9. Secrets and Lies

Cold hands grasped my waist and pulled me out of the restaurant in seconds. Once I was outside, breathing the fresh, night air I relaxed and the feeling in my throat felt better, although it was still persistent. I turned to see the person who had no doubt saved me from an unexplainable situation. The one who saved me from killing an innocent man in the middle of a restaurant. I stood there in astonishment, unable to grasp that he was here, that he had saved me. Before I could say anything, his hands were around my waist again and I was being carried somewhere else. I closed my eyes as he ran me to another destination. My feet were on the ground within seconds and I opened my eyes. I was surrounded by trees. He just stood there, staring at me as if he didn't believe I was there, just as I couldn't believe he was here.

"Edward" I whispered.

"Yes" He whispered back.

"It's you...it's really you." I mumbled. Edward smiled the crooked smile I loved.

"Come on, you need to hunt." He said, throwing me over his back and ran up the mountain. Edward set me down gently, crouching towards a nearby mountain lion. He swiftly lunged at its neck, breaking it and leaving it for me. I ran over and fed as he watched. I stared down at the beautiful creature, feeling remorse for having to kill it, but it was the only way. This poor lion had to take the place of the man in the restaurant.

"Thanks" I said, wiping my mouth. Edward nodded. "How did you even know where to find me?"

"I heard Carlisle when he noticed you struggle to control yourself." He said, looking ahead as we walked.

"Oh...I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come." I said. But what happened in the restaurant didn't matter anymore, I only wanted to know one thing, to know that everything I've done has been worth it so far.

"So, how are things with Bella?" I asked, fidgeting with my hair.

"Things are well; practically back to normal."

"That's good. I guess my leaving was a good move then..."

"Who is the boy you were with?" He asked, changing the subject. He stopped and turned to look at me.

"Jeff? He's just a good friend."

"Nothing more?"

"No..."

"Hm..."

"What do you know?"

"He doesn't think of you as only a friend, Elina. He wants more."

"I know that. But he's agreed to stay friends."

"It doesn't excuse the way he feels."

"Well, maybe I feel the same way."

"Do you?"

"You tell me." I said, continuing to walk. "I need to get back. It was nice seeing you, Edward." I said, turning to look into his golden eyes before I ran off. I stopped at the edge of the woods, realizing I had no story to cover up my abrupt disappearance.

"Just follow my lead." Edward said, appearing next to me. "Walk in and then play along. Understand?"

I nodded. I opened the door to the restaurant and walked towards the table.

"Elina, just give me another chance!" Edward said, walking after me.

"No, Edward. It's over, leave me alone." I said, hoping that my acting skills would be convincing.

"Please" He said, turning me towards him and looking pleadingly into my eyes. For a moment, I almost believed him.

"Let go of me. You need to leave." I said sternly. Edward let go and angrily left the restaurant.

I sat down in my seat and looked at Carlisle who seemed to know what was going on. He didn't seem too impressed. Esme placed her hand on my back to comfort me.

"What was that?" Jeff asked.

"An ex-boyfriend. I'm really sorry everyone." I said, turning to look at the rest of the guests.

I sat in silence for the next forty-five minutes, wondering if Edward was still around or if he'd left. It got me thinking about why he asked about Jeff and why it even mattered if Jeff thought of me as more of a friend or not. Carlisle cleared his throat, stood up and nodded at me to follow him. I waited a moment and then excused myself from the table. Carlisle waited for me by the washrooms.

"Carlisle, I'm so sorry about earlier."

"It's fine. We're lucky that Edward was around to stop you. Elina, you need to feed regularly. You can't hunt only when you're thirsty, you have to prevent that thirst from resurfacing by keeping yourself satisfied at all times. Hunt well every three days. After a while you can do with hunting less, but for right now that you're new to this you need to feed often."

"Okay. But, that's it? There's no way to just stop it completely?"

"I'm afraid not. I understand that it's frustrating, but it's who you are. You need to accept it and do what is necessary to keep those around you safe."

"I know." I sighed. A question burned in the pit of my stomach, "Carlisle, be honest...how are Edward and Bella?"

"They are better, but he still worries about you. Alice has seen it getting better, so there is nothing for you to worry about." He said, turning to return to the table. I stood there against the wall for a moment. I couldn't go back to the table and act like nothing was eating me up inside. Knowing that Edward still worried about me, even though Alice has seen things getting better, made the feelings I used to have for Edward resurface. I wanted to see him, to tell him I missed him. It was much easier being a vampire around him. I never had to deal with this undeniable thirst because he always made sure I had it under control by taking me hunting and killing mountain lions for me. I smiled at that. It was very generous of him to do that. It takes a lot of restraint to turn away from blood like he did for me. He saved my life so many times.

