It was seven in the morning and Remus was staring into the bathroom mirror at his own reflection. He'd just brushed his teeth and was about to run a comb through his hair but stopped, studying his face.

The closer to the full moon he was, the brighter his eyes became. The next full moon was tomorrow night, so his irises were a bright brown streaked with autumn colors of honey and metallic gold… they looked intriguing but they were still the eyes of the werewolf. He smiled bemusedly to himself… if only he'd been born so interesting…

He bit his lip and studied the rest of his face. He looked as normal as he ever did… he couldn't understand what the hell Sirius saw in him. Okay, sure, he didn't have any acne issues, but he did have two scratch scars across his left cheekbone. And try as might, it had proved biologically impossible for him to grow a beard or mustache… while the others had broken out razors years ago, his jaw line and upper lip remained defiantly pre-pubescent.

He heard a shuffling outside the door and then a light knocking sound.

"Remus?"

"Come in."

The door cracked open and Sirius slipped inside, muttering a silencing spell at it when it was closed again, and then turned to face him.

Remus cringed at the awkwardness.

"You wanted to…talk?" Sirius said, leaning up against the door with his hands behind his back. He looked like a child in time-out.

Remus sat down on the toilet lid, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. He chewed on his lower lip for a second, looking downcast.

"Last night…" he started.

Remus waited for Sirius to say something, but he didn't.

"I'm not… I'm not queer, Sirius."

"I'm not either."

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"Aren't you?"

Sirius shook his head.

"I thought we were just… experimenting at this point."

Remus blinked.

"Experimenting," he repeated. It wasn't a question— he was testing the idea out loud.

Sirius hesitated.

"I told you I'd never kissed anyone before. I thought…after we kissed over break… we were still going to be trying things with each other."

He paused.

"And when I heard you were going out with Mary, I kept thinking about all the things you were probably going to do with each other and I sort of just wanted to… beat her to the punch or something."

Remus frowned at him.

"I thought you were jealous."

"I'm not jealous." Sirius spat.

Remus laughed.

"I don't believe you."

"I am NOT jealous!"

"Oh, sure, you shoving me against the wall and groping me, yeah, that was pure experimenting—"

"Well, why is that so bad?" Sirius blurted out. "Why can't we just… practice with each other?"

Remus cocked his head, frowning.

"Practice what with each other?"

Sirius' eyes darted around sheepishly. He fidgeted against the door.

"Well, you're going out with Mary soon… we could just practice what you'd do with her so… so you know what you're doing when you…you know… because it wouldn't hurt to build up some… stamina. Right?"

He trailed off.

Remus stared at the bathroom wall, thinking. Mary had already had at least one boyfriend before… she probably knew a hell of a lot more about snogging than he did. What else had she done with Josh from Ravenclaw? Had she slept with him? He was a seventh year… it was hard to compete with experience like that.

"But… you're a boy," he said finally. "Doesn't that bother you?"

Sirius shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, I guess, but…. I just love how… wrong it is. And the risk of being caught. It's like a rush, you know?"

Remus stared at him.

"And anyways," Sirius added hurriedly. "I don't even like boys… just you."

Remus snorted.

"You like me?"

Sirius' casual attitude fell from his being so fast Remus had to do a double take. He suddenly looked extremely vulnerable.

"You—you don't like me?"

Remus gazed at him for a moment. Sirius was the most handsome boy in school, by far. Even now, wearing his plaid pajamas and hair ruffled from sleeping, he looked ludicrously attractive.

The words slipped from his lips before Remus realized he was speaking—

"What the hell do you see in me?"

Sirius blinked. Then the corner of his mouth lifted slightly.

"Well, you're— you're always so surprised by everything I do… and you always just go along with it. It's so easy to play with you." Sirius finished, grinning.

"I'm easy…" Remus repeated blandly. "… to play with."

He surveyed Sirius in disbelief as the other boy doubled over against the door, shaking with laughter.

"Well…it's true." Sirius said tremulously. "You always try to object to everything and then you end up just giving in. It's… cute."

Remus' eyebrows shot up his forehead.

"You think I'm cute?"

"Bloody adorable."

Remus scoffed.

"Piss off."

Sirius let out a bark of laughter.

"You wanted to know what I saw in you—"

"Yeah, well," Remus said, standing up and gesturing he wanted Sirius to move. "I figured you would say something a little more macho… I turn into a fully grown raging monster once a month, the word 'cute' isn't exactly the first conclusion I thought of."

Sirius didn't move.

"So… what did we decide to do?"

