AN: Hello there guys! :) I want to thank you all SO much for your kind reviews. Please keep them coming, they all mean a lot to me and they inspire me to go on. :)
This chappie is pretty much inner monologues, though. Both from Elena and Damon's POV. Next chapter will definitely have more DE and even Jamie scenes. ;) Let me know what you think. Xoxo
The way home was awfully quiet. Elena found herself feeling embarassed near Damon, which didn't really happen so often anymore. Actually, now she always felt like being near him was one of the easiest things ever, and that was tough to say since Elena didn't really trust or found herself comfortable around many people in general, and so wasn't Damon.
In this case, though, she felt like buring her head in her hands and hiding forever. She had made a total gaffe with him..and she didn't realize how much it actually hurt being rejected by him. But who are you kidding, you knew from the beginning how he was and he sure as hell wouldn't have changed for you, a random silly girl on his list of conquers, she thought.
She shouldn't have gone that further. It was all her fault if things between them would have been awkward then. She was the one who kissed him, and she didn't have the right to. But she had wanted to kiss him so badly.
She casually took a look at Damon from the corner of the eye. He seemed kinda stiff too, his eyes were on the road and his face unreadable.
"So…" He started, and her heart began to beat painfully fast.
Here it was. He was bringing the talk and make her feel a fool of herself more than she already felt.
"The party was kinda lame, uh?" He then asked, a little smile on his face.
He didn't, he totally switched subject and her embarassament diminished a little. Maybe it wasn't that important for him, after all. Thank God he wasn't one of those guys who brought things up until death; it was an innocent kiss, a mistake. They had probably both drunk too much.
But why did it hurt, still? There was nothing to talk about, Elena knew that, but she couldn't help but feel a little disappointed.
"Yeah.." She said nodding, not really sure of what to say.
She made the terrible mistake to turn her head, catching his gaze just in that moment. He smiled at her tightly, though it seemed more of a sweet smile than a polite one. Elena recognized the difference. She tried to smile too, but she didn't know how credible it really seemed.
They finally got home, and Elena suddenly remembered that Jamie wasn't even there. Shit. At least if he was there it could have loosen up the tension a little, but now it was just the two of them…oh, no.
He pulled off in the drive way, and when she made to get out of the car, she saw that he was still sitting still.
"You're not coming?" She asked once she was out.
"I'm really not tired..I think I'll drive around for a while, grabbing a beer or something you know." He replied, smiling uncomfortably.
"Oh..sure, okay." Elena said. Sure.. "Good night then." She then said smiling.
"Night." He replied with a wink, and Elena's heart started beating a little faster again.
She noticed that when she had finally made it to the door, opening it, he was still there. Probably checking until she was in. Elena fould the gesture sweet, but she quickly shook off her dreamy thoughts.
It was a little after midnight. They didn't stay long at the party, especially after the Tyler accident. Elena cursed herself mentally for having agreed at going at that stupid party. She didn't have to please or prove anything to anyone, especially not Meredith.
Lazily, she went upstairs. She sat at the edge of her bed, sighing. What a day. Elena felt quite exhausted. It was late, and she still had to process everything that happened. And it was a lot, for her standards.
She suddenly noticed that she smelled of alcohol, thanks to those morons of Tyler and his friends. She went to the bathroom and instead of taking a quick shower, she opted for a hot and relaxing bath. Twice in a day.
After opening the water and waiting for it to fill the bathtub, she took her hair in a high ponytail and quickly removed her make-up.
A few minutes later the bath was ready. Getting in, she let the hot water relaxing her tensed muscles.
Elena tried, really tried, to take her mind off everything and just enjoy a few quiet moments of peace. But she still had Damon in the back of her mind and he just wouldn't go away.
Damon had been driving around for an hour and still he couldn't keep Elena and that kiss out of his mind.
What the hell, Salvatore, put your shit together, he thought. He wasn't feeling like this since..well, since ever. Did he really even care about someone, a girl, like he did with Elena? Probably just when he was a kid at his first crushes. It had been so damn difficult to reject her. Her beautiful doe eyes looking at him with such intensity, her swollen lips all over his..
