A/N: This chapter is VERY long and I've been assured that that's a good thing haha, so hopefully you'll like it! A whole heck of a lot happens within this chapter. I'm sad to say there are only 3 chapters left after this one and then it will be the end of Hybrid. But, I'm really excited for you guys to see how it ends. So, here it is! Please please please review!! I'd really appreciate it if you did, let me have an Edward moment and know what you're thinking, eh? :) Thanks!!
4. Risks
I stopped and found myself standing in the middle of the parking lot of Jeff's apartment building. I wasn't even sure what I was doing there. I was about to turn back when I stopped myself, feeling as though I had to be here.
As I walked up the stairs to his floor, the reason for me being at Jeff's apartment began to make sense to me. He was the last person that really made me feel safe, made me forget all of my troubles and understood me. I could tell him how I was feeling about the wedding without having him judge me or tell me I'm crazy. He would let me feel the way I feel without conflict. I felt an inkling of hope begin to surface as I reached his door. I knocked, holding my breath as I heard his footsteps near the door. He seemed shocked to see me standing at his doorstep. I guess I couldn't blame him. I should be with Jake, planning a wedding and sulking in our happiness.
"Hey" he said, making a face as if he were unsure about something.
"Hi" I said, biting my bottom lip.
"Is everything okay?" He asked. I opened my mouth to speak, but hesitated. I wanted to lie to him, to myself, and say that everything was okay, but I couldn't.
"No" I confessed, my eyes met his.
"Do you want to come in and talk?" He asked, stepping aside. I nodded and walked in. His apartment looked spotless, as if he hadn't been there for a while.
"I've never seen your place so clean." I said as I walked around slowly.
"Yeah, well Kate doesn't sleep so..." He said, scratching his head.
"Oh..."
"Yeah...I'd wake up and this place would sparkle." He said with a chuckle.
"Is she here?" I asked.
"No, she went back to Denali to get some stuff. She's coming back next week."
"Oh, that's good." I said, hovering by the couch.
"Uh, sit down make yourself at home." Jeff said. He clearly hadn't had guests in a while.
"Thanks..." I said, hating the awkwardness of this conversation.
"So, I heard you're engaged. Congratulations." Jeff said, still standing.
"Yeah, thanks" I said. Jeff caught the enthusiasm missing from my voice.
"Do you want to get married?" He asked bluntly. I sat with my hands on my knees, staring at the ground as I tried to come up with a decent answer.
"I..don't know." I said with a sigh.
"Do you love him?" He asked, sitting next to me. His body was tense.
"Yes, I do. It's not that I don't love him, it's...I don't know if I'm the one he's supposed to be with. This could all be a huge mistake." I said, the words spewing out of my mouth like water spewing out of a fountain.
"Well, you can't really know that. You just have to take the risk and find out. It's not like there's some magical thing that tells you who your soul mate is. You've got to take risks in life." He said.
I couldn't help but laugh at the irony of what he said.
"What's funny?" he asked. I shook my head, trying to find the words to explain. Jeff knew me too well. "There is, isn't there? Something that tells you who your soul mate is..." He realized and shook his head in disbelief.
"Sort of, yeah. There's this thing that really only applies to the Quileutes. It's called imprinting. When they imprint, they have to be with that person, they're pulled to them. The thing with Jake, though, is that he imprinted twice. He imprinted once before me, only she was too young for him to pursue a romantic relationship with her. But then he imprinted on me. But maybe mine was a mistake. This sounds crazy." I said, talking so fast I could barely understand myself.
"Okay, so...Jake has two soul mates?" Jeff asked, trying to make sense of the situation.
"Basically, yeah. But that's crazy, right? I mean you can't have two."
"I don't know...I'd believe anything nowadays." Jeff said, leaning back on the couch.
"I don't know if I should do this. I don't know if I'm ready or if I could bare it if one day he said I wasn't the one. I just want to be free of all of this not knowing..." I cried. Jeff put his arm around me and tried to comfort me.
