A/N: This is another chapter that I decided to split up into parts, 2 to be exact, because it's quite long (16 pgs on microsoft word). It mainly deals with the difficulties Elina faces when trying to return to her regular life with this unmanagable thirst for blood that she now has. Please don't forget to review. Enjoy :)

8. Thirst - Part 1

I was about halfway there when my throat began to feel dry. It hurt to swallow. I couldn't waste time, I needed to hunt. The closest forest I could think of with some kind of wildlife was the Olympic National Park. I could get there quicker on foot. I parked my car on the side of West Lauridsen Blvd. And ran into the trees, searching for any signs of wildlife as I got closer to the park. I stopped to listen to my surroundings and could hear the heartbeats and hooves pound against the ground. I sniffed and began running east. And there they were, a group of three elk roaming through the woods. There was a large buck that caught my attention. He would be perfect. I crouched, and leaped onto it's back, breaking its neck in one swift movement. The other two ran off. I sank my teeth into its neck and relieved the burning in my throat. I stood up, wiping my sides of my mouth with my hand and licking any remnants of blood from my fingers. I stared at my kill for a moment. It still made me feel awful to kill such an innocent creature. He didn't deserve it. But every time that uncomfortable feeling rises in my throat I simply cannot control myself. Such is the circle of life, right? I backed away and ran back to my car that was thankfully still parked on the side of the road. I got in and drove to my original destination: Starbucks.

Being around people after just having killed a large animal and draining it of its blood was uncomfortable. I felt extremely paranoid, as if everyone knew what I did and was staring at me in disgust. I took a seat in the corner with my caramel macchiato and stared out the window. My mind was blank. I got lost in the darkness of the sky. I could feel someone standing in front of me and looked up to see a tall, blonde haired, muscular, jock-type guy standing at my table.

"Hey baby, what are you doing here all by yourself?" He said, placing his hand on the empty chair. A low, snarly growl escaped my throat and startled him. He tripped on his own two feet and he stumbled away from me. I smiled, holding in a laugh. Being a vampire didn't come without its perks. This growling thing really saved me a lot of trouble with men. One measly growl is all it took for them to step away. And it's pretty funny to watch the look of horror on their face when they hear it. I took a sip of my coffee and returned to looking out of the window. A black Mercedes-Benz pulled in and parked next to my car. I couldn't believe it. I never thought I'd be seeing Jeff so soon. I watched him as he stepped out of the car, but instead of walking towards the door of Starbucks, he walked around his car and opened the passenger door. A tall, slender woman with long, wavy blonde hair stepped out. Jeff placed his arm on her lower back and walked towards the door. I felt sick. Of course he was dating someone. I knew that he was too good to be true. I searched for a way out but it was too late, he was already opening the door for the blonde he was with and there was no other exit. I was stuck. I stared out the window, holding on to the hope that if I couldn't see him then he couldn't see me. I could hear the clacking of Blondie's high heeled boots as they met the tile floor. The sound was driving me nuts. My hand rounded into a fist on the table top.

"Elina?" Jeff said from a distance. "Is that you?" He asked, standing over me. I turned and looked up at him. His girlfriend wasn't with him.

"Hi, Jeff"

"I didn't think I'd see you so soon." He laughed.

"Yeah, neither did I."

"May I?" he asked, placing his hand on the empty chair in front of me.

"uh, sure."

"So... you didn't go back inside after I left, did you?"

"No, I didn't."

"Back to the woods?"

"What?"

"I could have sworn I saw you run into the woods."

"Oh..." Darn, he did see me. "Yeah..."

"It surprised me to see you go in there so fast, but then I remembered what you said earlier and kept driving."

I smiled and nodded. "Hey, where's that girl you were with?" I asked.

"Oh, she's in the bathroom touching up her lip gloss or something" He said, waving his hand in the air as if to completely dismiss the fact that she was even here. Was he going to tell me he had a girlfriend or is he planning on having his cake and eating it too?

"How long have you been together?" I asked.

"What? Oh, we aren't dating. She's just a friend of mine. She had this fight with her boyfriend and asked me to pick her up." He explained. "Her taste in guys really isn't the greatest. This one was a real tool."

She doesn't have great taste in guys, eh? Well, I guess blondes are stupid because she had the greatest guy right in front of her and doesn't even realize it. Oh well, works for me. Still, something about her bothered me as she sauntered over to our table.

"Hi" She said in a high-pitched voice. I rolled my eyes. "I'm Kendra"

"Elina" I said, staring down at my cup.

