Remus was fidgeting a little, waiting for Madam Pomfrey to fasten her cloak.
"You look a little peaky dear, did you want to eat something before heading down?" she asked kindly.
"Uhm…" Remus was staring out the hospital window at the sunset. He was actually very hungry but didn't trust himself to keep anything down.
"Or maybe something to drink?" she pressed him. "I made some hot chocolate out of those Honeydukes slabs. Why don't I slip a nausea reducing potion into it and you can drink it before we leave? There's really no hurry."
She clipped the last button into place and headed into her office.
Remus turned to grin at the corner to the left of the entrance door. A soft scuffling sound, two muffled sniggers, and a high pitched mocking voice emanated from it.
"You look peaky Remus, let me drug you and have my way with you," it said and there were more muffled snorts.
Remus shook his head, smiling despite it all.
James' disembodied head popped into view, followed closely by the heads of Sirius and Peter.
"Are you nervous?" James said, ignoring Sirius. He had been hit over the head by bludgers too many times to make fun of Pomfrey the way the other two did.
"I'm always a…bit… nervous," he said. He lowered his eyes to the floor sadly.
"Well you'll have us this time for company," James reassured him.
Remus glanced at the office before answering.
"Look, you three go ahead actually, I could really use something to calm me down right now."
"But—," Peter started.
"No, really. There're plenty of places you can hide in the shack, you've been in there once before. Pomfrey never goes in either of the bathrooms or any of the upstairs rooms besides mine. But she does sometimes go about the living room on the first floor to tidy it up, and sometimes into the kitchen too, she has some potions in there as backups. And don't hide in my closet either, she stores extra robes and blankets there. Just shut yourselves up in any of the other bedrooms and wait for her to leave."
Sirius looked at the other two.
"Yeah, c'mon, let's go," he agreed and they left.
A minute later Madam Pomfrey came out with a steaming mug of hot chocolate.
"It might taste a little nutty from the potion, but…," she trailed off, not bothering to finish.
Remus drank for a while.
"Any news about Doctor Leibrock?" he asked casually, trying to sound as if the question had no real importance to him.
Doctor Leibrock was a very gifted and celebrated Potioneer that lived in Québec. After his youngest daughter had been raped and impregnated by a vicious werewolf a decade ago, he had resigned his entire life's mission to brewing a cure for his now nine-year-old werewolf grandson. His findings were published every so often in Transfiguration Today, of which Pomfrey kept a close eye on. While he had yet to discover anything close to a cure, his research had already broken through many boundaries in modern science. Before his experiments, very little was known about the components of lycanthropy, or about the precise power of the moonlight that caused the body of a werewolf to react in such a way. The doctor had quit his job at a Canadian hospital years ago and founded an entire research laboratory specifically for the continued search of a cure. It had garnered the reputation as one of the most prestigious potions labs, employing only the very best students from around the world, and he had even named it after his grandson. Aside from Albus Dumbledore, Remus had no higher respect for anyone else in the entire world.
"No, but he's still making very impressive headway on that potion we spoke about last time. He's named it the Wolfsbane potion now, but that's all I've learned. There haven't been anymore articles, if that's what you're asking."
"The Wolfsbane potion? Have they said anything about when it would be published?"
"They've been testing it for quite some time but keep running into problems. All I know is that they've changed it from Experiment Number 439 to Wolfsbane. They haven't released any other statements or I'd be telling you, now wouldn't I?" she finished a little forcefully as if he didn't trust her.
"No—no, of course, I know that," he drained his mug. "Okay, I'm ready. Thanks for that."
She led him out of the castle through a secret side door instead of the main entrance and then down the grounds toward the Whomping Willow. When she reached her wand arm out to cast a spell at the root that would freeze it, she stopped, frowning at the snow. Remus followed her gaze and saw what she was looking at.
He burst out laughing.
There were two sets of prints in the snow. One was a trail of squishy looking padded dog paws and the other were the unmistakable outlines of cloven hooves. While these prints were scattered around in a wide circle that indicated the animals had leaped around for a bit, even ran around the trunk of the tree as they frolicked, there was another strange trail in the snow. It was a tiny sort of canyon rather than footprints and it led directly to the root of the tree instead of around it.