"Hey, hey it's going to work out, okay? I promise. You just have to have faith in whatever you decide to do. And if all else fails, you always have me. I'll always be here." He whispered as he cradled me. My ear was pressed against his chest and I was soothed by the steady beating of his heart.
Jeff was my safe place to run to again. Whenever life got too complicated or too much for me to handle on my own he was there and he's here now. Maybe there was a reason why he was the one I always ran to. Maybe he was more than a best friend. Could he be my soul mate?
No! Jacob is the one for me. But, Jeff...I just want to scream! Why is this happening to me? I'm supposed to be a married woman in a few weeks and I'm here, thinking about a future with another man. I bet it would be a good one, though; I could see it. Jeff would be the handsome, successful doctor and I'd be, well, I'm not sure yet, but I'd be something. And we'd have a beautiful home, nothing too large, but big enough to start a family in. We'd have a dog, maybe even two. Life would never feel overbearing because I'd have him every day for the rest of my life. I swallowed hard as I thought of it, and considered the life I'd leave behind with Jacob. I felt Jeff's warm finger under my chin, tilting my head upwards. He smiled at me and I melted. A simple smile sent me over the edge. I placed my hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes and swallowed.
"Elina" He whispered.
"Do you think..." I began.
"What?" He asked.
"Do you think it should have been us? Together? Not me with Jake or you with Kate. You and me." I said, staring intently in his eyes, searching for an answer. If he told me no, then I would know that my place is with Jacob. But if he said yes, well...it would be something that would force me to seriously consider my engagement to Jacob. Because what if Jeff was right? What if Jacob had two soul mates because one of them wasn't really meant for him? It felt like forever before Jeff's lips parted to answer.
"I did." He said. "But now, I don't know. I mean, you're engaged and I have Kate."
"Put them aside. It's you and me, Jeff. Is it meant to be or not?" I pushed.
"I don't know." He said, getting up from the couch and running his hand through his hair. "We never tried. I can't say what's meant to be if it never happened in the first place. Maybe it's too l –"
Before Jeff could finish that phrase, I flung myself from the couch and into his arms, moulding my lips to his. I wrapped my arms around his neck, my fingers intertwined in his hair. Jeff responded by placing his hands on my back and pulling me close, pressing his lips to mine with more force. The kiss was passionate; almost animalistic and hungry. We collapsed on to the couch, Jeff's weight crushing on top of me. I began to pull up his shirt when he stopped me.
"Wait, wait. Not here" He said, out of breath. He lifted me into his arms and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me to his bedroom. He kicked the door open and rushed to the bed, laying me down gently.
"Are you sure?" He asked, hovering over me. I pulled myself to him, kissing him again. Jeff moved from my lips to my jaw line, to my neck. He began to kiss where neck and shoulder meet, sending me over the edge. I closed my eyes and let myself go, winding and weaving with his body as he made love to me.
Making love with Jeff was so different from Jacob. With Jeff, it was passionate and intense but also silly and fun. We giggled and laughed when we would stare at each other too long, or if one of us kissed the other in a ticklish spot. It was what I imagined it being like, ten years from now, with my husband on a spontaneous Tuesday night after a long day at work. He'd be the one I couldn't wait to get home to. It was so easy with Jeff. Everything was easy with him. I didn't doubt myself or think I was doing something wrong. I didn't feel like I had to make the best of the moment because he may be taken from me some day. I had him. He was mine. Nothing threatened to take him from me.
I fell asleep, curled up next to Jeff. I rested my head between his neck and shoulder, taking in his scent and drifting off to the sound of his recovering heartbeat.
I was alone in Jeff's bed when I awoke. The once sunlit room was now pitched black. I fumbled out of the bed and ran my hands along the floor to find my clothes. The light went on and I looked up to see Jeff standing with his finger under the light switch, holding in a laugh. He left so that I could put my clothes back on. I hurried, hopping in my jeans towards the door. Jeff was in the kitchen, sipping some water.
