Sirius and James jumped up, both reaching into the overhead compartments for their owl cages. Peter pushed past Lily and headed towards the front of the train to tell the conductor.

"I've got Dumbledore if you've got the Aurors," James said, rummaging to find his quill and parchment.

"I'll send an owl to his parents." Lily stated before running out.

After a minute or two Sirius gave up trying to find new paper and scribbled messily on the back of an old Charms essay.

Auror Office, Ministry of Magic

To the highest authority,

Remus Lupin, a sixth year student at Hogwarts, is not on the train to school. The last communication with him was two days ago when he wrote that he would be seeing us today. Word has been sent to Albus Dumbledore, headmaster. Remus lives at Oakhurst Cottage, his father John Lupin is a writer for the Daily Prophet, and his mother Asena Lupin is a Healer at St. Mungos. Please send a team, we have heard no word from any of them.

Sirius Black

He realized he was trembling as he tied the letter to the leg of his owl. James had finished tying the other and sent it before Sirius had managed a single knot.

"Fuck!" he yelled in frustration, shaking more with every passing second.

James shoved him away and tied the letter himself before chucking the owl out the window.

"And hurry!" he roared after it before slamming the window shut.

Sirius could feel himself panicking. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins and sweat was gathering on his neck and brow. He looked up and caught James' eye.

"It's not the same," James said. "Don't think about it. This is different."

James knew exactly what he was thinking of. The Fiefal twins and their younger brother had gone missing last year on the first day of term. Their bodies were found a month later but their parents, who had denounced Voldemort and had openly fought against him, were still missing.

Sirius leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. He couldn't help but think the worst. What if Remus was out there right now, being tortured or held captive or about to be murdered? What if he'd already been murdered while they'd sat around for hours playing chess and exploding snap? He couldn't bear thinking about it… it disgusted him and his gut turned over in his abdomen.

This couldn't be happening… he wasn't gone. He couldn't be gone… Any second now, Remus was going to walk through the door and throw himself down on the seat next to him wondering why they looked so gloomy. He'd smile at Sirius and the wind would be knocked out of him. It was like the only reason he lived any more was to make Remus smile… What if he never saw that again?

Panic tore into him again like a burst of flames.

"We have to do something, I can't just sit here not knowing!" he said, jumping up.

James stood up too. He looked pale and sickly.

"Me neither, let's search the train or something just in case—."

"Just in case what? He's found some new best friends and ignored us all day?"

"Just shut up and follow me."

But Remus wasn't in any of the other compartments. The only thing they accomplished by searching the train was that the news of his mysterious disappearance was officially spread to every single student in the entire school. Even the Slytherins seemed to be slightly on edge, keeping their usual insults and sneers to themselves.

An eternity— or, three hours— later, the train was slowing to a halt inside the Hogsmeade station. They had already pulled their uniforms on and were fidgeting. Dumbledore hadn't replied to James' letter and so far none of their owls had returned.

"Maybe he'll be there waiting for us," James muttered to him. "Maybe he decided to Floo into Hogsmeade."

Sirius felt a tiny flutter of hope inside him. It was the only hope he had and he was going to hold onto it for dear life.

The train made one final lurch and came to a complete halt. And at the exact same time—

A sharp crashing noise made them simultaneously jump in shock.

"Bloody hell!" James gasped.

Three wildly fluttering owls had slapped loudly into the window of their compartment, battling tooth and nail with each other to have their letter read first. One was Sirius' owl, one was James', and the other was a small black owl they didn't recognize.

All three of them stood up and reached through the window to grab one, tearing the letters off and reading hastily out loud.

"Dumbledore's issued a warning for all students to stay on the train until he can personally escort them to the castle—."

"The Auror office sent teams to Kings Cross, Oakhurst Cottage, and the Daily Prophet office searching for him—."

"This letter isn't addressed to us… and it has…"

"The sorting will be held privately and the feast has been canceled, he wants us to look for McGonagall, she'll escort us to his office—."

"They've already sent word to the Misuse of Magic office in case they can pick up on his Trace if he's used any defensive spells—."

"It's covered in blood."

James and Sirius stopped pouring over their letters and looked up. Peter was staring at the parchment with wide eyes.