Remus searched his face for a moment.

"I suppose we can… practice. But I don't want anything with you. I'm not queer so I don't want to hear any shit when I have a date. And I don't—"

Remus was cut off as Sirius launched himself away from the door, grabbed his face, and leaned in to kiss him tenderly.

He felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Sirius just held him there, didn't push him, didn't pull him. Their lips were sticky for some reason, and both of them sighed in irritation when they parted.

"Sorry… you didn't let me kiss you last night." Sirius whispered against his mouth.

"Because… this is getting weird. It shouldn't be like this…I shouldn't be kissing you like this." Remus whispered back. His head was spinning. It was like his sanity was drowning in lust.

"You've never kissed me." Sirius said, kissing the corner of his mouth gently.

Remus frowned.

"What the hell are you on about? This is the fourth time I've kissed you—"

"No." Sirius said firmly. "This is the fourth time I've kissed you."

Remus stared at him. He was right. Every time they had kissed, Sirius had been the one to make the first move. He had never, not even once, moved in first.

"You're right." Remus said in surprise.

Sirius grinned.

"Can I get that in writing?"

Remus reached up and pulled Sirius towards him, smashing their lips together fiercely. Sirius' body shivered in reaction, responding with so much passion he nearly tripped Remus backwards over the bathtub.

BANG BANG BANG

They both jumped violently. James was shouting through the door at them and pounding on it hard with his fist.

"Oy, who's in there? Stop hogging the mirror you pansy, some of us need to shower!"

Sirius took his wand out and got rid of the silencing charm before opening the door.

James blinked groggily at them.

"What were two you doing in there?"

Sirius grinned.

"Snogging," he said promptly, striding out the door as James roared with laughter.

.x~*~x.

Mary's hand was soft under his own… she had a little golden ring on her pinky finger that kept glinting when it caught the light… it looked like it might be goblin made, the way the filigree was molded…

Remus couldn't quite believe he was on a real, honest-to-god date with a girl. A real, living, breathing girl.

"What are you staring at?" Mary's voice wafted into his day dreaming.

"Nothing." Remus said, smiling at her. "You."

Mary blushed and continued on with her conversation about political activism.

They were in Hogsmead, passing through the crowded streets, window shopping further into the village than he had ever been before. All of the shops were lit up in bright colors of pinks and reds and silver. Little cupids fluttered around some of them and wires of decorative heart ornaments were strung across the cobblestone streets. It was breezy outside and slushy snow was sloshing under their feet as they walked on, but the sky was bright blue and the sun was shining for the first time in weeks. Almost everyone had stripped off their cloaks and scarves, enjoying the first glimpses of spring.

Remus had taken Mary to all of his favorite spots. To his surprise, hanging out with a girl all day wasn't actually that bad. He'd never been quite as adventurous or rambunctious as James and Sirius were. It was a relief to speak with someone who wasn't constantly casting around for some sort of loud illegal activity to pursue. She had listened to all of his opinions about Ministry prejudice towards half-breeds and half-bloods, and she not only agreed with him, but she also had several well-formed opinions of her own. It was much easier to talk to her than it was to talk with Lily, who only ever spoke about Potions and Quidditch and rock bands he had never heard of before.

They strolled on aimlessly for hours, past glowing frosted shops and other hand-holding couples.

"…So that's really why I want to work with children so badly, or at least on the Board of Education for the Ministry, there hasn't been any real reform in the department for centuries and I think I can really make a difference in it." Mary paused in her speech, catching her breath. Her cheeks were a little flushed from the passion she poured into it, and the hand that wasn't clutching Remus' dropped back down to her side from the gesturing she had been using it for.

They had been drawing closer and closer down the street toward a seventh year couple who were lip-locked outside Madam Pudifoots tea house. Remus eyed them and looked around at Mary. She hadn't noticed them and was staring curiously into an apothecary shop window. There was nothing for it… they had been holding hands all day and were getting along tremendously. He needed to figure out if this was for real, if she was really someone he could be with—

"Mary." Remus said, dropping his voice lower and pulling her to the side of the road under the branches of a blooming cherry tree.

"C'ome here," he whispered, pulling her in and locking his lips onto hers.

She let out a little whimper of surprise and reached up to pull him closer. She was about a head shorter than him. It was a completely different angle than when he had kissed Sirius, but he liked it. A lot. Her lips tasted like strawberries and the smell of her vanilla perfume filled his nostrils. She was so much… softer. So much smaller, so much sweeter. He had his hands cupping her head, maneuvering her as they kissed— no, they weren't even kissing anymore, this was snogging.

