Sirius swallowed dryly.

"Yeah," he whispered.

Remus nodded.

"And you live with James now?"

Sirius nodded back.

Remus looked up and caught James' eye. They glanced at Sirius and then back at each other. From the look in his eyes, it was clear Sirius hadn't told James what had actually happened yet.

"Do you… want to talk about it?" Remus said carefully.

Peter stopped organizing books and came over to sit on the bed too, listening. Sirius took a deep shaky breath and reluctantly started speaking.

"We just got into this huge fight… My mum… she was going on and on about… about what a disgrace I was and how much better Regulus was and how it was all James' fault I was in Gryffindor, how I would have been in Slytherin if I just hadn't made friends with him… About how I'd gotten worse over the years and how… how she doesn't want me to be friends with any of you, especially you, Remus, because of your Dad's articles in the Daily Prophet… She's been reading them and thinks he's a blood-traitor… And she told me if I didn't start showing respect to my heritage that she'd disown me and never speak to me again… And I just cursed at her and shouted at her and then I just…packed my bags and left… I didn't even… I didn't even say goodbye to them…"

Remus reached up and gripped his shoulder tightly, trying to steady him as his voice cracked.

"But, look mate," James said, sitting on his other side. "She was rotten anyway, haven't you hated her for years?"

Sirius nodded again.

"But… but it wasn't always like that. I was just like them when I was a child… I had a family and… we all loved each other once…"

"This isn't your fault." Remus cut in sharply. "It's on your parents to love you for who you are, and they don't. They failed and you're better off without them. You have to know that."

Sirius stared blankly at the floor again.

"I just can't help but remember all those years… before I left for school… before I messed everything up… It was never the same after I was sorted into Gryffindor… That was the end of it… The beginning of the end. She never told me she loved me after that; my dad never spoke more than a few words to me again. My brother stopped looking me in the eye... Even my house elf seemed to hate me… That first summer back, I just felt like everything in my home was trying to spit me back out onto the curb… And I never heard the end of how horribly you influenced me, how you three corrupted me and turned me into a traitor… This last argument… it was horrible… I couldn't take it anymore - all their shit about purebloods and loyalty and nobility… I couldn't take it anymore…"

Remus and James looked at each other over Sirius' lowered head.

Sirius had never spoken about his family this much. They'd had the distinct impression he hated the lot of them; the most he spoke of them was in complaints or to reference them in cruel jokes. But he had never talked about the good times or about his childhood before now.

"It's weird… leaving home. When I walked out of the door for the last time… it was like, seven or seven thirty in the morning… It was still cold outside and I just… looked up at my home… It was weird. I just felt like my childhood was hundreds of years behind me… like I lost it, it just left me and it died or something… I can't believe how happy I used to be in that home, with my mum and dad and brother… I was so happy and young and… and it just all came back to me as I looked back up at it for the last time… And then I just turned and walked away… just like that. I just fuckin'… walked away from my entire life, my entire family, everything that made me; I just walked away from it like it was nothing… And there were these Muggles walking by and I kept thinking, 'they have no idea what I just did, what I'm going through' and how I'd give anything to just be someone going about his life, not doing anything huge or monumental… But just doing something ordinary, instead of walking away from my entire life…"

Remus lowered his hand from his shoulder when it became clear he was done talking. They all sat in silence for a moment. Sirius' head was still bent and his hair had flowed gracefully into his eyes. Remus couldn't tell if he was crying or not. His voice was thick and shaky, but otherwise he didn't seem to be falling apart too badly, as far as he could see.

"You did the right thing," Peter said from the top of the bed. "We're your family now. We have been for five years, in case you hadn't noticed…"

Remus and James smiled, turning back to Sirius. He sniffed but they were a little relieved to see that his cheeks were dry.

James nudged Sirius in the arm.

"Hey… I get it, there were the good times. It'd be hard to walk away for anyone."

"Pete's right, you did the right thing," Remus said.

Sirius sniffed again and then let out a tiny laugh.

"Pete's never right."

Peter crossed his arms over his chest. "Hey! It's known to happen…"

The other three bent over laughing at the indignation in Peter's voice. Sirius jerked his head to toss the hair out of his eyes. They were a little bloodshot but full of laughter again.

"Something tells me you wouldn't be so open to this if I'd showed up on your doorstep at ten in the morning and asked to live with you," he shot back at Peter.

"You did that?" Remus said. "It's almost two now, why didn't you write earlier?"

"Ah… well, we were still figuring out if I'd even be living here. I had to contact my Uncle's estate; it seems he left me some money when he died last year—."

"And also 'cos he was a royal mess when he showed up," James interrupted, messing up Sirius' raven hair. "Hardly even knew who I was looking at. You look like some bloody phantom when you're not yourself."

There was knock on the door and it creaked open.

"James?"

"Yeah, mum?"

