AN: I think I suffer from insomnia you guys...lol. In fact it's 5 am and I've been up all night writing.

Thank you so much for all your reviews, I love every single review and your support is what keeps me going :) I know last chapter was very emotional. It was even for me while writing it. I have to tell you though; this one is too...maybe even a little more, hah?

I told you you were going to hate me for just a little and I intend to keep my word...just be a little patient, alright? ;)

I know some of you were excited about the talk between Stefan/Damon and even though it is not in this chapter, it will be in the next. *in a flashback*

Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!

Stop it, Elena. You're a strong woman and you can do this. It's been three months now and he left you, he left you and he's not coming back, he doesn't want you. You can't let your life stop going on because of him.

You won't be one of those girls who are going to lose themselves because who they thought was the love of their lives left them. You won't. So just stop it.

Elena kept telling this to herself as she took deep breaths. She hadn't thought about him for a while now, but as she saw a couple fighting a few minutes ago, just like they fought when he left her..it reopened some scars that she thought were healing now. She didn't even know why she still bothered thinking about him. He didn't deserve her tears, her heart break, her love. He had showed his true colors; he didn't love her. For him she had always been a play thing.

She opened the water of the sink to cover her soft sobs. She looked at herself in the mirror and hot tears started escaping again as she remembered their first and last fight.

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Elena asked in disbelief.

They were in the living room of the Boarding House and Damon seemed completely off and indifferent to the situation.

"Exactly what I said. That I'm leaving." He said once again, matter of factly. As if it was something completely normal.

She snorted in annoyance and laughed dryly.

"Right..." She rolled her eyes.

His expression darkened and his eyes grew cold.

"I meant what I said Elena. I'm leaving for New York and I'm not coming back." He said serious.

"What do you mean you're not coming back? You mean for some weeks?" She asked.

Sliht panic was beginning to take form in her body as her heart started beating faster

He chuckled humorless and rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm leaving as in I'm moving there. I'm tired of Mystic Falls...and its people." He said in a bored tone.

Elena's eyes widened in surprise and she could swear her heart stopped beating for a second. He did not just say that. This had to be some cruel, pahetic, joke she thought. She felt offended and humiliated at his words. But maybe she wasn't in that list? Damon could be harsh sometimes so maybe he just came off as too blunt.

"I...I don't know what to say. I don't understand. If you made such a decision, why didn't you tell me about it? We're a couple Damon certain things have to be discussed together. You don't want me to be part of your life?" She asked, her voice lowering always more, almost a whisper in the end.

She saw hesitation and sadness in his face for a moment, but it disappeared so quickly that she wondered if it really happened.

"Look..it's been fun, okay? You've been a great company, I have to give you at least that much credit. You're cute, sweet, funny and blah blah blah. But I'm bored Elena. And annoyed with this life." He spat in her face harshly, sipping his bourbon in a gulp.

Her face reddened and as a tight gulp formed in her throat she felt like throwing up, like she couldn't breathe or think properly. Unconscious tears started streaming down her face.

"Damon..." She whispered in disbelief, shaking her head.

That man in front of her was not the man she loved. Her Damon. Was this a nightmare? He was being cruel. Too cruel for his own good.

"But you..you told me you loved me.." She said. "Did I do something wrong? Did I upset you in some ways please Damon tell me." She said, a sob escaping.

She covered her mouth with her hands to cover the sobs. Her vision was blurry but she could see the remorse and pain in Damon's face.

"I thought I did." He shrugged casually.

She thought he was going to say something else but he didn't. He gulped tightly and bit his lip. Were his eyes a little steamed up? Elena couldn't understand anything anymore as realization hit her. Hard.

He was leaving her behind. She knew it was going to happen one day. It was just too good to be real. She cursed at herself mentally thinking about all the warnings Caroline and other people gave her about Damon. But still she fell for him like a naive stupid girl.

"I'm sorry Elena..I just don't see how this could work. I'm sure you'll fine someone good." He said patting her shoulder and quickly heading away.

He sobs became louder and she didn't even try to cover them anymore. She fell on the ground and kept crying until she was exhausted.

He had even told her that he was going to pay her for her work with Jamie, when for her it was longer a work form the moment she kissed him and fell in love with him. She had even told him. Paying her made it seem all fake. His feelings for her were fake, her time here had been fake, everything was fake.

"Elena? Elena are you ready?" Bonnie's soft voice and knock on the door distracted her from her trance.

