Remus was frowning at his toast.
Sirius and James were sitting next to him, talking animatedly about the game that was just under an hour away. A few Slytherins passed by them and James called out mockingly, egging them on, then roaring with laughter when all they did was sulk out of the Great Hall.
Then, as if the situation couldn't have been more rivalry, Sirius aimed a spell at Snape who was bending over the breakfast table with his nose in a book, and made an entire platter of eggs hover and flip over on top of his head. Three tables exploded with laughter as Snape jumped up, scrambled eggs bouncing everywhere, and looked around for the culprits. James and Sirius ducked down, trying to conceal themselves behind the Ravenclaws who sat opposite the Gryffindor table.
Remus sighed. Peter was roaring with laughter, a hungry expression on his face. A minute later the captain of the Gryffindor team called James over and they threw good luck sentiments at him before he departed.
"So!" Sirius said, as if noticing Peter and Remus' presence for the first time. "Last night went swimmingly, huh?"
"If by 'swimmingly' you mean almost getting caught three times and not even paying for the Honeydukes candy you stole, then sure—"
"We'll pay them back later." Sirius said, waving his hand with the air of swatting an annoying fly.
Remus frowned at him again. Sirius raised his eyebrows, grinning surreptitiously over a forkful of hash browns.
"What are you so grumpy about? We just pulled off our first heist and James is about to crush Slytherin into the ground!" Sirius threw his free arm around Remus' shoulder, shaking him. "Cheer up!"
Remus jerked his head irritably and caught sight of Snape sneaking back out of the Hall to his dormitory, no doubt to change his clothes and clean all of his books off. He felt a twinge of pity for his unpopular enemy.
Turning back, he saw that both Sirius and Peter had stood up and were getting their things together, ready to head out onto the grounds to get early seats.
Remus cleared his throat dryly.
"Look, you two go down to the pitch by yourselves. I'll follow you in a minute, just wanted to talk with Flitwick about a paper."
Sirius narrowed his eyes at him curiously and opened his mouth to say something when Jacob and Pallas popped into view at his side.
"The serpents are goin' DOWN!" Jacob roared joyously at him, hooking an arm around Peters head and punching Sirius in the shoulder.
Sirius started laughing as Pallas booed some exiting Slytherins out of the Great Hall.
Rolling his eyes, Remus made use of the distraction to look around for Mary. Spotting her close to the head table, he glanced back one more time at Sirius and Peter before working his way over to her through the excited students.
Game days were rare in that almost everyone would mingle at other tables to wish the playing teams good luck. Today was no exception, and Mary was standing around with Lily helping face paint some supporting Huffelpuff girls with the Gryffindor colors.
Mary caught sight of him over the shoulder of Lola, who turned around to look at Remus before falling into a fit of giggles and whispering something to Mary. Mary raised an eyebrow at her warily and smirked a little, shaking her head bemusedly.
"Hi Remus," Lily said as she looked in the reflection of a spoon to dab gold glitter on her painted cheeks.
"Hey Lils," he said sitting down next to her. Mary was having a difficult time trying to finish the face paint now that Lola kept fidgeting and bursting into fresh giggles. "I heard you were doing the commentary today?"
"Yep!" she said beaming. "I'm all nervous though, what if they boo me?"
"The Slytherins will." Remus admitted. "Except Snape, of course."
Lily grinned slightly, looking uncomfortable.
"I don't understand why you still hang out with him Lily," Mary muttered to her, holding Lola firmly by her chin in an effort to still her. "I mean, it was one thing when we were little but you can't keep covering for his sicko obsession with the Dark Arts."
Lily was looking into her lap with a calculating expression on her face and didn't answer.
"Okay, there you are," Mary said finally, straightening up and shaking gold glitter into Lola's blonde hair. Then she turned to Remus. "Hey, come 'ere, where's your stripes?"
Remus grinned.
"I don't usually do the paint like the others do. Not really into it much."
Mary laughed. "Yeah, that's actually why I do it, face painting is the only thing I like about these games."
She swiped her index finger in the red paint and brushed two horizontal lines on each of his cheeks, then repeated this with the metallic gold paint right under the first two. She then picked up the glitter bottle and shook it jokingly in his directly.
"Ha! No thanks, I'm good," he took it from her and shook it over her brown hair as she tied her scarf around her neck and got ready to leave.
She grinned and let Lily go ahead of them before reaching over and intertwining their fingers. Remus gave her a small smile.
"Thanks for this," he muttered. "I made a fool of myself the other day and thought we were over."
She gave him a searching look. "I thought you'd just gotten sick of me and ran out. What happened, anyways?"
Remus shook his head. "I don't know, I just froze up. I didn't know what else to do."
She looked at him for a moment before giving his hand a small squeeze.
"Well don't run out on me again. It's funny, if you talk to me, I do this thing where I listen and respond."
