The sun came up behind a thick icy haze of fog the next morning. As Sirius stared out the hospital window into the bustling Muggle city beyond, lost in thought, Kate's voice drifted in and interrupted his daydream.
"I had no right telling you not to play hero, you know."
He looked around at her. She was curled up in a squashy green armchair, her hair messy from sleep.
"I mean, look what I did. Ran straight in there without a second thought. I'm a right hypocrite is what I am."
Sirius propped his head against his hand and surveyed her.
"Yeah, you are. But you're the bravest hypocrite I know."
She laughed sleepily and rubbed her cheeks. The pre-mature wrinkles on her face seemed a little more obvious in the harsh morning light.
"Are you alright?" he asked her.
"No," she laughed bitterly. "But I will be… eventually."
"Just… don't be too hard on yourself. I've been there before, and looking back on it… it's pointless."
Kate shook her head, glancing again at the Evening Prophet.
"Just knowing I was so close… and now I'm back to square one."
She sniffed and wrapped her wooly blanket tighter around her shoulders. Sirius didn't know what else to say to her, so he went back to staring out the window.
At nine in the morning their room was now packed with a cozy amount of people. Both Mr. and Mrs. Potter had arrived in the night and settled themselves in the corner around the radio. Kate's brother had shown up as well to bring blankets and food in the early hours of the morning. The only relatives Remus had left, an aunt and uncle and two small cousins, had come to visit and conjured up a large sofa to share. Everyone was still snoozing silently. James and Peter hadn't woken up yet either. Peter was snoring on a make-shift bed he'd made out of three waiting chairs. And James was sitting in another chair, lying forward on his arms on the bottom half of Remus' mattress.
Remus himself continued to lay motionless, breathing softly, having not moved a single inch in the course of the night or previous evening. Neither had the little Muggle girl, Jacqueline, who was under a similar comatose-state until her and her parents' memories could be properly modified.
For a while, Sirius stared blearily back out the window. Every time he'd been close to falling asleep properly, he'd jerked awake, convinced that Remus had spoken his name, had called out for him. He didn't want to miss the moment when those gorgeous brown eyes would crack open and see for the first time that he was free, that he was safe, and that Sirius was never going to let anything happen to him again.
In the faint reflection of the glass window pane, he saw a slow movement as the hospital door creaked open. He frowned and looked around.
"Hello, Sirius."
Sirius jumped to his feet.
"Professor! I— we weren't expecting you."
Kate turned around too. Albus Dumbledore, dressed in sweeping purple robes, slid the rest of the way into the room and shut the door behind him.
"I was contacted hours ago with the information that some of my students were involved in the raid," he said, walking over to the foot of Remus' bed. "They didn't have to tell me who they were, of course. I knew the second they said 'three 6th years'."
Sirius smirked guiltily and shoved his hands in his pockets. Kate cleared her throat and got unsteadily to her feet.
"You must be Miss O'Falin," Dumbledore said, smiling widely and shaking her hand.
She smiled back timidly.
"I'm— I'm sorry I put your students in danger, sir," she said quickly. "I respect you very much, and—,"
"There's no need to apologize," Dumbledore said, waving his hand cheerfully. "I've known these three long enough to know they put themselves in danger no matter what the consequences. It is at least some comfort that this time they had adult supervision."
Sirius edged sideways and kicked James in the shin.
"Huh?" he grunted, lifting his head. He caught sight of Dumbledore and froze. "Oh, shit."
Dumbledore laughed.
"A well-suited response."
James stood up and stepped around the bed to wake Peter. As he moved, Dumbledore looked down at Remus, his piercing blue eyes roving around thoughtfully.
"It's always hard," he said finally, "when I lose one within my Order. It's hard because I know they won't be there to celebrate with us in the end, someday. But to lose a student to this war…"
Dumbledore pursed his lips and sighed out through his long crooked nose.
"Their loss is the hardest to bear. I think Remus especially, because of the injustice and pain he's dealt with all his life… of how much more injustice he doesn't realize is waiting for him out in the real world."
He tore his eyes off Remus and looked up at the three of them standing there, not sure of what to say in response.
"I am… beyond grateful to you three for what you've done to bring him home. But, as usual these days, my feelings on the matter are… not in consensus."
James and Sirius glanced at each other.
"Professor, did you come to visit Remus or…?"
Dumbledore smiled.
"No, you're quite right. I'm not here just to see Remus. I came on orders to fetch you three. You and Miss O'Falin here will need to be questioned by Bartemius Crouch and Alastor Moody in a secluded Ministry office on the ground floor. Needless to say, this has all been an embarrassment for them."
James looked aghast.
"We're being questioned alone?"
"No...," Dumbledore said with a rather mischievous grin, "you will also be joined by the highest ranking law official inside the entire Ministry judicial system. The Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot! —whom I've heard has quite the temper."
James and Peter looked nervously at each other but Sirius just winced at Dumbledore sarcastically, not the least bit fooled.