She quickly cleared her throat and closed the water.

"Yes. Just one minute." She said.

"Okay…" Bonnie sighed hesitantly. She obviously knew better.

Bonnie had come to town one week after Damon left. She was staying for some months after her grandmother passed away and left her some properties. Seeing Elena in that state convinced her even more to take a little break from her studies and stay in Mystic Falls for a while.

Bonnie had always been Elena's rock, probably even more than Caroline. If Bonnie hadn't been here…Elena didn't know if she could have make it.

Caroline and Bonnie though decided to take her away for a week-end to go a SPA a little out of Mystic Falls and relax a little.

She had to admit, she was truly enjoying their time there. Caroline and Bonnie were so caring and attentive, especially about her feelings right now. She was vulnerable and she knew it.

There were days when she managed to not think about Damon at all…but others, it was just a break down all over again. She could cry for hours curled in her bed and miss him like crazy even though he had left her like she was dirt. She had been with Matt for years, and still something like that didn't happen when they broke up. She had been depressed for a week but then that was it. She had always been a tough woman, promising to herself to never let a man manipulate her life and her emotions. But with Damon...her feelings for him were still overhelming and she hated herself fot it. She hated him for it.

She stepped out of the bathroom and Bonnie and Caroline turned around to look at her.

"There she is." Caroline smiled. "Ready for dinner?" She then asked getting closer and taking her arm in hers.

"Absolutely. I'm starving." Elena giggled.

"Same here." Bonnie chuckled.

They walked through the hallway taking the elevator to the restaurant. They were all staying in the same room and Elena remembered how many sleep-overs they had done when they were in high school. Sometimes reliving that feeling again made her feel loved and safe. At least she was always going to have them.

"So..how did the wax go today?" Caroline asked with an amused smirk.

Oh, yeah…that. Elena blushed slightly. Today she had done massage, mani-pedi, and then Caroline told her to do the 'classic' wax. Elena thought they were only going to do her groin and legs, as always, but it didn't go quite like that...

"Don't even get me started." Elena told her with a pointed look. "It's all…bare. I feel like a four years old girl all over again. It's just weird. And it tickles." She said embarassed.

Bonnie chuckled amused.

"Oh, shut up. You say this just because you don't have someone to share it with…" Caroline said giggling, stopping as she realized her gaffe.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry 'Lena I didn't mean to…" She started all flushed.

"Don't worry." Elena sighed with a little smile. "Let's go." She then said as the elevator hit their floor.

Luckily they didn't touch the subject again as they stepped into the hotel's restaurant. It was a pretty luxurious SPA and there were every kind of comforts. At first both Elena and Bonnie were hesitant when Caroline proposed them to come, they wanted to pay for themselves, but Caroline pressed saying that it was all going to be on her since last week's had been her birthday.

They took their seats and orders, and then Bonnie spoke up.

"So..what did you want to tell us about Matt before? You two are still in contact?" She asked.

"Oh right, Matt." Elena said keeping the urge to roll her eyes.

He had called her a few days ago asking her to get back together, that he still loved her, that they never should have broke up and all the crap.

"He wants to get back together. He says he still loves me. Quite funny how he didn't seem to think so when he was dating Meredith." Elena chuckled.

"Right I still can't believe Matt has been with that bitch. She had been hell for us in highscool." Bonnie said with a scowl. "Anyways…what did you tell him?"

"No, of course!" Elena spat. "I'm not in love with him anymore. I don't even know how he came up with the idea." She said rolling her eyes as she sipped some wine.

"Well...obviously Matt isn't a choice anymore, but Elena you should start looking around and notice other guys." Caroline said softly. "One of Stefan's co-workers saw your picture and asked me if you were single. He wants to meet you. What do you say?"

"I say no." Elena said firmly. "I'm still not ready Caroline..please just leave it alone. I thought this was going to be just a relaxing girls week-end." She said with some frustration in her voice.

"She's right Care…" Bonnie said.

"Fine." Caroline sighed. "I just want you to be happy Elena, that's it." She said offering a small smile.

Elena returned her smile but thought about it. Was she ever going to be happy again? Happy as she had been with Damon even if for that little?

Caroline's phone started buzzing in her purse. "It's Stefan…sorry guys, just one minute." She excused herself.

She got up and went to the balcony of the restaurant.

"Hey." She said softly.

"Hey honey. How are you?" Stefan asked in a tired voice.

