A/N: I just want to say thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! It just makes my day to see those in my inbox
Anders could not have felt more stunned if Fenris had hit him with that giant maul he used to carry around. He followed blindly behind the elf as they walked through Darktown, trying to put the world back into some order that made sense.
As long as he had known the prickly elf, he had assumed that his disdainful attitude towards so many things…the food and drink at the Hanged Man, the smell of the docks, the people who dwelt in Darktown…were because he felt superior to it all. In fact, and this thought gave Anders a guilty flinch, he had often wondered how an ex-slave could possibly think so highly of himself.
Now it had just been brought home to him that Fenris didn't think highly of himself at all, in fact, it appeared that he rather hated himself.
This revelation shed a different light on the ex-slave's attitude towards mages. He thought himself the creation of a mage, he thought himself a monster and he hated himself, so he therefore hated mages.
For the first time he wondered exactly what kinds of things an evil, blood-magic-using Magister would have a slave do. Anders felt another guilty stab because he had never considered it seriously before, assuming that Fenris was...exaggerating. He had known that it was likely he had been raped, but that happened in the Circle as well. It was another reason he had thought Fenris should sympathize with mages.
But to consider himself a monster, he had to have done something he couldn't forgive himself for.
It made him angry; making him think of those mages who submitted to the Circle willingly, thinking that was their Maker-ordained punishment for being born with magic. No one should blame themselves, hate themselves, for something that was done to them. He felt that stirring in the vault of his mind that told him it made Justice angry as well.
But more than anger, their conversation this morning had brought all his healer's instincts to the fore. Fenris had revealed his hidden wound, the thing that was crippling his very soul, and now Anders ached to make it all better. Nothing so beautiful should be so broken.
The question was, how to go about fixing it?
Anders knew it wasn't something that would be accomplished easily. But he had to start somewhere, and he figured the first step would be to bring things back to normal…well, whatever could pass for normal between the two of them. They had walked all the way to the Lowtown market without speaking and the healer felt that had been long enough so he cleared his throat to get the elf's attention.
"You know, I was thinking that Hawke is probably not going to be too happy to see me today."
By the way the set of Fenris' shoulders relaxed just slightly, he could tell the elf was eager to move past what had happened this morning as well. He even dropped back half a pace to walk beside the healer.
"Hawke asked me yesterday to meet him and everyone at the mansion this morning. Unless he specifically told you not to come, I assume you are still part of everyone."
As they approached a nearby food cart a tantalizing smell of baked bread and other savories made his stomach growl once again. He quickened his pace just a tiny bit as he explained,
"He may have been a little too angry to remember to uninvite me. I kind of…poked a hole in his big fat ego."
Fenris had stopped in front of the vendor and was ordering several delicious smelling meat pasties. He handed three to the healer, but Anders was pleased to note that the normally finicky elf kept two for himself.
Too starving to wait, Anders bit right into the steaming bun and promptly burned his mouth. At first he thought the smirk on Fenris' face was because he knew what he had just done, but when the elf spoke again he realized it was for a different reason altogether.
"Hawke's ego will repair itself, I'm sure. He is just going to have to accept that you are mine now, and that will be easier to accomplish if we do not avoid him."
Having already turned away with breakfast in hand, the elf didn't see Anders stand there gaping for a moment before hurrying after him. He knew that Fenris had intended for…whatever this was between them… to be ongoing, but he hadn't expected him to stake his claim so bluntly. Frankly, hearing you are mine said in that amazing, smoky voice made him wish they were still back in his cot, or even in one of Lowtown's small, dark alleys, rather than walking up the steps to Hightown.
To distract himself he bit into his second meat pie and burnt his tongue again. He had to laugh at himself as he followed the slender form of his elvhen lover to Hawke's estate. He had thought that, being a runaway apostate and Warden carrying the duel spirits of Justice/Vengeance inside him, that his life couldn't get any stranger.
Apparently in this, as in so many things, he was very wrong.
Anders had been a little uncomfortable about showing up in Hawke's house with his lover when he had made him angry over that fact just the day before, but after Fenris' remark his head was so full of how am I supposed to behave now that he didn't have room to think about it any more.
He had liked it when Fenris had said he was his for a number of reasons. He wanted to have sex with the gorgeous elf again, that went without saying, and he had become rather fond of the broody Tevinter. If this morning was any indication, that fondness could develop into something warmer as he learned more about him. Also, it just made him feel good to be wanted, and by someone who obviously thought highly of him, even if he didn't feel he lived up to that assessment. But all of that still left him with no real idea of what the elf expected from him.
