Tap, tap, tap….tap, tap, tap….

Remus moaned and tossed over in bed, wrapping his blanket tighter around himself.

Tap, tap, tap…tap, tap, tap, tap, tap—

"Oh-KAYY!" he yelled groggily, sitting up and rubbing his hand against his face.

Groaning, he squinted at the frosted window. A large brown owl was rapping sharply on the glass, fluttering in agitation.

He slithered out of bed, gasped at the biting cold and dashed to the window. The owl soared in—or rather fumbled in before collapsing on the bed under the immense weight of three brightly wrapped packages. He smiled, untying them and placing the owl on his footboard.

"What was that noise?" his mothers' voice came down the hall and into his open bedroom.

"Just my Christmas parcels, mum."

He pulled his robe on over his pajamas and snatched up the only letter within the packages.

Remus,

We're all going out tonight. Be there at eight.

-J. & S.

He smiled at the note, feeling a curious flutter as he looked at the letter S., and gathered up his presents.

"Mum?" he called as he reached the ground floor and stuffed his presents under the tree.

He heard her call from inside the kitchen.

He was going to start asking her permission to go out that night when at that moment there was a soft scuffle and a three year old girl came dashing in, face pink with excitement. The house had been full since the second day of holidays as his aunt and uncle and two younger cousins were staying with them.

But his mother was tense when she came into the living room with a steaming platter of coffee cake. He frowned, distracted.

"What is it?" he said, eyes narrowing at her.

Remus' cousin Charles came downstairs after his sister and his mother pursed her lips, glancing ever so swiftly into the dining hall. He took the hint. Whatever was going on was not for children's ears… but therefore couldn't possibly be good news…

Edging through the kitchen into the table room, he saw his dad pouring over the Daily Prophet. Stress was hanging badly on his face, emphasizing the sags and lines.

"Dad?" he said cautiously. "What's happened, what is it?"

His father sighed and handed him the paper.

5 FOUND DEAD Christmas Eve: Death Eaters Suspected

Remus stared in shock and sat down to read. It was a group of international students, two girls and three boys traveling from Italy to visit one of their relatives… they were all young…very young, only eighteen and nineteen… two had been recently engaged…they had only just graduated last spring...

Hot anger licked his lungs, burning. Five young lives wasted… they were just a group of friends visiting for the holidays and this was the welcome they got from his country… a bunch of pureblood maniacs who tortured and slaughtered them. He wondered who had been the last person killed, feeling a huge wave of compassion for whoever it was… to see all their friends murdered before the wand was turned toward them… the horror they must have felt in that final moment…

He finished the article and realized how his face was screwed up in disbelieving agony. He gulped, frowning, trying to pull himself together… how could he possibly ask to go out with James and Sirius now?

"Remus come in here, we're about to open presents!" he heard his Aunt calling in the living room.

His father stood up and sighed.

"C'mon, son," he said gruffly. "Try not to dwell on it… not today, anyway."

The presents had been sorted out and they started ripping them open. Remus grinned as his little cousin unwrapped a toy broomstick, eyes brimming with excitement. How wonderful would it be to still be a child…

He finished opening Sirius' present and cocked his head curiously at it. It was a…journal? It was a rather large leather bound book. The cover had quotation marks around— nothing. There was no title where there should have been. He flipped it open. The pages were blank, but a note fell out of it, just a folded piece of spare parchment.

This is an instant letter carrier. I have one too. Just write me a letter and tap it with your wand and think Aparecium Rescendio. It'll vanish from yours and appear in mine. The cover turns red when you have a new letter and you can rip the pages out to save them, they replenish themselves.

Remus grinned. It was brilliant. He reached for one of the new quills his uncle had given him and began to scribble in it.

Sirius- Can't go tonight. See you January 5th? –Remus

He tapped it with his wand and cast the nonverbal spell. It vanished.

Grinning, he looked up in time to see his three year old cousin Gabby crawling into his lap with the new porcelain doll he had given her.

"Thanks Freenus for my doh-lly." She said.

He laughed, putting his arms around her and spent a minute trying to get her to say his name right.

"Reenus!"

"Re-mmm-uhs."

"Reeeeeeeeeee-nus"

"No, you have the first part right, it's the 'n', not 'm'…I mean, wait, no, it is 'm', not 'n'…er…"

He looked around flustered as she said "Reeee-mas!"