"All good…we're having fun and especially chilling a lot." She laughed. "Elena is smiling more often. I missed her smile so much. Although she said that she still isn't ready to date other guys…" She said.

"Don't worry about it...let's give her some time. Damon broke her heart, after all. A broken heart can take a lot of time to heal. I've been there…" He said softly, and suddenly Caroline felt a pain in her stomach thinking about Katherine. She immediatly shrugged it off.

"I hope you're not making up excuses for that brother of yours, Stefan. He's been a bastard with Elena." Caroline said angrily.

They found out that Damon and Elena had been together during the months while she and Stefan were gone when they came back from the trip. Stefan knew first..but for some strange reason, he didn't seem affected by it. Knowing how anxious he was especially about his brother being a player Caroline found it quite weird how he wasn't upset and now was even sort of defending him.

"Have you heard from him by the way?" She then asked.

Stefan sighed heavily. "No. It's been a while now…"

"It's his loss Stefan. He wanted to leave to live all fancy in New York...fine, let him be. But don't blame yourself on it because this is exactly what you're doing." She finally let out. "Anyway I have to go back to the girls. I'll call you tomorrow. I love you." Caroline said.

"I love you too." He said hanging up.

Stefan was in his office trying to work but for some reasons, Damon popped up in his mind again. Probably his talk with Caroline did it.

Three months had already passed. He wondered what he was doing, if he would ever change his mind and come back to spend his last months with them..what if he was already….no, he couldn't think about it. But Stefan knew it was something he was going to have to face sooner or later.

He had promised to Damon not to talk, to keep a poker face and lie to everyone about it…but all this situation was slowly killing him inside, too. It was becoming difficult. He was losing his brother and he couldn't even spend his last months with him. All this situation was even causing problems at home. He stayed at work as much as possibile on purpose to avoid Caroline and her knowing looks. He was spending less time with Jamie and he was stressing out.

Damon and his stubborness. With hesitation, Stefan took his phone and dialed Damon's new number. When he took off to New York he had turned off his phone and bought a crappy one to just interact with him once in a while. But obviously, he didn't reply.

He then thought about Elena...and how Damon claimed to love her and begged him to leave especially her out of this. When Damon told him that he and Elena fell in love, Stefan wasn't thinking properly, too affected by the previous news of Damon dying.

Had he told him that under another circumstance, Stefan would have probably scolded him thinking he was lying or just messing with Elena. But when he saw the vulnerability and epsecially the love in Damon's eyes while talking about Elena he surrendered. They really fell in love.

Damon told him that he was going to leave her, he was going to make her hate him so she would always remember him as the asshole who broke her heart. Damon said that it was going to be extremely difficult and that he didn't know himself if he would have been able to do it..but he had to give it a shot and try it.

He even gave him their mother's porcelain box with her necklace in it, and a letter for Elena. He had told him to give it to her in years...ten, fifteen, he said that he didn't care. First he wanted Elena to move on and live her life as happy as possible.

As he heard the phone ringing for the bigillion time, Damon huffed heavily and took it.

"Yeah." He said in a bored tone.

"Damon, what the hell? You haven't picked up the phone in two days. I got worried…" His friend Mason spat.

"Sorry about that. I've been sleeping and...sleeping. Oh, and drinking." He said.

"You're unbelievable, man." Mason sighed. "You should spend your last months on a tropical beach. Drinking martini dry and getting laid. Not in a hotel room brooding and depressing."

"Don't start again Mason." Damon said his jaw clentched.

He knew that his old friend Mason lived in New York and they hang out from time to time now that Damon was here. He had been living in Florida for a while but eventually moved to New York with his girlfriend Jules. Since they were the only friends that Damon had here and he intented to keep them only, Damon thought that he owed them the truth. They didn't know Stefan or other people in Mystic Falls so he was safe with his 'secret'. Even though Mason was a Lockwood he didn't have a great relationship with his relatives…something Damon could understand quite a lot.

Now though Damon just wanted to be left alone. Three months had already passed and as bad as it could sound…he just wanted to get over with it already. Dr. Hunt had told him about all the symptoms that would arrive at some point, and Damon could only wonder when they would indeed start to come. The only pain that he was having were the heavy headaches for spending too much time into his suite.

He booked a suite at Four Seasons hotel, instead of taking an apartment. The room was pretty much an apartment since it had a kitchen, a master bedroom and bathroom, and a living room, but at least he had people cleaning it up for him.

"Come on man…don't tell me you don't want to get laid one last time." Mason chuckled.