I needed some air. I slowly walked towards the entrance of the restaurant and went outside, turning the corner so that no one could see me through the window. I folded my arms over my chest and leaned against the brick wall of the restaurant. I was alone in the dark. When I heard someone clear their throat, it startled me. I turned and watched as he emerged from the darkness.

"Hello" He sang. The sound of his voice rang in my ears, his scent hit me like a bullet.

"Edward" I breathed, smiling.

"What are you doing out here, all by yourself?" he asked playfully.

"I'm not by myself" I said, remembering the first night I spent at the Cullen's when he'd asked me the same question and I answered in the same way.

"I suppose you're right. Why aren't you inside with Jeff?" He said, saying Jeff's name as if he were some kind of disease.

"I don't know...I needed some air."

"Why?"

"Because...I need to clear my head."

"Clear it of what?" He persisted.

"Ugh, I think you know." I said, annoyed of his questions.

"I want you to say it." He whispered, his face two inches away from mine, his body leaning towards me with one arm leaning against the wall.

"You. I need to clear my head of thoughts of you!" I admitted. Edward just stood there, staring at me. "Satisfied?" I asked.

"I suppose." He whispered.

"What are we doing here, Edward?" I asked, trying to figure out where I stood with him.

"Talking" he replied smugly.

"No, I mean what do we do now? Where do we stand with each other? Are you going to leave now and forget about me for another month until I need saving again?" I bombarded him with questions.

"I don't know, Elina. I'm not Alice."

"Well then what do you want?" I asked.

"I want Bella. That's always going to be the only thing I want." He said, turning and pressing his back against the wall, his hands in his jean pockets.

"Okay." I whispered, about to leave. "I miss you...as a friend." I said, with my back turned to him. He was behind me, breathing down my neck in a half a second.

"I know" he said. "It's so easy with you." He said, as if it caused him pain to say it.

"Yeah..." I whispered, turning towards him. Our lips were millimetres away from each other.

"Elina?" I turned abruptly and saw Jeff standing there.

"Jeff, this isn't – "

"Save it. I can see now why you only wanted to be friends. That's fine..." he said, walking away angrily. I turned to Edward, who was fighting a smile.

"Are you happy about this?" I asked in disbelief.

"No, of course not." He said, still fighting his smile.

"I can't believe you! Jesus Christ Edward, what do you want from me? If I stay, if I continue to see you, where does that leave me?" I asked, Edward was about to answer but I continued to speak over him "No, it'll leave me dead, that's where it will leave me. Bella will kill me without hesitation. And if I leave again, I can't come back to you - as anything - and to be honest, I don't know how I can do it as easily a second time." I said, fighting back tears. "And it's so hard, because being a...this is almost unbearable without you. I can't handle it. I'm thirsty all the time. I need you and I can't even speak to you without risking my life." Edward stood there, dumbfounded.

"Elina, I...I don't know what else to do except to apologize for my actions and for making this harder for you. I don't know if we can just go back to how things were. I will not lose Bella. She is everything to me."

"I know that. And she has made it abundantly clear that she will do anything to keep you. So, I guess this is goodbye." I said, wiping a tear that had fallen down my cheek as I turned to walk away.

I went back inside, hoping Jeff had gone back in, but when I opened the door to the restaurant I noticed his empty seat at the table. I went back outside and noticed a different car in the spot we had parked. Edward was gone too. I would have to run home. I slipped my heels off of my feet and ran to Jeff's apartment with the hope that I could somehow fix things with him.

I reached the apartment building and ran up the stairs to his floor, noticing something large and black on the floor. As I walked closer, I realized it was in front of Jeff's door. It was my duffle bag. A note on the top of the bag had my name on it. I opened it, afraid of what it might say.

Elina, I can't continue living with someone who doesn't feel for me what I feel for them. You don't know how difficult it is for me to watch you sleep, to be with you every hour of the day and not truly be with you. Seeing you with that guy tonight really stung me. I just don't see this working out. I'm sorry, I know you don't like living with your parents but I can't punish myself anymore by keeping you here, fighting my feelings for you and knowing that you're in love with some other guy. Please, just take your stuff and go home. Don't try to come in to talk to me because I might say something I'll regret and I don't want to hurt you. This past month has been so amazing with you, but it's just not enough for me to be your friend. I'm sorry.

