Heal Me

Sometimes, to fix the broken, you have to break the rules.

. . .

Chapter 15

"Do you ever think about it?" Rossi asked two days later, as he helped Emily pack her bags in her old apartment in Williamsburg. The others had offered to stay and help but an urgent case from Idaho had come in and they had to leave, with Rossi staying behind to help Emily move home with him.

"Think about what?" Emily replied, wrapping an ornament in tissue paper and setting it in the cardboard box at her feet.

"Having kids" Rossi said slowly.

She stiffened and turned to look at him, a small sparkle in her eyes. Was that hope he saw glistening in the irises? Emily brought the pen she kept behind her ear and chewed on the end, a habit she'd had from the first day he'd met her.

"I thought it would have been obvious" she said quietly.

Rossi set down the box he was holding and crossed the room, seating himself on the arm of a chair facing Emily, and wrapped his hands around her waist. "Tell me anyway" he suggested.

Emily threw down the pen huffily and leaned her forehead against his. "There is not a day that goes past where I don't regret aborting the baby. Thinking back on it I could have made it work, I could have supported a child if I'd worked my ass off. We would have been happy"

"It was John Cooley's baby wasn't it?" Rossi said.

"You have to ask?" Emily asked dryly. "Matthew was furious; the fight that came about because of it was huge. John didn't want anything to do with the baby and Matthew thought he was being a selfish fool"

"I tend to agree" Rossi said.

"Then Declan came along and for a moment there, just a small one, I believed that maybe I could convince Ian to leave behind that lifestyle. I had this romanticised idea of running away with him and living happily ever after" she said, chuckling self-depreciatingly.

Rossi shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. "It happens"

"There was no way Ian would have left that life. I guess it was just wishful thinking" Emily sighed. "So in answer to your first question, I have wanted kids since I was seventeen"

"I know it's a little premature to be thinking about it and I'm not as young as I once was" Rossi said. "Don't give me that look bella, we both know it's true but I'd love to try having a family"

Emily's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "You really mean it?" she asked quietly.

"Of course" he said, standing up to kiss her gently. "I'm not getting any younger here and besides any child of mine is bound to be dripping with good looks, wit and talent. Just like me"

She slapped his arm for that one.

. . . .

Rossi's hand was warm against her own and Emily tightened her grip as a lump formed in her throat. The wind was cool as it played against her face and whipped her hair about her face, now shoulder length. They were walking slowly, drawing out the time it would take for them to reach their destination. In the distance Emily could see a thin figure, wearing a long travelling coat and head bent. She knew instantly who the person was but didn't speak until her and Rossi reached him and he looked up, locking eyes with her instantly. Dave let go of her hand and stepped backwards, giving her space to hug the man tightly. His chuckle was warm against her ear and when he released her Emily felt a new wave of tears threatening to breach her eyes. His trademark quirking of the lips, usually a display of confidence, was one of relief and also, sadness.

"Clyde" she said finally. "It's good to see you"

"Good to see you too love" he greeted her, folding his hands inside his coat pockets. "You're looking better"

"Thanks, I suppose getting rid of a psychotic killer after your life tends to help right?" Emily said dryly, smiling at him.

"Well you must be feeling better if you be sarcastic" Clyde chuckled before tilting his head in Dave's direction. "Your name escapes me at this point, I'm sorry"

"David Rossi" he replied, shaking Clyde's hand. "Glad we could meet under different circumstances"

"Same to you" Clyde nodded, directing his attention back to Emily. "I like this one, damn sight better than Doyle, wouldn't you agree love?"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Good" she said. "Because we're getting married"

"Marriage eh? Congratulations" he said to Dave. "You're marrying one hell of a woman"

"Believe me I know" Dave replied, smiling fondly at Emily who felt herself float inches above the ground.

Clyde smiled again before turning back to face a small grey headstone. Emily and Dave moved to stand beside him, staring down at the polished stone. Emily felt a lone tear trickle down her face and she wrapped her fingers around Dave's arm, seeking strength. The headstone held only a few words but it was enough to send an arrow of guilt and sorrow through Emily's heart.

Here lies Tsia Mosely.
Daughter, Sister, Lover, Friend.
Rest in Peace.

"What was she like?" Dave asked softly, drawing his arm about her waist.

"Kind, loyal and motherly" Emily admitted, with a watery laugh. "She was the first to ask you how you were feeling and the first to nag about anything she could"

Clyde chortled. "She was damn good at hand to hand. Knocked Jeremy on his arse five times in a row the first time they went at it in hand to hand" he said, bowing his head. "We always joked about that was how he fell for her, literally"

"Jeremy was a good person" Emily said. "He made mistakes and had faults, but Tsia loved him"

"She was always a fool where Jeremy was concerned" Clyde said tightly.