The worst part was how she looked at him after. He had hurt her, he knew that. And he felt guilty about it. But why? He never really cared about hurting a woman even when he was in some sort of relationships with them. And still with Elena, a girl who he didn't even seduce or slept with, he felt like that. It was awful to stand. Damon wanted her. Her first weeks there he had even planned on sleeping with her despite his brother's recommendations. But now he just couldn't bare the idea of hurting her.
When he saw her crying because of that asshole of Tyler Lockwood before, Damon saw red, and he made sure of kicking that douche's ass very well. But it was no surprise that Tyler was so superficial and idiot. Damon knew his father, Richard, because he had always been great friends with Giuseppe. Oh well, douche per douche, he thought.
After stopping at the Grill and drinking two beers, Damon got stopped from the bartender when he said that he was driving. Fuck.
It was 1.30 am now and he really needed to get back before he passed out on the bar counter.
He promised to himself to not think about Elena and what happened, never again. Nothing at all happened, she was just one of the many girls that ended up falling for him. Nothing more nothing less.
Even though Damon really liked her, he kept that in mind. He really meant what he said. He was no good thing for a girl like her.
"Damon it's late, why don't you go home? I said that I can't give you more alcohol, I'm sorry." Ben, the bartender, said apologetically.
He stumbled a little on the stool. "Yeah..yeah, got it, ass." He muttered, and saw Ben giving him a dirty look for acting so rudely.
Walking out and letting the cool breeze hit his face, he sighed, thinking about how pathetic he was. The hell, he was oh-so going to forget about this little sort of stupid crush he had on Elena. At least he hoped.
Elena woke up in the middle of the night, thirsty. The hot bath completely knocked her down, and she got in bed right after that.
She lazily got up and headed for the stairs, paying attention in being quiet. It was 3am and pass and she really didn't want to wake Damon. Always if he got home..that is.
She noticed that the lights of the kitchen were on, though. She frowned a little. It was no secret that this house scared her. It was so big.
She quietly paced into the kitchen. She heard herself screaming when she bumped into something. Someone.
A man's chest. A man's naked chest. Damon's naked chest!
She felt herself blushing uncontrollabily, both for her stupid little scream and for bumping into a half naked Damon.
"Quite a screamer.." He said with a smirk.
Oh, hey, welcome back dirty ass. What surprised her though was that she didn't feel annoyed or bothered by his comment, she had actually started to love even that side of him. She liked it.
"Dear lord Damon..do you always go around the house half naked in the middle of the night?" She said, her hand still on her heart.
He just shrugged with that smirk of his still in place.
"My head was throbbing. Too much alcohol, I guess. I took an aspirin." He just said. "What about you? I could ask you the same thing, missy." He said smiling, checking her out from behind.
She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm thirsty." She said, trying to sound annoyed.
She took the water from the fridge, then going to the shelf to pick a glass. She didn't reach it though, not even on her toes. Oh-oh.
She hoped that Damon had left so she could have managed some other way, but when she felt his presence behind her she thought that he was far from it.
"Here.." He just said softly, taking the glass easily.
She noticed that he didn't make skin contact with her, but why she somehow craved it? She felt goose-bumps on her body by just being a few inches away from him.
She shouldn't have turned, she knew that, but she did.
Her eyes immediatly fell on his lips, and then back to his ocean blue eyes that were staring at her with such a depth that was quite hard to handle. She couldn't read his expression. But she did notice once again his naked chest. He was only wearing a pair of jeans..and all Elena wanted to was kiss him, again. And then kiss his glorious chest.
Just when she was escaping the closness, he tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, smiling at her softly. She had a deja-vù of what happened some days before.
"Damon.." She breathed.
She saw him lowering his lips down hers, with the same fire and need as hers in his eyes, but then he quickly pulled away.
Okay that bothered her. She knew what he said, but it was unfair teasing her like that.
He cleared his throat, not making eye-contact with her. "Okay then..good night, Elena." He said heading to the door.
Elena crossed her arms. "Why do you do that?" She asked.
"Excuse me?" He said, turning around again.
"Pushing me away. I want to know why." She said softly.
He seemed surprised for a moment, before leaning against the door frame and crossing his arms too.
"I thought that we talked about this earlier, Elena." He scoffed.
She took a few steps closer.
