"The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next."
-Ursula K. LeGuin
"Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity."
-R. I. Fitzhenry
Prologue
Time is a funny thing. It can go by quickly or slowly, yet it never really moves. A day will always be twenty-four hours long. An hour will always be sixty minutes long. A minute will always be sixty seconds long. In fact, time is very concrete and definite. Yet, depending on our moods, time can move at different speeds and effect us in many ways. If we're anxious or excited for something, time ticks away slowly, as if to aggravate us on purpose. When we're nervous or afraid of a time or date, time speeds up to get us there quicker. It feels like just yesterday that I discovered I am a hybrid – half human, half vampire. So much has happened since then in such a short amount of time. Now, here I am with all of those conflicts behind me and I'm free move on to the next chapter in my life. But by starting a new chapter, my life will change and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that. Change, like time, is another thing I find funny. It's always happening, whether you like it or not. When you're content with life the way it is, something has to happen to flip everything upside down. Then you have to re-adjust to your life all over again and settle back into it (like, when you go about your life thinking you're a human, but sort of a freak, then find out you're really a vampire and thirst for blood). When you're sick of how things are and wish for change, nothing happens. You can never win. At this moment, I am unsure if this change is what I really want. Sure, change wouldn't be too horrible, but I barely got to adjust and enjoy the last change in my life. Am I really ready for this huge change? Is it something I can fully commit to?
I stared at myself in the ornately framed, full length mirror, taking in deep breaths as I examined the white, silk taffeta that draped over every inch of my body. A smile should be plastered across my face and I should feel like the happiest woman alive. Should...but don't. Instead, thoughts of jumping out the window and running away filled my mind. Then, I thought of how it would hurt him if I did that to him. I could not – would not hurt him. But, I felt suffocated and the only way I could breathe again was to run.
The fact was that I was not his only soul mate and that bothered me. This might not even be meant for me, this could all be a major mistake. I don't think I could live with myself knowing that I took away the love of his life. He may think he wants me now, but sooner or later he'll realize he made a mistake and want her back. I could be replacing her in his life. I don't want to be a replacement or the wrong choice, which makes me think this entire affair is one giant mistake. So, what do I do? Can I pretend this was all meant to be or do I run from this?
I stared at my reflection, searching for the answer to break this uncertainty.