I wasn't sure what to say to him. Do I tell him how great it was or do I not mention it at all?
I noticed my cell phone on the counter when it vibrated against the hard surface.
"It's been doing that for a while." Jeff said, pointing to my phone. I didn't even remember having it with me. I picked it up and flipped it open. I had twenty-seven missed calls, most of them from Jacob. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach every time saw his name, over and over again, in my received calls list.
"Jacob?" Jeff asked. I nodded. "I guess you're going to leave now, then..." He said.
"I don't want to" I whispered. "I can't face him now."
"Hey, it's alright. We can just pretend it never happened." Jeff said, sounding a little disappointed.
"No, I can't. I can't lie to him. I was just picking out my wedding dress this morning and now...I can't go back to him and act like I'm happy. I don't know if I am." I said as I slid into a chair at the kitchen table.
"If you're not happy, don't marry him."
"I don't want to hurt him. And being with you today was –"
"A mistake, I know..." Jeff interrupted. I stood up from my chair and placed my hands over his on the counter.
"No" I said sternly, shaking my head. "It wasn't a mistake at all, Jeff. It felt right. I can't face him because I pictured this whole other life with you today, a really good one. I just don't know what to do now because...well, you're a part of the problem now." I admitted.
"A part of the problem?" Jeff asked, confused.
"You gave me another option to think about today. It just fits with you, everything is easy with you. I don't know what to do. I hate having to choose because in the end someone will get hurt." I said, turning away from Jeff. He walked around the counter and wrapped his arms around me.
"Whatever you choose, I'm right there backing you up. Even if you marry him, that's fine. But know that if you choose me, I'll give you everything you could ever want. I'll always be here if you ever change your mind. I love you, Elina. I never stopped."
"Thanks for being so understanding." I said, pulling away from Jeff. "I should go." I walked towards the door and looked back at him before closing it behind me. He looked hopeful and hurt at the same time. How could I do this to him? I didn't deserve Jake of Jeff, they were both too good for me.
I hunted on the run home so that I wouldn't get the aching pain of thirst later on. I had gotten better at feeding more often and controlling my thirst. When I ran through the trees by the Cullen house, I noticed Jacob, Alice and Edward talking feverishly. They all went silent as I reached the thin line of trees between me and the house. Jacob's eyes scanned the trees and when I emerged from them, he ran to me and threw his arms around me.
"I thought you were never coming back." He breathed. I pressed my palms into his back.
"Of course I'd come back. I was just hunting." I said, replaying my kills in my mind, careful not to let anything else show through.
"You weren't answering your phone." He said.
"I didn't even notice it, I was paying attention to hunting. You know what it's like to just let go of everything, rely on your instincts."
"I know, I'm sorry. I just worry I'm going to lose you. I can't ever lose you." He said, the heat from his lips expelling into my hair and through to my neck. It was so hot I was starting to sweat.
"You're not going to lose me. I'm marrying you, remember. You have me." I said, pulling him away so that I could look him in the eye. "For life." I said, placing my hands on either side of his face. I realized I was giving Jake this false hope that we'd be together forever, but I couldn't tell him anything else. It's what he wanted to hear. But the truth is, I don't even know if my forever is with Jake. I couldn't tell him that, not now, not like this. I had a few weeks to figure this out and I would.
A smile spread across Jacob's face. "You mean that?" He said, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight.
"Yeah" I whispered.
"Let's do this!" He said jubilantly.
"What?"
"Let's get married now. Well, not right now but , I don't know...tomorrow or something."
"Jake, I..." I can't do this! I can't lie to him and tell him yes. I need to stall. "Alice...she has all his stuff planned. I don't want to disappoint her by throwing this at her so quickly. Let's just wait a couple weeks, it won't be long." I said, trying to calm him down.
