"This can't be real."

It was November 28th and the four of them were standing in the Room of Requirement. It was a crisp Saturday afternoon and the room had changed into a friendly circular chamber with huge mirrors covering the walls and cushions littering the floor. It had one very long rectangular table directly in the middle, and on that table were three identical groups of potions.

Each cluster had exactly 17 glass bottles. Some were big, containing several cups of liquid, while others were extremely tiny, containing only a few drops. They were all different colors and had been set in a particular order from front to back as if they needed to be drunk in a specific order.

And the four of them stood in front of the table, trying to get their nerves together.

Sirius seemed to be losing his cool.

"Three years… oh Merlin, this can't be real…" he actually reached up and yanked his hands through his hair.

Remus opened his mouth, hesitated, and then closed it. His throat was too dry to speak.

None of them were talking sensibly or even looking at each other. They just stood there, shoulder to shoulder, facing the table, staring terrified at what could very well be their doom.

"I said I would go first, Sirius," James reminded him hoarsely.

They all looked around at him. James was unusually green and seemed unable to open his mouth, like he would throw up if he did. He didn't look back at them but continued to stare at his cluster of potions. His eyes roamed them up and down, slightly glazed, wide-eyed and terrified.

They all knew the risks. If even one of those seventeen potions was brewed incorrectly, they could be in mortal peril. The consequences included everything from being stuck permanently in between transformation, being brain damaged beyond repair, and dying.

All four of them had seen the gruesome pictures in the Restricted books. They had all had nightmares about it, those images haunting them cruelly during cold winter nights when all their fears took over, paralyzing them as the darkness sank skin deep.

And now the time had come. This was the moment of truth.

Along with the potions, there were spell components as well. After potions three, four, seven, nine, thirteen, fifteen, and sixteen, they had to perform seven unique spells which had to be preformed properly and could not be inflicted by anyone else. They needed to have mastered the spells on their own.

Throughout the history of the Animagus transformation, there had been previous wizards who had simply lost their heads and preformed the spells wrong even though their potions were brewed perfectly. The consequences for performing the spells wrong or out of order were equally as incapacitating.

Ten minutes passed. Then fifteen. Then twenty.

No one moved, no one spoke.

They glanced at each other a few times but no one dared to look at James. They were all terrified that James would catch the other's eye and decided to begin. If anything happened to him… they wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of being the one who finally pushed him into it.

Twenty five minutes. Half past noon…

"It's time."

James whispered it. His face was pale but set. He looked almost defiant, as if mentally telling all his fears to just fuck off.

They looked at him again and then moved silently to the other side of the table, now facing James. He looked lonely, standing by himself with nothing but his demons for company.

He looked at them all and smiled weakly. They grinned back as his eyes roamed hungrily over each of their faces. Then he walked forward, picked up the first bottle and threw it back.

He paused, capped it and set it down. He picked up the second one, which was a rather large bottle full of dark purple potion. It took several drinks to get it all down and he gulped deeply, shivering in disgust when he had finally finished it. He took a huge shaky breath, picked up the next bottle and took two swigs to get it down.

Sirius had clutched at his hair again, breathing fast. He was staring wide eyed at James as if terrified he would drop dead at any second.

James pointed his wand at his chest and muttered the enchantment. He immediately started coughing as though someone had punched him hard in the lungs.

"Oh Merlin… that didn't feel too great…" he groaned.

He took another huge breath and threw back the smallest bottle, potion number four.

Pointing his wand at his temple, he spoke the second spell with the air of pulling the trigger of a gun.

His eyes screwed shut and he shook his head.

"Wow…"

"What happened?" Peter whimpered.

James just glanced at Peter, jerked his head once, and then picked up the next bottle. He didn't seem affected by it at all. But when he gulped down the sixth potion, his knees buckled and his hands flew up to catch himself from falling face forward. He groaned loudly.

Remus and Sirius had started to run forward immediately but then—

"No!" James yelled to the floor, his head hanging. "It's fine… I'm fine…"

Remus and Sirius looked at each other and Sirius nodded. They walked carefully back to their places on either side of Peter.

James hoisted himself up using the table. His hand trembled violently as he uncorked the seventh potion and drank.

He coughed on it, spluttering before he had even finished.

"Uhg… uhhhkkk…," he spluttered between coughs, his face twisted in agony.

He grabbed his wand and pointed at his temple again, choking the spell out.

He instantly stopped coughing and his trembling subsided. He breathed steadily, a little alarmed at the sudden change in his condition. He looked at the others and grinned. They all let out simultaneous breaths they hadn't realized they'd been holding.

