2. When in Doubt, Seek a Distraction
As I ran I tried so hard to convince myself to turn back. I just didn't get it. I had everything I ever wanted, I was going to marry this great guy and yet I'm not happy. I'm scared and nervous. Was I marrying Jacob because it was a way to keep him with me? Did I even want to get married at such a young age? Could I be with him for the rest of my life without regrets? Could I get over knowing I could be the one thing keeping him from a life with Renesmee? Could I really be with him for the rest of my life? All of these questions swarmed my mind and I couldn't take it anymore, I hated not having any answers. I needed to get away, to get distracted from this whole imprinting and marriage situation, to go somewhere nobody knew me and to be truly alone.
I stopped by a convenient store and took a look at a map, hoping to find somewhere I could go that would distract me and clear my head. I couldn't be away long, I only had enough money on me for one night's stay at a cheap hotel. My eyes scoured the map for the name of a city to pop out at me, any city. And then there it was, staring me right in the face. The city that never sleeps: New York City.
I had been to New York once, when I was about fifteen, with my parents on a business trip. It was during the winter, so there was snow everywhere and the huge tree was up at Rockefeller Centre. It was beautiful and very distracting. It was further than I intended to go, but if I ran fast enough I could make it. I dropped the map and zoomed out of the store, back towards the woods and began to run myself East.
I grew tired once I reached North Dakota and decided to sleep at a motel before continuing on my journey towards New York. I slept well into the afternoon. It was half past three when I woke up. I hopped out of bed, showered quickly and then went back outside to continue the run to New York. By this rate, I could make it there by ten if I don't stop and that was exactly what I planned on doing. I stepped outside, pausing to take in the sunlight on my face for a moment. I stepped out into the parking lot, checked for people around me and then took off. I ran nonstop for hours, reaching New York by 10:23 PM, just on schedule. I stopped running when I reached Central Park and took a stroll in the moonlight. I suddenly felt better to be in a foreign place where no one knew me. I knew Edward would find me sooner or later, but for now I would enjoy the time I had to myself. I ran off to Broadway where the streets were crowded with people. I lost myself amongst the crowds. It felt great. I just let myself go within these groups of people, flowing to wherever they went. This tactic backfired when I bumped into a guy.
"Oh, sorry." I yelled over the sounds of the city. I looked up and could have sworn this guy was a model. Everything about him was perfect. From his olive toned skin and wispy dirty-blonde hair to his sea green eyes and muscular build were absolute perfection. If his skin wasn't tanned, I'd think he were a vampire.
"That's alright. Hey, do I know you?" He asked, squinting.
"No, I'm not from around here." I said, fighting against the pulled of the crowd. He took my hand and pulled me to the side, out of the crowd. "Thanks" I smiled.
"You look like someone I did an ad campaign with." He said. I knew it, he was a model. "Where are you from?"
"Washington."
"Oh, cool. Hey, I'm heading over to Cielo to meet some friends. It's this night club on Little West 12th street. Do you want to come?" He asked. I hesitated to answer, but then decided to take a few risks. A night club could be distracting enough.
"Yeah, sure." I said. "What's your name?"
"Oh, I'm Andrew. You are?"
"Elina."
"Beautiful name, just like you." He smiled. I rolled my eyes when he wasn't looking. Like I haven't heard that one before. I smiled anyway when he looked at me again. He waved down a taxi and before I knew it, we were at the night club.
He led me inside and I could have sworn I saw Paris Hilton as we made our way through the sweaty crowd.
"Mark! Hey!" He yelled out a European looking guy at the bar.
"Hey, who's this?" He said, reaching out for my hand and placing a kiss on the top of my hand.
"Elina, I met her out on Broadway." Andrew said. "This is Mark." He nodded towards Mark.
"Where's Sarah?" Andrew said, his eyes searching the crowd.
"She's on her way with that girl she brought last time. What was her name, Allison?"
"Aw man, I'm not in the mood for holding a girl's hair while she pukes her guts out tonight." Andrew said, rolling his eyes. "Do you want a drink?" He asked me.
"Oh, no I don't drink." I said.
"You sure?" Mark asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine, really." I said, entranced by the way the bodies in the crowd moved in unison together, even though everyone was dancing in their own way. Bodies were flowing, grooving and meshing together all around us. It reminded me of the waves of the ocean at First Beach.
"You want to dance?" Andrew said, his lips against my ear. He smelt really good, like a candy apple. Clearly, this wasn't the scent of his cologne. I wasn't thirsty though, yet I could smell his blood as if it were spewed out in front of me.
"Yeah" I said, as if entranced as I gravitated towards the ocean of bodies, weaving my way in between them until I was in the core of it all. I closed my eyes, losing myself into the beat of the song. I recognized it the moment it blasted through the speakers: Scream by Chris Cornell. It was almost ironic how it matched exactly what I was feeling. I was screaming with every movement I made. I closed my eyes and let go in the pounding of the bass. I didn't even notice Andrew's hands all over me. I was completely lost in it all, I might as well have been drunk because it's exactly how I felt.