"Which is you."
Dumbledore chuckled.
"Yes. Me."
Sirius glanced across at Remus again. What if he woke up while they were being interrogated?
"Remus is in good hands," Dumbledore said, reading his mind. "Much better, in fact, than you four are about to be. Along with your discovery of the compound, they will be discussing your pending expulsions."
Sirius bit his lip and nodded.
"We need to head down now?"
"Yes. As soon as you can be ready."
Sirius thought back to all his Ministry and laboratory files… which were tucked under his four-poster bed back at Hogwarts.
This wasn't going to be easy. They'd broken about a hundred rules on top of having nothing to provide to corroborate their story.
He felt a little nudge in his elbow and looked around to find Kate smiling at him.
"C'mon, pretty boy, don't fret about it," she said, reaching up to ruffle his hair. "What are they going to do, chuck us in Azkaban for doing their jobs for them?"
Sirius blinked. Well… when she put it that way…
He just couldn't help but think of how many things could go wrong… if they found out all three of them were illegal Animagi… if they decided Sirius should not only be expelled, but be ordered back to live with his family again on top of everything.
But, just then, he thought again about the dark entrance to Greyback's underground realm. He thought back to every obstacle they had conquered, all the hard work they put forth in research, all the loopholes they had to jump through to find the right place. And then he thought of everything Remus had to endure for months on end, hungry, scared, and completely alone.
In the scheme of things, nothing seemed impossible to conquer anymore.
"Let's just get this shit over with," he mumbled to James and led the way out of the ward.
.x~*~x.
"How'd you think she's coping?"
Sirius shrugged.
"I don't think she's nearly as nervous about the Ministry as she was before yesterday."
James grinned.
"It was one hell of a way to earn her stripes."
They were all sitting in waiting chairs around the closed-off Ministry office on the ground floor of St. Mungos. One could hardly even call it a Ministry office though— it had had nothing but a small Floo that could summon witnesses, solid metal furniture and bare grey walls.
Kate was currently being questioned alone. For the previous hour it had been their turn, all three of them being harassed together about how they had managed to track Greyback's location to the exact spot.
It'd been absolutely exhausting— Crouch had continuously asked the same basic questions over and over again, in different ways and in random order, as he tried to catch them all in a lie. Each of their responses had been recorded in precise detail, and if they answered in a slightly different manner the next time he asked it, the responses were then cross-examined and pitched back to them as Crouch demanded more of an explanation.
And at the conclusion of the meeting, Crouch had ominously mentioned that their expulsions were still pending.
Sirius sighed tiredly and leaned forward, rubbing his face in his hands. Irritation was burning inside him as he thought back to that idiot's words during the middle of the meeting half an hour ago…
"Mr. Black, is it true you knowingly lied to myself and another senior Ministry officer during the raid about the illegality of your age?"
"Yes."
"So judging by first impressions, would you assume it justified we take your every word into extreme suspicion?"
"Ye— No."
"Yes and No?"
"No, I meant no."
"Well, that's convincing…"
"It was your damn fault we were even out there in the first place! Underage or not!"
"Sirius, calm down—,"
"But Professor, they're—,"
"Yes, Dumbledore, stay out of it! I'll have you know, young man, that unlike you, we do not have the luxury of running around aimlessly in the forests of the country searching randomly on a whim. We actually have protocol and laws that we abide by, and a million other more current cases to deal with! Your insinuations that we have not been doing our jobs properly are not helping your case in the least…"…
Crouch's pompous voice echoed in his ears and then faded away.
They'd been ordered to remain outside until Kate's testimony was given. She needed to first confirm their side of the story before being subjected to her own line of questioning. As they sat there, quietly fuming over the sheer nerve Crouch had, they would all occasionally burst out with angry rhetorical questions, unable to keep their frustrations inside their chests.
"I don't understand how they have the nerve to tell us we did anything wrong," James blurted out suddenly. "Weren't they the idiots who decided it was such a great fucking idea to destroy the tunnels before they'd even bothered checking to see if anyone innocent was down there?"
Sirius threw his hands in a mixture of agreement and equal astonishment.
"Exactly! If Kate hadn't been there, they would have just finished Remus off for Greyback!"
They all seethed in irritation and went back to stewing in their own anger.
Another ten minutes passed… then twenty… then forty…
There was a soft scuffling noise from behind the steel door and then the sound of the lock clicking open. All three of them straightened up and stared anxiously as it was opened and Alastor Moody stepped out, followed closely by Kate and then— Frank Longbottom.
"Hey," he said, grinning.
They grinned back nervously, their eyes darting between Frank and Moody.
"Based on some new… evidence… we're reversing your expulsions," Moody growled. His scarred face seemed a little twisted and it took them a second to realize he was grinning at them.
They all smiled widely in relief and James did a victorious whoop! with his fist in the air.