"No, we didn't. I know what you said Damon..but I just want to know why." Elena replied honestly.
His facade was up again, though. His expression was a little too hard and his body stiff.
"I don't need to explain anything. Get over yourself, Elena." He said coldly.
She sighed, getting even closer and smiling sadly. She studied his beautiful face for a few moments, then caressing his hair.
He seemed confused, but especially taken off guard. He looked at her in disbelief.
"You're right..you don't owe me any explication." Elena said, her hand falling on his cheek. She felt his face resting on the palm of her hand just a little. "But I think that you're so much more, Damon. You're just afraid to try. To let people in." She explained.
He was letting his walls down, she could see it. The gaze of his eyes was even more beautiful.
"I just wish that you could see it too. I know that I have no rights to tell you this..but what you do, how you shut people out, it's unfair to yourself Damon. Do you really want a life like this? Not being really close to someone, put your love and trust in them? That's not living. You deserve far better." She said firmly.
"Elena…" He said shaking his head, still with that shocked expression on his face, holding her gaze intensly.
She cut him off before he could continue. "Maybe I'm not the one. Maybe that's why you told me all that stuff before, but I know that you'll find the right person someday. I'm sure of that. That's why I'm saying you this." She said, even though it really hurt to say those words, she really meant that.
"Good night Damon." She then said, quickly giving him a kiss on the cheek.
And for the first time in his life, Damon Salvatore was left speechless.
One thing he knew though..it wouldn't have been easy to take Elena Gilbert off his mind and his heart.
One week later:
"Caroline!" Elena exclaimed, as she picked up the call.
"Oh why hello there, Elena." Caroline said, sounding pissed.
Uh-oh. Elena may have forgot to call her and tell her about everything…
"Care.." Elena started, "I'm sorry. I know, I'm awful, but really there's nothing great to talk about." Elena explained, still bitter about what happened.
For the whole week Damon and Elena both pretty much ingored each other, and talked just when necessary. What hurt the most though was his cold behavior towards her. It was killing her slowly and she hated it. She couldn't wait for other three weeks to pass, so finally Stefan and Caroline would be back.
"Oh.." Caroline said, sounding disappointed. "Still you could have called me! The day after the party I texted you saying 'call me' and you said 'will do'. Oh I see, uh." She then said back annoyed.
She had a point. Elena couldn't blame her, she totally ignored her.
She heard her sighing. "Mmh, whatevs, we can talk now." She said and the curiosity was clear in her voice.
Elena smiled at that. She really missed Caroline.
"Can I call you later, though? And this time for real, I swear. Now I'm driving to pick Jeremy up at the gallery art he's working at." She said.
"Okay, okay.." Caroline said sounding hesitant. "But you better call!" She said, hanging up.
Five minutes later Elena was in front of the gallery art Jeremy told her he was working at. His car was broken so for the week she would pick him up. The mornings he said that the girl he was dating, Anna, would drop him there.
Elena was so proud of his brother. In a few years, he improved so much. The period after their parents's death had been devastating, and had a tragic effect on Jeremy who started being on drugs and rebellious.
Now though at the age of twenty he had grown up so much, he was a mature man.
It was 6pm, and when Elena got in, not many people were there.
She looked around the unfamiliar place, just to hear a voice from behind her.
"Can I help you?" A polite, classy, voice asked.
She turned around and saw a man smiling at her. He was good looking, probably in his thirties or something.
"Uhm, yeah..I'm searching for my brother, Jeremy Gilbert. He works here." She quickly explained.
"Oh, I see, Jeremy." The man said calmly. "He's taking his stuff right now. He's probably on his way, don't worry." He said politely.
Elena couldn't help but smile, he was too kind.
"I'm Elijah, by the way. Elijah Smith. I'm the owner of this place." He said smiling, extending his hand.
"Nice to meet you, Elijah. I'm Elena. And this place is really beautiful." Elena said.
They started pacing around the huge room, full of paints and sculptures.
"So..is this place new, or something? I've never noticed it before." Elena said still looking around.
Elijah cleared his throat. "Yes, it's just a few months that we're open, actually. Your brother was one of the first people that I hired. He's got talent." He said.
"I know. He likes drawing and painting ever since he was a kid..during his youth his passion actually improved even more." Elena said smiling.