Potions eight and nine were taken together, having to be mixed together in the mouth before swallowing. James cocked his head curiously to the side as he swished them with his tongue and gulped. Then he lifted his wand and preformed the next spell on his abdomen.

He gasped, but instead of clutching his gut he dropped his wand and put both hands on either side of his head as if trying to keep it from falling off. He looked remarkably like Nearly Headless Nick.

"Whewww…," he whispered, eyes wide. He let go of it gingerly and nodded, then picked his wand up again.

Potions ten through thirteen didn't cause any side effects. He waved his wand in an "X" over his chest while murmuring the incantation after potion thirteen. The spell swooped over him, forcing him backward a few steps and ruffling his hair.

He looked visibly disturbed after potion fourteen, and fifteen caused him to gasp, clutching his throat. He spit on the floor before casting the next spell to his face. It paled and he winced, feeling his cheeks gingerly.

He swung the sixteenth potion back, pointing his wand at his stomach at the same time. It was a nonverbal spell to be cast as the potion entered his throat. There was a very loud, audible snapping sound that emanated from his chest and he contracted at the same time.

"AAAAAaaaaaaaaa… uhg…oh shit that hurt…" he moaned, clutching his chest. "Uhg… that wasn't nice…"

There was one potion left. He chucked his wand aside, staggered to the table and, leaning hard on it, uncorked the bottle, trembling violently, and gulped it down.

James paused, breathing haggardly.

Then something happened. He doubled over, falling to the floor and began morphing.

His hair was elongating… or was it his hair? No, it was something else…

Sirius and Remus and Peter were paralyzed in fear and awe.

James' skin was no longer skin, it was hair. His clothes were dissolving into his body. Instead of falling off they changed along with him. Something clattered on the floor and then it stopped. It was over.

The creature stumbled to its feet and they stared, relief and exhilaration sweeping over them. Where James had been doubled over in agony not ten seconds ago, there now stood a tall— unnervingly tall—stag.

Its antlers were shockingly sharp and impressive. Its face was beautiful, thin and innocent looking with rather curious black marks around the eyes. The coat was extremely shiny, a deep chestnut red color with white spots sprayed all over. It stumbled back nervously, hooves clattering on the stone floor, and one of the back legs tripping over a small cushion. It moved its head back and forth, staring at the three of them with soft, kind, glittering hazel eyes.

Then its beautiful head turned and stared into the nearest mirror. It edged closer and stopped in front of it. Its body turned and the head moved up and down, getting a better look at its impressive antlers.

Remus and Sirius had joined him. They grinned, reaching up to stroke the neck and face. Words failed them.

Remus smiled and touched the antlers, then cupped the face and stroked the flat of his hand down the snout. It was so soft. He smiled into those big innocent eyes and the stag tossed its head in a friendly way. Remus and Sirius laughed.

Remus looked over at Peter.

"Pete, James isn't going to charge at you. Get over here."

Sirius laughed.

Peter walked cautiously toward the stag. He stood as far away from it as he possibly could while brushing the top of the black nose with the very ends of his fingers.

It tossed its head menacingly and stomped its front hoof into the ground, huffing out of its nose. Peter yelled and ran behind the table again.

Remus and Sirius fell over laughing, clutching the walls and the stag for support. The deer moved weirdly out of the corner of Remus' eye and suddenly, James was there, head thrown back, roaring with laughter and falling backward onto his rear as he lost his balance from the transformation. Sirius, who had been leaning on the stags back, was pushed down too.

James sprawled himself out languidly and stared up at the ceiling. They had never seen him so wildly happy before.

"That was amazing," he laughed, shaking his head.

Sirius stood up and offered his arm to help James to his feet. James shook his head.

"No…no I need to lie here for a second," he breathed, smiling widely.

Remus grinned down at him.

"No lion, hu?" he said.

James shook his head.

"No, I'm a stag! A stag!" he shook his head bemusedly at the ceiling again. "I thought I was going to die a few times in though… we at least brewed all the potions right, now you two just need to pull those spells off… some of them were a right pain in the arse, it's hard to keep a straight head after some of them… literally, one of them made me feel like my head was going to fall off my shoulders…"

"What does it feel like when you're transformed?" Remus said eagerly.

"It feels like…like I'm not myself…I can't really process language correctly…I sensed these… emotions, and I knew what you were saying but it wasn't because I heard you, it was because I could sense you… I mean, okay, I did hear you but my brain wasn't able to understand it… even though I did… oh fuck it, I can't describe it," he said shaking his head again and throwing his hands a little in a resigned sort of way.

They laughed and then fell silent.

"So… who's going next?" Remus said finally.

Sirius looked over at Peter who was white and trembling. He laughed.

"Petey should go."

Peter yelped and shook his head violently, eyes bulging.