Remus hesitated.
"I guess I just thought it would be so easy, like the way I always imagined snogging a girl would be."
Mary gave him a skeptical look. "And so when it didn't go as planned, you thought I'd reject you the way you imagined? Please just tell me it doesn't involve me dumping you dramatically, swaggering out, and professing my love to my ex-boyfriend whilst confessing how much better he is than you."
Remus started laughing. It was so true it was hilarious.
.x~*~x.
The Quidditch game was one of the longest Remus ever sat through. James was spectacular, scoring goal after goal with tremendous skill, swooping and diving around the other team effortlessly. Neither of the seekers had managed to find the snitch yet but this didn't seem to bother James at all. He kept diving and tricking the other team for the crowds' amusement. Remus grinned at his friend. He knew that if it were up to James the match would go on forever.
Lily was actually quite good at the commentary. She wasn't too judgmental of the Slytherins as she knew Snape was listening in, and even though she would have had a natural bias towards Gryffindor because it was her house, her disapproval of James' antics kept the commentary from going off-topic. Remus shook his head in amusement as James skirted around a Slytherin and skidded sideways to an abrupt halt in midair in front of Lily's podium to ask her out over the megaphone.
"Hey, why is Potter so interested in Lily all of a sudden?" Mary asked as McGonagall shrieked at him to get back in the game.
Remus shrugged. "He saw you two dancing over Christmas break and realized she was a girl for the first time. He hasn't always been like this."
Mary smiled a little.
"You know… Lily's always had a bit of a crush on Sirius Black. But then again, who doesn't."
Remus looked at her in surprise.
"Really?"
"Yeah but she'll never admit to it. She's too proud."
Remus had a strange feeling in his stomach and wasn't sure what it was.
"Well they'd be a match made in hell, those two," he said. "I've actually thought she and James might be good for each other. Sometimes when I'm talking with Lily she'll say something that sounds so familiar and I'll realize it's 'cos I've heard James say the exact same thing. Like about a Quidditch team or a rock band or whatnot… I don't think either of them realize how much they have in common."
Mary smiled sappily. "Aww that's so sweet," she then glanced at her watch. "Uhck, this has been going for a two and a half hours? These seekers need to get their acts together, especially ours."
"Actually we're over two hundred points ahead so it doesn't really matter who gets it at this point."
The Gryffindor's in the crowd seemed to sense this as well, beaming with victory before the match was even over.
"Hey, let's get out of here," Remus murmured. "We can get some food before the others and the good seats by the fireplace."
"Agreed," Mary said eagerly.
It took them ten minutes to get back to the common room from the Quidditch pitch. Remus realized they were probably the only people left in the entire castle. It was strange how deserted it was. They could have done anything in the world, run through the halls screaming, set off fireworks, flood the bathrooms, anything at all and not have to worry about being caught.
Mary seemed to realize this too. She grinned at him as they stepped into the empty common room. Remus stepped over to get a plate of sweets to share as she threw herself into the squishy loveseat.
When he returned he had just barely had time to set the plate down on the coffee table before she had swung herself over and straddled him, her arms wrapping around his neck.
"Mary—," he was cut off as she kissed him sensually, whimpering and rubbing her breast against his chest.
She pulled back.
"Yes, you wanted to tell me something?" she breathed jokingly.
He smiled and held her around the waist. It dipped in so smoothly, her little ribs expanding as she breathed.
"I haven't… had much experience with this sort of thing."
She grinned and leaned in again.
"Well…" she whispered slowly. "If you don't run off again… maybe I can get you up to speed…"
.x~*~x.
The match didn't end until four hours later, at which point the Slytherin seeker finally caught the snitch but Gryffindor won anyways. At this point it looked like Ravenclaw would be going against them for the Quidditch cup in May, unless Huffelpuff somehow managed to beat Ravenclaw in April, which was unlikely.
And Remus knew all of this because despite sneaking out and avoiding the rest of the match, he still had to endure James and Sirius' game talk until the wee hours of the morning.
Everyone in Gryffindor house stayed up past midnight. Some flickered in and out of the dorms to change into their pajamas or to re-stock the food from the kitchens. At around one in the morning he and Mary were lounging in the loveseat watching James and Sirius crack jokes and set off fireworks.
One of the bludgers was zooming around the common room destroying things and whacking first years over the head. It had a slowing charm on it at first but it was starting to wear off, finally smashing through one of the windows and disappearing into the night. Mary turned and kissed Remus goodnight after laughing about it and wondering where it would go.
"If it comes back and smashes into your dorm, just come get me."
"Mmmm, my hero," she smirked before following Lily up the spiral staircase.
Remus turned back to the other two as James leaped on him and slung an arm around his neck.
"Blimey, you two are getting serious! I saw you lovebirds sneaking back in 'ere during the match. Couldn't keep your bloody hands off each other, eh?"