"Good to know. He's really great. If I can ask..what do you do, Elena?" He then asked.
"I'm studing pshycology, child pshycology actually. I love kids, and having the opportunity to help them and knowing them better is great for me." She explained.
Elijah seemed impressed. "Wow. I really do admire you. It can be a pretty tough thing sometimes, right?"
Elena sighed. "Yeah, definitely.."
Just then Jeremy showed up, a bag on his back.
"Oh hey 'Lena." He said kissing her on the cheek.
"Hey Jer." She said smiling.
While heading outside, Elijah spoke again.
"It's been a pleasure, Elena. I hope to see you again very soon." He said shaking her hand again, and smiling knowingly.
Jeremy looked suspicious.
"For me too, Elijah. And congrats again for your gallery." She said.
And with that, they were out. Once in the car Jeremy kept giving her dirty looks.
"What?" Elena finally spat.
"He likes you." Jeremy said casually.
Elena laughed. "Who? Elijah? Please.." She said, shaking her head.
"No I'm telling you 'Lena, he likes you. Pretty sure tomorrow he's gonna ask me your number." Jeremy said amused.
Elena blushed slightly. "No way..and don't you dare giving it to him." She warned, while pulling off at Ric's driveway.
"Whatevs, sis. Anyway Jenna told me to ask you if you want to come to dinner on Saturday." He said.
"Sure. We're not seeing each other so often anymore.." Elena said, smiling sadly. "I'll definitely be there." She said, hugging him goodbye.
She then thought about what Jeremy said. Elijah liked her..but why she could just think about Damon, then?
"For fuck's sake Damon, it's been more than a while now." Andie snorted. "Come on.." She then pouted, running her hand through his naked chest.
"I know that it's been more than a while, Andie. No need to tell me again." He said frustrated.
Indeed, Damon wasn't getting some for more than two weeks now. With Jamie at home and everything, even spending most of the nights at the boarding house, he just didn't have time. Though after the awkward talk with Elena in the kitchen, it seemed that his mind could just think about her and what she said. Fuck it.
"Then what is it, Damon? I'm half naked all over you and you don't even seem excited..not just one bit." Andie spat, now slapping his chest.
Damon looked darkly at her. He was indeed horny, and his relationship with Andie pretty much consisted into sex and getting wasted. But why it didn't do it for him, anymore? It wasn't even with her. It was with everyone. Everyone but…
To hell with it, he thought. He started kissing Andie passionately, pulling her body all over his. She rubbed herself against him, going down…but nothing. Nothing at all. Did he have problems? Did he have some sort of erectile dysfunction? Oh, no...not him. It never happened before.
Frustrated, he pulled away from her, snorting loudly and annoyed. He got off bed, heading towards the bathroom.
"Where are you going now?" Andie asked.
"Home." He said while putting his shirt on.
"You're such a buzz killer. You're becoming boring, Damon." She said rolling her eyes.
"What can I say, pity for ya'." He said sarcastic, buttoning the last button.
Andie then got up from the bed, reaching him.
"Maybe if we were in a committed relationship..things would be different." She said, making doe eyes that didn't fit her at all.
The only one who had doe eyes without even trying was E- stop thinking about her, for god's sake!
"Andie, honey..no." He said firmly, smiling sarcastically. "..Not with you." He then said to himself sighing, when she couldn't hear.
"Okay…" She just said, and he could hear the disappointment in her voice.
Andie was everything Damon had searched for. Easy sex, easy girl, light conversations. Until now. Why did it hurt more not being able to talk to Elena for two whole weeks than whoring around and missing his old lifestyle?
The truth was that Damon missed her. Elena was a special girl, and he only realized how much she actually meant to him now. Their conversations now were only based about Jamie, with Jamie, or polite 'hellos'. And Damon hated it. Plus, he noticed that in the last week Elena was going out more often, especially in the evenings, and he couldn't help but wonder if she was dating someone..the thought actually made him mad. Jealous..?
He was pulled out of his thoughts when Andie spoke again. "So, why don't we go at the Grill?" She asked.
"Sure.." He just said, not really paying attention to what she said.
He noticed that while he was lost in his thoughts, she had fully dressed up, and while heading towards the door she threw him a dirty look..as in making him understand that she got that he was thinking about something else.