"I can't wait." He said. "I need you to be my wife, to be mine." He stepped closer to me, placing his hot hands on either side of my face.
"I am yours, isn't that enough?" I asked. I suppose my tone wasn't very romantic or sympathetic. It was harsher than I wanted it to be.
"Are you having second thoughts?" Jake said as he took a step back.
"No, no...I just..." I stood there and practically died from the way I hurt Jacob. The expression on his face made me feel terrible. I had to take a risk, to find out if this was the right thing. Maybe this was all just fear of commitment, cold feet...something logical for wanting to run away from an amazing man.
"Okay" I said, forcing a smile. "Let's do it!"
"Really? Tomorrow?" Jake asked, the smile returning to his face. I nodded. He scooped me up in his arms and spun me around, causing me to giggle profusely.
Alice zipped over to us before I could call her name.
"Everything is taken care of!" She said gleefully before hurrying back into the house to prepare.
"I guess I should go then. It's probably not proper for the groom to sleep with the bride the night before the wedding." Jake said by my ear. He laughed and kissed my neck.
"Yeah...I'll see you tomorrow, then."
"I can't wait." He said as he hopped over to his car and skidded away.
When he left, I let out a deep breath as if I'd been under water for too long. Water...suddenly that didn't seem like such a bad idea. A good swim could help me clear my head and make me focus. But first, I had to let Jeff know what was happening. I ran back into the woods, thinking I'd feel the cold grasp of Edward's hand stopping me. I was surprised when he didn't come after me.
I reached Jeff's apartment and stood in front of his door for a moment, trying to configure the words I'd say to him. Could I even do this? Maybe I should just turn back and forget about this.
"Ow!" Jeff hollered from inside. The moment I heard him I flailed myself against the door, pounding on it zealously as I called out his name. The door opened very quickly, causing me to take a step back in surprise to who opened it.
"Kate" I said when I saw her appear in the doorway. "What's going on?" I asked, looking past her for Jeff.
"I accidentally shocked him. I can get a bit carried away sometimes and lose control of it." She explained. Jeff stood up from the couch and stood behind Kate. I wondered what had Kate so carried away.
"Come in." Jeff said, opening the door a bit more.
"Um, actually I'm not staying long. I just wanted to let you know Jacob and I are getting married...tomorrow." I said, choking out the last word.
"Tomorrow?" Jeff said in shock.
"Yeah, we couldn't wait any longer. I just wanted you to know." I said, glancing at Kate. Jeff pushed past Kate, standing in front of her.
"Do you mind if I talk to her for a minute?" He said, turning his head towards Kate.
"No, not at all. Don't be too long." She said with a smile. "Nice seeing you, Elina." She waved to me before closing the door. Jeff stepped out into the hallway. I pressed my back against the wall.
"I thought you weren't doing it for a couple of weeks!" He said, a hint of anger in his words.
"So did I, Jake wanted to move up the date." I said, crossing my arms.
"And you let him?"
"I couldn't tell him no, Jeff, he loves me." I said, pausing. "I love him, too."
"What the hell, Elina? You just – today you...God, why are you doing this?" He said angrily, trying not to yell.
"I'm sorry. I have to take the risk, to find out if this is what's meant to be, like you said. You'll be fine, you'll have Kate to get carried away with."
"She came back early, I can't predict that." He said with sorrowful eyes. "Elina, please don't do this. Don't marry him. I know I said I'd support you either way, but this is...too much. I can't lose you, not again." He pleaded.
"Everyone needs to stop worrying about losing me." I said to myself. "Jeff, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I need to clear my head." I said, throwing my arms in the air and walking away.
"Elina, I love you. Remember that." He called out to me as I walked away.
A part of me wanted to turn back and run into Jeff's arms as I walked away from him, to revel in the comfort he had given me earlier today, but I couldn't face him again. I began to walk faster until I was running again. Thoughts of Jacob resurfaced in my mind. I wanted to be with him, to feel secure like he always made me feel. But he was the source of all of this insecurity. I couldn't go running to him now.