At first Mason took the news pretty bad. He was upset and very sorry for Damon. Now though he got used to the idea and just…joked about it.

"Fuck you." Damon muttered hanging up.

He couldn't care less about getting laid. At least, not with some stupid random girl. The truth was that he missed her. He missed her everyday more and it had started to be his greatest pain.

He just wanted to see her again; one last time. Tell her to forgive him for telling her such hateful and orrendous things. He didn't mean them at all. He had tried to be as mean as possibile so she would hate him more.

The thought of Elena hating him was unbereable, but as he was still convinced, it was for her best. Hating him passionatley would mean getting over him faster and that was exaclty what he wanted.

When he first arrived here he just shrugg off all his nightmares, trying to enjoy the city and 'live' what he had to live. But then days, weeks, started passing and he fitted here a little less everyday. It wasn't where he belonged…as ridiculous as it sounded because he had always despised Mystic Falls for some things, it was right where he had to be. With his Elena. After he left her saying her all those things, he had cried in his room for an hour doing the best of him to take it all back and just tell her the truth. He had felt like such a girl. Damon Salvatore didn't do crying.

All the things that came out of his mouth...the look in her face. The hurt, the disappointment..he was pretty sure he had even seen a glint of hate in her eyes in the end. Elena, his baby girl…he wondered what she was doing right now. Did she miss him? Could she ever be able to forgive him?

He took a quick shower and then ordered room service. He put on a bathrobe and went answering the door when they knocked.

He opened the door and saw that it was Vanessa, the usual waiter that brought him his dinner's.

He saw her eyeing him with lust for a second and smirked a little. Even while dying he still had his charm. He and Vanessa had become pratically almost friends since this 'thing' was going one for more than three months…and even though he could see that she liked him, he had never returned her advances.

"Hello Damon." She said grinning.

"Hi Vanessa. Come in." He said opening the door a little.

She left the carriage with his dinner in the middle of the room and got closer to him.

"How are you feeling today?" She asked putting her hand on his forehead.

As if she cared if he had fever or not. "You seem a little hot…" She whispered.

"Actually, I feel fine." He said stepping out of her grasp.

She took his arm again and locked eyes with him.

"Why don't you let me take care of you?" She said grinning mischeviously.

Before he knew it she had him pressed up all over her, attacking his mouth roughly. He tried to back off but she pushed him on the bed sitting on top of him.

"What the hell…" Damon spat as she opened his bathrobe and started kissing his chest.

He fought her at first, but then he closed his eyes and started imagining Elena. Elena kissing him. Elena laughing. Elena calling his name. He smiled unconciously and Vanessa took it as an invitation.

She took off his bathrobe completely, but when she was about to press her hand on his hard member Damon's eyes immediatly snapped open as realization took him. Fuck. What the fuck he was doing?

"Stop!" He said abruptly, suddenly getting up and quickly putting his bathrobe back on.

"Excuse me?" She said in disbelief standing up and putting her hands on her hips. "You spend all your days here Damon, I wanted to do something nice for you…and you push me away like this? I like you. Why don't you just let me take care of you for a while…" She said stepping closer again.

He'd had enough. "No one asked you to." He said raising an eyebrow.

"But I thought you liked me too." She pressed.

"I…no. Look Vanessa I'm sorry even if I gave you the wrong idea by letting you take room service here almost everyday. But I don't like you...not that way." He said. "I don't think I will ever like another woman that way…" He murmured.

She looked slightly hurt but he really didn't care at the moment. He just wanted to be left alone. Al-one. Was that so hard for people to understand? He couldn't care less if it sounded desperate or crazy, but he didn't care about living the last months of his life without the love of it with him.

He was content even with himself alone and memories of him and Elena. That's it. That was all he wanted.

"Whatever you say, Damon." She said quietly stepping out of the room.

Finally, Damon thought. Almost being that intimate with Vanessa…it actually appalled him. From the moment he met Elena and fell in love with her, he knew no woman was going to do it for him. No one but his Elena.

He took his old phone and turned it on quickly. He needed his Elena fix badly, so he turned it on and started watching all the pictures of them together or the ones he had taken of her. His heart skipped a beat just seeing her on a screen. So beautiful, so perfect, so happy.

He then saw that there was a video and as he pressed the button to make it start. Unconscious tears started forming in his eyes. Damn it. What was wrong with him and all this crying? But as he heard Elena's voice and laugh in the video he couldn't help but let those few tears escape. She was with Jamie and Damon was filming them while they were baking a cake and were making a mess. He was miserable without Elena. It took everything in his power not to call her, so he quickly turned off the phone once again.