"Why don't you pull up a chair?" Jeff told her, pointing the empty table next to us. She sat down with a giggle.

"So how do you two know each other?" She asked.

"We met at her father's black tie gala." Jeff said, clearing his throat.

"Oh, that thing you dreaded going to? Well, that's cool, I guess." She said, flipping her hair.

I spun my cup in between my fingers, glancing back and forth at the open lid and her white shirt. I smiled to myself as I let my plan unfold. Sometimes accidents happen, right? I began to spin my cup faster, until it tipped coincidentally into her direction, splattering on to her shirt. She swung her arms out, flinging herself to the right and hitting the side where my stitches were. I gripped my side and yelled out in pain.

"Ugh, stupid bitch..." I whispered to myself, unable to really speak due to the pain.

Jeff was out of his seat, leaning over the table with his arms out to me in seconds.

"Elina! Are you alright? Did she get your stitches?"

"Yeah" I breathed.

"Oh no, my white shirt!" She squealed. She stood up and walked towards the bathroom, wiping the stains with a napkin.

Jeff stood up and sat down in Kendra's empty seat.

"let me take a look" He said as he gently lifted my shirt. "There's just a bit of blood, but the stitches are still intact. You should go clean this up with water." He said, putting my shirt back down, but holding it away from my body so that the blood wouldn't seep through. I sniffled and then walked into the bathroom.

Kendra was at the sink whining to herself about her white shirt being ruined. I went into a stall and lifted my shirt to review the damage. I ripped some toilet paper off of the roll and dabbed the blood off of my skin. I could still smell Kendra in the bathroom. Her blood smelled different than other people's. It smelt tainted, like something was in it that shouldn't be there. Druggie, I thought.

I opened the door to the stall and rinsed off the drips of blood that landed on to my hand.

"Oh my God, are you a cutter?" She exclaimed, stepping away from me as if I had some kind of disease.

"No, you hit my stitches and made me bleed." I scorned.

"Oh...why do you have stitches?"

"Dog bite..." I mumbled.

"Oh..." She said as she pressed the button to the paper towel dispenser and ripped one off, coming extremely close to the stainless steel teeth that rip the paper. I watched as she pressed the button again and ripped another piece. This time she wasn't as lucky, and cut her finger when she pulled the paper.

"Ouch!" she yelled, squeezing her finger and oozing the blood out. I closed my eyes, taken over by the smell of her blood. It was enticing. It didn't smell nearly as sweet as clean blood, but seeing it there, right in front of me was hard to resist. I inched towards her, licking my lips and recalling how human blood tasted in the hospital. I held my hand out for hers and she slowly inched it towards me. I dabbed my index finger on the bubble of blood that stood atop her finger and placed it in my mouth. I exhaled deeply as the drop rolled down my tongue and into my throat, closing my eyes. I opened them, fixated on the blood that continued to come out of the prick in her finger.

"Elina?" She said, frightened. The sound of her voice startled me. My prey had never spoken back to me before. I realized what I was doing. I had my eye on the target and was going in for the kill. I flung myself back against a stall door, curling my hands into fists. I had to restrain myself, I had to get out of here. As much as this bimbo annoyed me, she didn't deserve to die.

"What's wrong with you?" her voice trembled.

"I'm allergic" I blurted, clinging to the piece of metal that separated two of the stalls so hard that the curves of my fingers left marks in it. I had to get out while I still could. I held my breath and sprinted for the door, ran through the coffee shop and out the door.

Once I was outside it was much easier to control myself. It didn't even occur to me that people might have seen me run out of there inhumanly fast. It didn't matter. As long I didn't commit a murder in there, being seen didn't even matter to me. What was happening to me? I'm going crazy and this thirst just never ends. It's like every time I give in to the thirst I need another fix soon after. I can't live like this, where my only purpose is blood. I've even developed a dislike for the word blood. Is there even a synonym for it? I sat down on the curb and placed my head in my hands. How do I turn this off? This was never a problem for me before I learned I was a vampire. Maybe if I just stop...

"Jeff, don't go over there! She's crazy!" I heard Kendra yell. I lifted my head, but turned in the opposite direction so that it wasn't obvious that I was listening.

"Kendra, let go." Jeff said. "I have to see if she's alright."

"Jeff she tried to kill me! She ate my blood" She said, whispering the word 'blood' as if it were taboo to say it.