"No! No please," he begged.

"C'mon Pete, if you go last the suspense is just going to be worse for you," Sirius reasoned. "I mean… at this point we all know that if James can pull it off then I damn well can."

Peter shook his head again pleadingly.

"Pete, I think Sirius is right," Remus said kindly. He moved forward and gripped his shoulder. "Come on, it's time. Now or never."

Peter was sweating profusely, but the hand on his shoulder steadied him.

He whimpered and said, " 'kay."

James stood up and he and Sirius joined the other two. For ten minutes they threw encouragements at Peter, building up his confidence as much as possible. James even listed off all the side effects of each potion.

"So now you know," he finished finally. "You've got nothing to be scared of 'cos you know exactly what to expect. None of the sensations are too much to bear, their just strange and uncomfortable, and the potions aren't exactly pumpkin juice, but I promise you it's nothing you can't handle. And most importantly: you're a goddamn Gryffindor for Merlin's sake! You can do this!"

He yelled the last two lines proudly and clapped Peter on his back.

And so it happened. For twenty minutes in which Remus, Sirius, and James watched painfully, Peter threw each potion back and preformed each spell with great effort.

Each time Peter lifted his wand they winced and prepared to rush forward to… well they weren't sure what exactly they would do. Catch him? Run for Madam Pomfry? Prepare to sob their good-byes as Peter tragically died in their arms?

Unlike with James, they had to keep encouraging him on, reminding him of the order of the spells and their proper movements.

"Concentrate!" they yelled at him so many times they lost count.

James was even more anxious. He obviously knew which parts Peter would find difficult to handle so he fidgeted nervously when he knew they were about to kick in. Remus reached out more than once to grab the back of his robes and warn him to stay put.

Peter wasn't doing well at all by the time he picked up the sixteenth potion. He was chalk-white and seemed to sway as if about to pass out from pure fear.

"You can do this, you're almost there!" Sirius yelled at him.

"Peter, you've practiced these spells for years, you know you can do this!" James yelled.

"You've got one spell left and then you're done, the next potion is brewed correctly and you won't have to worry about a thing after this. Just concentrate!" Remus urged.

Peter nodded once, lifted the sixteenth potion to his lips, pointed his wand at the same time and—

They all sighed. He'd done it. And Peter knew it too.

His eyes widened. He grabbed the last bottle and gulped.

He shrank, morphing towards the floor at lightning speed until he was… gone.

Silence.

They looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

"Peter?" Remus said nervously, standing on his toes to look over the table.

They walked carefully around it and looked down. There was nothing there.

They frowned at each other.

"What—where—?" James spluttered.

"How—?" Sirius whispered.

Remus was bewildered. "He did everything right… I don't get it…"

Struck by a sudden idea, he made wide eyes at the other two and stretched his arms out, feeling the air.

"What if he's a thestral or one of those invisible Llamas from Brazil?" he whispered.

They all raised their arms and started walking around until—

"OY!" Sirius yelled.

They jumped and ran over to him. He was staring at a large red cushion that was bulging slightly on one side. And poking its tiny brown head out from under it was—

"Peter?" Remus whispered, crouching down and reaching his cupped hand down to the little creature. It trembled, sniffed at his hand, and then crawled lightly into it.

Remus smiled and stood up, holding Peter-the-rat in front of them.

It was rather cute. It had very fluffy light brown hair, and an adorable little face with round pink ears and watery eyes. The wispy white whiskers twitched as it sniffed the air with a wet pink nose.

James and Sirius cocked their heads and leaned forward, grinning at it. They looked very much like two brothers cooing at a newborn baby. James held his pinky up to it and the rat gripped it affectionately with its tiny cold paws.

"Well, shit, Peter, you're bloody adorable," he joked.

It squeaked and looked downward at the floor. Remus realized it must be very high up for a rat so he set it gingerly on the stone and, before he could stand up again, Peter had sprouted at his feet looking utterly shocked at his achievement.

They all laughed and helped him to him up, thumping his back and beaming with pride.

"Peter, do you know what this means?" Sirius said suddenly. "You can get to the stump at the base of the Whomping Willow!"

"Yeah!" James said triumphantly. "We don't even have to transform back just to aim a spell at it as long as you're with us!"

"You did really great Peter, bloody brilliant," Remus said smiling.

Then they all stiffened and looked around. It was Sirius' turn.

"Pfft, don't fuckin' look at me like that, I got this shit…" he walked over—no, swaggered over— and started throwing back potions without even waiting for the other three to get into place.

They scrambled around the table to observe Sirius with excitement.

He was incredible to watch. His had mastered the spells like an expert and, compared to the other two, Remus felt like he was watching an artist at work.