In situations where he was allowed to be, he knew he was an affectionate person. Disregarding the sexual hijinks in the Circle, the way his life had worked out so far those situations had been few and far between. Pretty much the only outlets for that side of his nature had been with Ser Pounce-A-Lot and Karl, and even with Karl that affection had mostly had to be hidden except when they were alone.
So if it were up to him there would be kissing, and sneaky little caresses, and…and hugging. Frankly after the I-am-a-monster thing he just wanted to give Fenris a hug that didn't stop.
He doubted that would go over well.
So considering the fact that his lover was so prickly, both literally and metaphorically, he was just going to have to follow his lead for now, hard as that might be.
He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even notice walking up to the estate doors, passing Aveline heading out as they went in, or the greetings of everyone else as they joined them in the study. It wasn't until a grinning Varric snapped his fingers under his nose that he came back to the present, suddenly focusing on the fact that he was standing in front of the fireplace with the dwarf and Isabela. The pirate gave a delighted laugh and said,
"Ooh, that good huh? I want all the juicy details."
He flushed and tried to think of a smart reply, but Hawke joined them before he could and said dryly,
"The rest of us don't so he can keep it to himself."
Merrill was sitting on the floor with Hawke's mabari, Noble. She had a curious look on her face and had opened her mouth to say something, but Sebastian jumped in first,
"I agree with Hawke, no details are necessary."
Isabela laughed again,
"Spoilsports. I'll just have to use my imagination."
Fenris harrumphed and spoke up from where he was leaning against the wall near the mantelpiece,
"Hawke. Didn't you ask us here for a reason?"
The big warrior nodded, walking over to the armchair that Sebastian was sitting in and perching on the arm. He really didn't have the frame for perching, and the priest scooted over uncomfortably. Hawke didn't seem to notice as he addressed the group,
"I was going to ask you all to accompany me out to the Bone Pit to check on how the miners are doing, but then this morning I received a letter asking me to go see the Viscount. Aveline also said she has a favor she wants me to do if I am going to be in the Keep, so it looks like we're changing out plans for the day.
He smiled down at Merrill sitting on the floor,
"It's always risky parading you mage types under the noses of our officials, so I think you and Anders will have to sit this one out today."
Varric caught the healer's eye and raised a questioning brow as he directed his words at Hawke,
"Unless you need me today I think Blondie and I should go look at available real estate for his clinic. The sooner we get him moved the better."
Hawke gave a disinterested shrug, while Anders looked over Varric's head to see Fenris nodding approvingly at him. As everyone gathered themselves to head out, the elf came over to stand in front of him and say in his deep voice,
"I am hoping that the dwarf can find you a place to move to today, but since we do not know where that will be; I will see you tonight at the Hanged Man."
It wasn't really a question, but Anders nodded anyway. He suppressed an urge to lean forward and give his lover a peck on the lips, and just smiled at him instead. Fenris didn't exactly smile back, but one eyebrow quirked up over eyes grown suddenly warmer, and for now that was good enough for Anders.
By mid-afternoon he was surveying his soon-to-be-new clinic in Lowtown. Merrill had tagged along for the day, and the dwarf had shown them a few options, including an offshoot of the passageway that ran under the docks and an old warehouse that was built just against the outside wall of the city. The place he finally decided on was a series of rooms carved out of one of the many warrens that ran under the city, this one having an entrance in a storehouse in the alienage and another in Darktown.
Anders thought it would work well since his patients in the Undercity would still be able to reach him easily. He would also be more accessible to the elves in the alienage, which was another group that that could use more help.
Varric told him that he would send some men down to pack up, and that he could be all set up in the new location by the next day. They stopped at the Hanged Man so the dwarf could send a quick message, and then they all trooped down to Darktown to meet one of Varric's men.
Anders showed the hireling everything that needed to be moved, which really wasn't much, pointing out the potions and ingredients that needed to be handled with special care. He shooed Merrill away from his books when he caught her poking around his bookshelf, thinking that the downside of his new location would be having the little blood mage around more often. Since they were going to be taking his cot along with the rest of the furniture, he gathered up what few changes of smallclothes and the like that he had, prepared to spend the night at the Hanged Man if necessary.