Sirius leaned over and saw what looked like Lily's handwriting addressing Remus' parents about his absence. The seal was broken and it had been slashed with what seemed to be… claws. And splattered across the front was the unmistakable crimson red of human blood.

.x~*~x.

Soft brown hair slid through his fingers as he tangled his hand into it. He leaned in and kissed the tip of his freckled nose… That adorable little nose of his. It scrunched up and Sirius couldn't stop the bark of laughter that escaped from his lips.

"I missed you," he whispered against the shell of his ear.

The other boy shivered and pulled him closer, a smile tugging on the corner of his mouth.

Sirius hooked a finger under his chin and brought his face up. He could stare into those beautiful brown eyes forever. They were something of an obsession of his… every time they caught the light, it took his breath away. Every time a candle flickered in them, it made his heart flutter madly.

"Remus…," he whispered, leaning in to kiss him softly. "You have no idea what you do to me."

The smaller boy lowered his eyes and brought his hand up to undo Sirius' school tie. When it was off, he leaned in and sucked sensually on the exposed skin where his collar used to be fastened. Sirius buried his face into Remus' hair, inhaling deeply.

"If you keep doing that, I'm gonna cum before we've even started," Sirius whispered.

Remus hesitated and Sirius almost laughed again. It was so easy to shake him up… his body was so responsive.

Sirius moaned and pushed him off, pinning the other boy into the wall before falling to his knees and tugging on his trousers. He needed to taste him, control him, suck all those mind-blowing words from his mouth, make him writhe above him. It was the only thing that turned him on anymore… The power of making him say his name… it was a rush like he'd never experienced before in his life…

Remus gasped and threaded his fingers through the locks on top of his head as his cock was freed. The smell of the other boy made his focus faze out for a moment… He leaned in and nuzzled his nose around the base of the leaking shaft before latching his mouth onto it.

Remus tightened his grip in his hair but didn't say anything.

He pulled back, licking along the hardened flesh, and sucking the head of it into his mouth. Fuck, he loved the taste of him. He could feel the pulse of his heartbeat in the vein on the underside, and rubbed the flat of his tongue against it. The thighs he was holding on to clenched. He looked up from where he was. Remus was staring down at him, a look of pure ecstasy and want on his features, those bright brown eyes hooded with lust. Sirius felt the hips snap forward, fucking Remus' beautiful prick down his throat. He sucked harder, wanting to hear his name, wanting to hear anything from the boy who had thrown his entire world upside-down.

His own cock was aching with the need for friction and he reached down to rub it through his trousers… He could cum just like this, fully clothed, just like he had that first night they'd kissed…

He sucked harder, bobbing his head as Remus started panting… They were so close to the edge; he could feel the pleasure building in his own groin as the dick throbbed in his mouth and spilled—

"Oh, fuck!" he moaned, his body shuddering and trembling as his orgasm rocked through him, unrelenting, even as his mind was forced back to reality.

Sirius panted, feeling the rest of his spunk pool inside his pajamas. The darkness of the dormitory pressed in on him. By the sound of soft snoring, no one else was awake except him.

He sighed, rolling over onto his back. He was a complete mess… Sticky cum was splattered in his lap and the stench of sex and musk hung heavily in the air around him.

He winced in to the darkness as his eyes screwed shut in agony, wondering if it was possible to die from misery. He just wanted so bad to have him here again… His eyes, his lips, his laughter, his hair, his hands, his voice…

Those brown eyes had been haunting his dreams for two months now… but he never, not once, heard him speak. Remus was as silent in his dreams as he was in death.

In the course of one night, Sirius' life had been shattered.

Remus' parents were found dead in their half-destroyed home, all things pointing to a grizzly fight. The Dark Mark had been cast over their cottage and there was no sign that Remus had even had the chance to leave for Platform 9¾— his trunk was still upstairs in his bedroom, his bed unmade, and his school robes left in a basket of fresh laundry. But they never found his body. The Ministry had recovered his broken wand from the woods that surrounded his family's property, but they hadn't found him.