She looked at him in alarm. He choked a little on his laughter.
"Er—it looks like Razor's been out here chasing a centaur around, doesn't it?" he suggested.
"Don't be absurd," she snapped. "Hagrids dog chasing a centaur… ridiculous concept…"
Remus scowled at her as she muttered a million incorrect scenarios to explain the tracks. Eventually she composed herself and moved forward, leading him the rest of the way down the tunnel.
Remus looked around when they had entered the shack. He wondered where the others were hiding.
"Go on upstairs, dear. I'll be up in a moment," Madam Pomfrey called as she dashed into the kitchen storage cupboard.
The furniture had been repaired in his absence but some shredded wallpaper still hung around the outlines of enormous claw marks. Here and there in the upstairs hallway leading to the master bedroom were dark splotches of dried blood and broken wooden planks.
The doorway of the bedroom had a huge chunk bitten out of it, splintering and jagged. The door itself hung on one hinge, threatening to fall off at any moment. He stepped inside.
The sheets and blankets had been repaired as well but Madam Pomfrey had missed a bit. Even though the cushions had sealed up, there were still a number of goose feathers scattered around the floor from the last time they'd been split open.
He went over to the bed and flopped himself down on it, staring glassy-eyed at the ceiling. He felt the powerful surge of fear he always felt. It was almost time again… all the pain, all the anger and insanity. He shivered, closing his eyes, wishing desperately right now to be anyone, anyone in the entire world other than himself.
She came in a moment later with a tall glass of water.
"Hydrate," she said, handing it to him. "Will you be alright from here? I still don't know why you wanted to come so early, the sun hasn't even gone down yet."
"I just—wanted some time to myself, I guess," he murmured, sipping the water.
"Oh, well fine then," she said crisply.
He grinned to himself. It was so easy to offend her and sometimes it definitely worked to his advantage. She was gone within five minutes without so much as saying goodbye.
He listened to the quiet that pressed in on him.
"You can come out now!" he called loudly to the house.
Somewhere in the distance he felt a faint rumbling of footsteps and then open conversation rent the air as the others opened a bedroom door and came down the hall towards him. James and Sirius were laughing openly about something by the time they entered the room, with Peter trailing behind.
"She saw your foot prints," Remus said as they fell into the armchairs around the room. He slid down to sit on the edge of the bed. The footboard had long been taken away from being broken beyond repair.
The other two laughed.
"Excellent," James said proudly.
"So what happens now?" Peter asked, twitching slightly.
"Uhm…well…" he looked over at Sirius who had stiffened, watching him carefully."We have a little while before the moon rises."
"What's going to happen then? Doesn't it hurt a lot?" James asked.
"Er—," Sirius started, uncomfortably. They all looked at him. "Look, Remus, why don't you clear out and I'll tell them for you."
"What are you planning on telling them?" he said nervously.
"Just—just the basics and like, what we should do. And I brought an extra cloak like I said I would."
James' eyes roved between them incredulously at being left out of "the know" with the likes of Peter, who was also looking at them questioningly.
Remus grabbed his water glass off the side table and left. He sat in the living room for a while listening to the muffled conversation above him. They had gone into a bloody conversation about him...
Maybe they had thought this whole night would be as fun for him as it'd be for them?
He snorted at their stupidity but then stopped. It was he, after all, who hadn't told them what it really meant to transform. And was he even up there right now telling them? No. He was cowering down here letting Sirius do his dirty work.
Sirius…
The past few weeks with the boy had been painful to say the least. Every time they'd caught themselves alone with each other they would hastily find an excuse to separate or latch onto other people. It was as if they were both terrified of what they might do if they were left alone together. The tension of it all was getting too much to bear.
Remus sighed. He could really use a best friend right now. He had always been so envious of the innate connection that James and Sirius had. They could read each other's emotions without having to talk about anything. He really needed something like that right now…
Eventually he heard them all shuffling downstairs.
He looked up. How long had they been talking? From the way the lamps had lit themselves he knew the sun had finally set.