"Stop smirking you bastard, you didn't have the balls to go first, you don't have any right looking smug," said James crossing his arms, but he was grinning nonetheless.

Even for Sirius, it still wasn't a walk in the park. Sirius doubled over and gasped when the effects of the potions hit him. But he never trembled in fear or started sweating. And he never lost his nerve. He even started casually conversing with the others around the thirteenth potion.

"Damn I'm hungry, can't wait for some steak tonight. You think they'll serve steak or chicken?" he pointed his wand and muttered the spell. "Cos I could really go for some steak…"

Remus laughed. Sirius glanced at him and toasted the next potion in his direction.

"Cheers, Moony," he said before gulping it down. He slammed the bottle down as if finishing a shot.

"Can't wait to start running around in a few weeks. When's the next full moon?" he said casually over the rim of the fifteenth potion before taking a swig.

"December eighteenth."

Sirius caught his eye and grinned. Remus stared at him, now smiling curiously. There was something strange glinting behind those grey eyes of his…

Sirius murmured the spell and picked up the sixteenth bottle. He locked eyes with Remus again before combining the spell and potion.

Remus narrowed his eye's questioningly at Sirius. They'd been struggling to regain their natural friendship ever since that night just three weeks ago when they had been pressed so close together in the alley. What was Sirius playing at, looking at him like this, in the middle of the Animagus transformation of all places?

"This is it," Sirius breathed when it was done. He picked up the final bottle. Hesitating, he looked up at Remus again.

He had no eyes for anyone else. The intensity of his gaze grew. Remus felt his stomach swoop and he stared back, not smiling anymore. It was like Sirius was trying hard to read something. His eyes were boring into Remus' in a way that said…

Remus felt himself blushing.

That bloody thing… that thing he worked so hard to repair these last few weeks. It was broken again.

He caught himself staring at his friends face, taking in those deep stormy eyes, the way his silky hair caressed his cheeks, and the way his lips moved against the edge of the glass potion bottle as he whispered—

"This's for you, Remus," and drank.

He doubled over, and everything became darker.

He was shrinking, black hair sprouting and draping around him.

Remus stared, frozen in shock.

Sirius had transformed into the exact dog that Remus had jokingly predicted last month. Everything, down to the breed he had imagined, had come true. The length of the hair, the shiny eyes, the shape of the face… even the wagging tail. It was precisely the animal that had formed spontaneously in his sleepy head at two seventeen in the morning all those nights ago.

There was noise going on around him but he couldn't process it. The other two had run forward in elation. The dog had jumped around in excitement, staring at itself in the mirror. But his own world had come to an abrupt halt.

"Remus?" James said, realizing he hadn't moved. "Remus, what's wrong?"

Remus didn't hear or answer him. He just stared at the dog. He couldn't move.

The large creature padded almost cautiously over to him. Remus looked down at it in disbelief. It walked closer, nudged a cold wet nose at his hand, and licked it. Then it wagged its tail, stepped back and barked cheerfully up at him.

Remus smiled weakly.

He gave in and knelt down. He stared into its eyes. The candle light was reflecting in them, making them sparkle.

Remus reached up and cupped the face, rubbing behind both ears. He grinned. This was a million times harder than cupping the stags face. The dogs hair was silky soft and shiny. James and Peter were patting its back and scratching its head, talking about who knew what. Neither of them noticed when the dog leaned forward and licked Remus directly on the mouth.

His smile vanished. He had a sudden, incredibly strong desire to have Sirius-the-human in front of him now, with his very human eyes gazing at him and his very human lips so close to his.

The dog moved upwards strangely and, a second later, Sirius was kneeling there.

James cleared his throat.

Remus jumped. He had forgotten to move his hands away. They were wrapped around either side of Sirius' neck, palms resting on the jaw and thumbs on the creamy skin in front of his ears.

Sirius grinned at him, his eyes full of... something.

Remus snatched his hands away and stood up. But Sirius stayed kneeling in front of him for a moment, gazing up, grinning wickedly, and Remus realized forcefully how his face should not be so close to his crotch…

He stood up slowly, never breaking eye contact.

"Is something wrong?" James' voice cut in.

Sirius ignored him.

"Well…that was pretty wicked…," he whispered, his voice deeper than usual.

Remus smiled weakly. He couldn't think of anything to say.

Sirius stood back and caught each of the others' eyes. They all stepped back too until the four of them formed a circle. Then, smiling at Remus, they all morphed simultaneously into a magnificent stag, a large shiny dog, and a tiny brown rat.

He couldn't help himself. He roared with laughter and gazed at them all hungrily, more proud than he could ever remember being in his entire life.

They had done it.

~*~ Please Review!~*~ :)