He missed Jamie, too. And Stefan. Damon just hoped all this hell was going to end soon.

"This week-end has been so good, really. I love you guys." Elena said as she embraced Bonnie and Caroline.

They all 'awed' a little and Bonnie stepped into her car again.

"You sure you're okay? If you want you can always come to my house 'Lena..you know there are no problems." Bonnie offered.

"Don't worry Bon, but I think I'm gonna stay here for the night. Besides I wanted to spend some time with Jamie anyways." She said.

Bonnie drove them to Stefan and Caroline's house, and Caroline proposed to Elena if she wanted to spend the night there since Stefan always came back from work late and she didn't want to be alone.

After Damon left, Elena had been living with Bonnie, who inherited her grandmother's house after she died.

"Thank you for staying, Elena." Caroline said as they stepped in. "I don't know why but I feel like Stefan and I are growing apart..it's like he's pushing me away and I don't know why…" She said biting her trembling bottom lip.

"Oh, Care." Elena said hugging her. "It's gonna be alright you'll see. Maybe he's just stressed for work and stuff you know." She tried to reassure her.

"I could be pregnant Elena…" Caroline whispered.

"What?" Elena gasped.

They both sat on the couch as Caroline started freaking out and crying a little.

"Yes. My period skipped this month and I just didn't want to freak Stefan's out but now thinking that he might leave me…" She said taking her head in her hands and shaking it.

Luckily Jamie was asleep and the nanny who was watching him had already left.

"Don't say that, Care. You don't know. You two are just going through a hard moment…just talk to him." Elena said offering her an encouraging smile.

"Thank you." Caroline smiled. "I should be the one comforting you but here I am whining." She said.

"You're my friend. If you're hurting of course I want to help you." Elena said squeezing her hands.

Caroline nodded hesitantly. "Can you do me a favor? Can you go into my room and take some pills for me? I usually get them to calm down." She said with a weak smile.

When Elena eyed her strangely Caroline rolled her eyes.

"It's not what you think. The doctor gave them to me..it's fine. And legal." She said with a roll of eyes.

"Okay…" Elena chuckled. "Where are they?" She asked.

"Uhm I don't remember now it's a while that I'm not taking them…in one of the drawers I guess." She said casually. "In the meantime I'm gonna make some hot chocolate, okay?"

Elena nodded and went into her and Stefan's bedroom. Truth be told she felt a little embarassed, it was awkward to go search into Caroline and her boyfriend's drawers. It made her seem nosy. But if Caroline didn't have a problem with it then she didn't mind.

She searched into both the nighstands but found nothing. Maybe she didn't have those pills anymore but she didn't remember?

She decided to give it a last shot and search through one of the most hidden drawers. Maybe Caroline had put them in there so even if Jamie went into their bedroom searching for something to play with they didn't risk letting him found them.

Elena saw a little box and thought about opening it. Maybe they were inside of it.

She frowned as she opened the little porcelain box. She wasn't a nosy tipe, but if she saw her name written on the envelope of a letter then it did make her curious. She noticed that on top of the letter there was a beautiful necklace and frowned even deeply. What the hell?

Maybe she wasn't the target of the letter, but it seemed unlikely. As far as she knew Stefan and Caroline only knew her as Elena.

She opened it carefully just in case and she couldn't believe what she saw. Her eyes widened in surprise and she fell on the ground with the letter in her hands. The more she read it, the more her eyes got watery.

At one point she had to take it away because she couldn't read it anymore. It was from Damon. He had wrote it before leaving and he wrote things that just weren't making sense to her. It was better for her if he left her? She would have hated him after reading the letter? And what was the part about him dying? No no no. This was one hell of a mistake. It couldn't be true. Not Damon. Not her Damon.

As she finished to read it her eyes were blurry as tears started streaming down her face. She started sobbing hard and her face started hurting after a while because the sobs and the tears just wouldn't stop.

"No…no….Damon.…" She said in between sobs.

"Elena did you…" Caroline was saying as she took in the scene. "Oh my god Elena…are you okay?" She asked concerned kneeling down beside her.

"Did you know?" Elena asked sobbing. She wanted to raise her voice and yell at Caroline but her sobs wouldn't let her. "Did you know that Damon was dying Caroline? Just answer the damn question!" She managed to yell.

