"Remus… don't go… please stay with me…"
The boy was fading… his features slid in and out of focus… he was whispering something back but Sirius couldn't hear it…
"I need… I can't…"
"Remus!" he shouted, blinded with terror. He couldn't lose him again, not like this, not when he was so close. "Need what? Tell me, please!"
There was echoing… echoing into the empty abyss… dark swirling fog pressed between them until only his silhouette was visible… he was backing up, whispering…
"Help me…"
Sirius couldn't stop the tears stinging his eyes in desperate frustration. It was torture, seeing him so close and unable to keep him…
"I tried!" he shouted as his emotions crumbled. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
Remus' outline turned and walked willingly into a dark gaping black hole, the echoes becoming faint until nothing but silence remained.
He was left alone, cold isolation piercing his soul… fear crept into his mind and he sensed… vaguely… the presence of something else… something evil… he turned, his head held high, standing his ground as a monster formed from the mist, it's jaws snapping, hissing and spitting, leaping at him with wild inflamed eyes—
Sirius jerked awake, gasping in shock. He gulped, realizing where he was and blinking the images away.
Lifting his wrist unconsciously, he looked down at his watch.
"Oh no…" he groaned. He'd fallen asleep pouring over the documents some time around four in the morning and had slept so late it was nearly lunchtime. He sat up, rubbing the ache on his neck and wiping the drool from his chin.
He squinted in the harsh morning sunshine, remembering what he'd found out in the first half of the files…
Sirius had started untying the package as soon as he was clear of the portrait hole. There were five tables inside the common room and they were of course all filled with students already. He had waltzed up to a group of three First years and rudely shoved them out of their seats, cursing at them until they had run away utterly traumatized.
The first thing he'd noticed was that more than half the documents were from the British Ministry and not from the laboratory like he had first thought. The only file from the lab was a small one, consisting of about ten papers and a letter written to Sirius from Dr. Leibrock himself.
To Mr. Sirius Black,
Enclosed in this envelope you will find the documents you requested my research team to locate. After much tracking by our staff, we were able to pin point the last files Mr. Lupin read and have enclosed them for you.
Furthermore, when we discovered the type of material he had been reading, we thought it would be best to contact your government to provide supplemental documents. We understand their law department has dealt with the situation much longer than us and have copious records on it that go back years before our lab was even founded.
We wish you all the best of luck in your research and offer you our condolences with the full assurance that we share an equal part in your grief.
Best Regards,
Dr. Jérôme Leibrock , M.P. and P. Sc. of the Adrien Leibrock Potions Institute of Lycanthropy
Sirius looked down on the letter and folded it back up into its original envelope.
"Padfoot!"
He turned.
"Oh, hey." He rubbed his face groggily. "What're you two doing here?"
"Skipping class," Peter said, dropping down into an ottoman as James hopped up to sit on the desk.
Sirius grinned.
"Well, at least you didn't miss the entire morning, I suppose. Why the hell didn't you wake me up?"
"Er… we did. You told us to piss off."
Sirius frowned.
"I don't remember that."
James and Peter laughed at him before looking toward the mountains of paperwork.
"So what'd you find out?" James asked, picking up a file.
"Well—," Sirius sighed, flipping over the first bunch of documents from the lab. "I looked into the British werewolves first but there were none registered around his family's property the year he was attacked."
"You got a list?" Peter asked.
"No— that's what made me ask for all this," Sirius said, gesturing towards the stack of paperwork. "I tried doing my own research but the logs here are shit. It's no wonder Remus wanted to go all the way to Canada to get into their records, it was really the only option he had."
"You'd think the Ministry would keep better track of these things though," James muttered while scanning one of the documents.
"They're too busy hunting down Death Eaters," Sirius said. "But anyways, once he'd gotten his hands on his own record, he had to work backwards. That's what this file is—," he picked up a record with Remus' name on it. "It doesn't say who bit him, just a case number. So he looked into the files of known registered werewolves starting from the British and Irish islands, looking at their victim's lists and matching them up with his number."
Peter looked at him with disgust.
"So Remus was just a case number to them?"
Sirius smiled bitterly.
"Yep. I think it was a way for the Ministry to de-humanize any half-breeds. They have a similar system for vampires."
James frowned.
"But this one has his name on it."
Sirius let out a bark of laughter.
"Yeah, well, look at the handwriting."
The other two leaned in and smiled too when they realized Remus had penned his own name onto his file.
"It seems he didn't like being nothing more than a set of numbers either…"
"That's— our— Remus." Sirius had to change his sentence quickly, catching himself before he said 'my' instead of 'our'. "His number is W25713 in every file."
"And his… attacker?" Peter asked.
Sirius flipped through to another document.
"Number W25589. Fenrir Greyback."
James sat bolt upright.
"I know that name! He's that werewolf that—,"
"That Voldemort has been using to blackmail families with." Sirius finished for him. "Unfortunately, Remus didn't know that. He just knew him as a case number. He didn't know how many other victims there were or that he was one of the Ministry's most wanted criminals. All he knew was that he had attacked him as a child. And from what I can see…"
Sirius trailed off, looking back down at the files.