When I opened my eyes I was no longer in the club, moving to the beats of the music. I was in a bed.
Did I just dream that whole run to New York? It had to be a dream. What are the chances of bumping into an extremely hot model, who meets up with his other hot model friend at a club? I propped myself up and reached for the clock on the table next to the bed. I didn't recognize the night stand or the clock. I looked around the beige room and could feel the tug of the sheets around my body. I looked down and realized I was naked underneath the sheets. My heartbeat began to accelerate as I turned to see Andrew sprawled out beside me.
"Oh no" I whispered as I pulled at the sheets that Andrew was sleeping on top of. Finally, with one good tug, the sheets were freed. I flew back and fell on to the floor with a loud thud. I shuffled quickly, wrapping the blanket around myself and hopping up on my feet. Andrew shifted and groaned, but thankfully continued to sleep.
I gathered my clothes from the floor and ran into the bathroom to change. I slipped into my clothes quickly, leaving my shoes for last so that the clacks of my heels wouldn't wake Andrew as I left. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, not recognizing the girl who stared back at me. I'm not this girl, who parties and has one night stands. I rubbed my eyes with my left hand at the realization that that is just what I had; a one night stand. I don't even remember any of it. Was I drunk? I opened my eyes and the diamond engagement ring glared back at me. What have I done? I sighed before opening the bathroom door. I tiptoed towards the door of the hotel room and turned to look back at Andrew who was still sound asleep. I opened the door as quietly as I could and sprinted out. Once I was around the corner I stopped to slip my shoes on. I took the elevator down to the main floor and walked over to the front desk to call home. I had to let them know where I was, although I'm sure they figured it out by now. I gulped before dialling the number to Edward's cell phone.
"Elina, what were you thinking!" Edward shouted before I could even mumble a sound.
"I...I wasn't. I'm sorry, I'm coming home." I said.
"What are you doing in New York?" He asked angrily.
"How –"
"Alice found you. Where are you? I'm coming to get you."
"It's okay I can run back."
"I'm already in New York, just tell me where you are."
"Um..The New York Palace hotel." I said, reading it off a business card at the front desk.
"I'll be there in ten minutes, stay put." He said, hanging up the phone.
I was hoping Andrew wouldn't wake up and come down here within those ten minutes. I decided it would be better to wait outside than to take the chance of having Andrew find me. I don't think I could face him and what I had done.
It was a bright, sunny day today without a cloud in the sky. It worried me to think Edward was out in the sunlight risking exposure because of me. I felt like an idiot. I stood there, staring at gum that had been pressed into the sidewalk, and thought about the numerous mistakes I had made in the last 48 hours. What would I tell Jacob?
The screech of tires interrupted my thoughts. Edward pulled up in Carlisle's black Mercedes. I was relieved to see the tinted windows blending into the black color of the car. You could barely tell there was a person in there, let alone a sparkly vampire. I sighed and stepped toward the door. A ray of sunlight shone through the crack of the opened door and Edward's skin sparkled for a brief moment. I closed the door before anyone else could see. He was excruciatingly beautiful when the sunlight hit his skin.
I sat in silence as Edward sped off into New York city traffic, weaving in and out of cars. I waited anxiously for the lecture that no doubt stirred in Edward's mind. Sometimes Edward made me feel like a child.
"I wouldn't have to if you didn't act like one." Edward said through his teeth, answering to my thoughts. I rolled my eyes.
"I'm not a child. I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions." I said, folding my arms across my chest.
"Yes, running away to New York and doing unspeakable things with a stranger is very adult of you."
"That is none of your business." I said, giving him a stern look.
"No, but it is Jacob's" Edward said as he weaved out behind a taxi.
"Edward, please. Don't tell him." I pleaded. "I'm not proud of what I did, I don't even remember how it happened. I'd just really appreciate it if you didn't say anything to Jake." I said, looking down at my feet, afraid to see the look Edward would give me if I looked at him.
"He deserves an explanation. He's been very worried about you."
"I don't know what to tell him" I said, holding back my tears. "I'm such an idiot."
"You tell him the truth." Edward said bluntly.
"I can't, he'll hate me."
"Leave out the details. You really shouldn't lie to him." Edward said. I knew he was right.
"How did he react when he realized I was gone?" I asked.
"When no one could find you and I couldn't hear you, he was frantic. He wanted to phase and go looking for you, but we convinced him to stay and let Alice find you."
"So he knows where I went"
"Yes."
"Was he angry?"
"No. He was confused and hurt that you just left without letting anyone know where you were going."
Hearing that I hurt Jacob was like being stabbed in the stomach. The last thing I ever wanted was for Jacob to be hurt because of me. I wrapped my arms around myself and hated myself for what I had done. Edward was right, I was acting like a child.
"You need to stop acting out like this. Everything will be fine, just pull yourself together." Edward said, rubbing his cold hand on my back to comfort me.
"I hope so."
"Marriage is a wonderful thing, you shouldn't fear it. Talk to Bella when we get back, I think she can help you feel better about this. She wasn't too enthused about marriage either." Edward chuckled.