I found myself running towards the reservation anyways. The more I thought of Jacob, the more I was pulled to him. Maybe this was meant to be. It had to be, if this is the way I felt about him in the end. I'll marry him tomorrow.
Oh God, marriage. Why did that scare me so much? I never had a problem with marriage before, I loved the idea of getting married some day. But now, it's just too much.
I detoured towards First Beach, running towards a small cliff, taking my clothes off as I ran, leaving only my undergarments on. I didn't stop, I kept going until I reached the edge and flung myself over and into the chilled water. It hit me like pellets of ice striking me all at once. The pain didn't bother me, though. The impact shocked my mind, in a sense, and put everything into perspective, forcing me to live in the moment. The whole thing was very liberating. I pulled myself to the surface, gasping for air. The influx of oxygen into my lungs was exhilarating. I swam through the water, ducking underneath the surface every so often. I loved being underwater. It was quiet and serene, my thoughts didn't interrupt me there. All of my focus was put on the here and now, with not breathing. I broke through the surface, took in a deep breath and then let myself sink. I let go of any control over my body and let the pull of the water take over as I sank deeper and deeper into the blackness.
I was gone.
I was completely lost in the ocean as it pulled me in. My thoughts were empty, non-existent even. Everything was perfect. I was calm, worry-free and happy.
The impact I felt next was like a giant rock bouldering into me. I lost concentration and water flooded into my lungs. I was pulled to the surface before I lost consciousness. I coughed up the water as something held me up. I struggled to get free of whatever had a hold of me. It felt cold, even colder than the water. My teeth began to chatter as I eventually lost the strength to fight against it.
"Sh, it's okay." He said, wiping my wet hair from my face. I turned and saw Edward's worried eyes looking into mine.
"Edward" I gasped.
"Sh, don't speak. Save your strength." He said, extending his arm to swim me to shore.
"No, no!" I pleaded. "I want to swim."
"Swim? I –I thought you were..." He squinted, as if listening to something very closely.
"What?" I asked, confused as to what he was even doing here.
"You just wanted to swim?" He said in disbelief, but then chuckled. "I thought you were trying to kill yourself." He admitted with a laugh.
"Edward, I would never...what made you think I tried to kill myself?"
"I couldn't hear you anymore. You were running and then...nothing." He said, fear appearing in his eyes. His cold arms were still wrapped around me as we floated chest-to-chest. A shiver ran through me.
"You must be freezing, we should get out of the water."
"No, I'm fine. Don't swim to shore yet. Please?"
"Alright" Edward sighed. "But you have to tell me if it gets too cold for you."
I nodded. I made myself limp as Edward held me, draping my arms over his shoulders. It was nice to let go like that, to not have to support myself all of the time. The chill of the water and Edward's body began to numb me. It was a good feeling to me, though. It froze my thoughts along with the numbness of my body. I closed my eyes and rested my head on Edward's shoulder. We floated in silence for a few moments as I sank deeper into the numbness.
"Elina! Elina!" Edward yelled, shaking me. I opened my eyes abruptly and placed my hands on his shoulders to support myself again.
"What?" I said, my voice shaky.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you anymore. You need to stop doing that. I need to hear you." He said, his voice intense. "I'm taking you back to the shore." He said as he lifted me with ease, transferring me to his back. He propelled his arms forward and began to swim towards the shore. I didn't want to leave yet, I enjoyed the numb feeling, but I wasn't in the mood to argue with Edward right now.
When we got to shore I was shivering and chattering uncontrollably. Edward lifted me gently from his back, keeping his arm around my waste. My legs felt weak and I wasn't able to support myself. If it weren't for the chill I felt on my legs as a breeze would pass by, I would have thought I was paralyzed. My eye lids felt heavy now. Edward scooped me up and carried me further off shore. It began to feel too cold for me as the shivering persisted. I needed warmth and I needed it fast.