It was Friday evening, and Elena was getting ready to go out with Elijah. Again.
They weren't officially dating, but as Jeremy predicted the morning after Elijah asked him her number, and the same afternoon she got a call from him. They pretty much went out every day. He was a real gentleman she had to admit. Elena actually enjoyed his company, Elijah was kind and full of culture.
In the back of her mind, even if she really didn't want to admit it, Elena wanted to do all those things with Damon. Elijah was almost the perfect guy, and yet she didn't feel the same chemistry and understanding as with Damon. She really cursed herself mentally this time. Why did she even still think about him, was a mystery.
Caroline told her the same. The same day that she met Elijah and Caroline yelled at her because she hadn't called her back, she told her about everything. About the party, of how Damon had been nothing but sweet to her even though he rejected her, of how she couldn't stop thinking about him..and then she said that she had met Elijah, and that he liked her.
Caroline seemed totally knocked off about Damon. She didn't see it coming, she had always thought that Damon wouldn't ever let down a girl, and she even admitted that his behavior had been quite a surprise and very sweet. Though she even said that if he didn't really want to have nothing to do with her, she should have tried with Elijah and let the little thing with Damon go, and in fact it was exactly what she did.
A few minutes later she headed downstairs. Damon wasn't at home too. Jamie was invited to a friend's house and Damon would have picked up him the morning after.
"Hey.." She said, heading into Elijah's car.
"Hello Elena." He said polite as always. "The Grill it is, then?" He then asked. She nodded smiling.
"Hey by the way..would you bring me at my aunt's house, after? I promised her to pay a quick visit. You can come too if you want." Elena said.
He grinned, he seemed really pleasured and Elena hoped that he didn't get the wrong idea. "Of couse. It would be a pleasure." He said still grinning.
"Good.." She said, smiling awkwardly.
Ten minutes later they were at the Grill, and while Elijah parked, Elena noticed one car. Damon's car. Oh, crap! He was there. Now it was too late to come back though, it would have made Elijah suspicious and probably made him think that she was mad.
Oh well..the Grill would have probably been busy, maybe they wouldn't even see him.
She took a deep breath, and got out of the car. To her big surprise, Elijah took her hand. Oh man..awkward. What was she supposed to do? Squeezing it? Numbly staying like that? Or gently pulling out of the grasp? She then smiled oh-so awkwardly at him, and decided to keep the hand in there. Flat, though.
Once they were in, Elena immediatly looked around. She felt more than relieved when she didn't notice Damon..but almost as if she felt his presence, she turned around and saw him staring at her. Just perfect.
Was he..was he with Andie? Elena fumed inside. She still remembered the night when Andie treated her like crap, that bossy little thing..she didn't deserve Damon. Not at all. Despite everything..it still hurt seeing him with someone else, even if she had no rights to feel this way.
A little because she felt like tease Damon, a little because she had to be polite, she went straight to their table.
When Andie saw her, she pratically killed her with her look. Just when she saw that she was with someone else she softened a little.
"Hi guys." Elena said, all smiles.
Andie just smiled fakely, and Damon seemed just tense.
"Hi there, Elena." He said tightly.
Elijah seemed a bit confused, and even a little annoyed at Damon's presence. Was it because their tension and angst was palpable?
Elena held Damon's gaze for a little too long, seeing a glim of hurt written on his face. Even that tiny little expression managed to pain her heart. They were 'interrupted' by Elijah introducing himself.
"I'm Elijah Smith. Nice to meet you." He said politely as always, heading his hand to Andie and Damon.
Damon took it introducing himself lazily, while Andie just seemed straking poses each time.
She couldn't help it, she kept looking at Damon and he kept looking at her for the whole time. If looks could talk..
Elijah cleared his throat. "Guess we're going to take a table. Elena's aunt is waiting for us. Enjoy your night." He said, and Elena noticed how he remarked the word 'us'.
She just nodded smiling, taken by Elijah to another table, far away from Damon's..
"Damon I think that you've had enough.." Andie said concerned.
It was his fourth glass of bourbon, but he didn't care. When he saw Elena entering the bar with that dummy, his whole body went sniff. And they were holding hands. Holding hands! He knew that something was off, he sensed that he was losing Elena..and now he had the proof.