Eventually he realized that as the bloke in the situation, he was probably supposed to instigate any tongue-action. Hesitantly, he plunged his tongue into her mouth and then they were both pulling each other closer. His head was getting extremely dizzy and he realized his lungs were screaming for oxygen. He pulled back as politely as he could, gulping for air.

She fluttered her long lashes as she opened her eyes. Their arms were still around each other… her eyes were so blue, deep indigo streaked with brilliant cerulean around the pupil.

Remus smiled at her.

"Well… happy Valentine's Day," he whispered.

She smiled.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Remus."

.x~*~x.

Five hours later, Remus was bidding Mary farewell outside the great hall. They kissed one last time before she departed for her study group and he headed into the hall for dinner.

His head was reeling. He had needed this date to prove to himself that he liked girls. After the chaos with Sirius these last few months, he hadn't been sure of who he was exactly. He'd told Sirius defiantly he liked girls, even though he hadn't actually known one hundred percent if it was true. But now he did. And he knew, one hundred million percent, that he was not queer.

He spotted the three of them sitting all the way at the front of the table. There was a spot saved next to Peter and a plate in front of it with rare steak, his favorite. They were deep in conversation, their heads tilted towards each other, laughing and nodding occasionally.

"Hi, guys," he said grinning, plopping down next to Peter. "You three scheming already?"

"No." James said immediately. "No, no, no, no, no, you are not getting off that easily. What happened on your date?"

"Yeah, was she horrid?" Sirius said, sitting back and taking a large swig of pumpkin juice.

"No, actually, it's sort of refreshing to have a conversation with someone who actually listens and responds to what I'm—"

"So we're thinking about sneaking into the grounds tomorrow during the full moon." Peter burst out.

"Yeah, we were thinking, after last month when we ran around the tunnel, we could totally pull off getting around the Quidditch pitch, especially around two in the morning because Filch always patrols the opposite side of the castle at that time, you know?" James added hurriedly.

Remus sighed and reached for his own pumpkin juice.

"Did you snog her?" Sirius said, undistracted.

Remus coughed a little on his juice, hesitated, and then nodded.

"Whoa." James said, obviously impressed. "Good on'you, mate."

Remus grinned sheepishly, avoiding Sirius' eye.

"So are two… official?" Sirius pressed him.

Remus shrugged.

"I guess, we didn't actually talk about it though—."

"So that's a 'no'." Sirius said immediately.

Remus frowned at him.

"No it's not, it's not a 'yes' or a 'no'."

"No, it's a 'no'." Sirius said firmly.

James and Peter, who obviously thought Sirius was joking about Remus' lack of confidence in asking a girl out, were laughing at him and shoving his shoulder. Remus, however, narrowed his eyes at Sirius before going back to his dinner.

.x~*~x.

Remus fell forward, retching again as his bones snapped back together.

"Uhhhck," he coughed, choking and heaving.

It was Monday, the morning after February's full moon. He tried to breathe steadily, willing himself not to vomit anymore. Somewhere in the back of his hazy mind he felt a warm cloak being laid over him. And then, before he was about to sit up again, he realized something was different. He wasn't on all fours over wooden floorboards. He was staring down on frozen grass and patches of snow. His limbs were shivering and his skin was prickly like he'd just been plunged into ice water.

"Where are we?" he croaked.

"Uhh…" he heard James' voice over him. "We weren't expecting you to transform so soon… we're only halfway back to the Whomping Willow from the Quidditch pitch."

Remus shuddered and pulled the cloak around his body before stumbling to his feet. He swayed and Sirius put a hand on his shoulder.

"You're not going to faint are you?"

"No… no but my feet are freezing… I'm freezing."

James checked his watch and glanced around nervously.

"What time is it?" Remus said, watching his reaction.

"Got ten minutes till Pomfrey comes down."

"Shit!" Remus exclaimed, teeth and limbs chattering uncontrollably in the bitter wind.

Sirius looked around instinctively.

"Look, James, give me your cloak and head back with Peter, I'll get Remus back in time."

James hesitated.

"Oh come on, we don't really have time to think about this. And we're not all going to fit under that thing anymore, we're both too tall."

James nodded and Sirius caught the cloak as James tossed it to him.

"Okay, well… we'll see you at breakfast." James said hurriedly to Sirius. "And see you at lunch," he added to Remus.

"Go!"

"Yeah, yeah, 'kay bye." James lifted his hand and he and Peter hurried back to the castle as the other two walked briskly toward the tree.