"He's coming. Just hang on." Edward whispered to me as he laid me down in the sand. I could tell he was frustrated with himself as he hovered over me, well aware that he was a part of the problem, that he couldn't help me now. I tried to grunt through the chill that ran through me, I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, curled up in a ball...nothing worked. I tried to imagine a fire burning next to me, but that didn't help either.
I could hear a heavy gallop of paws barrelling towards me and a low whimper when they stopped. I felt warmth escape from its breath and scooted towards it. My eye lids were too heavy to see where it was coming from and I couldn't move my arms to grab a hold of anything. Whatever it was went away.
"How long has she been out of the water?" I heard Jacob say alarmingly.
"A few minutes." Edward said quickly.
I felt Jacob as he laid down next to me, wrapping himself around me. The warmth revitalized me and I turned to face him and buried myself into his scorching body. The heat correlating with the bone chilling coolness of my skin felt like my entire body was on fire. My face was pressed against the crevice of flesh between Jake's neck and shoulder. As I breathed more heavily through my nose I could smell Jake's blood more than ever. It burned my nose, it smelt so good. My throat began to ache, as if I hadn't hunted in weeks. I began to forget it was Jake, that I was on a beach or that I was even me. I felt like an animal narrowing in on my prey. I swallowed as I nestled my face into his skin. I opened my eyes slowly, not thinking a single thought. I took in the sight of the beach, recalling what was happening. I kept weaving in and out of consciousness like that, from being completely aware, to feeling like a hungry animal. I knew I couldn't keep this up, that I would give in eventually.
I started to wriggle around in Jake's grasp around me, pushing and kicking my way out. He loosened his hold on me but didn't fully let me go. I let one single thought slip into my mind then.
"Jacob, let her go! She's thirsty." Edward said abruptly, his cold hand grazing me as he lifted Jake's arms from me.
"I'm sorry" I whispered, swallowing again. I turned to Edward, letting him know I needed to go now. He nodded, hesitating to hold my hand.
'It's fine, I'm warm enough now." I thought. I held my hand out to Edward, who placed his hand into mine and led me into the forest.
I turned to look back at Jacob before we ran off and the look on his face was one that stuck with me as I ran with Edward. He looked confused and a bit angry at the same time.
"It just upset him that there's something I can help you with that he can't, that I have a connection with you. In some ways he is still very much in love with Bella. It bothers him that you and I are close too." Edward explained. Jacob was still in the love with Bella? Great, that's just great....
"It's nothing to concern yourself with, Elina. He would never pursue her" Edward answered to my thoughts.
"But she's another person taking up residence in his heart. I can't keep doing this. It's killing me." I thought.
Edward narrowed in on a mountain lion and killed it for me. I would have to start learning how to hunt mountain lions soon. I can't keep running to Edward whenever I needed something more than elk and deer, something more human.
We ran home as soon as I was satisfied. Jacob was waiting for me in front of the Cullen house. He stood up as soon as we passed through the trees. I remained a few steps away from him, unsure what my next move was. How can I marry him when I'm not the only one in his heart? How can I tell him I'm his forever when I have someone else in my heart, too? Everything is falling apart and I can't keep trying to patch up the holes much longer. Jake stepped forward and I responded by taking a step back.
"Elina, what's going on?" Jacob asked. I bit my bottom lip as I refused to let my tears escape.
"Jacob" Saying his name made every tear fall. "I can't." I cried, defeated.
"I don't understand." Jake said, hurt and confused.
"I can't marry you." I sobbed. "This is so hard to do, but I can't."
"Why? Why are you telling me this now? Why didn't you say – " Jacob stopped, taking a step back. "You did, you were saying it all along. The disappearances, your attitude lately, wanting to wait a few weeks...you never wanted this at all." Jacob said, shaking his head. The way he spoke, it was as if he were disgusted with me.