The leather on his book had just turned red. Opening it, he saw Sirius' handwriting scribbled rather quickly—

Remus- that's what you think.

.x~*~x.

At seven thirty that night he was tip toeing out of Gabby's guest bedroom after reading her to sleep from a new picture book. He didn't feel like saying goodnight to the grown-ups— they'd been popping champagne and drinking eggnog for a while now and were probably good and drunk. His aunt and mother were horrid when buzzed—pulling out old naked baby pictures of him, pinching his cheeks, cooing over how much he looked like his grandfather. He subconsciously lifted his hand to rub his cheek and decided that heading to bed quietly was the best thing to do at this point.

He stepped inside, closed the door behind him, turned on the light, and nearly had a heart attack.

Sirius Black was sitting on the edge of his bed clutching two broomsticks and a red Gryffindor scarf. He grinned at the way Remus started.

"Boo." he said.

Remus snatched up a towel and chucked it at him.

"You scared the shit out of me! What the bloody hell are you doing here?"

"What, didn't you get my note?" he stood up and handed him one of the broomsticks.

"You know I did, I sent you three more asking what you meant by it." Remus reached for his own scarf and pulled it around his neck. "Where are we heading to?"

"The Christmas lights in New Sarum."

Remus felt a swoop of excitement. He'd only ever heard about the light show there and it was supposed to be spectacular. He crossed to his dresser and pulled out his wholly socks and traveling cloak. Then, once he had stomped on his boots and pulled on his gloves, he crossed to the window and slung a knee outside of it, ready to slide onto his broomstick.

"You ready?" he said, looking round.

Sirius had turned the light off and was hovering extremely close above Remus, looking down on him as he straddled the window sill. He grinned.

"I was born ready."

.x~*~x.

The Christmas lights in New Sarum were nowhere near the kind of stationary decorations that Muggles used. Instead of lights on strings, they moved and flitted free of wires, glittering around the cathedral and surrounding wizard cabins. For the entire length of the boulevard, each quaint hut was lit up spectacularly in alternating dancing lights, some of them synchronized to Christmas music sung by a live choir of wood nymphs. The illumination swelled with their voices, emphasizing the emotion of each song.

Remus was awestruck. He'd never seen anything so beautiful in his life. Even the stars seemed to sparkle brighter in the onyx sky.

The owners hadn't just light up their walls either. With some very skilled magic they had managed to make scarlet roses bloom in full glory even amidst the chilling cold, and then with another spell, glow as bright as jewels, making each flower bed shimmer.

Every once in a while a firework with a muting enchantment on it would burst over the neighborhood in bright gold and silver stars. Strands of rhinestones strung the white picket fences and the snow had been bewitched to dazzle with equal intensity. Tiny live fairies floated through the air, their iridescent butterfly wings glinting, and each of them hugging a bright ball of light to their bodies that appeared to be keeping them warm.

They walked on in silence, unable to conceal the broad smiles on their faces. They kept bumping into their fellow students who were visiting with their families, some of them introducing their younger siblings for the first time. They even ran into James' old Quidditch captain who was clutching the hand of a very tall, very wind burned, Irish lad and messaging her rather obvious pregnant belly. Remus felt so content here, surrounded by so much good news and Christmas cheer. He wondered, thinking of the article he had read in the Daily Prophet that morning, if those students had planned on visiting this famous landmark on their trip… if he would perhaps have met them and welcomed them with enthusiasm to his country… if they would have been as moved as he was at the spectacle around them…

The smell of mulled apple cider wafted over them as they reached a round rose garden where a small crowd was huddled. They were watching a glossy round wooden stage in the middle where three ballerinas were in the act of pirouetting. From the record playing, it seemed to be a dance out of the Nutcracker.

Remus recognized two of the girls dancing as Lily and Mary, their fellow Gryffindors. They looked extremely pretty, dressed in white rhinestoned tutu's with their hair pulled up and lips painted crimson. He noticed that their wands were strapped to their forearms with a silk buckled and they were casting spells as they danced, making beautiful swirling streamers and lights erupt around them. Remus wondered when they had had time to learn such advanced ballet at Hogwarts. He turned to James to ask this aloud but received a shock.

James was staring at the stage, eye's wide with fascination. Remus followed his gaze.

