Chapter 12

"Come on, Jimmy. We need to get Buck on a horse," Kid called over his shoulder, as he helped Buck walk to the tethered horses, his one arm across his back to keep him steady as he took small, tentative steps. Jimmy stood distractedly watching the stable block, waiting for Teaspoon to emerge or ready to rush back in should the need arise.

"Jimmy!" Kid shouted more urgently.

Turning his attention back to his friends, Jimmy responded, "Put him on my horse."

There was something in the way he said it which made Kid follow the instruction unquestioningly. As he guided Buck to the Palomino, Kid couldn't help but recoil slightly at the odour emanating from his friend and couldn't help but notice the sore, red marks and bruising about Buck's wrists, from being bound for days, leaving no doubt to the terrible ordeal he had faced.

As they reached the horses Kid realised Buck was mumbling something.

"What is it, Buck?"

Drawing a breath and with a determined effort Buck managed to reiterate, "Water," more clearly.

"Sure. I'll get some," Kid said, reaching for the canteen, hooked over Jimmy's saddle-horn.

He held it out for Buck, who lifted his arms to take it but then just stood looking forlornly at it. Kid looked at him questioningly.

"Can't seem to use my hands, Kid," came Buck's husky response, as he stared blankly at his furled fingers.

Kid instantly removed the stopper from the canteen and lifted it towards Buck, who held it between his forearms and guided it to his mouth. As the liquid run into his mouth he gulped hungrily.

"Easy," Kid said, as he lowered the angle of the canteen so as to slow the flow but Buck pressed it closer to his mouth. Kid began to understand the full extent of what Buck must have gone through, over the last couple of days, as he watched him drink with a certain desperation. He had never seen his friend like this before. Buck had always been the calm, collected one of the group, the one most in control. It was becoming more apparent that Buck's dishevelled state was only part of the problem the harsh treatment, he had suffered at the hands of Brody and Neville, had caused.

"'Bout time," Jimmy muttered, as Teaspoon emerged from the stable block and headed towards them. Now that he knew the older man was safe he turned his attention back to Buck. For a moment he was taken aback by the scene, which greeted him, as Kid wrestled a canteen away from Buck.

"Everythin' alright?" Jimmy enquired as he came closer.

"Yeah," Kid replied distractedly. "Don't want Buck to get a stomach ache drinkin' too much water too quickly, is all."

The subject of their conversation stood forlornly, licking the last remnants of moisture from his lips. Jimmy squinted at him appraisingly.

"You sure you can sit a horse, Buck?" he enquired.

A dip of a dark head gave Jimmy his answer, so, with Kid's help they got him up into the saddle. Once on the horse Buck sat with shoulders hunched and quietly said, "Just get me out of here." Jimmy and Kid looked at each other worriedly. They had never seen their Kiowa friend look so defeated.

Teaspoon joined them at the side of Jimmy's horse and he too looked at Buck with concern.

"Let's get you into town and get a doc to check you out," Teaspoon started to say, resting a hand gently on Buck's thigh.

"No!" came Buck's emphatic response.

All three were taken aback by Buck's sudden outburst. It was Kid who spoke to him first.

"You need to see a doctor, Buck. You don't look so good and your hands need lookin' at. Those cuts on your wrists look pretty bad and … "

"I just want to go home," Buck replied more meekly.

Further looks were exchanged. Regarding Buck more closely, Teaspoon realised the boy was embarrassed and there was a look of, what could only be described as, shame in his dark, downcast eyes. Understanding his reluctance to go into a town Teaspoon said, "Well, I'll tell you what we'll do – Kid, you ride on into Omaha and get us some supplies. Somethin' to doctor Buck's hands, some food and see if you can pick him up some clean clothes too."

"He'll need a horse. We can't ride double all the way back to Rock Creek," Jimmy added, bringing out a fairly thick roll of notes from his inside pocket. Teaspoon lifted one eyebrow in question at him. "Got lucky at poker the other night," Jimmy explained nonchalantly.

"Think you can handle that, Kid? We'll all ride back to the main road and then set up camp somewheres near by and wait for you."

"Sure thing, Teaspoon. I'll see what I can do," Kid replied, taking the money from Jimmy and tucking it in his pocket.

With a decision made, they all prepared to leave. Just as Teaspoon took his horse's reins in his hand, Jimmy took hold of his arm.

"You didn't do nothin' to them, did you?" he said in a low voice, so as Buck wouldn't be able to hear.

Teaspoon turned to look at him. "Nope," he replied. "Got more important things to take of right now," he continued pointedly, flicking his eyes towards Buck.

Jimmy gave a small nod and bowed his head in acquiescence, pulling on his gloves. "Yeah, guess we have," he agreed. "You ready to get started, Buck?" he addressed a still silent and motionless Buck, more loudly. With a slight turn of his head two dark and troubled eyes fixed on him and, with a blink, Buck showed that he was.

By now Kid was mounted on Katy and Teaspoon was hauling himself into his saddle. Jimmy put his foot in the stirrup and carefully swung up behind Buck. As he gathered up the reins, he could feel Buck trembling. Jimmy could think of nothing else to say. All he wanted to do was get off Neville's property and get his friend the hell out of there.