Remus' limbs were aching and he couldn't feel his feet. It was a relief when they stumbled down into the tunnel, the soft dirt a much more welcoming platform than slushy snow and frozen mud.

They paused below the trap door and Sirius climbed up first, turned around, and helped Remus from under his arms as he struggled to push himself up.

The cloak Remus was wearing caught on the edge of the latch and they fell backward, Remus catching himself with his hands as he fell hard into Sirius. The black cloak had slipped off his front and shoulders, resting around his upper back. He gasped. His naked body was pressed into Sirius', whose hands had come up to steady him but lingered there longer than necessary.

"I gotch-you," he whispered, grinning.

Remus groaned, closing his eyes. Sirius' hands slid up his back and pushed the cloak back over him, but his chest was still exposed, his bare pelvis pressed against Sirius'.

Sirius sat up slightly, pulling the collar of the cloak forward as he did. Then, looking into his eyes, he reached up and caressed his fingers through Remus' hair, from his temple to the base of his neck. Remus sighed, leaning his head into the touch, whimpering slightly.

"I need to get into the bedroom," he whispered.

"Yeah, c'mon." Sirius whispered back.

Together they stumbled upstairs and Remus collapsed gratefully into the soft, un-shredded mattress. He sunk down into it on his side, the bed springs hardly working anymore.

Sirius sat down next to him, pulling a blanket over his shivering body.

"Are you—do you—"

Remus opened his eyes to look at him.

"What?"

Sirius was chewing on his bottom lip.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

"Do you want to stay?"

Sirius grinned and reached up to run his fingers through Remus' hair again. Remus closed his eyes, savoring the delicious sensation.

"It feels amazing when you do this."

Then he frowned a little.

"Why do you do this?"

Sirius shrugged even though Remus couldn't see it.

"Your hair's really soft. And it feels good when you do it to me when I'm the dog."

Remus sighed as those sinful fingers raked across his scalp, each follicle tingling. A thought suddenly occurred to him.

"Why did you cut your hair?"

Sirius stopped and sat back.

"I thought maybe I'd become a little too feminine. I thought I'd snap back into myself if I cut my hair and looked more like a boy again."

Remus laughed but stopped when one of his ribs seared with pain. It felt broken.

"Well, it didn't work much, did it?"

Sirius laughed too. "No, I guess not."

"I like it though. A lot. It makes you look…"

He cracked his eyes open but didn't finish. Sirius grinned expectantly at him.

"Look what?"

"Oh just shut up, you wanker, you know what you look like."

Sirius frowned.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

Remus closed his eyes, sighing resignedly. He was too tired to play games with Sirius and he certainly wasn't going to embarrass himself with sappy retorts right now.

He felt Sirius shift and then warm breath engulfed his ear. He shivered in arousal… his ears and neck were probably the most erotic places on his body apart from his crotch. He leaned his head closer to Sirius', their cheeks ghosting across each other. Sirius laughed softly.

"You want to practice something?"

Remus tensed up. "We don't have time."

"Yeah," Sirius whispered hotly, shifting closer to him. "We might get caught…"

Remus let out a little moan as Sirius slipped under the blanket next to him and slid his hands under the cloak around Remus' body.

"Don't— Pomfrey could come in any minute now…"

"Except that I changed James' watch half an hour late last night before he put it on."

Remus' eyes widened.

"You didn't," he breathed, now genuinely afraid of Sirius being under the covers with him.

Sirius grinned appreciatively.

"How else was I supposed to get you on your own? If you aren't with us you're with Mary now."

Remus frowned.

"She's my girlfriend… I shouldn't be sneaking around to fool with a bloke… practicing is one thing but this isn't right… we shouldn't be… this is just… too wrong."

If Remus had meant this rambling statement to dissuade Sirius, it had the complete opposite effect. He felt a shiver run through his body and the hands around him clenched slightly, moving lower, gripping into the soft skin around his pelvis. Sirius took a deep quivering breath.

Remus hesitated uncomfortably. If Mary could see him now… naked and wrapped around Sirius, their mutual arousals rubbing into each other… he obviously wasn't playing the part of boyfriend very well so far...

But he was still a little taken aback by the reaction to his words. Sirius was apparently excited by the danger of it. He noted this response curiously and mused to himself before deciding to test something.

"We could still get caught at any time," he whispered.

Sirius moaned, pulling his hips closer.

Remus smirked a little. Fuck it… they'd come this far. And this was only practicing for when he was with Mary anyways...