Jeff

My hands dropped to my sides, the letter slipped from my hands and fluttered to the ground. I stared at the red door and the gold-plated number 23 as tears streamed down my face. Now there truly is nothing left in Port Angeles for me. There is no reason I should stay here. I picked up my bag, but my feet were planted to the floor. I couldn't move. I pressed my palm into the red door, hoping that he would feel me there and come out to talk to me, to let me explain. I was falling in love with Jeff and he didn't even know. But it didn't matter, even if I told him I can't be with him. A move like that would put his life in danger and I would not risk that. Not again.

I sighed, turning to walk away. I turned back and waited, hoping he would open the door and call out to me. He didn't. I walked out of the building to my car, put my things in the back seat and plopped into the driver's seat, contemplating where I could go.

I drove and pulled into the Best Western hotel in Port Angeles and got myself a room, using whatever cash I had left to pay for it. Once in the room I tried to plan out my next move, but my thoughts reverted back to Jeff and Edward. I tried to think of what life would be like if I moved to a city like New York and got some kind of fancy job in the city. I couldn't picture myself in a suit with a briefcase for the rest of my life. New York city was appealing to me, though. I could go to school there, that way I'd still be able to rely on my parents financially while in school. If I were to leave now without warning, I would no doubt be cut off and lose my inheritance in the process. I laid back on the bed, closing my eyes and trying to use my ability to see myself in the future. At first it wasn't working, I could see myself checking out of the hotel and I could see myself driving, but nothing past that. It was frustrating. I concentrated harder, focusing on New York city. Finally, I could see it.

I was standing in front of the Washington Square Arch in New York. I had a book bag full of philosophy textbooks; philosophy obviously being my area of study. It all seemed so perfect, maybe too perfect. I was surrounded by people, everyone in a hurry to be somewhere and nobody stopping to enjoy the beauty of the city like I was.

"Elle, we're going to be late!" a blonde-haired girl yelled out to me, walking briskly past from me. I was about to follow her when I noticed a familiar face amongst the crowd. I wasn't able to get a good look, but the color of his eyes was hard to dismiss. I was pulled away before I could call out to him.

I jolted up in the bed when the vision finished. As great as it felt to be in New York, to be on my own and living my life, something from Port Angeles would always be with me. One thing that is for sure is that I'll always be a vampire and that will always connect me to Washington. But that's not what shocked me about my vision. It was that something, or rather someone, will follow me to New York. Even in an sea of faces, Edward's shone above all the rest. What's the point in leaving if the reason for leaving in the first place follows you wherever you go? I'll never be free of him or Port Angeles. I'm stuck here, even when I'm not here. I grew tired and fell asleep amongst all of my thoughts.

When I woke up in the morning the sun had just begun to rise. Still, it was overcast and you could barely make out the sun as it rose behind the clouds. I realized I missed Jeff. He made me feel normal and helped me to forget about the Cullens and all of this vampire craziness. With Jeff I was just a regular girl. I had fun with him, I felt like I belonged with him. He never made me feel like I had to be someone else to impress him or anyone else. I had to be with him somehow. I could overcome this thirst and be disciplined like Carlisle and his family are. It can't be that hard. I'll hunt a lot right now and then go tell Jeff how I feel. I smiled, thinking about Jeff and I being together, really together. I'll never think of Edward again. I'll be happy for once.

I went to a nearby forest and hunted, draining three large elk completely of their blood. I went back to the hotel immediately, gathered my things and checked out of the hotel. I got in my car and drove to Jeff's with a huge grin on my face. I couldn't wait to get there, knock on his door and tell him I love him, that I need him and want to be with him. I can picture his reaction already. I sped into the parking lot of his apartment building, parked horribly and ran into the building to his door. I knocked on it feverishly, barely containing my excitement. Jeff opened the door, clearly having just woken up. He was shirtless, wearing blue, plaid pyjama pants. He parted his lips, about to speak but I had to say what I needed to say before he spoke a word.

"I love you!" I blurted out. I bit my bottom lip, anxious to see his reaction.

"What?" He said, rubbing his eyes. It wasn't exactly the reaction I'd imagine, but he had just woken up so I brushed it off.

"I love you, Jeff. I want to be with you, only you." I repeated. Jeff stood there, silent.

"Jeffy, who's at the door?" A familiar squeaky voice said from behind the door. I pushed the door open and saw Kendra, half naked and wearing Jeff's button up shirt from last night.

I felt a lump in my throat and tears start to swell up in my eyes. I fought them back. The embarrassment I felt at that moment was enough to last me a life time. I felt like an idiot. Here I am, spilling my guts to him and he's 'gotten busy' with the Barbie want-to-be. Ironic, seeing as he told me he wasn't into the one night stand, that he was a commitment type of guy. I knew he was too good to be true.