Z

The group made their way back up the trail, leading from Neville's house, to rejoin the main route into Omaha. Not one of them spared the place a second look. They rode in sober silence until the time came for Kid to head off into town.

"We'll camp up near that bunch of rocks just off the trail a ways back. You won't make it back afore it gets dark so it's best you stay in town tonight and meet us tomorrow," Teaspoon instructed the young man.

Kid nodded solemnly and looked at Buck. "I'll get back as quick as I can. You take care now, Buck and look after yourself."

With a slight tilt of his head, Buck looked at his considerate friend and pressing his lips together gave a faint smile of gratitude.

"You take care, Kid," Jimmy said. "Don't go getting' yourself into no trouble in that big old town now," he added as lightly as he could, trying to lift some of the tension within the group. Kid snorted in good-humoured response before touching the brim of his hat and setting off.

Pulling alongside Jimmy's horse, Teaspoon gave Buck a smile. "What d'you say we go and get settled in for the night, son? Bet you're feelin' pretty tired by now. A good night's rest will make you feel a whole lot better".

There was no response from the Kiowa who remained silent, head bowed. Jimmy looked worriedly over his friend's shoulder at the older man. Teaspoon raised his eyebrows and shook his head. The sooner they could make camp, get Buck settled and feeling more comfortable the sooner they could take care of his wounds – both visible and those inside of the boy.

It took only an hour or so to ride to the designated campsite, where they would wait for Kid to return with the supplies. Jimmy slid from behind Buck and waited uneasily at the horse's side.

"Uh, you need a hand, Buck?" he asked awkwardly.

"I'll be fine," came the husky reply, as Buck slowly slipped from the horse but as soon as his feet hit the floor his knees buckled and he started to sink to the ground. It was only Jimmy's fast reactions that saved him.

"Here," Jimmy offered, putting a supportive arm around Buck and guiding over to a nearby rock while Teaspoon untied his bed roll from his saddle, with anxious glances as Jimmy settled Buck on the ground, with his back resting against one of the rocks.

"Let's get you more comfortable," the older man said, placing the bedroll behind Buck.

A short while later Jimmy had a fire going with some water heating. While they waited for the pot to boil Teaspoon offered Buck some jerky, which was all the food they had left, but he shook his bowed head in refusal.

"You gotta eat somethin', son," Teaspoon said, squatting in front of him, trying to see his downcast face.

"He can't hold nothin', Teaspoon," Jimmy informed him, as he removed the pot of water from the fire.

Teaspoon quickly masked the brief look of shock. "Well, why didn't no one say?" he said, in a light-hearted, matter of fact manner. "Let's take a look at 'em hands."

Teaspoon took hold of Buck's long slender hands with his own calloused, worn stumpy fingers, with a lightness of touch, which belied their appearance. Turning them over he inspected the wounds on Buck's wrists. He winced at the multitude of deep lacerations, which criss-crossed the boy's skin, partially obscured by the dried blood that covered them.

"Jimmy, bring that water over here and let's clean these up."

As Buck rested his arms on his knees Teaspoon carefully and methodically washed the abrasions on his wrists, letting out the occasional 'tsk' as he did so. Buck looked away and stared off into the distance, unable to meet the man's eye, the man who had become like a father to him, the man he felt he had let down and the man who was helping him out again.

By the time Teaspoon had finished and Buck's wrists were bound with Jimmy's torn up spare shirt, it was growing dark. Jimmy brought Buck a cup of coffee, holding it up to his mouth so he could drink.

"Think I can manage, thanks," Buck told him softly, gingerly taking the cup in hands. Jimmy sat back on his haunches not too far away in case his help was needed.

As Buck took a few tentative sips Jimmy suddenly blurted out, "I'm sorry."

"What for?" came the perplexed response.

"Leading Brody to you and …"

Buck shook his head sadly. "This wasn't your fault, Jimmy. I brought this on myself, shooting Neville like I did."

"Man deserved it."

Buck let out a soft derisive snort. "Maybe so but it don't make what I did right. Teaspoon knew. I should never have crossed the line."

"You sure as hell didn't deserve what that man did to you – or Neville. It ain't right. I should'a killed Brody when I had the chance."

"Then you'll have crossed the same line, Jimmy. Believe me it isn't worth it."

"I don't know about no line but I reckon no man should get away with what he done. If I ever see him again I'm gonna shoot him."

"You've never killed anyone in cold blood, Jimmy – not on purpose. There's a difference."

"Still don't mean that someday someone like Brody won't come looking for me."

Buck looked at his friend sadly and gave him an understanding smile. "Let's hope your friends will be there to watch your back, like mine were."

"Didn't watch your back too good when I let Brody sneak up on me like that."

"I must have been livin' in the white world too long as I didn't hear him either," Buck added, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, we must be getting old or somethin'," Jimmy replied, glad that Buck was responding and being more like his usual self.