He hated the looks of pity on James and Peters face. They were standing at the foot of the stairs waiting for him to speak first.
He could feel the transformation beginning and his eyes widened.
"It's happening," he said. The others tensed, panicking slightly. "What did you all agree to do?"
"Uhm, we'll turn around or go into another room as you morph," James said hoarsely.
Remus felt his blood speeding up. He took a gulp of water and set his glass down gingerly on the table. He didn't want to shatter it and get glass in his skin so he took his wand out of his pocket and transfigured it into a cup holder.
His blood was heating up now. He turned his head and tossed his wand to Peter.
"Keep an eye on that will you?" he said. Peter nodded and pocketed it.
They all hesitated. Remus started wincing at the heat.
"I thought you all said you were going into the other room?" he groaned.
He heard the scuffle of them leaving and then— it began.
Pain—agony—fear—anger—
His mind was splitting, plunged into boiling pain, tears spilling, coughing on teeth and blood and vomit—he was moaning and screaming, begging the universe to end his life—nothing was worse than this, nothing could ever be worse…
Light years passed. Time swirled around him, trapping him in the whirlwind of anger and insanity.
Remus Lupin was gone. All hope was lost, there was nothing and no one that could save him from this unavoidable hell.
Dark fog pressed into his mind. He tore at his surroundings, wanting desperately to escape.
He needed to sink his teeth into those disgusting, foul, vile creatures that walked on two legs. They needed to be torn, bitten, shredded, he needed to thrash them into the next world, their pain would become his pleasure…
Somewhere in the fog, he sensed the presence of other creatures. Were they going to help him find his enemies? Would he help him destroy them? What were these animals doing here?
He sensed something strong and powerful coming from their minds. They weren't frightened of him… they were so familiar…had he met them before? How did they find him? He did not hate them like he hated those humans.
No! He couldn't be distracted.
He had to bite, destroy… he lunged at the couch and sank his teeth into it.
No bones splintered between his teeth and no blood poured into his mouth. It was so unsatisfying… he needed more, he needed that flesh, he needed to feel their pain and hear their screams… he reached around and clawed at his sides, feeling blood gush down his own ribs.
Something tackled him and pinned him down…it was stopping…it was fading…
The night went by as if in a dream… a violent and angry dream, penetrated by brief periods of calmness until, hours, days, years, centuries later—
Remus was wrenched back into the world cruelly. His fangs pushed out of his gums, replaced by newly growing teeth that were excruciatingly painful to put pressure on. He spat the fangs out, the blood choking him. The hair, the bones, the blood— it was unbearable.
He was moaning, almost screaming. His bones snapped and shredded his skin… the hair was receding, a million frozen needles pressing mercilessly into him…but then… something soft and warm was covering him. There were gentle hands on his shoulders. Someone was saying a name…
"Remus," the voice said.
Remus was his name. It belonged to him.
He opened his streaming eyes and wretched bile on the floor in front of him where it splattered over the teeth. Someone was steadying him.
"Oh my god…" a voice whispered."How the hell does he handle this?"
"Remus…"
Someone had dropped to their knees beside him. It was Sirius.
"Sirius?" he whispered.
"Yeah, it's me mate. Here, give me your arm, I'll lift you onto the bed."
His left arm was pulled around Sirius' neck. They had moved upstairs during the night. The bed was shredded as usual but not so bad that the mattress wouldn't support him. He collapsed on top of it and curled inwards on his side into a ball. Someone lifted his head and pushed a pillow under it and a blanket was pulled over him.
He opened his eyes. His mind came completely back to him, refreshingly clear.
"What happened?" he asked.
They had all dropped to their knees beside the bed.
"Well…you didn't seem to understand why we were there at first…but then you got used to us after a while," James said.
"Yeah, and Sirius kept tackling you so you wouldn't scratch yourself," said Peter.
"Hu…I was wondering why I only had the one scratch…" he whispered. He was so exhausted.
"How many do you usually have?" Sirius said his voice thicker and deeper than usual.
"Hmm…about…ten or twelve. Pomfrey's gonna be suspicious," he added casually, grinning at their shocked faces. "Oh c'mon guys, I feel great compared to how I usually am. Stop looking like I'm gonna burst into bloody flames or something."