"Just go wait in the car." Jeff called back to her. I could hear him walking towards me.

"You still have that jack knife, right?" Kendra yelled out to him as she squealed and locked herself into Jeff's car.

Oh God, I can't confront him. I stood up and was about to walk in the other direction when he called out to me.

"Elina, wait! Please, don't go."

I stopped, but didn't turn around. How do I explain this one? Edward was always so much better at this than I am. He could come up with a lie on the spot and make it sound like the absolute truth. I stared into the darkness, hoping Edward would emerge from it to save me.

"Elina?" Jeff asked, placing his hand on my shoulder. I tensed up and he removed it. Come on Edward, I need you right now! Save me just one last time, please! I closed my eyes tightly, hoping that when I opened them I would be face to face with Edward. I opened my eyes slowly and saw absolutely nothing. Jeff was still standing behind me. I pivoted on my left foot and stared down at the pavement.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"I'm fine."

"What happened in there? Kendra is freaking out."

"Nothing, I just...I don't know."

"She said you..."He laughed at himself. "you ate her blood."

"Oh?" I said, as if wanting to know more without denying it.

"Yeah, she's in my car with a jack knife right now. She didn't want me to check on you."

"Maybe you shouldn't have." I said, staring down at the pavement.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I just really need to be alone. I'm sorry." I pushed past Jeff and walked over to my car. I glanced over into Jeff's car and noticed Kendra with the knife pointed at me, ready to stab if needed. I sat in my car, closed the door and sped off down the 101 highway. I recalled the look on Jeff's face as I sped away. He looked so confused and genuinely worried about me. I wished I could tell him the truth, but he'd never understand. What I am is something I can never say to anyone, ever. And for that I can never truly be honest about myself to anyone. I'll be living a lie for the rest of my life, sneaking off to hunt whenever I can. The only people I could truly be myself around can no longer be a part of my life.

I didn't notice the welcome to Forks sign as I drove, but as I veered away from the highway and on to a familiar road I knew exactly where I was. I pulled over to the side of the road just where my car had broken down before. I turned my car off and stared out into night sky. I couldn't believe I was back here. A tap on my window startled me. I looked up and noticed Alice standing outside. I opened the door and stepped out of my car.

"Alice?" I asked, almost not believing it was truly her.

"Hi Elina." She smiled.

"You must think it's pretty pathetic of me to be back here..." I said, kicking the gravel with the tip of my shoe.

"I understand. We've all missed you."

"All of you?"

"Well, you know what I mean. Esme was sad to hear that you had left so soon."

"Tell her I'm sorry for me, Alice, and that I appreciate everything she and Carlisle have done for me."

"I will." Alice agreed. "So you met Jeff?"

"Yes, I did. You knew about him all along, didn't you?"

"Well, yes, when you decided to leave I looked into your immediate future and saw him. He's really great for you." Alice beamed.

"Yeah...but I think I may have ruined it."

"What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath. "I almost killed someone tonight, Alice." I whispered as guilt rushed over me. "I saw him at Starbucks and he had a friend with him. She accidentally pricked her finger on a paper towel dispenser and I went mad. I... I tapped the blood and tasted it, right off her finger." I shook my head in disbelief as I recalled what happened in the bathroom.

"You got out, Elina, you stopped yourself. You have to give yourself credit for that. In some ways, you're like a newborn vampire, you have to remember that. It's not your fault."

"Can we not talk about this?"

"Whatever you'd like."

We stood in silence. I folded my arms over my chest and had to ask the question that burned inside of me.

"How is he?" I mumbled.

"Edward is fine. He's been working things out with Bella and everything is starting to get better."

"That easily, huh? I wish I could say the same."

"It gets easier. You've only been gone a few hours, you need to give it time."

"I guess you're right. I should get back, then." I said, opening my car door.

"Call me if you need anything, alright?"

"But, Alice I don't..."

"It's on the note I left you!" she hollered as she skipped away.

I sat in my car and pulled out the note she left me telling me that my clothes were in my trunk. I flipped it over and on the back was her phone number. Alice thought of absolutely everything.

As I drove back home I wondered what Alice saw in my future. I suppose I could always take a look but I refrained from doing it. There would be no fun in life if I already knew what was going to happen next. I concentrated on the road for the rest of the drive and let my thoughts drift away as I settled into the silence.