Remus noticed Sirius had stiffened a little and avoided his eyes.
"Yeah… well… she's not really into Quidditch either so…"
"Hey, what did you say to get her to go out with you?" James interrupted. "Lily's being such a stubborn pain in the arse—"
"Or she just genuinely doesn't like you," Sirius suggested. James chucked a firework at him.
"Of course she likes me, didn't you hear her commentary?"
"Which part?" Remus laughed. "The part where she ignored three of your goals or the time when she wondered how your broom could lift off the ground with that fat head on it—?"
Sirius roared with laughter and Peter seemed torn between laughing as well or coming to James' defense.
"Nah, sticks and stones," James said confidently. "Have to read in between the lines, mate. She's been secretively longing for me since I saved her over Christmas. She wants me bad, you'll see."
Remus shook his head, grinning at the other two.
"Well, as impressive as you were escaping from You-Know-Who and everything, it was one of the stupidest things I've ever seen you do. You only escaped by pure luck, you know."
James' face fell a little.
"Yeah, I know," he admitted. "But you'd think since we almost died together she'd be warming up to me. She did right afterwards, remember?"
"Well, you weren't breaking any school rules or showing off at the time, remember? You were acting responsible for once in your life. Maybe you should try that more often, what could possibly go wrong…"
James frowned.
"Your advice sucks."
Remus laughed. "Okay, well in the meantime, I'm gonna go plan something for tomorrow with my girlfriend. Have fun sulking, mate."
Remus stood up and headed for the boys dorms as James scowled into the fireplace.
Sirius copied Remus and followed him up the stairs, turning his head to glance at him every so often. Remus caught this out of the corner of his eye and started to feel uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted right now was another argument about their weird friends-with-benefits situation. But Sirius didn't say anything as they climbed upstairs and to Remus' surprise, when they drew closer to the door Sirius stepped forward and pulled it open for him.
Remus blanched at him in confusion.
"What are you doing?"
Sirius shrugged.
"I'm trying to… be responsible and... mature, or... whatnot."
Remus laughed.
"Uhm… okay, thanks… "
He walked into the dorm and went over to his bed to put on his pajamas. His fingers fumbled in the coldness as his bare chest touched frigid air. He stuffed his in to legs his grey fleece pants and dashed to the furnace to crank it up.
Remus crouched down and squinted at the thermos dial. It sprang to life, warm air gushing out across his face, and he stood up and turned away.
Remus gasped.
Sirius had crept up behind him. His eyes were fixated on Remus' bare chest which he had forgotten to cover in his haste.
"Sirius!" Remus gasped. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"
"Sorry," Sirius whispered, not removing his smoldering eyes from Remus' chest. One of his hands reached forward tentatively and the tips of his fingers ghosted along the smaller boys abs just above the waistband of his pajamas.
Remus shivered from the touch.
"I'm too tired to practice anything tonight, Pads."
Sirius frowned in confusion.
"Pads?"
"Padfoot."
Sirius burst into a smile.
"Oh, right," he laughed.
Remus walked around him and pulled a t-shirt on.
"Wait," Sirius said, shuffling closer. "What if I just… you know. What if I did everything?"
Remus looked at him.
"Didn't you do everything last time?"
They both stiffened awkwardly remembering how intimate they had gotten in their last "practice session" or whatever the hell it was they were doing. Sirius cleared his throat gruffly as if trying to prove he still had some manliness left in him.
"Yeah but I'm… all wound up tonight."
"Well, that's one way of saying you're horny," Remus thought to himself.
He climbed into bed and yanked the covers up to his waist, turning back to Sirius. He was standing there looking dumbstruck.
"What?" Remus said.
Then he realized—
"Oh shit… I just said that out loud, didn't I?"
Sirius glared at him.
"I'm sorry!" Remus said quickly. "I didn't mean to—"
"Have you two shagged yet?" Sirius interrupted rudely. "You and Mary. You've been up here since noon according to James. What were you doing?"
Remus' ears burned hot. He knew he was turning scarlet.
"We just…hung out. And talked and stuff," he stammered.
"Anything else?"
Remus frowned. "Why should you care?"
"I want to know." Sirius said, ignoring the question.
Remus drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them.
"Uhm… you know that… question that you asked me… in the shower… last Wednesday?"
Sirius' face drained of color.
"Well…" Remus said, staring defiantly away from him, "...the answer would be yes, now."
A long silence stretched between them. Eventually, he looked back at Sirius.
He was green. Like he was going to throw up.
Oh, shit—
Remus felt terrible all of a sudden. He felt dirty and ashamed, but he didn't know why.
"If it's any consolation," he burst out, almost panicking, "it wasn't very good. Or at least… not as good as yours anyway."
Sirius' face relaxed a little. He didn't look happy but he at least didn't look close to vomiting anymore.