"Elina" He whispered. I held my hand out, shaking my head as I walked away slowly. "Elina, please just let me explain!" He called out. I stopped. He had some nerve. I turned and took a few steps towards him.

"I talked to Edward and you kicked me out without letting me explain. You slept with that slut and you want me to let you explain? I don't think so." I said, my tears escaping my grip on them.

"Elina, I'm sorry. Can't we just talk about this, please?" He pleaded.

"Talk." I said.

"Here?"

"Right now."

"Elina I'm half naked and we're in the middle of the hallway."

"Fine" I said, turning to walk away.

"Okay! Wait! We'll do it your way." He called out to me. I turned around, taking a few steps towards him, yet keeping a distance. Kendra stood in the doorway with a confused look on her face. I waved my hand at her, shooing her away. She grunted and went back inside, closing the door behind her. Jeff folded his arms across his chest. He was visibly uncomfortable and I was enjoying it.

"After I saw you with him I got angry and went to a bar with Kevin. We got really drunk. I came home and Kendra showed up at my door. It all happened so fast, I barely remember doing it. I never meant to hurt you. But what you did really hurt me, Elina. I'm not the only one who's guilty here." He said defensively.

"No, you aren't. But can you really compare what I did to what you did?"

"You were about to kiss him."

"Yes, the key words there are 'about to'. I didn't and I wasn't going to. He's..." I stopped myself, realizing that if I revealed that Edward was married it would blow the entire story that he's an ex-boyfriend wanting me back. It would create an even bigger lie and I couldn't handle that. "We were just talking, Jeff. I was trying to calm him down."

"Where the hell did this ex-boyfriend even come from?" He said angrily. "Until last night, you never even mentioned this guy."

"Because I was trying to forget about him."

"So I'm the rebound?"

"No, you aren't. I left him. I didn't think it was important."

"Maybe it is."

"Why? Why do you care about my ex-boyfriend?"

"Because, Elina...you were practically throwing yourself at this guy outside and I can't even get you to kiss me. You refuse to let yourself go with me, but he shows up and you're hanging on to his every word." Jeff said.

"What are you talking about? I told him to leave me alone, where do you get the idea that I was throwing myself at him?"

"I heard you guys talking outside. Don't play stupid with me."

"What did you hear?" I asked, worried he heard something that would reveal that I'm a vampire.

"You didn't leave him, he left you. You told him you had to clear your head of thoughts of him and that you missed him. And then he told you he wanted some girl named Bella. So, don't lie to me, Elina. This guy doesn't care about you. He doesn't want you. But I do, I've wanted you all this time and you refuse to see it."

"I don't love Edward, I know he doesn't want me and I don't want him, not in that way." I tried to explain, but struggled to find a way to explain without revealing too much. "His relationship with Bella has prevented us from being friends. I miss his friendship."

"Wait a minute...then what the hell was that whole act in the restaurant? What is going on here?"

"He came there to get me back. Then when I rejected him he said he wanted Bella."

"You're a bad liar."

"It's complicated, Jeff, alright? Why am I the one explaining myself here? You are the one who is supposed to explain what I just walked in on. If anyone screwed up here, it's you!" I yelled, realizing I was caught in a corner.

"Everything is complicated with you. You have too many damn secrets, Elina. I understood you had something you didn't want to tell me but I thought maybe one day, as we got to know each other, you'd tell me. Obviously I was wrong because here you are, telling me you love me and yet you still have all of these secrets. I don't even know who you are."

"I'm done here." I said, turning to walk away.

"Yeah, just leave. That's really going to prove to me that you love me." He yelled out to me. I turned around to face him.

"I don't have to prove anything to you. Forget it, Jeff, forget this and forget me. Go to Kendra. You two really do belong together." I sobbed as I turned and walked away.

I sat in my car outside and cried. This did not go as I had imagined it would and I dug myself and even bigger hole full of lies. My heart was broken and I had nowhere to go. I didn't even feel like running away like I usually did. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I crawled into the back seat and did just that. My life was falling apart. I felt like I had this incurable disease that was eating away at me slowly. Soon I would die a slow and painful death, all alone. I had no safe place anymore. Jeff was the one I ran to when everything fell apart, but now that things with him have fallen apart, where do I go? I can't go home and I can't live in hotel room for the rest of my life. Maybe I'll be a bum and live out of my car. Aspiring actors do that in Los Angeles, it can't be that hard. It can't be worse than having nowhere to go at all.