I pulled into my driveway and noticed there were still a couple of cars left but the majority of guests had left. I walked through the front door and through my keys on a nearby table. I could hear laughing coming from the dining room and went over to see who was still here. My parents were sitting around the table with three other couples and one of their son's playing poker. The men smoked cigars, filling the room with a thick smoke. The odour stung my nose and I stood under the arch that connected the dining room with the front entrance.

"Elina, glad you decided to show up." Ronald said angrily.

"Ronald, hush up. Have a seat dear." Marie said, pointing to an empty seat.

"That's alright, I think I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight everyone." I turned and walked up the marble steps slowly. I sat down on the step just before the landing that then separated into two more sets of stairs. I pressed my palm into the cold, marble floor. I gulped as a shiver jolted down my spine at the cold, hard feeling of it. Marble – just like Edward's skin. I pressed my cheek against it and closed my eyes. I tricked myself into imagining that the marble floor was Edward. My fantasy was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind me. I sat up and saw the young boy, who sat between his parents at the table, standing in front of me. He appeared to be around twelve and looked extremely tired.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I like the way the marble feels on my face." I replied bluntly. He sat down next to me and pressed his cheek against the marble.

"It feels cold." He said as he closed his eyes.

"You must be exhausted."

"Yeah, mom said we're leaving soon."

"I remember when my parents used to make me stay out late like this. Soon always meant an hour, at least."

"Yup."

"Hey, do you want to take a nap while you wait? I don't think they'll be done any time soon."

"Yes!" He huffed. I stood up and he followed me as I walked down the hall and into one of the guest rooms.

"You can sleep here. I'll let your parents know where you are."

"Thanks!" He said, jumping into the bed.

I closed the door behind me and headed back down the stairs to let the boy's parents' know that he was sleeping in the guest room. The conversation stopped me from entering the dining room. I stood with my ear pressed to the wall.

"I don't know what has gotten into her. One day she speeds off, the next she shows up with a boyfriend we know nothing about, then leaves again. I don't know what to do with her." Ronald rambled.

"Well, I'll tell you one thing, if she were my daughter she'd be in a boarding school so quick she wouldn't know what hit her." One of the men said.

"She's finished high school, Charles. She's eighteen, there's nothing we can do." Marie chimed in.

"Cut her off" Another man croaked. "Money, car, everything. That'll show her." He said, the cigar clearly still in his mouth as he spoke.

"Yup" The other man agreed.

"Oh, I don't know. I think she's just going through a stage." Marie said.

"I don't know, Marie. I think we should do something before she gets out of hand." Ronald huffed.

I shook my head and walked into the room. They all stared at me as if I was holding a gun.

"The boy is sleeping in a guest room. Just thought you should know. Personally, I think keeping your child out this late is cruel and a stroke of child abuse, don't you? But it's your prerogative, I suppose." I said in rebuttal to the conversation I had just witnessed. I waited before I went up the steps to hear their reaction.

"Well, I never in my life have ever been spoken to in such a manner. Ronald, Marie I am sorry but you need to do something about her." One of the women said. I laughed to myself as I walked up the stairs.

Sleeping was the one thing I was looking forward to. I couldn't wait to escape from reality for a little while. Unfortunately, sleep was very difficult. I found myself dreaming about being in the woods with Edward, the serenity of it and how safe I felt in his arms. The entire night played out in my head like a movie. One moment I was dancing with Edward and the next I was attacked by a beast and left bleeding on the ground. I woke up in a cold sweat every time Jacob appeared. After the third time I had woken up I had given up on sleeping and tried to force myself to stay awake. My tired, heavy lids won and I was back asleep within minutes. This time I dreamt of the meadow, but it wasn't of when I went there with Edward, it was of the vision I had while I was in the hospital. I stood in the middle of the meadow and Edward stood before me, sparkling in the sun. I was completely dazzled by him. I realized I was dreaming as I basked in his beauty. I walked closer to him, covering my eyes from the brightness and pulled him into the shade. I had to speak to him, to feel like this was real.

"Edward" I whispered, placing my hand on his cold cheek.

"Yes, love?" His voice sang in my ears.

"I miss you." I confessed.

"Bella, I'm right here." He smiled his crooked smile.

I pulled away from him. "What did you just call me?"

"Bella, what's wrong, love?"

"Stop it." I said angrily.

"Bella?"

"Stop it. Stop calling me Bella!" I yelled at him, my hands curled into fists at my sides.

"What would you prefer? Love, darling, sweetheart..." He smiled obliviously.

"My name. Call me by my name, Edward. " I said in a shaky voice.