Dave inhaled. "Love can do that to a person" he said gently. "It doesn't make them any less of a good person"

"Tsia was a wonderful person" Emily corrected.

Clyde had fallen silent and appeared to be fishing in his pocket for something. Emily watched him out of the corner of her eye and frowned when he produced a square box, wrapped in red velvet. He seemed to be lost in his own world as he ran his fingers over it before bringing it to his lips briefly and lowering it, lifting the lid to show Emily. Nestled inside the box was a thin silver chain with an ornate silver dove carrying a small diamond in its beak. Emily felt her mouth drop open as Clyde traced the chain with his index finger. It was beautiful. Clyde finally let out a dry laugh and it occurred to Emily that this was the most emotion she'd seen her leader display.

"It would have been her birthday a week after Doyle . . . killed her. I went and brought this anyway, there was no reason not to buy her something. I know it was selfish of me but I hoped that after she'd moved past Jeremy we could have become closer. Things were changing between us slowly and I wanted to catch Doyle so badly that sometimes I wonder whether it was that desire that lead to her death" Clyde said, shutting the lid of the box and bending to the grave. He dug a small hole and buried the box just in front of the headstone, covering it with ample dirt.

Emily bit her lip. She had, had a hunch about Clyde of course. She could well remember the early days of JTF-12 and how Clyde seemed to extremely arrogant whenever Tsia was around. But the minute Jeremy and Tsia showed an interest in each other Clyde backed off, something that Emily had greatly respected of him.

"I'm sorry Clyde, it's my fault" Emily whispered, kneeling beside her old friend. She laid the single rose she had carried with her on the grave. "I had no idea who to trust and it was because of that lack of faith that Tsia is now not among us"

Clyde shook his head. "No" he snapped. "This isn't your fault love. The one to blame is Doyle, don't you dare go blaming yourself for Tsia's death"

"But . . ."

"But nothing" he interrupted her, holding up a hand. "Tsia wouldn't want you to blame yourself; she would be happy that you are alive and well love. Don't you dare think otherwise"

"He's right bella" Dave added, laying a hand on her shoulder. "What's done is done. Your friend would want you to celebrate her life, not mourn it"

"I know" Emily whispered. "But she was special to me and I hate losing people who are special to me. First Matthew and now Tsia"

"They'll always love you Em" Clyde reminded her.

"Again he's right" Dave chuckled, before extending a hand to help Emily to her feet. Clyde followed suit and they stared at the stone.

"Riposare in pace, amico mio" Emily breathed, and crossed her heart.

Dave drew her into his arms and pressed his lips to her forehead. She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest and he rocked her silently, knowing that the guilt would go away with time. Clyde reached out a hand and gripped her shoulder.

"I'm staying in DC from now on" Clyde said gently. "I want to be close to you – both of you" he added, turning to face Tsia's grave. "I'll only be a phone call away love, you know that"

"Thank you Clyde" Emily said, turning her head to face him, still holding Dave close to her. "For everything"

"Thank you" Dave said genuinely, nodding at Clyde. "We'd love to see you at the wedding. And you are more than welcome to join us for dinner every now and then"

"I may just take you up on that offer" Clyde said, smirking. "See you soon"

Emily and Dave watched as Clyde walked slowly down the hill, hands deep in his coat pockets. Dave kissed her temple and released her so that she could straighten herself up. Emily glanced at him.

"Did you see his clothes?" Dave asked her, putting his hands into his jeans pockets.

Emily nodded. "I wonder how long he's been here" she mused quietly. "Those creases look hours old; I'd wager he's been here too long for my liking"

"It's not often I reiterate myself but I will; love can do foolish things to a person" Dave said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "And I think that's what Clyde Easter and I have in common"

"What's that?"

"We're both fools in love"

. . .

Emily watched Dave as he slept, tracing the contours of his face with a single finger. She was reminded strongly of the scene so long ago where it had been Dave tracing her face with his hands. By now though, his face was forever etched into her memory and the thought made her grin stupidly. She was getting married, married! How on Earth had she managed an engagement out of this debacle? And Clyde was supporting it too, as was her father. If there was anyone she wanted approval from most it was those two. Her mother, not so much, for Elizabeth Prentiss had an idealised view of the type of man Emily was to marry. And she was not about to go down the aisle to marry a man who colour co-ordinated his ties with his socks, watched news in five different languages and expected her to play the perfect wife. No, the only man Emily wanted to marry was the one lying right beside her. Her mother had been quite offended when they had met at the hospital, Emily remembered with a grim smile.