"Er—Lily sure can dance, can't she James?" he said grinning and nudging Sirius in the ribs. Sirius turned to look too.

"Oy, James? You looking up Lily's tutu isn't very nice."

James blinked and looked around at them.

"What do you mean, Lily? Who are you talking about?"

Remus raised his eyebrows at him.

"Uh…James, that's Lily. Lily Evans. "

James' eyes bulged and then squinted at the stage, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"It can't be… Lily's scrawnier and she's not that…" he trailed off, eyes latching on to her as she arabesqued.

"Not that what?" Peter sniggered.

"Steady on her feet?" said Remus.

"Flexible?" said Sirius.

Remus shoved James in the shoulder and the other three fell over laughing. James looked utterly unnerved.

"Let's get some cider, yeah?" Sirius said, amused.

James didn't seem to hear him. He kept staring at Lily as she swirled and glided gracefully around with alarming precision. Then all of a sudden, the music swelled and died with a triumphant air and the dancers lifted their arms in emphasis. James didn't applaud with the rest of them. He just kept frowning at Lily as if he was seeing her clearly for the first time in his life.

They got four piping hot mugs of cider from a stand at the south end of the rose garden. It magically smoothed their goose bumps and warmed their frosted faces and ears. They all sighed as the effects hit them.

"Oh, hey Remus!"

Remus turned and saw Lily coming over to buy a mug too. They had both been announced Prefects that year and had formed a small friendship during their shared corridor patrols.

"Hi. Er— Lily, aren't you freezing?" he said eyeing her bare shoulders and sheer tights. Her tutu jabbed almost straight outward from the waist so it was clear she wasn't hiding any leg warmers.

"Oh, the costume has a built in warming charm." she said, breast heaving as she caught her breath.

"Hello you three." she added to the others, her voice slightly harder and more formal.

"Hey, Evans." James said, his hand jumping to his hair, messing it up nervously. "Are you uh… having a nice...er… New Years?"

Lily stared at him.

"It's Christmas, Potter."

"Oh!" James said, laughing stupidly. "Uh… yeah, I meant Christmas."

Lily raised her eyebrows at him.

"Yes, I am, thanks." she winced confusedly at James before turning to Remus. "So did you like the dance?"

"Yeah, it was brilliant!" Remus said.

Sirius scoffed. "Evans, stop fishing for compliments."

Lily glared at him. "I was only making conversation, and I wasn't even speaking to you, Black."

"Ooooh, pardon-ay-mio." Sirius mocked.

"Sirius!" Remus hissed at him. Sirius just smirked.

"You should put some clothes on, Evans, your arse is showing."

Lily shot him a disgusted look and turned on her heel, storming off.

"See you at school, Remus!" she called back to him.

"Sirius, why did you—?"

"You looking at her arse, are you?" Sirius cut in.

Remus blinked.

"Excuse you?"

"Evans is a right flirt, don't pretend—,"

"Flirt? I was just talking to her, you know like how normal people do—,"

"Yeah, I'm sure she can't wait until you two are back doing patrols so you can converse with each other some more—"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Sirius cocked his head with a skeptical expression on his face. Remus just stared in disbelief. He'd never seen him act that way before. Was Sirius actually jealous?

Something bright lit up the right side of Sirius' face. They turned, expecting to see fireworks or synchronized fairies, but no… it was something else. Someone had shot a bright strand of green vapor into the air… it was twisting now, morphing itself until it became… the distinct outline of a skull with a snake protruding from its mouth—

The crowd erupted in screams. Extremely loud cracks rent the air as two thirds of the crowd grabbed their children and disapparated in panic. The ones who were left were starting to run in fear, knocking into each other and falling over benches and bushes in their scurry.

The four of them jumped onto their broomsticks and pulled out their wands as jets of red and green light shot through the rose garden towards them.

"Protego!"

"Stupefy!"

Remus was swirling his wand as fast as he could while keeping his broom steady. He tried his hardest but knew they had to get out of here soon— as brilliant as James and Sirius were, they were only fifteen and no match for the likes of Voldemort. He saw a thick black mass moving slowly into the garden below— dozens of cloaked figures in white masks, wands at the ready, willing to strike—

And there, looking cornered and helpless and beautiful, standing in the center of the raised mahogany platform, was Lily Evans. She was sparkling as her body whipped and ducked, her wand still buckled to her forearm, charms flying fast against the oncoming army.