"She… she wasn't very good at it?" he repeated faintly.
"No…" Remus said reluctantly. "But then her mouth is a lot smaller than yours and her teeth kept hurting me. So it kind of took a while and when I finished she didn't… you know… like you did."
Remus cringed. He couldn't say it out loud, that Sirius had swallowed when he had cum. The words felt too shameful to speak.
Sirius understood though and his cheeks turned pink, remembering it too. They both stared at each other for a long moment.
"If I…" Sirius said suddenly.
Remus waited for him to go on. But he didn't.
"If you what?"
Sirius blinked.
"Nevermind."
"No, wait!" Remus called out. Sirius had turned away to go over to his bed. "Ask me, what is it?"
Sirius pulled his scarf off before looking back over.
"If I deflated my head a little… and started acting responsibly or whatever… would you… would you leave her for me?"
Remus felt his heart speed up, hammering in his veins.
"And what exactly would that mean?"
Sirius shrugged.
"I don't know," he mumbled.
Remus gaped at him.
"But… what do you want from me?"
Sirius shrugged again but something in his face told Remus that he knew exactly what he wanted from him, there was just no way he'd ever say it.
"I'm not going to dump Mary for you, especially if you can't even tell me what it is you want from me."
Sirius frowned.
"Why do I have to tell you? Why can't you just go with it? Especially if I put out some effort and try not to break so many rules or whatever the hell you want."
Remus laughed bitterly which just made Sirius scowl more in anger.
"You don't have a clue what it means to act responsibly, Pads."
"Well I can try!" Sirius spat at him.
"Just tell me what you want, then! I mean would we be the same as we are right now or…"
"…boyfriends?" Remus thought in his head. He double checked his lips to make sure they didn't move this time. If that word slipped out he might just die from humiliation.
"I don't know what I want," Sirius growled at him, sensing the presence of that unspoken word. "I'm not a flaming queer, I just… I just want to…"
"Want to what?"
"I don't know!" Sirius yelled out at him.
"Then what do you want right now?" Remus said quickly. "Like right now, tonight. Forget about me and Mary and forget about whatever happens tomorrow. What do you want from me right now?"
"I don't kn—!"
"Yes you do!" Remus shouted, officially irritated now. "You do know, you just don't want to tell me—!"
"No I don't—!"
"You can't just—!"
"HEY!"
Remus jumped and looked around. James and Peter were standing in the doorway.
"What on earth—? What are you two fighting about?" James said weakly. He'd never seen them fight or shout at each other before and looked rather helpless.
Sirius turned away quickly. Remus wondered if he'd started sweating in blind panic as well.
"We… we're not… it's fine," Remus stuttered, heart racing.
"You two were fighting!"
"It was over the Quidditch game, Prongs," Sirius said, suddenly extremely composed. "I didn't like him sneaking back here with his girlfriend while you were playing."
James seemed to relax instantly.
"Oh Merlin, Sirius, I don't care about that," James laughed a little. "Whew! I thought it was something important."
There was some exchanging of fake smiles and unneeded back-thumps before the atmosphere was back to normal. Sirius waited until James was pulling his Quidditch robes off to throw Remus another glare. He yanked the curtains around his bed and disappeared from view.
Remus felt a jolt of anger burn through him and flopped back on his pillows, fuming.
He did not belong to Sirius. He was not going to give up a good relationship just to fool around. What he had with Mary was real. If Sirius wanted anything from him, it wasn't going to be as simple as dumping her and moving on. Sirius had said it himself; you can't just shut your emotions off and pretend it doesn't mean anything.
Sure, Mary might not be his soul mate but the world wasn't split into sluts and soul mates. There was a lot of in-between and she was one of those girls. She was nice and smart and talented and unique. She deserved so much better than him… so much better than a werewolf… but if James and the others had accepted him for who he was, who's to say she wouldn't?
Remus glanced over to switch his lamp off and paused. His letter carrier was bright red again.
Damnit.
Remus took a deep breath. Could he really handle any more arguments tonight? This couldn't be good...
He picked it up and shifted into a sitting position against his headboard. Then, holding his breath, he opened it and read:
Remus— you want to know what I want from you? Fine, here it is. I want you to get the fuck out of my dreams. I don't want to ravage you all night long and then wake up to find none of it ever happened. I hate that the only thing that gets me off anymore is the thought of fucking you into the mattress. And I want you to mutilate your face so I can stop staring at it. And I want you to say something to me that will make me hate you and be repulsed by you. And I want to forget the smell of you and the taste of you and the sound of your voice when you're cuming. If I think of anything else I'll write you a fucking letter.
Oh yeah, and I want you to stop tasting like chocolate every time we kiss. I can't eat a single goddamn chocolate frog anymore without getting hard.
~*~Please Review!~*~