"He tried to contact him?" Peter asked in horror.
Sirius pressed his lips together firmly.
"I think he was trying to understand him. I think he thought Greyback was sympathetic or a normal wizard like he was."
"What the hell was Remus playing at?" James asked desperately.
"He did his research, but not the right kind." Sirius pulled a folder towards him. "This is a document that lists any dangerous half-breeds in Great Britain. Greyback's name isn't on it, so Remus assumed the attack had been an accident and that he really was just another wizard."
"He's not on the list… but… how is that possible?" Peter frowned.
Sirius smirked bitterly.
"Because Greyback isn't even a wizard. His name isn't on here because he's not a half-breed. You don't have to be a wizard to be infected as a werewolf. If a werewolf attacks a Muggle, they become lycanthropic the same as any witch or wizard would. Greyback is the Squib son of two other werewolves. He's a full-bred magical creature who isn't a wizard, not a half-breed wizard like Remus was looking for."
James and Peter looked aghast.
"Why didn't he just look into Hogwarts student records?"
"Or double check the number with Leibrocks labs?"
"Or let anyone else know who he was writing to before he sent the letter?"
"Or—,"
"Look, I'm not Remus!" Sirius shot back at them. "I don't know why he didn't do any of that, okay? I wish he had too, but he didn't."
The others let their shoulders fall a little but still looked frustrated.
"He wanted so badly to make a connection with another werewolf." Sirius said. "Someone who understood him and what he went through every month."
"He had us for that." Peter whispered.
"It's not the same. He was different from us. We'll never understand what it's like to be forced to live in secrecy, to undergo monthly transformations, to live in constant fear of rejection..."
The other two were silent for a while waiting for Sirius to go on.
"So he wrote him? You're sure of that?" James asked finally.
"Yeah. Look at this."
Sirius pulled out a receipt from the Canadian postal system.
"Owls don't fly overseas so they use the Floo network or Portkeys to get mail from one continent to another and use birds from there. Remus paid two Galleons to have this delivered."
He showed the other two what was written on the slip of paper.
From: R. J. Lupin, Leibrock Laboratories, Quebec
To: Werewolf 25589, Great Britain
"Oh shit…" James whispered.
"What?" Peter said quickly. "What is it?"
"He told him he was at Dr. Leibrocks lab…"
"So?" Peter asked blankly.
"Don't you get it?" James said. "The most vicious werewolf alive knew Remus was volunteering to find a cure for lycanthropy."
"It probably didn't sit too well with him." Sirius agreed. "And Remus could have told him anything else in that letter too. He could have told him he went to Hogwarts or where he lived so he could write back. He put too much trust in Greyback."
Sirius leaned over and switched files again.
"And this is the complete story of why he should never have trusted him. If Remus had seen these, he would never have written to him."
One file was a stack of old newspapers. James and Peter picked them up and read through them as Sirius looked on.
They put the pieces together themselves— eight years ago, Mr. Lupin had researched the Ministry's dangerous creature regulations and decided to do an inside investigation into the repercussions of having unregistered werewolves roaming freely without Auror interference. His articles were published bi-weekly in an ongoing column of the Daily Prophet. The last article in the series preceded Greybacks attack on Remus by less than two months.
"Damn." James whispered once they were done. "So Greyback has been at this for a while."
"Why didn't Mr. Lupin ever tell Remus?" Peter burst out.
"Maybe he felt guilty. Maybe he felt like Remus would blame him for everything that happened." Sirius shrugged. "No matter what though, if he had told him we wouldn't be sitting here talking about it."
James threw the yellowing newspapers back on the desk and picked up the very last unread file. Sirius rubbed his eyes tiredly as James looked through it.
"What is this?" James said frowning.
"Oh, it's just a list of Greybacks victims; it doesn't help me with anything. What I need to find is—,"
"Sirius— I can see it's a victim list. I meant, what is this?"
Sirius leaned forward and looked at what James was pointing to.
Next to each werewolf number were scribbled letters in a set of parentheses. Each case number had them and they were written as either E.C., M.U. or, the most frequently occurring, C.U.I.
"They're acronyms," James whispered in wonder. "But what do they stand for?"
Sirius turned back to the desk and launched himself in to the files, hands searching, eyes scanning. James and Peter stood up and started searching on either side of him.
"Those are all from the Lab, they won't have anything—,"
"Can we get all the newspapers over here? Put them in the corner, just get them out of the way—,"
"Okay, look at the bottom, any asterisks—,"
"Peter, that's a lab paper, look at the seal before wasting your time—,"
"Hey don't snap at him— here Peter, read through this and see if anything's there—,"
"Okay, wait! Look, right here, there's the C.U.I. again—,"
"Look at the bottom—,"
"I just did, there's nothing there—,"
"Flip it over then!"
Sirius snatched the paper from Peter's hands and scanned down the back side of the fading parchment. And there it was:
M.U.: Murdered Unintentionally
E.C.: Escaped Capture
C.U.I.: Captured Upon Infection
They all looked at each other and then grabbed up the victim list again.
"Here's Remus' number," Peter pointed to it. It of course had E.C. initialed next to it, but it seemed like—
"He's the only one to have ever escaped Greyback?" James gasped.