It was Mrs. Potter. She stuck her head in the door and looked around, spotting Remus.

"Oh, hello, dear. I found this next to the fireplace... I wasn't sure who it belonged to."

James stood up and pulled the door open the rest of the way. She was holding Remus' travel bag.

"Oh! I forgot about that, sorry." He jumped up and crossed the room to take it off her hands.

James raised his eyebrows at him.

"Were you planning on staying for the weekend or something?"

"No, I was actually… ehm… packing for Quebec when I got the letter."

"What?"

Remus shrunk back slightly at the force of all three exclamations.

"I was going to tell you…," he said weakly.

Sirius had stood up and was staring at him disbelievingly.

"How— how long will you be gone?"

Remus found it extremely hard to look him in the eye.

"Er… until the end of August?"

"All summer?" Peter gaped at him.

"What if I hadn't contacted you?" said Sirius who looked like he'd just been slapped. "Would you have even told any of us?"

"Yes, I would have, but I just figured this was something I needed to do alone. I didn't want any long drawn out good byes, alright?"

There was a soft cough by the door. Remus looked over and saw Mrs. Potter still standing there, looking anxious.

"Ehm,... I was just thinking dear, seeing as you're here now... you'd be welcome to stay for dinner. Charlus can take you with him to the office afterwards; it's right around the corner from the Portkey distributary."

James looked around at him and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Well?"

"Well— it's just that I needed to get new robes before I left, these are too short."

"You can have mine," said Sirius. "They're two inches shorter than me, but so are you."

"It's settled then!" Mrs. Potter chirped, clapping her hands once with the air of pounding a gavel.

Remus stared at her as she left, then turned back to the other three.

"So much for no long drawn-out goodbyes." James grinned. "Uh, look, we're still getting his room ready if you want to help."

"Yeah, sure," he said, kicking his travel bag into the corner while taking off his satchel and traveling cloak. Peter walked past James with a stack of books.

"Hold on, Moony." Sirius said when Remus tried following him. "You can see if my robes fit you."

Remus doubled back and shut the door behind James.

"Are your robes really my size or did you just say that to get me to stay? Because—."

His breath hitched and he stopped talking when he turned back to Sirius and found him inches away, hovering over him.

"Yeah," Sirius said, raking his eyes down Remus' body and back up again. "You're just about two inches shorter, so they'll fit."

Remus suppressed a shiver and stepped back.

"Don't mess with me, Pads," he whispered.

The other boy tossed a set of dark navy blue robes at him and surveyed him impassively.

"It's been almost five months. My restraint is breaking down." He smirked wickedly and threw himself down onto the bed again to watch as Remus pulled the shorter brown robes off and put the others on.

"Damn." Remus thought, looking at himself in the mirror on the back of the door. They fit perfectly.

"You look good in blue," Sirius said smugly. Remus cocked an eyebrow at him.

"They're soft but… they have little serpents embroidered around the cuff…"

Sirius let out a bark of laughter and crossed the room to him.

"Yeah, those are on all of my robes. I've learnt how to get them off though, come 'ere."

He grabbed Remus by one of his wrists and held him in place as he moved his wand around, muttering a strange spell as the serpents melted back into the fabric.

"You're not supposed to be doing magic." Remus said hoarsely, trying to distract from how gently Sirius was holding him… how warm his hand was… how his fingers cupped around his wrist tenderly…

Sirius glanced up at him and grinned again.

"That's the good thing about having a prominent family infiltrating the ministry— they see any of their surnames on the bad lists and just scratch them off."

Remus shook his head but couldn't help smiling also.

"You know…," Sirius went on. "I was wondering if maybe… in September… if you'd be up for going back to what we were, before…you know..."

"Before you used me to almost murder a student and nearly got kicked out of school?" Remus finished for him.

Sirius huffed out of his nose in irritation.

"I thought you were getting past it." He finished his spell and let go of Remus' wrist, not quite as gently as he had been before.

Remus looked up into his beautiful face.

"Oh, to bloody hell with it—," he whispered and reached up to grab Sirius by the back of his neck, stepping forward and cocking his head to the side to press a kiss into his lips.

Sirius seemed to tremble before reaching up and grabbing Remus by the head, pulling him even closer.

Remus sighed. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to kiss Sirius… How silky his lips felt over his… How mind-numbing the soft sucking of his mouth was… How every cell in his body would tingle and the blood would rush beneath his skin in arousal…

He stumbled backward as Sirius pressed him into the wall and moaned into his mouth when their tongues slid together. His scent and taste was all around him. His hands had become gentle again as they cupped his face, sliding around, plunging in and out of his hair and across his jaw and neck as they maneuvered him.

Remus moaned and pulled back, licking his lips.

"God, I missed you," he whispered in defeat.

Sirius stroked a thumb over his cheekbone.

"Promise me you'll write while you're gone. I can't take an entire summer without you," he murmured.