"We'd be in so much trouble if we got caught…" he continued, breathing the words into Sirius' neck. "It's too…dangerous."

Sirius choked out a small groan and thrust his hips forward.

"And we shouldn't be doing this anyways…" Remus went on, pressing sticky kisses against the sweaty skin under his earlobe. "It's not right… it's too…dirty…"

Sirius moaned loudly and pressed Remus backwards, climbing on top of him and claiming his lips with his own. One of his hands slipped down into the small of Remus' back, pulling him forward, and the other one wrapped around the base of his dick, squeezing lightly before stroking once, twice.

Remus gasped into his mouth. Pre-cum was leaking out of the tip already, slicking Sirius' silky hand as he pumped him relentlessly. He parted his thighs again, one hand fisting in Sirius' hair, the other sliding up to rub his own nipple with his palm.

"Fuck, Remus…" Sirius whispered, forehead pressed against Remus' shoulder as he looked down their bodies to watch himself jerking at Remus' cock.

Remus moaned, pressing his open mouth against the top of Sirius' head.

"Harder… please… harder…" he choked.

Sirius bit into his shoulder with a moan and sucked hard on his skin as his hand squeezed him and sped up. He was too close, way too close, but his body was screaming at him not to stop. Remus writhed under Sirius' body, clenching up in the surge of his arousal.

"Oh god yes…"

And then his body was shuddering as he spilled his cum over his stomach, gasping for air, heels digging into the mattress in pure undiluted need.

"Remus—I need…" Sirius moaned and thrust his hips forward.

Remus looked down and whispered against his neck.

"What do you want?"

He started to unfasten Sirius' belt, popping open the buttons of his pants and sliding down the zipper. Sirius choked on his own breath.

"Just—just fist me and I'll fuck into you."

Remus had to force his mind to remain sane. The husky need in Sirius' voice was making his cock ache in arousal again, half-hardening all over again.

He freed Sirius' erection and closed his fingers around the base of it. It felt weird, having another boy's length in his hand. It was thicker than his own but about the same length and the head was already glistening.

Sirius cursed into his shoulder and snapped his hips backward and forward, thrusting into his grip.

"Shit…" he moaned.

"You like that?" Remus whispered hotly against his temple.

"Oh fuck, Remus—I'm too close…,"

Remus clenched his fist tighter, squeezing him. "Show me how wrong this is—."

A small scream was wrenched out of Sirius' throat as he came hard at those words, his body heaving in the force of his orgasm. Remus felt the hot semen hit his nipples and dribble onto his stomach.

Remus actually felt a little relieved and his cheeks stopped burning from the shame of cumming so fast. Sirius hadn't even lasted thrirty seconds... forget about being virgins, they both seemed to have the stamina of twelve year olds.

Sirius pressed down and rubbed the head of his cock against Remus' pelvis as he finished spilling on him, moaning in completion. The heads of their dicks brushed against each other and a string of milky cum glistened between them as Sirius massaged his balls in the aftershocks.

Remus was already painfully hard again.

Sirius' pupils were almost pure black with lust as he looked up from seeing this, a small smirk tugging the corner of his mouth before his tongue slid out and licked his lips wickedly.

"Remus?"

They both jumped. Madam Pomfrey was calling from downstairs, her footsteps coming closer and closer. They launched away from each other and Sirius threw the invisibility cloak on. Remus grabbed a cloth from the night stand and wiped himself clean hurriedly, but the smell of musk and sex still lingered sinfully in the air.

He heard her coming down the hall and panicked slightly, clutching the blanket around him. Then he heard the sound of Sirius' footsteps draw closer to his bed and Sirius' head appeared as he swung the hood off.

"Kiss me," Sirius breathed, cupping Remus around the back of the head and pulling him in.

Remus blindly closed his eyes and leaned in but then stopped. With a jolt, he realized this wasn't practicing anymore. This, this right here, this really wasn't right. They didn't need to practice stolen kisses. Stolen kisses had absolutely no practical use in their experimenting. What Sirius was doing right now… this was what lovers did…

Disgusted with himself he flinched, reaching up and shoving Sirius away with as much force as he could muster.

It was lucky Madam Pomfrey was studying a clipboard when she finally edged into the room or she would have seen Sirius' head floating in the air, a look of utter surprise and hurt on his handsome features. Then his head whipped sideways, noticing her presence, before he reached up to pull the hood back over him. And in the split second before he disappeared, his eyes flicked back toward Remus, eyes burning with longing and his face tortured with rejection…