"Mother, it's nice to see you"

"Gone six months and you're already engaged to a man twice your age I see" Elizabeth cut her off.

Emily's mouth dropped open and she shut it quickly, not wanting to give her mother yet another reason to go off on a tangent. "I only got engaged two days ago Mother, it wasn't a National Secret"

"I suppose that's the only good thing" Elizabeth sniffed.

"What are you talking about?"

"How well do you know this man Emily?" Elizabeth asked, leaning forward to survey her daughter. "He could be completely different to who you think he is, I've had dealings with him in the past you do realise. His attitude towards commitment is quite . . . ah lax"

Emily felt her outrage building and out of the corner of her eye she saw Hotch tense at the underlying stab at his best friend. Emily was quite sure that her friend was not impressed with the Ambassador's attitude. But he stayed quiet, keeping his gaze on the floor.

"Mother he loves me, and I love him" Emily bit out tightly.

"Of course love, but isn't that what attracted you to that awful John Cooley in the first place?" Elizabeth asked neatly.

Hotch yet again shifted in his seat uncomfortably but did not speak. Emily snapped. "That was different Mother. I was fifteen. And yet you have not learned from your mistakes"

"Mother please . . ."

Emily shook herself and pulled herself into a sitting position. She was in Dave's bedroom (correction their bedroom now) and was currently wearing one of Dave's larger business shirts which she had pilfered the minute his back was turned when they got home. But even though everything was going well there was a certain feeling in her gut that she couldn't shake, the feeling that she had completely forgotten something. And she had a feeling that what she had forgotten was either really important or really bad. Dave stirred next to her and sat up, a groan rumbling from his lips before he looked at her.

"Why are you still awake?" he asked.

"I think there's something I've forgotten" Emily huffed, folding her arms and crossing her legs. "But I can't think what"

"Maybe you forgot how incredibly good looking I am in the months you've been away"

Emily straddled him and he smirked, leaning back against the headboard. She looked up at the ceiling and drummed her fingers on his bare chest, still deep in thought.

"No" she said finally. "No it's definitely something I forgot to do, or think about. And before you speak, no its not you"

"Damn shame"

She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm marrying the winner of the Modesty Award" she drawled.

"I'm the best looking thing out there cara mia"

It hit Emily like a ten tonne freight train. Thing. That thing. Oh no. Her mouth dropped open and her hands ceased their movements across Dave's chest. She saw Dave frown and straighten up, his hands curled around her thighs.

"What is it Em?"

"Oh fuck" she whispered.

"Em?"

"Son of a bitch!" Emily cried, throwing her arms into the air and closing her eyes.

"Sweetheart?"

"Fucking interfering, possessive, infernal, demon-sent woman" Emily muttered under her breath.

"Emily I swear upon heaven and earth if you don't tell me what's going on I'm going to go stir crazy" Dave grumbled.

"Strauss!" Emily cried, punching him in the chest. "Erin - fucking – Strauss"

He raised an eyebrow at her but she cut him off, punching him again. "She's going to find some way to interfere with this, I can guarantee it"

Dave chuckled. "Erin can seem like a devil in disguise but . . ."

"Excuse me"

"What?"

"Are you defending her?"

"What? No!" Dave said quickly. "Give me a break Em; I've known Erin a long time"

Emily smirked at him. "You freaked out then didn't you?"

"Not nice Em" Dave groaned. "Anyway what are you worried about? Let me deal with her if you're that worried"

"Really David" Emily chastised. "Use your brain. Do you really think they are going to let an eventually married couple on the same team?"

"We have options bella" Dave reminded her. "So don't fret okay?"

"Options?"

"I've retired once" he said, kissing her lips briefly. "I can do it again"

Emily felt her eyes pop out of her head in shock. Retire? Dave would retire again? "Are you serious?"

"Yes Em, I'm serious about you. Strauss can do the other if it means we can't be together" Dave said forcefully.

"And you know I'd leave for you" Emily assured him.

Dave shook his head emphatically. "No way Em" he said. "You're young; you've got more to offer the Bureau than I ever could"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Let's not talk about this now"

Dave yawned. "I'll agree with you this time cara mia, I'm wasted" he said. "I need a good night sleep"

"Sleep then" she replied, kissing his forehead and climbing off him so he could lie down.

Before Emily drifted into sleep she tried to push any lasting thoughts of the Bureau meeting from her mind. The final thought that crossed her mind was that of Declan, who she knew would be so happy that she was happy.

"I looked pretty good for a dead kid right Lauren? . . . . I'm gonna miss you Lauren, please come back soon"

. . .

Author Note:
Only the epilogue left to go guys! I'm not even going to comment on how late this chapter is. But I hope you guys like it!

Rusty

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