I slept during most of the drive home, waking up when we reached Port Angeles. Then it hit me.
"Oh God, I have to tell my parents." I mumbled. Edward laughed.
As we neared the road that led to the Cullen house I began to feel nervous. The thought of facing Jacob made me sick. How would he react? Would he hug me and tell me how much he missed me or would he yell at me for leaving so unexpectedly? Edward pulled into the garage and turned the car off. I sat there, frozen beside him. Edward opened his door, then paused and turned to me.
"Should I carry you in?" He asked, teasingly.
"No, I just need a second." I said, staring off into space.
Edward went inside and I could hear the commotion and questions spewing from everyone's mouths. 'Where is she? Is she okay? Why isn't she coming inside?'
I couldn't move. I told myself to get out of the car and go inside but my body wouldn't allow it. I didn't want to go in there with everyone fussing over me.
I stepped out of the car, closed the door and stood before the door to go inside the house. I felt like I was being pulled in so many different directions. I had to go inside to show that I was okay and to explain to Jacob why I left. At the same time, I couldn't face him. I wanted to run again. I slowly turned away from the door as I began to favour my second option. The door to the house flew open and Edward was standing in front of me before I could blink.
"No." He said sternly. "You cannot run again, Elina. Be brave and face them." He said, his eyes burning into mine. I turned reluctantly and took slow steps to the door. Everyone was in a circle talking when I walked in. The sound of the door shutting behind me silenced them and they all turned to look at me. Jacob emerged from them and took a step towards me. The look on his face was enough to kill me. He was so hurt and confused. It was all my fault. I wouldn't make this worse by telling him what I had been up to.
"Jacob" I whispered, looking at him pleadingly. He rushed over to me and hugged me tightly.
"Don't ever leave me again, do you hear me? Never again." He whispered to me.
"I won't. I'm so sorry." I could feel a tear as it rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly so that Jacob wouldn't think I was upset.
"Why did you go to New York?" he asked, releasing me from his embrace.
"I...I was excited about the wedding. I wanted to go to Kleinfeld's to look at dresses. It was stupid of me. All the wedding talk just got me anxious to look for one." I lied. Jacob laughed, though, and seemed to buy it. I caught a glimpse of Edward who looked furious.
"You should have told us. You're really that excited?" He asked.
"Yes."
"We haven't even set a date yet." Jacob laughed again. "But, why wait? Let's get married sooner rather than later." Jacob said, smiling.
"Uh..."I swallowed. "What would people think? I mean, we're still teenagers."
"Who cares! I love you, I'm ready to spend the rest of my life with you!" Jacob said to me, as if no one else was around. He looked so happy, how could I break his heart by telling him I wanted to wait?
"Okay" I said, my voice trembling a little.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah" I smiled at him. His smile was infectious. I couldn't say no to that face.
"How's next month?" Jacob asked eagerly.
"Oh, an April wedding would be lovely!" Alice chimed in.
"Elina?" Jacob asked.
"Yeah, April is good."
Alice was absolutely elated. She hurried over to Esme to discuss decor and other wedding plans. I just stood there, stuck on the fact that I would be a married woman in about four weeks.
"I haven't even met your parents yet. We should do that soon." Jacob mentioned.
"Yeah, um...later tonight?"
"Sure." Jacob said, placing a kiss on my cheek. "I have to get back to the res. I'll be back later, though." Jacob placed his hand on my cheek and smiled.
It amazed me how easily he dismissed the fact that I disappeared for almost three days. He really is a wonderful guy, one of a kind. I'm so lucky to have him, yet here I am ruining everything. Well, that was going to stop. I'm getting married. The word still sent shivers through me, but it's what I was going to be very soon; a wife.
Bella approached me as soon as Jacob was out of sight. I thought she would be angry with me, considering Jacob is her best friend, but instead she was really understanding and sympathetic.
"Edward told me how you're feeling about marriage." She said, pulling me aside. "I know it's a heavy word, but being married isn't so bad. It'll be one of the greatest moments of your life."
"I know, I don't doubt that. Jacob is a wonderful man and I do love him. I'm just worried he'll realize I'm not the one he wants." I confessed.
"Trust me, you are the one he wants." Bella reassured.
"Renesmee wants to hunt." Edward called over to Bella, holding Renesmee's hand. I stared at the little girl who could possibly take away the man I loved and actually hated her for a moment. I was jealous of a child. I began to realize how ridiculous it was to hate her. Even if Jacob did choose her, it probably wouldn't happen for many years. I noticed Edward smile at me as he heard the change of tone in my thoughts. Maybe I had nothing to worry about after all.
A/N: I decided to add this in at the end so I wouldn't give anything away. Obviously, Elina did some pretty stupid things out of fear of commitment and that Jacob imprinted twice. It messes with her mind a bit and she's just all over the place. I just wanted to explain why, maybe to see her side a bit because I'm sure some of you are probably hating her right now, which is totally understandable. But, you'll just have to wait and see how it works out ;) I'll post the next chapter later on tonight. Hopefully you liked this one and please don't forget to review!! thanks :)