That small significant detail had kept Sirius holding on for the longest time— he knew it had kept the other Gryffindor boys holding on, too. They'd believed so strongly that they still insisted Remus' bed be kept in their dormitory, just in case. He and James had both stormed downstairs to the head table and shouted their way into three weeks of detentions when they realized his bed was missing— but it paid off. His four poster was replaced that same night.

Sirius looked over at the bed in the moonlight. It had close to a thousand letters on top of it, all addressed to Remus, all unopened. They were from almost every student in the school, but mostly from the other sixth year Gryffindors who had gotten into the habit of writing him a letter every week.

Sirius sat up in the dark and checked the time. The sun would be rising soon… He couldn't see the glow on the horizon yet, but the stars were getting harder to see. He reached over and clicked his lamp on, opening up his letter carrier and flipping to a fresh page.

Remus,

It's October again. I know how much you love autumn and I wish you were here to see the leaves change. My journal hasn't glowed red in over two months now, but I still see you every time I fall asleep. If it really is you, please speak to me. I'd give up anything just to hear your voice again.

I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to you today. They've arranged a grave next to your parents' in the cemetery at Kingwood Springs, and the service is set for two o'clock. I know you'd like it there. They have an apple orchard next to it that's in full season right now, so the air smells crisp and sweet all day. I hope someday we can find you and bring you home to give you a proper burial, but for now your wand and our letters will have to do.

James wrote his last letter to you two days ago, and I saw Peter leave you one tonight. We're so ridiculous without you. Three illegal Animagi without a cause. Pallas and Jacob keep side-stepping us like we have the plague, and Lily hasn't been patrolling the corridors on Prefect duty unless Dumbledore walks with her.

This is the last time I'll be writing to you. We recovered your journal from your house and it'll be buried along with the other letters. I hope the service isn't too horrid. They asked us if we wanted to stand up and speak before the attendees but we said no. I hope you wouldn't be mad, but seeing us blubbering in front of two hundred sobbing people isn't going to bring you back. Besides, we've already written everything we need to say to you.

Except for me.

Wherever you are out there, I hope you're at peace. I hope you know how much I love you. I would have spent forever with you. I would have fought for you and died for you, and I still would if I knew it could bring you back. There're so many things I wish we had seen together and done together. I can't imagine living my entire life without you now, but I have to. I have to let you go. I have to believe that somehow this world will change and the war will be over and I'll be happy again someday. But I will never forget you and I will never stop loving you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

Yours always,

Padfoot

Sirius finished the letter and looked out the window again. Dawn had finally breached as there was a definite illumination over the distant mountains. He closed the journal and brought the cover up to his lips, kissing it soundlessly as burning tears fell from his eyes, before raising his wand and whispering for the last time...

"Aparecium Rescendio."

.x~*~x.

He and James raced over the snow covered lawn, tripping and picking up snowballs as they went. Peter was laughing and lagging behind, ducking behind the tombstones to dodge their throws. Sirius reached the plot first, skidding into place and yelling "HA!" in triumph as James collapsed in the powdery snow beside him.

"Well, you had to be first place once, I'll give you that," James panted, clutching a stitch in his side.

Peter chucked two snowballs at their backs and came to a halt behind them. "Yeah, so it's now one: Sirius, four: James, and—,"

"Zero: Peter." Sirius grinned up at him. Peter kicked him and he rolled sideways, laughing as Peter unfolded their blanket and spread it out on the snow.

It was the first week of December. The three of them had made a habit of leaving Hogwarts every Sunday to Floo into the neighboring pub and visit Remus for lunch. They would sneak out under the invisibility cloak so they didn't have to rely on the headmaster's permission. Sirius and James wondered how long it would take for him to realize how they were consistently missing every Sunday afternoon, or if he'd already realized and just allowed them to sneak out anyways.

It had taken them a while to be comfortable enough to do this together. Their grief had been internalized before the graveyard visits… none of them admitted to their nights of crying pathetically into sleep. They never opened up about all their regrets or how guilty they felt not being there to help Remus. They didn't acknowledge leaving class unannounced to sob desperately in the nearest broom cupboard. If they saw the others with blood-shot eyes or blotchy lips, they ignored it. If they heard the soft sniffles and gasps for air in the dormitory late at night, they blocked it out... or broke down silently along with whoever was already crying. But they never spoke about any of it. These visits… they were the only things they'd managed to share together…

Sirius tugged one corner of their large blanket flat before sitting down on it and leaning his back against the right side of the marble tombstone with his legs stretched out in front of him. Peter was unpacking their food basket while James set up the chess set.