Caroline's eyes widened in surprise and Elena could see that it was real.

"What?" She whispered. "What are you talking about?"

"Of this Caroline! Of this letter that Stefan kept from me all this time!" She spat angrily getting up.

Caroline quickly took the letter and as she started reading her eyes got a little watery too. "No Elena you have to believe me I didn't know anything about this." She said shaking her head furiously.

Just then they heard the front door slamming and Elena grew furious. Mad. She narrowed her eyes and hurried to the living room facing Stefan.

Her face was wet with tears and she was having trouble breathing but her anger was too much to leave it like that.

"Elena…" Stefan said confused as he took off his coat.

"I can't believe this." She whispered harshly. "I can't believe you did this to me! To Damon! Why didn't you tell me he was dying? WHY?" She screamed.

Stefan flinched. "Elena you have to understand that…" He was trying to say.

"NO! NO! NO!" She screamed even louder.

"What's happening?" Jamie's tiny voice said from the door of his bedroom.

In that moment though Elena wasn't focused, and she didn't care if she was making a scene and waking up half of the people in the building.

Caroline was upset herself and Elena could see it but she quickly took Jamie bringing him in his room again.

Her body started shaking as she sobbed again. "Is he….is he dead, Stefan?" She managed to croak out.

"I don't know…no. They would have..they would have called if that was the case." He said in a flat tone, his hands on his hips.

Whatever secret he and Damon were sharing she could see that Stefan had surrendered.

"Oh my god…what does he have? Why did he just leave?" She cried out. "Tell me the truth Stefan. I want the whole truth." She said firmly.

"It's a common disease in our family. Damon has a flaw at his heart and he just found out three months ago…it's killing him slowly. There is no cure and he thought that leaving everything and everyone behind was easier. Especially you…he loves you Elena. He didn't want you to live with that pain. He preferred you hating him than knowing that he was dying. He had from three to six months to live." Stefan said quietly staring ahead of him with a blank expression.

Elena started shaking her head furiously as she kept saying 'no'. Her eyes were wide and she was breathing heavily.

She put a hand on her heart and tried to inhale deeply. "I…..oh my god how could he….it's Damon we're talking about he can't….he can't die he can't leave me oh my god…." She said as she started crying hysterically. "Oh my god I can't breathe." She cried.

"Elena calm down please! Stay calm." Stefan said concerned.

Caroline came in the room and took in the scene.

Elena felt like something was blocking her throat and she couldn't think or breathe properly. Her face was getting pale.

She ran to the bathroom and thought that she was going to throw up but nothing came out. She was having a panic attack.

She felt someone falling on the ground near her as Caroline encircled her waist with her arms whispering soothing words.

"Ssshhh…Elena calm down…please.." She whispered but Elena could hear she was upset too.

"She's having a panic attack." She told Stefan who was at the door of the bathroom.

"Oh god. It's all my fault…I should have never agreed to that stupid idea of his." Stefan said passing his hands through his hair.

"All this time…all this time and I knew nothing. I could have been with him, I could have supported him. Loved him." Elena said numbly her voice croaky.

"I know…" Caroline whispered into her ear. "But this is not your fault Elena."

"I knew he couldn't leave me like that..he's Damon. He's my Damon and he loves me now I understand why he did what he did." She said shaking her head as a sad little smile curled her lips. "I should have known better..."

"What if he's...what if he's dead Caroline? What if I've already lost him forever?" She whispered looking at Caroline with wide eyes.

"My poor Damon." She said crying out again.

Elena kept crying and saying non sense words as Caroline rocked her back and fort. Her eyes were puffy and read, her face white as a dead body and she was tired, too tired, from all the crying and screaming.

They all sat in the kitchen as Stefan poured some tea and handed it to her. She took it without saying anything.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I never should have let him go. The truth is that at the beginning I couldn't believe this myself...I…the idea of losing my brother was unbereable. I was in denial." He said.

"I have to find him. I have to go to New York or wherever he is and find him. I want to take him home and love him until the last day God gives to us." She said, this time firmly.

She sat up and both Stefan and Caroline looked at her worriedly.

"Elena it's almost 6 am..why don't you rest a little, you need it. If you want to go, you can wait a few hours. You had a panic attack earlier." Caroline said serious.

"I've already waited too much." She said with a firm nod.

She hurried over the living room and threw her jacket on, leaving quickly.

No matter what, at all costs, he was coming back to her.