctor.

Tanya smiled at Beth. "As I was saying before, Beth, I'd prefer it if you weren't alone for long periods of time. I'm not saying that you need a babysitter every second of the day, but you need to be able to get help quickly if you start to experience a panic attack." Turning to Carlton, she continued, "As you probably already know, if and when she has a panic attack, you need to try and calm her down as best you can. Rubbing her arm or back to give her something to concentrate on and encouraging her to take deep breaths. If after 15 minutes the attack shows no signs of stopping or she passes out, you should call an ambulance or take her to the hospital immediately."

"Okay." Carlton replied as he rubbed Beth's arm.

"And Beth, one last word of advice," Tanya smiled at Beth's nervousness. "I strongly recommend that you talk to a professional about this, preferably before your memories come back. It's obvious that the you developed PTSD after the events of a couple months ago and that your way of handling it hasn't worked as well as you would have hoped. Am I right, Carlton?"

Carlton nodded. "I know that it might be hard, but you have a lot of people backing you up, both here in Ohio and in Santa Barbara. We just want the best for you."

"Thanks Carlton." Beth smiled as she nervously played with her hair.

"Now, do you have any questions? Or should we let the other two back in? I'm sure they're getting anxious." Tanya smiled.

Author's Notes: In case any of you were wondering, you are now caught up to what I have on Psychfic (YAY!). I'll try to post on both sites on the same day, but no guarantees, and also try to keep my ramblings/commentary to a minimum on this site, again no guarantees.