Sirius looked to their left.

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. I apologize in advance for our foul language, but we do have a reputation to maintain, you know."

"But, of course, your son never cursed or did wrong," James assured them. "He was a perfect little angel."

The three of them snorted and toasted some butterbeer bottles at Remus' parents, drinking to their memory. Sirius took a fourth bottle and some chocolate frogs and placed them in front the tombstone he was leaning against.

"So, Moony," he started, taking another swig. "We finally figured out the proper enchantment that counter-acts that burning charm on the Hogwarts' blueprints. We'll be finished with the map around January, we think."

"And we thought of some additions too," Peter said, biting into a sandwich. "We're going to cast a life-revealing charm on it so we'll know who's in the castle and where they are at all times."

"It's going to be tricky, though," James added. "The magic is more advanced than N.E.W.T. levels, and we aren't positive it will work together with the anti-burning charm. We might have to ask around the Slug Club to see if any of the Ravenclaws know how to do it. We'd try Slughorn himself but, you know, he always asks too many questions."

They paused, staring at the hard grey marble and the etchings that said Remus John Lupin. James took another bite of his sandwich and leaned in to move his pawn two spaces forward.

"We're still keeping in contact with Doctor Leibrock, too," Sirius went on. "He's been backtracking through the history files to try and figure out what you found in their records. I told him what you wrote to me, thinking maybe he'd know what was so important that you needed to talk to me about. He seems like a really great man… I can see why you liked him."

"And his grandson says to tell you 'Don't act like you're not impressed'" Peter snickered.

They all burst out laughing.

"Leave it to you to have inside jokes with a ten year old, Moony," James said.

They continued like this for several hours. They still couldn't use magic outside school but James had brought along a jar full of flames to keep their hands and faces warm amidst the bitter cold. The sound of a practicing Christmas choir inside the graveyard's cathedral helped fill the silence when they couldn't think of anything else to say.

Sirius had still been visited night after night by Remus' memory. He had become the phantom of all his nightmares and fantasies; those brown eyes gazing up at him, that soft smile reassuring him. But even during the day, he had become his obsession.

Sirius was determined to put closure to Remus' life by finding out exactly what had happened to him. He just had this gut feeling that it all started with what Remus had referenced to in his very last letter to him…

"…I need to talk with you about the werewolf who bit me. I don't know who else to talk to about it and I need to tell someone…"

It was just intuition. Sirius knew without a shadow of a doubt that something had been discovered that should have been left secret. Some dark history had been unearthed and it had caused the chain of events that led to the attack on Remus' family. Why else would his parents have been left in their home, but Remus been killed elsewhere? It was the only thing that made sense; the attack was motivated by Remus' lycanthropy and not his father's writings in the Daily Prophet like so many had considered as the cause.

Sirius wasn't holding on to the hope they could save him anymore like he had been at first. He'd finally resigned to the harsh truth that Remus was no longer alive. Voldemort never kept prisoners, and missing wizards weren't ever found living.

The only closure they would get at this point was just finding out what happened and bringing him home. And if they could, they would bring his killers to justice. James had buried himself in Quidditch and Peter was spending an uncharacteristic amount of time in the library, but this was Sirius' compulsion. It was the only thing keeping him going anymore, the only thing that gave meaning to his life.

James checked his watch after their food was all eaten and the chess games had become redundant.

"It's almost four. We should be heading back."

They gathered up their picnic and replaced the chocolate frogs by Remus' tomb with a Christmas wreath decorated in holly and golden bulbs. Sirius reached out and wiped the snow off the top of the marble. The setting sun gleamed sideways on the polished surface, giving it a warm glow. They then turned and shuffled out of the cemetery slowly. Their way in to see him was always full of energy and laughter; the leaving was the hard part, thick with mourning. It was like saying goodbye all over again.

Even though he caught James' eye a few times, they remained silent until they had officially stepped foot back inside the castle.

"It's going to be strange… not having him here for Christmas," Peter whispered.