"Bella." He insisted.

"No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Bella, what is the matter with you?" He whispered, concerned.

"My name is Elina."

"No, love...you are Isabella. My Bella." Tears streamed down my cheeks as he emphasized her name.

The sun disappeared behind dark, black clouds and rain started to poor down, soaking us both.

Bella appeared behind a nearby tree and took her place by Edward's side.

"Bella" He breathed, turning to her and yanking her close to him. He kissed her roughly and passionately as I stood there and watched. Edward moved down to Bella's neck and Bella turned to me and laughed an evil, sadistic laugh. I fumbled to the wet, soggy ground and cried.

I jerked up in my bed and faint light filled the room. Was it daytime already? I turned the clock on my nightstand around and 12:34PM flashed in bright red. I placed my head in my hands and sat in bed for a few minutes, trying to piece together the events of the last twenty-four hours. What am I going to do now? I'm back to square one, as if meeting the Cullens never happened. I can't go back to that life with Ronald and Marie, attending stupid parties all the time and putting on a fake personality just to please those around me. If I was sure of anything is that I would never go back to that, especially not after I know how great it feels to break free.

As far as Edward is concerned, well, I don't really know how I feel about it anymore. Yes, the thought of him still makes me ache, but logically I couldn't have been in love with him. I've only known him for about a week, love can't possibly happen so quickly. A crush or infatuation, sure, but not love. And it's silly to want him anyways, right?

Any reasons I came up with to explain whatever it was I had with Edward and any excuse I had to justify it led me to the same conclusion: I don't know. I don't know what to do, or how I feel or how to forget this. Edward showed me who I am, he opened up a part of me that I've been suppressing for so long. I've shared more with him than I have with anyone my entire life. Can I really just forget that?

Thinking about it was only making it worse. I threw the covers off of me and stepped out of bed. I needed something to clear my head. I walked over to my closet and picked up a pair of running shoes. A nice, human run would help clear my thoughts, even if just for a little while. I opened my window and stuck my hand out to get a feel for the temperature outside. It was cool, but not too cold. It was an overcast day. It matched the way I felt perfectly. I swiped my iPod from my nightstand and headed out the door. Marie called out to me but I ignored her.

I started out at a brisk jog, concentrating on my speed. I listened to the sound of my feet as they pounded against the pavement and my heart as it beat faster and faster. I had the volume up so high on my iPod that I could hear nothing else. I turned into a trail that went through the woods and picked up my speed, yet still keeping it at a human pace. I ran further and further into the woods until the street was no longer visible and all I could see was trees. I felt secluded and very alone. Perfect. I stopped by a fallen tree, took out my headphones and sat for a moment, soaking up the solitude. I inhaled, breathing in the freshness of the air and the scent of the trees. It was relaxing. I tilted my head back, inhaling again. Something interrupted the smell of the trees. It was a scent I've become accustomed to and that excited me the moment it passed through my airways. He must have found me. I smiled as I stood and turned around.

"Bella?" I said, surprised to see her in Edward's place.

"Expecting someone else?" She said coldly.

"N-No I was just..." Bella held me up against a tree before I could say another word.

"Do you realize how easy it would be for me to just finish this, right here." She breathed, hovering her mouth over my neck. I gulped.

"Bella, please." I pleaded, knowing that she very well could kill me.

"You've stolen my reason for living. A life for a life seems fair, doesn't it?" She laughed.

"I didn't mean to – "

"Oh enough already!" She yelled, backing away. "Edward is mine." She growled. "It would be so easy" She repeated. She groaned and sat down on the log, huffing. "He doesn't even love you." She snarled. "He loves me. I will do everything in my power to keep him." Her black eyes met mine. She was thirsty. Her cold hand gripped around my neck tightly as she snarled.

"I can't b-breath" I whispered.

"Bella! Stop! You are above this!" Carlisle yelled, appearing behind her. Her grip loosened and I fell to the ground.

"Carlisle" She whispered, but not because she was surprised to see him. It was more of a guilty, sad tone in her voice.

"Are you alright?" He asked as he helped me up.

"Yeah" I whispered, still shocked by what happened. Carlisle nodded and then ran off. As soon as he left I fell to the ground and cried. I can't even come to the woods anymore. Everything that I loved, that I could escape to has been taken away from me. There's nothing left for me here. I had to get out of the woods. It wasn't safe for me anymore, it wasn't my place of serenity. It is their hunting grounds and I have no place here.