But Sirius seemed more disturbed by the more commonly initialed acronym.
"There's got to be close to seventy victims on here! How could they all be captured, what the hell is he doing with them?"
He looked up at the other two who wore equally blank expressions on their faces. Until Peter squinted and pointed at the paper again.
"Wait a minute… there's one other E.C. …"
Sirius and James followed his gesture. Next to the very first case number were the same letters inscribed next to it. They double checked one more time, searching for any others, but it was in vain. Only two people had ever escaped whatever Greyback had in store for his victims— Remus and a werewolf known as W25639.
"Who is it?" James whispered. "Could they know anything about Greyback, you think?"
Sirius stared at the paper for a long time.
It was his first victim… someone Greyback might have known… someone who lived close to him as a teenager perhaps?
According to the date, Greyback would have been about fourteen years old when he'd infected the person… that was young enough to still be living with his parents… and if his parents had both been magical, then maybe this victim would have lived in the same wizard village as him…
"This werewolf could know more about Greyback," he said finally. "Look at the dates on his birthday and the attack— he was still a child. What if they knew each other? What if they grew up near each other?"
James and Peter looked skeptical.
"Er... I wasn't suggesting that you... look, you can't go chasing down werewolves, mate," James murmured. "There's a war going on, it's too dangerous—,"
"You mean it's not worth it," Sirius snarled, firing up. "It's no one's problem, is it? Everyone's so busy fighting Death Eaters, who gives a rat's arse about a werewolf—,"
"No one said that!" Peter squeaked. "Remus was our friend too!"
"You can't seriously think that hunting down one of Greybacks victims is going to help find Remus," James said weakly.
"Well why not?" Sirius asked desperately. "What else am I going to do, this is the only lead I have! No one else is going to do it, this is the Aurors last priority anymore!"
"And what if it fails?" James glared at him. "What if this werewolf is dead, or missing, or a criminal worse than Greyback? What are you going to do then?"
"Then I'll keep trying," Sirius' jaw was set. "I'll try again and again and again until I find out what happened to him."
James and Peter glanced at each other. There was a definite aura of pity in both of their eyes.
"No matter what you do, it'll never bring him back," Peter whispered.
Sirius pursed his lips and stared back down at his desk full of files. He'd never felt so pathetic in his life.
"I need to do this," he said helplessly. "Please… I need both of you with me on this."
They both stood there another moment before sitting back down with sighs of resignation.
"We will be," said James.
" 'Till the end," Peter chirped in.
Sirius looked up and smiled at them.
"I'll send an owl to the Ministry during lunch," he said, shuffling the papers back in to neater stacks. "We'll check into this werewolf's criminal history before contacting him..."
"Wait—," James started. "You're not telling them what you've found out? But Dumbledore said—,"
"Dumbledore's not counting on us having two weeks free over winter break," Sirius cut in. "Or your invisibility cloak."
James blinked and looked at Peter who was pale and scared looking. James grinned.
"Up for another adventure, Wormtail?" he grinned.
Peter gulped fearfully, but nodded.
"I said I would be…," he looked down at his lap for a moment. "I miss him a lot," he added in a whisper.
Sirius and James glanced at each other knowingly. It was indeed only their friendship with Remus that they even took Peter in under their wings in the first place.
"We haven't seen him in six months now," James murmured, trying to fill the silence. "I wish I'd known that was the last time I'd speak to him. I didn't even hug him goodbye."
Sirius smiled as he thought back to that night; the four of them cracking jokes and laughing over Mrs. Potters cooking as they soaked in their only day of summer together. Remus had locked eyes with him knowingly over the dessert course before slipping his hand under the table to softly caress the back of Sirius' knuckles, their palms and fingers sliding together in an imitation of the act their bodies so wanted to do. Just thinking about that gentle touch sent shivers down his spine.
"What was the last thing you said to him?" he asked.
James thought for a moment.
"I said… 'See you on the train.'"
They both looked expectantly at Peter who was struggling for his memory.
"I think I said 'Don't stay forever'."
"Yeah, you did," Sirius said, smiling at the memory of Remus grinning at Peter. "'Cos right after that I said 'Yeah, you better come back to us.' And that's when he left."
"No he didn't," James said suddenly. "He hugged you and then picked up his bag."
Peter frowned.
"Why'd he hug you and not the rest of us?"
Sirius was struck mute for a moment and stared into the blue sky out the window. He could feel James looking at him but didn't look back.
What if… he told them?
A part of him had been keeping it tucked inside, ready to take their secret with him to the grave but…
He could tell them… he had nothing to lose anymore… he could tell them everything right now. No one else was in the common room… he had privacy and the perfect opportunity.
There was no more danger of splitting the group up anymore or worrying about his reputation… he hadn't so much as considered another boy in the school since, and his appetite towards girls had certainly increased again. It would be so easy to just tell them… they'd be shocked but they'd finally know the truth… no more secrets, no more lies… he could tell them…
Sirius turned his head and looked over at their expectant faces.
Something inside him slammed closed like a vault and sealed itself shut.
"I dunno."