"We should go back to New Sarum this year," James said. "They've enhanced security so the Death Eaters won't bite again—."

"And I heard Lily and Mary have another show planned." Sirius grinned at him.

James tried and failed to keep the wide smirk off his face.

"Oh, really? I hadn't heard that just yet. Maybe she'll finally see what she's missing out on if I, er,… save her from another awful tragedy? Evans' walls are already breaking down; I can sense it. Mark my words, she's gonna be jumping my bones before the year is out—,"

"Is that so, Potter?"

The three of them stopped in their tracks and turned to find Lily and the headmaster coming out of the Library.

James spluttered and messed up his hair nervously.

"We've been looking for you three," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling at James. "I received a document from a Dr. Leibrock in Canada. It had a Ministry file attached to it… from our Ministry, no less. And it was addressed to you, Mr. Black."

Professor Dumbledore stepped forward and handed Sirius the parcel. It was an extremely large, heavy parcel of important looking documents stamped with various seals from Ministry and laboratory departments. Everything was tied together with a twine ribbon.

"Why did you get it and not me?" Sirius asked, frowning.

Dumbledore smiled at him.

"Because anything coming in from the Ministry passes through the Floo mail— so it entered through my office fireplace. I assure you I didn't read it, although I was rather curious as to why a sixth year was in communication with the Ministry and a world famous potioneer."

Sirius fidgeted nervously, glancing at the others who looked back at him with sheepish little expressions on their faces.

"I'm just… trying to find out what happened to Remus. That's all, Professor."

The headmaster stared down his nose at him for a moment.

"I assure you, Mr. Black, the Aurors are doing everything in their power to find that out. It is not your duty to help and… it should not be your burden to bear," he added the last line more gently, reassuring Sirius he wasn't in trouble. "But, I will add, if you have any information that could be useful to their investigation, I would urge you to present it to them immediately. While they have the freedom to search vast areas of Death Eater locations for clues, you are still a student confined to the walls of Hogwarts. Keep that in mind."

Sirius nodded.

"I will, sir."

Dumbledore winked at him and turned back to Lily.

"I trust you can find your common room from here? I have some unfinished business to tend to with Horace."

"Yes, professor," Lily said. From the blotchy complexion of her lips and eyes, she looked like she'd been crying. "Thanks… again."

Dumbledore said farewell to them and left.

Sirius looked warily at Lily and ignored her as they headed back to the common room. He couldn't wait to get his hands inside these files. The top stamp on them was from the criminal history files of the Auror office. He frowned at it and tried to make out the faded ink on the name tab.

"Fenrir…Greyback…," he whispered.

Who was that? And what did a criminal have to do with Dr. Leibrock's werewolf records? His fingers were itching to untie the parcel and start reading as they walked, but out of the haze of his distracted mind he could hear James and Lily arguing with each other.

"I wasn't suggesting I could take his place, I'm just saying if you want to patrol the corridors with someone other than the headmaster once in a while, I'd be there for you—,"

"Potter, you have no idea what I discuss with Professor Dumbledore, and I doubt you'd be of any comfort even if you did—,"

"Lily—,"

"Evans. It's Evans to you, Potter."

"Evans, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I'm just saying, you know, I'm here for you—,"

"Yeah, to cop a feel, no less—,"

"You think you're the only one who misses Remus? That you're the only one who cries over him?"

"Is that all you think I do? That I just walk around with the headmaster and cry all the time—,"

"Well, yeah, actually, what else do you do—,"

"Ugh, you are so immature," Lily spat at him as they reached the Fat Lady. "You know, I thought maybe his death would have shaken you three up and caused you to reflect a little, but you've gotten even worse now that he's gone. What the hell do you think he'd say about you three? Sneaking out of the castle every Sunday, really, as if no one knows you're leaving. Running around all night long going Merlin-knows-where, sneaking into the grounds and disappearing every time we visit Hogsmeade. You might think you've changed but you're just the same as you always were— just a bunch of marauders!"

She turned and stormed into the common room, leaving the three of them blinking after her.

Sirius turned and looked at James, who looked at Peter, who looked at Sirius.

"A bunch of marauders," James said curiously, as if testing the sound of it out loud. "Yes, we are…"

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