In the middle of my sobbing, I heard a tap on the door. I knew it; Jeff came out here to apologize. He realized he was wrong and wanted to fix things. I wiped the tears off of my cheeks and looked up, only no one was outside. I opened the door and stuck my head out. I was in awe when I saw him. He was leaning against my car with his hands in his pockets. He turned, angling his head down slightly as I stepped out of the car. I left the door open, standing behind it as I stared at Edward. He had to make everything harder for me, didn't he?

"What are you doing here, Edward? I told you goodbye." I said, staring at him. He looked straight ahead.

"I heard what happened and that you were hurt. I'm sorry, I can leave if you'd like." He said, standing up straight. I latched on to his wrist.

"No." I whispered. What am I doing? I can't keep him here. But, I was being selfish and decided to go against my better judgement and keep Edward here with me. I stepped back into the back seat of my car, pulling Edward in with me. I sat facing him. His hand was flat against the seat. I place my hand on top of his, burrowing my fingers in between his. He turned to me slightly, closing his eyes, as if it pained him. I didn't pull away. I flipped his hand over and pressed my palm to his. Edward gulped.

"I don't mean to put you in danger, I just –" he began to say. "I find it hard to stay away." He said, looking me in the eye.

"Oh, Edward" I breathed. I began inching closer to him without realizing it. Edward's eyes were locked on mine as he too inched towards me. I sighed as his scent filled the air. I parted my lips and closed my eyes as he pressed his lips to mine. Edward placed his hands on my waist, pushing me to my side of the seat. He hovered above me, his lips still locked on mine. And then I remembered Bella and her clear warning to stay away from Edward. I pressed my hands on Edward's chest to push him away. Of course, it didn't move him the slightest bit, but he obeyed and leaned back.

"Bella" I whispered.

"I'm sorry." He said, sitting back to his side of the seat.

"Me too..."

"It's just sometimes when I look at you I...I feel like I'm looking at her. When you hold my hand like that, it just brings me back to when she was human. I forget that she isn't and that you're not..." He rambled. It stung to know he confused my with Bella; that his intense stares are meant for her and not me. It reminded me of the dream I had when Edward kept calling me Bella. I replayed it in my mind.

"Elina I'm sorry." Edward said, seeing the dream as I replayed it. "I don't mean to... I just miss her." Edward confessed.

"I know you do. It's okay..."

"No it's not. I'm hurting you and that bothers me. I don't want to hurt you."

I nodded, fighting my tears.

"I should go." Edward said, opening the car door. I closed my eyes as the tears escaped. Edward turned back to look at me and wiped the tears from my cheeks. "Please, don't cry." He said.

"I can't help it. I have nowhere to go. I'm alone. I had you back and now you're leaving. I don't care if you think I'm Bella or if Bella kills me later...I want to stay with you." I cried. Edward closed the door and I melted in his arms. He held on to me and rocked me to try to soothe me.

"You're never alone, sweetheart." Edward whispered. "Even if I'm not here, I'm watching over you. Even Jacob is around. You're never truly alone."

"Jacob? He's here?" I asked, lifted my head up towards Edward.

"He keeps an eye on you. He wants to see you but knows you don't want him, so he keeps his distance." He explained, his voice was soothing.

"Oh"

"So you see, we're never far. If you ever want to see me all you have to do is think of me and I'll be there."

"But I can't. Bella –" Edward interrupted me.

" – is in Paris with Alice for a few days on a shopping trip. So, at least for the next couple of days, it's safe. Elina, you know Bella would never truly hurt you, don't you?"

"She tried to kill me, Edward." I said defensively.

"She was only trying to threaten you. She'd never go through with killing you. She's better than that."

"If Carlisle hadn't stopped her, I would be dead right now." I pulled away from him.

"Bella would never kill a human being." Edward retorted. I realized this would turn into an argument, and I didn't need another one of those today.

"Can we not talk about this? I don't care anymore. I just don't want to upset Bella"

"Okay."

It was too late, the moment was ruined. I watched Edward as he sat as still as a statue next to me. I studied every creaseless inch of his body. I pressed my ear to his chest and marvelled in the silence of his heart. It was awkward, not hearing a heartbeat. But at the same time, it was peaceful. Edward ran his fingers through my hair, intertwining the ends into his fingers. The atmosphere had changed completely, as if the previous argument never happened.

A/N: I usually like to end my chapters with a bit of a cliff hanger, but this one didn't work out like that so I thought I'd give you a bit of a teaser to the next chapter instead :) The chapter is titled "Run" :

"I'll gather the others. We'll leave tonight." Carlisle said.

"Leave? Where?" I asked anxiously.

"To Paris. Alice and Bella are already there. I need to call Alice. She should have seen this coming." Edward said angrily.