"JAMES!" he roared.

James had shot forward on his broom. Remus exchanged one terrified glance with Sirius and both of them stop dueling to cast a shield charm around the stage. There was nothing protecting either of them anymore… with their wands focused on the plinth, if anyone had shot a spell towards them they would both be goners—

Remus stared transfixed as James landed beside Lily and took over the battle, gesturing her towards the broom.

"Take it!" they heard him yell at her.

"Potter, I'm not going to just leave you here!"

"Evans, take it and GO!"

And then Remus and Sirius watched in horror as a single swirling figure dressed in black apparated in front of the stage, it's gaunt face and red eye's gleaming amongst the surrounding the snow. It held up one long skeletal finger and the Death Eaters ceased firing at James and Lily, moving instead towards the boulevard beyond.

In the haze of their terror, they heard him speak.

"James Potter," Voldemort said in a high cold voice. "Damsels in distress are only worth rescuing if they are pure of blood… this vile piece of filth may look appeasing to you but beneath her fallacies of glamour she is nothing but a worthless mudblood. Her place is in the sewers amongst the rats and sewage…but you, on the other hand… you are a pureblood, aren't you boy? And you have shown extreme bravery as well… join me, and your life will be spared. Join me now, and you can have your pick of any pureblood damsels you wish… "

"NEVER!" James roared at him, shielding Lily with his arms wide.

Voldemort laughed mercilessly.

"Have it your way then. Goodbye, James Potter."

He raised his wand, red eyes flashing in excitement, and focused it directly on James' heart.

But James, seeing this coming, had directed his wand at the stage below their feet and yelled "Wingardium Leviosa!"

There was an almighty crack as it splintered from its posts and spun upwards like a strange sort of flying saucer. Lily screamed as Voldemort aimed his spell instead at the rising underbelly of the stage, which cracked in half and began falling to the ground, but not before James had snatched up his broom and pulled Lily onto the handle in front of him.

Remus and Sirius and Peter were aiming stunning spells at Voldemort, keeping him distracted.

"GO!" James yelled at them as he finally caught up, Lily struggling in front of him. She reached back and with a loud shredding noise, ripped the skirt off her tutu and threw it below. It fell twirling like a ghost until it was swallowed by the sea of black.

They didn't need telling twice. Remus had just narrowly dodged a jet of green light aimed at him by the shrinking figure of Voldemort. He felt the coldness and force of it as it missed him by less than two inches.

They rose, plunging into the sky. The stars brightened as the lights below became faint. Darkness surrounded them. Screams became echoes. Somehow, with sheer luck and happenstance, they had escaped.

After twenty minutes of flying in the same direction they saw James put out his arm. They stopped mid air and Remus looked around. He had never flown this high before. They were almost two hundred feet above the dark countryside. A Muggle city glowed on the northern horizon.

"My house is somewhere around here!" James yelled at them, the wind blowing deafeningly.

They searched the ground desperately for the faint glow of lights in windows. They needed to find it soon—Lily had obviously lost her warming enchantment when she ripped the skirt off her tutu. She was pale and shivering, her lips turning purple and her fingers becoming darker, blacker…

Remus took out his wand and gripped it loosely in his fingers, directing it downward.

"Point Me!" he yelled at it. It twirled a little and aimed leftward.

They dived, James taking a little more time as Lily slipped in and out of consciousness until they landed.

"Lily!"

Remus ran forward. Lily had fallen forwards, limp in the snow, weak and shivering.

James bent down and picked her up. Her hair fell out of the bun and was cascading down in waves of golden red around her chalk white shoulders.

"Get her inside!" Remus said immediately, pulling off his cloak. Sirius had done the same and they wrapped them around her.

"James?" a woman's voice rang out and the sound of a door slamming rent the air. "JAMES?"

"Mum!"

"Oh my god! What happened?" his mother ran forward.

"We were attacked, an entire crowd of Death Eaters and Voldemort showed up—this is Lily Evans, she goes to school with us—,"

They were hurrying over the threshold now and James ran into the living room, laying Lily down on the sofa as the other two started casting warming spells at her. Peter started a roaring fire as James' father came running downstairs.

"What's happened?"

"Mr. Potter, do you have any hypothermia potion?" Remus said quickly.

"Yes, but—,"

"We need it now, please!"