They smiled weakly but didn't answer.
"Did you all have fun?" he tried to keep it casual even though his voice was gravelly with fatigue.
"Yeah, actually…" James said, grinning at the others. "I just wish we could have moved around a bit more. Really stretched our legs."
They all laughed at him.
"What?" he said, affronted.
"James, you're legs are gonna take the length of a Quidditch field to stretch out on," Sirius laughed.
"Yeah, Jamie, I'm so sorry my little shack wasn't good enough for you," Remus sniggered.
"What time is it?" Peter said suddenly.
"It's…." James looked at his watch and jumped. "Six twenty two, we need to leave—"
"Shit!" Peter curse, lunging for the invisibility cloak.
Sirius stared at Remus for a moment longer. James hissed at him. He stood up, crossed to the other two, and in a whirl of the silver cloak, vanished from sight.
.x~*~x.
Remus faded into consciousness in the hospital wing hours later. His wounds stung faintly but they weren't as bad as they usually were.
"Mmm…"
He was lying on his side and he could feel an ache in his groin. Why did he always get this way after the full moon? There couldn't possibly be a more inappropriate time for his raging hormones to kick in than the night after a gut wrenching transformation.
His body tingled deliciously… he kept his eyes closed, sighing sleepily. The ache in his groin was building. His sleepy mind drifted to his usual fantasy, the one with the girl on top of him whispering indecent things into his neck…
He heard a noise next to him and frowned. He opened his eyes.
A huge, black, long haired dog was curled up on top of the sheets.
Remus blinked at it. Its head was resting on its paws, looking away. Remus shifted slightly and the dogs nearest ear turned, then its head followed. It paused for a second before shifting onto its own side and looking at Remus curiously.
He smiled at it and reached one hand out to scratch the ears.
" 'Lo Sirius," he whispered.
The dog just blinked at him, quite expressionless.
He moved beyond the ears and ran its long silky hair between his fingers. The dog closed its eyes appreciatively.
He reached back up to stroke its face, tracing the tips of his fingers in the same direction of the hair. The little eyes, the cheek bones, the eye brows. It whimpered slightly and he ran his hand up to stroke the top of its head.
His arm ached a little from keeping it up at such an angle so he slid it down and rested it in the fur of the neck. The dog lifted its paw and placed it on top of Remus' lower arm, keeping it there.
Remus, snuggling his cheek deeper into the pillow, closed his eyes and prepared to fall back asleep.
His mind drifted back and forth and before he knew he hadn't been paying attention, he realized the paw on his arm had turned into a hand. His own hand was no longer tangled in soft hair. It was resting against skin…soft skin…
He felt Sirius shift next to him and then long, warm fingers were plunging into his hair. Nails raked lightly across his scalp, stroking through his hair over and over again. It sent shivers down his entire body. It just felt incredible…no one had ever stroked his hair like this.
He gasped slightly and then sighed. His eyes were heavy and groggy and he really didn't feel like opening them.
Sirius shifted closer to him on the bed. His body was under the covers now. When had that happened?
Their legs brushed and then Sirius was pushing one between his.
What the hell?
Oh, he was dreaming.
Remus thought this made sense. So when he opened his eyes, he reasoned, this wouldn't be happening anymore.
A warm— very warm— body was pressing into him. Bare skin collided as chest met chest. Unbelievably soft hands slid down his back and into the crook of his neck, tangling in his hair again. The hand on the base of his back pulled him closer.
"Mmm…," he whimpered.
Silky hair tickled his cheeks. Feet slid together as their bodies lined up.
It was intoxicating.
"Remus…"
Shivers raked across his skin. He pressed his forehead closer, burying his face into the nape of the neck. Fingers were caressing his hair again. Blood was rushing into his groin, pooling there. He was painfully hard.
Remus lifted his arms and slithered them unconsciously around the body.
His hands explored, savoring the delicious feel of creamy skin sliding across his palms and fingers. The body writhed under his touch, shivering, the ribs rising as it panted…
They were wrapped around each other so tightly, so intimately. Good God, had he ever been so hard in his entire life? Each breath on his neck, each brush of those sinful hands sent electric shocks of arousal shooting through his body.