"Perhaps I've just been livin' with you too long, Hickok!" Buck retorted with a lopsided grin.

Across the way, Teaspoon smiled to himself. As long as these boys had each other they'd do all right. He was just happy to have Buck back, almost in one piece.

Z

As the night grew darker, Buck drifted into exhausted sleep, too tired to even give in to his customary snoring.

"You reckon he's gonna be okay, Teaspoon?" Jimmy asked as he chewed on one of the last pieces of hard tack.

"We'll get the doc back at Rock Creek to check out his hands. Seems he was getting some feelin' back in them already so they should be fine."

"I don't mean his hands. I mean … he's been through a lot and seems, I don't know; I've never seen Buck look so beat before."

"There's a lot eatin' away at the boy, sure enough. The sooner we can get him home, amongst family, the sooner he's gonna start healin'"

Jimmy understood that Teaspoon meant both the physical and mental injuries his friend had suffered. He just hoped Teaspoon was right about this, as he was right about most things and had all the riders with their troubles at some time or other.

"We'll set off for home as soon as Kid gets back with the supplies in the mornin', so's I suggest we both get some sleep. Personally I'm lookin' forward to somethin' ta eat other than hard tack!" Teaspoon said, draining the remnants of his now cold coffee.

Jimmy smiled at him. "Just as well Cody ain't here or we'd wouldn't have gotten any sleep tonight with him moanin' 'bout the lack of food."

It was Teaspoon's turn to laugh now. It felt good to laugh. Buck wasn't the only one who was feeling the strain of the last couple of days.

A short while Jimmy fell asleep. Teaspoon poured himself another cup of coffee and settled down to watch over his boys. The moon was high in the sky and casting jagged shadows across the ground when suddenly something caught Teaspoons eye. He looked across towards Buck and could see the light reflecting in his large, soulful eyes. He was awake and staring at Teaspoon.

"You all right, son?" he whispered, getting quietly to his feet, so as not to disturb Jimmy. He hunkered down in front of Buck who continued to stare anxiously at him, his brow furrowed.

"What is it, son?" Teaspoon reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to bring him out of his stupor. For a while Buck said nothing. Teaspoon settled himself down next to him and was reminded, by the pungent odour, that one of the first things they had to do was get Buck cleaned up and into some other clothes, when Kid got back. It seemed strange to him that Buck hadn't even realised what a mess he was in and he thought it best not to mention it for now.

"I'm sorry I let you down, Teaspoon." Buck's rasping voice took him by surprise and he could only give him a puzzled look.

"Killing Neville," Buck continued. Unable to look at Teaspoon as he said these words, he dropped his gaze. "I still don't regret it but I should never have done it like I did. Guess I wasn't thinking too straight at the time. You were right. It caught up with me."

The admission took Teaspoon totally by surprise. He now knew that this must have been eating away at Buck all these years but he'd never said anything, hidden it away inside, like so many other things. Even after he'd shot Neville, they had merely dealt with the situation in hand, as Teaspoon had done his best to protect the boy from any prosecution. Buck was so wrapped up in grieving for Ike the opportunity never arose for them to talk about what had happened. Then the war came along and they had other things to worry about.

Teaspoon chose his words carefully. "I was a little disappointed with the way you handled it but I understood. Losing Ike like that was hard on you. Heck, it was hard on us all. But what's done is done. Can't change that. I told you then you'd have to live with it and you have. You've found a place for your self in this world. And that place is right there waitin' for you."

"Guess I'm going to have to deal with what's happened now," Buck replied, looking at his hands, "and learn to live with that too, just like I had to live with killing Neville."

"I'm guessin' it's gonna take a while to get over this but remember you got people who care about you. You don't have to go through this on your own, not like you tried to do when Ike died. You hear?"

Buck didn't reply but fell into a withdrawn silence once more. Teaspoon got up and rekindled the fire, sending a warming glow about the camp. Jimmy shifted in his sleep, unconsciously moving his hand nearer to his Colt, which lay by his side.

"I thought I was going to die, Teaspoon." Buck's words cut through the air and Teaspoon turned to look at him, only to see his eyes glinting with unshed tears.

Teaspoon went and sat next to Buck once more. "But you didn't," he affirmed.

"I'm not afraid to die, Teaspoon, it's just it didn't seem right to die like that – on my own and like this …" He looked down at himself woefully. "I always thought I'd die along side my friends or my people, fighting for what I believed in, just not like that." His words trailed off as he took a deep breath.

"None of us can know what our destiny will be, Buck. Just gotta face it when the time comes and …" It was then that Teaspoon realised that Buck was shuddering next to him and that he had finally lowered his defences enough to allow the tears of anger, sadness, fear and relief to flow. Instinctively Teaspoon put his arms about him and held on while he finally let it out.

Across the way Jimmy watched them, holding on to his own emotions as best he could. This wasn't over for him – not by a long shot. He wasn't going to be able to forget what Brody had done to Buck and him, for that matter. As for Neville, he still couldn't quite believe Teaspoon had let him get away with trying to hang Buck. As far as Jimmy Hickok was concerned, it was unfinished business.