Remus nodded, his head still spinning.

"Of course. Every week."

~*~ *Sirius' Point of View* ~*~

Padfoot,

The last potion experiment went better than any of the previous ones. My transformation was so painless, I couldn't believe it. Everything happened the same way but I only felt maybe one tenth of the pain. And even though I couldn't keep all of my sanity like I could for my July transformation, I still felt more like myself than without it.

I'm going to miss this place so much. My roommates are all French so I've started learning a few phrases; I wish we had the study of foreign and magical languages at Hogwarts like they do here in Canada. I don't know why they offer crack-pot class like Divination instead of something useful like Mermish and Gobbledegook.

They have another wizard sport here too, it's called Zigmander and it's played with magic carpets. I'll have to explain the rules to you when I see you on the train because I won't be getting back until the night before term starts. Mum's getting all my school supplies for me. I would have come home sooner but I've just been so busy and I hate the thought of leaving here. I'm going to miss everything about this place. But I can't wait to see you. I had some time to do research into their history logs as well and I need to talk with you about the werewolf who bit me. I don't know who else to talk to about it and I need to tell someone. I'll try to get out of the Prefect meeting on the train as soon as I can. See you in two days.

Yours, Moony

"Sirius, put the damn journal down and make your move."

He looked up at James and grinned. He had only two black chess pieces left and James was still dead-serious on the game as if he was actually in danger of losing.

"What does it matter? You're only three moves away from checkmate anyways."

"Gryffindors never surrender!" James said, pounding his fist on the edge of the board. The little pieces stumbled around as they were disturbed, then wobbled back to their squares while glaring up at him.

Sirius, James, and Peter were all lounging in their compartment on the Hogwarts Express. It was September 1st already and a rolling green countryside was moving swiftly past them under a cloudy sky.

Sirius reached out and moved his King in the direction of danger, wanting the inevitable to be over with sooner rather than later. James made a calculating noise and leaned forward with interest.

Shaking his head, Sirius turned back to the journal and flipped through it. He found a cheerful letter from July and started to re-read it, trying to imagine the adorable look of concentration on Remus' face as he'd written it. He loved everything about the other boy's face… Everything from his soft brown lashes to the freckles on the tip of his nose… He'd lost track of so much time just by staring at him, only snapping back to his senses when those bright brown eyes flicked up and caught him at it…

"So I was looking through my Dad's old spell books when we were packing yesterday," James said absentmindedly. "I think I found one that can counter-act the parchment burning charm on the Hogwarts blue-prints. I want to test it out next weekend if we can get Moony to draw up a rough Map."

"Where is he anyways?" Peter said suddenly, checking his watch. "It's almost five-thirty."

Sirius frowned. The Prefects' meetings usually ended shortly after the lunch trolley rolled by.

"Maybe they have heightened security measures this year?" he said. "What with the Death Eaters getting stronger and everything."

He glanced up and locked eyes with James. He could tell they were both thinking about his parents… James had hugged and kissed them goodbye with a little more emotion than he had over the previous years. It was like no one knew anymore when it was the last time they'd see each other alive…

There was a soft scraping noise as the compartment door slid open. Sirius moved to hide the journal as Remus entered but stopped suddenly. It wasn't Remus at the door. It was—

"Evans!" James exclaimed, his hand jumping nervously into his hair. "Oh, uh, just hold on one second… Checkmate!"

He reached over and grabbed up his queen, placed it next to Sirius' king and then watched as it smashed the other into rubble. He grinned impressively and turned back to Lily with a cocky expression on his face.

"Uh, yes, Evans, what can we do for you?" he smirked. "You know, a little birdie told me you were single again…"

"In your dreams, Potter," she glared at him. "I was coming in here to find Remus, actually. Now, where is he?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes at her. Her freakishly green eyes were hypnotizing to look at, especially with the light from the window shining directly at her.

"You lost him already?" he accused. "We haven't seen him since he left the Prefect meeting."

Lily raised an eyebrow at him, her hands on her hips.

"Do you really expect me to believe that rubbish Black? He's already in enough trouble, but I can add you to the list too if you're in the mood to test me—."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" he spat at her.

Lily stopped glaring at him. Her eyes softened but a small frown still lingered on her brow.

"You— you really don't know where he is?"

Sirius shook his head, thinking crudely of how thick Lily could be sometimes. But then he saw her hands drop from her waist and a dark shadow crossed over her face.

He stared at her. She was looking between him and James as if trying to catch them smirking.

James straightened up.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

Lily's eyes widened. It finally seemed confirmed to her that they really didn't know where Remus was.

"Where did you see him before the meeting?" she asked, her voice shaking a little. "Was he on the train or the platform?"

"We didn't," Peter said. "We haven't seen him all day."

Lily gasped.

"Why?" Sirius pressed her, straightening up too.

"Because— because Remus wasn't at the meeting," she said. "He must not... be here."

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