"Jacob, please." I pleaded, hoping he would let me explain. "I love you, I just..." I cried, trying to explain through my tears how much I wanted to be with him, but how scared I was that I would lose him some day.
"Do you?" He asked.
"I'm scared." I confessed. "I am so afraid you won't choose me." I said, wiping the tears from my face.
"What are you talking about? I did choose you!" Jacob said, anger building up in his voice.
"You didn't only choose me. You don't even have a choice. It'll just happen one day, out of the blue." I blubbered, not making any sense as I jumbled words together as I spoke.
Jacob stood there, speechless.
"Renesmee." I said clearly, burning my gaze into him. Jacob stepped back, his expression softening.
"That's what you're worried about? You should have said something, we could have talked about this." Jacob said, his words spewing out quicker.
"I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you...or myself." I said, noting the questioning gaze Jacob flashed in my direction. I sniffled and wiped the tears from my eyes as I began to explain how I felt from the very beginning.
"I'm my happiest when I'm with you, Jake. The days and nights I've spent with you have been the best of my life. Getting to marry you is like a dream come true. But then it occurred to me that I'm not your only soul mate and that scared me. I see you with Renesmee and my heart just breaks because I know how much you love her and she is just over the moon for you." I paused, preparing to reveal my innermost fears with Jacob. He was patient and waited as I spoke, his expression softening as I went on, his brows furrowing every so often when I said something he clearly had a rebuttal to.
"What happens when she grows older and becomes this gorgeous girl? You can't refuse her, you can't escape her because you imprinted on her first. Even if we're married and have a life together, it won't stop you from choosing her. Look at Sam and Leah, they had a great love and even that was shattered because he imprinted. We don't stand a chance." I began to tear up again and paused to wipe them away. Jacob stepped forward, lending out his hand, but I stepped back. I couldn't let him touch me or let myself fall into his arms just yet. I had to let him know how I felt once and for all.
"Maybe we just aren't meant to be." I whispered, not able to look at Jake.
"What?" He whispered, unprepared for me to break off our engagement the night before our wedding.
"I am so sorry. I just can't do this, I can't keep pretending like it doesn't bother me that you have others in your heart besides me. I can't marry you and not be on my toes all of the time, wondering when you'll leave me."
"Elina I love you. I promise you, I will never leave you. Renesmee is like a sister to me, I love her but it's not the same. I'm meant to be there for her as a big brother, a protector...it's you I'm meant to be with." Jacob said, stepping towards me.
I looked up into his pleading eyes and couldn't help but fall into them. I gave in. I let my fears go for a moment and just looked at him. He was being completely honest with me. It was in that moment that I realized how stupid I was for not coming to him with this sooner. Suddenly all of my worries seemed miniscule. Jake was it for me. The incident with Jeff meant nothing, the only way he was in my heart was as a friend and nothing more. I just tricked myself into believing I had someone else too, to make knowing Jake had another soul mate not bother me as much, to know I had someone to fall back on. But, hearing Jake tell me that I was meant for him was all I needed. The look in his eyes when he told me he loved me, that he would never leave was just what I wanted. Everything had fallen into place in a short moment. There it was, time and change working together in their mysterious ways.
I would marry him tomorrow and love him for the rest of my life with my entire heart and soul. I smiled and threw myself into Jacob's arms, kissing him. Jake began to laugh. It was that laughter that made me realize how wrong I had been this entire time. I didn't want anyone else but Jake.
He is just the kind of man I want as a husband. Someone who can be romantic and passionate, who could be silly and joke around with me, who would love me and be honest with me. The life I imagined with Jeff was one I had been raised to believe was right; the rich husband with a good reputation, me being the obedient housewife. I didn't want that. I want a carefree, happy life filled with love and joy.
I want Jacob Black.
"Let's get married." I whispered to him.