A face pressed into his neck and he was surrounded by long soft hair. Then something else was brushing his neck… wet lips… they touched him lightly, hesitating. Encouragingly, Remus clutched at the torso, sliding his hands upward and pulling it closer at the same time.
Taking the permission, the lips latched onto his skin and parted. A hot wet tongue stroked him, pressed against his skin, and then the mouth was sucking and moaning at the same time.
"Oh…"
Remus realized he was being pressed deeper into the mattress and the tension building in his groin was becoming too much… he let out a desperate whimpering moan, burying his face against the shoulder, inhaling deeply.
The hand gripped in his hair, pulling lightly and exposing his neck further as the hot sticky mouth assaulted him again, sucking deliciously, breathing heavily, making soft wet sounds and moaning as their bodies slid together.
Something extremely hard pressed against Remus' hip and then there was an intense needy thrust against his erection that nearly undid him. He was about to cum so hard, rutting and moaning when he realized, with a jolt, what that jabbing uncomfortable thing was that kept hitting him—
He gasped violently, eyes snapping open, throwing Sirius off him with as much force as he could muster.
He panted, staring at Sirius who scrambled back away from him across the bed.
Sirius' beautiful face was flushed, his lips wet and swollen. There was so much fear and lust in his eyes as he gasped for air and stared at Remus in anxiety.
"What—?" Remus breathed at him.
"I thought—," Sirius panted. "I didn't mean to—it was just—I—."
Sirius shook his head trying to regain his composure.
"Get out!" Remus choked desperately. It wasn't really a command… he was begging him to leave.
Sirius' nodded vigorously. He seemed to be crashing back to reality himself.
He launched himself off the bed, shoved his robes over his head and grabbed his book. Reaching for his wand, he paused, staring down at Remus who had buried his face in his knees and grabbed fistfuls of hair in the agony of his embarrassment.
Remus heard Sirius murmur something and then a strange sensation hit him. He was so startled that he accidentally pulled some of his own hair out as he snapped his head up and looked at Sirius in shock.
Sirius was just looking at him, searchingly. The slightest ghost of a smile swept his features and he breathed—
"That's in case you change your mind."
Then he turned on his heel and left.
Remus' eyes bulged, staring at the door.
What did Sirius do? Curse him? What the hell did he mean, in case you change your mind?
And how on earth had he lost control like that? He had been so sleepy he thought it wasn't real… but there was no way he'd be dreaming about a bloke like that… Sirius' erection rutting against him had brought him crashing back to his senses.
But that wasn't right… he screwed up his face trying to remember— he had dreamed about a bloke before, just the once… in this very bed…
"No," Remus told himself firmly.
He moaned pathetically at his unbelievably hard cock that was still leaking in his trousers. He was straight and he was going to bloody prove it to himself—
He snapped the curtains shut and defiantly grasped his member, thinking forcefully of soft curves and long blonde hair.
A girl with swollen lips was touching herself and moaning as she looked up at him, choking on his cock…
Another girl slid underneath the first, on her back, latching her mouth onto her pussy, slurping and sucking. The first girl rutted into her mouth and sucked harder on his dick…
"Yes," he seethed, almost triumphantly, through clenched teeth. It was working… he was definitely getting off on girls, not boys…
The girl that was shoving him down her throat clutched at both of her tits, moaning loudly around him as she squeezed herself and rolled her hips against the girl eating her out. The girl licking her reached down and started fingering herself, plunging her wet fingers in and out, fucking herself for him…
Remus kept his imagination focused on her supple breasts as he jerked faster. Precum oozed out and created the same slick slurping sounds he was imagining…
"Oh…"
He parted his legs and his arousal heightened, his member curving upward into his stomach as his hand flew back and forth around it.
But then, quite suddenly, his imagination was forced sideways.
The scene vanished and he wasn't standing over two birds anymore… his body was being shoved back into a mattress, pinned down and assaulted roughly, a hot mouth latching over his earlobe and raking teeth harshly over it.