Lily groaned a little on the sofa and James kneeled down next to her.

"Hey, Evans… it's okay, you're safe—"

She grumbled and let out a little whimper before moaning, "Oh no, not you…"

There was a startled silence before Remus and Sirius and Peter burst out laughing.

"Well at least she's still in her mind, Jamie." Sirius chuckled, clapping his shoulder. James glowered at him.

Ten minutes later and Lily was doing much better. The hypothermia potion had turned her lips and fingers back to normal, and with a steaming mug of hot chocolate from Mrs. Potter, her coloring was returning as well. She was sitting up now, her corset leotard torn and sooty, with Remus and Sirius' cloaks pooled in her lap and her feet tucked sideways under her.

It was a rather odd scene… before tonight, Lily Evans had never quite paid them much attention. She had a rather odd friendship with Snape, their worst enemy, and she was constantly snitching on them when James and Sirius jinxed students in the corridors. But right now she was clutching her mug of chocolate and chatting animatedly with the other three about her Muggle parents and who the Beatles were.

Remus had crept sideways into the small study room and was writing a letter to his parents explaining everything. He had been, for the last hour, hoping that he would still be able to creep inside his bedroom without his parents ever knowing he had left. But the Potters insistence that they all stay the night and take the Floo in the morning was hard to turn down. He re-read his letter, making sure it didn't sound too frightening, and bent down to sign it.

He didn't hear the door click closed behind him.

"Remus?"

Remus straightened up.

"Yeah?"

Sirius was staring at him, looking pale and disheveled. He still had soot on his face and a small cut on his eyebrow that was scabbing.

"Sirius, what's—,"

The word 'up' was swallowed from him as Sirius crossed the room in two strides, fisted the front of Remus' robes, shoved him against the opposite wall and covered his mouth with his own.

Remus started, contracting in surprise. Sirius was catching his bottom lip between his own, forcing his mouth open. That split second as Sirius' lips pressed harder and Remus' mouth had room to part was, Remus knew, the time to back out. It was fleeting, a mere one thousandth of a second maybe, but it encompassed the eternity that it took Remus to make up his mind.

Push him, shove him, yell at him, punch him, get him off, this is wrong, you can't do this, this isn't right, this isn't normal, this isn't—

Remus sighed and opened his mouth, his eyes closing, right hand coming up and sliding into hair at the back of the neck. It was wet— Sirius tangled his tongue around Remus' as he kissed hungrily. His fists turned into palms that pulled Remus' head closer and guided him as they moved. Remus caught Sirius' lower lip in his own and sucked tenderly on it.

Sirius pressed his mouth harder against Remus', kissing him again, greedier, needier, plunging his tongue in each time their mouths parted. When Remus finally, hesitantly, pressed his tongue forward into Sirius' mouth, Sirius sucked possessively on it between his own tongue and upper teeth. Remus moaned, pulling his body closer, Sirius almost flattening him against the wall now, hands sliding around their bodies, gripping, pulling, exploring…

Remus gasped as he felt Sirius thrust a rather obvious hard-on against his hip. Sirius took the opportunity to attack his neck, his mouth latching onto the sensitive skin below Remus' earlobe. Remus' lips parted, eyes burned closed in lust, head tucking in to slide his wet lips upward along Sirius' neck. He could feel his erection harden in his trousers, pressure building at each thrust…

Remus moaned and grunted blearily at Sirius.

"Sirius! Uunhg, get…get off me…"

Sirius sucked his mouth off Remus' skin and sighed intentionally hot against his neck. Remus' body shivered in arousal, jolts of pleasure welling up inside him.

"Please Sirius just… can we back up?"

Sirius took a step back and then stumbled for another, one hand jumping into his hair and the other coming up to caress his mouth in surprise.

Remus doubled over slightly against the wall and stared at him.

"Uhmm… what just happened?"

Sirius looked utterly tormented, eyes cringing at what he'd just done.

"I'm sorry—I couldn't help—uhm…" Sirius gulped for air. "You almost died tonight. I saw that jet of green light almost hit you when we were leaving. I only wanted to—to come in here and give you a proper hug—I didn't really mean to… I don't know what the hell came over me…"

Remus pressed his palms into his eye sockets. The kiss was still buzzing through him like some sort of drug, making him dizzy.

"We cannot keep doing this."

~*~ Please Review!~*~