They didn't stay too long, after thirty minutes they quickly got out. To Elena's aunt house. So it was that serious, uh?
"Shut up, Andie." He hissed at her while ordering another drink.
He was nowhere near drunk but he needed his best friend bourbon to suppress all that he was feeling right now. He noticed that Andie kept staring at him.
"What?" He suddenly spat.
"I think that she's lucky. She really has you all wrapped up around her little finger." She sighed.
"You don't know what you're talking about." He said, rolling his eyes.
As if she didn't even hear him, she kept talking. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" She asked shrugging.
Damon looked at her helplessy, slowly giving up. He was a coward. He didn't want to, he didn't deserve Elena. But on the other hand..could he go on like this? Living so miserably? Losing her? It wasn't something that Damon could afford. For the first time in many years he finally felt a connection with someone, he actually felt good about himself when he was with her..why was he just too proud to tell her? He tried to get her off of his mind but it was just pointless.
He didn't care about Elijah or whatever his name was, he would have told her tonight.
"I have to go." He suddenly said, rosing up.
Andie smiled at him sadly, before seeing him heading out.
Could he win her over, and make her forget about his behavior? He knew that he probably shouldn't have, but he headed towards his aunt's house. If he didn't make it now..he didn't know if he actually would have been able to. He had her aunt's, or her fiance's he didn't remember, address because Elena gave it to him in cases of real emergencies. It was.
Damon both loved and hated what he was feeling. It had been too long since he felt so attached to someone, and his worst fear was to let people in, just as Elena understood. But he was willing to do it for her. To give it a chance because she was worth it.
He parked a few blocks before, then quickly pacing towards the house. Once in front of it, he took a deep breath. He had really gone insane.
Just when he was about to go further, he heard a voice, her voice, coming from the house yard. She was alone and she was talking on the phone.
"Caroline, I'm telling you..when he looks at me I feel something that I've never felt before. God, it's insane. I…I think that I love him." He heard her say and laughing nervously.
His body went stiff, numb. He knew that. It was too late and he had lost her. You idiot, this teaches you that you were better off without her in your life, she messed it and you up, he thought.
He needed to get away from there. He started walking when he bumped into something and made a loud noise. "Shit!" He muttered.
He looked around just to see Elena looking into the sidewalk where he was standing. At first she had a worried and confused expression on her face, but when she recognized him her face was priceless.
"Damon!" She shouted, as she saw him starting walking quickly.
But he didn't turn around. It was dark so if she brought up the issue, he would have told her that she had probably mistaken someone else for him.
"Damon, I saw you!" She kept shouting now with an autoritary tone as if she was talking to a five years old, following him.
He quickly disappeared though and got into the car, fastly driving away. From everything.
Goddammit, Damon! Elena was fuming. Not only he showed up at her aunt's house randomly, but when she saw him, he didn't even have the balls to admit that it was him. Oh no, he wasn't going to get away with it.
The worst part was..that she was talking about him with Caroline on the phone. Oh god. Had he heard everything?
"Jenna, I need your car keys." She said, once inside.
"Wha-.." Jenna started saying, looking confused.
"Look it's a long story, maybe I'll tell you but now I need your keys." She said quickly.
Elijah, Ric and Jeremy were there looking confused.
"Elena if something happened, we can go." Elijah said still confused.
Elena snorted. She actually snorted. "No Elijah thank you the keys Jenna NOW!" She said passing a hand through her hair. Yeah, she seemed pretty much a psychotic. She seemed out of her mind.
She quickly ran outside, getting into Jenna's car.
She headed directly to the boarding house. Even if he wasn't there, she would have waited for him. Elena was tired of this silence between them. If he had some issues with her, or wanted to tell her something, it was the right moment. Hell, she was even willing to admit her own feelings..even if she was pretty sure that they weren't reciprocated.
She huffed when sge stopped at the traffic light. She felt so anxious, she…
She was brutally pulled out of her thoughts when she heard someone breaking her window and placing something cold against her temple.
Her whole body went stiff and she didn't even have the strenght to look around, her whole body paralized with fear.
"Get out of the car." The deep, male, voice said.