His mind came undone. His back arched, and his eyes rolled beneath his eyelids as blood poured fast into his groin.
Long black hair was falling over him, lips crashed into his mouth and their tongues slid together. The mouth sucked on his tongue and slid both hands down to pull Remus' hips upwards, grinding together, rutting and humping and fucking into each other like animals in heat.
"Remus…"
"Harder… unhg…"
It was over. Nothing was better than this… nothing could make him utterly melt and lose control and writhe uncontrollably for just more…
"Oh god… fuck me…" he whispered
"You want it?"
"Yes…"
A finger ran down his cheek and then pressed against his gasping mouth.
"Suck," a deep voice growled at him, squeezing and pumping his aching cock fast and rough.
Remus unconsciously reached his own hand up and sucked on his own finger. His legs spread open wide, knees bent, fisting his dick…
"Oh guh…god…uhnnnggg…." Remus moaned, wrapped up in his fantasy. He reached down and fingered himself with his slippery finger.
"You like that?"
"Oh yeah…"
"You wanna fuck my throat?"
"Yes…please…"
"Fuck my throat…make me gag on it…"
Remus screwed his eyes shut tighter.
He was there, in his mind… Sirius' was there, his flushed lips grinning wickedly, staring up at him with lust and fire in his eyes, engulfing his leaking cock with his mouth… he choked and moaned, forcing himself downward onto his throbbing member.
Two drops of creamy white precum had slid down Remus' pulsing shaft and Sirius slurped hungrily on them, eyes glazed, lips closing as he sucked hard and swallowed around the sensitive head…
"Oh, yes…" Remus breathed desperately and his hand flew fast over himself as he entered his orgasm…
And then realization hit him. He knew what spell Sirius had hit him with before leaving the hospital wing… it was a spell that was used during intercourse between two lovers, connecting their arousal to each other… it bonded their sexual nerves and made one persons pleasure mirror the others… as long as they were aroused by each other, the other one felt everything at the exact same moment, even when they—
He came intensely, spurting onto his chest, and knowing that wherever Sirius was in the castle right now, he was cuming too, feeling the force of Remus' orgasm at the exact same time.
Through his hazy mind, Remus thought of where he might be now—just a corridor away in an empty classroom, doubled over an unused desk, moaning wantonly as he came fiercely into his robes? The thought of Sirius Black coming undone because of him made him ache with pleasure… and his cheeks burned in shame at the same time.
The very second his fantasy about Sirius had began, the moment it had switched from those girls and onto Sirius pinning him down and accosting him… he knew Sirius had felt it.
Had he heard Remus begging as well? Had he seen the same fantasy that had played out his head? How far did that spell take it? Had he felt himself sucking and fingering himself?
Remus laid there, in the aftershocks of his orgasm, jolts of panic stabbing at him.
He had never wanted this. He did not want this.
He sat up, cleaning himself off. He needed to talk with Sirius…this could not continue; they could not act on this ridiculous, this stupid, situation.
He was scared to death of letting Sirius know how much he turned him on…he didn't want to want him so bad and he couldn't stand the way this tension was just going to get worse now that Sirius knew he'd been thinking of him as he got off…
Remus growled to himself.
Gods, he was so angry at Sirius. He knew Remus still had an erection and that he'd be left alone for a while— of course Remus was going to bring himself off, he was teenage boy with raging hormones— how dare he use that against him?
It was like he had no respect, he didn't fucking care about anyone else as long as Sirius Black got what he wanted. He breathed vehemently, fuming as the frustration boiled inside him.
BANG
Remus jumped, panicking. Footsteps were running toward him. He snatched at the bed sheets and covered himself as the person came to an abrupt halt outside the curtain and began wrenching at them forcefully. They were torn entirely from their rings and half of the iron rack fell broken to the floor.
It was Sirius.
He stumbled forward, staring terrified at Remus, grabbed his startled face and crashed their lips together violently.
He didn't have time to react—Sirius was wrenching himself off Remus almost instantly, eyes bulging as he backed away from the bed, let out a guttural sob as he moaned "I'm sorry!" and then ran from the room.
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