They couldn't have cared less about being kicked out of Hogwarts— they just realized that if they weren't being expelled, that definitely meant neither Crouch nor Dumbledore had discovered they were all Animagi— something that could have gotten them all in far more serious trouble than just being expelled.
Kate grinned back at them knowingly. Behind her they heard the raised sounds of an irritated voice, the swooshing of Floo being used in a fireplace, and a moment later Dumbledore came out of the room alone with an amused little smile on his face.
"Mr. Crouch wasn't feeling well all of a sudden and decided to head back to his Department immediately," he said politely.
Sirius laughed and thought he saw Dumbledore give him the tiniest of winks.
"Thanks a ton, Frank," James said, stepping forward and wringing his hand in gratitude.
"Anytime, mate," Frank smirked. "I might not be here if it hadn't been for you three."
"Yeah," Moody growled at them. "According to Frank here you'd all make some damn fine Aurors—,"
"I never said that—,"
"Which is saying something cos he's the best new recruit in almost a century—,"
"That's not true either—,"
"I mean, I saw for myself how strong-willed you all were during questioning. With resilience like that, why, I'd be interested in taking you on after you qualify at Hogwarts next year."
Sirius, James and Peter stared at Moody in alarm.
"What— us become Aurors?" Peter said dumbstruck.
"Of course! Constant action and the adventure of taking down more Death Eaters—now tell me that isn't something you'd want to do for the rest of your lives!" Moody glared at them excitedly as if daring them to say no.
They blinked for a moment, considering his words. Voldemort was getting more powerful by the year… and they all did seem born for a job like that… but then again, the Aurors were still a part of the Ministry. A great big building full of laws and rules and restrictions.
Simultaneously, their minds wandered back to Crouch's pretentious attitude and lenient stance on Dark Magic.
"Nope, can't say it is," James piped.
"Nuh-uh," Peter said.
"Just not sure we've got quite what it takes," Sirius added smugly, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't true.
Moody looked extremely put-out and opened his mouth to protest.
"Bad luck, Alastor," Dumbledore interrupted, putting a hand on his shoulder and patting it gently. "Will you two be at the meeting tonight?" he continued with the air of trying to distract Moody from carrying on.
Sirius, James and Peter frowned and glanced between Dumbledore and the Aurors as they spoke.
"If we're not killed before then," Moody growled.
"Right little ray of sunshine, aren't you?" Frank shot at him. "Yes, we will, Professor. I'll bring him along in a body bag if necessary. Alice might not make it though, she's working late to cover Dawlish's shift. He's still knocked out upstairs with a great ugly burn on his face, poor thing."
"Yes, yes, poor Dawlish," Dumbledore chuckled. "Have you and Alice set a date for the wedding yet?"
Frank seemed to light up at his words.
"Next August," he chirped, bouncing a little on his heels. "She wants it the same day as the Perseids meteor shower… or something like that. Our invites'll be in the mail sometime next month."
"Outside at nighttime?" Moody barked at him. "Just make sure the right safety measures are taken or you're just asking for trouble! Constant and unwavering vigilance must be maintained at all times!"
Frank rolled his eyes and bid everyone farewell before heading down the corridor with Moody limping in toe.
"Professor, were you talking about the Order of Phoenix?" James said immediately.
Dumbledore appeared to stall for a moment.
"Yes, Mr. Potter, but—,"
"Can we come too?" Sirius blurted out eagerly. "We were involved, after all."
"—but we do not accept any members under the age of seventeen, nor any un-qualified wizards. Both of which you all are."
James and Sirius deflated in disappointment. The Order of the Phoenix had an extremely exclusive reputation for being the rebels of law enforcement. They acted outside of the Ministry to combat Death Eaters and anyone else in league with Voldemort. Several articles in the Daily Prophet had been released discussing the intense secrecy in which the Order operated, and how being in the Order of the Phoenix gave you a certain level of prestige amongst Aurors since it only recruited the best of the best. The only downside, of course, seemed to be the abnormally low survival rate.
Dumbledore chuckled at their despondent reactions.
"Don't look so put-out, boys," he sighed. "Perhaps someday when you're ready, you might find the Order a more suitable place for your talents than the Ministry."
They stared at him, hardly daring to believe their ears.
"Just don't be in such a rush to grow up," Dumbledore added. "It's hard enough to be a child in these times, let alone an adult. Take it from someone who knows."
He gave them all a reassuring wink and turned to Kate.
"Miss O'Falin, might I have a word with you… in private?"
Kate nodded fervently, and both she and Dumbledore raised their hands in farewell before strolling away.
"You know, anyone else would have gotten an Order of Merlin First Class for what we did," James spat bitterly as they trudged upstairs again.
"You didn't read the Morning Prophet, did you?"
James and Peter snapped their heads around to look at him.
"I couldn't sleep," Sirius shrugged. "Anyways, they're not saying Remus was recovered from Greyback. They're saying he was 'discovered in critical condition by three of his fellow classmates'."
"What?" James shouted, outraged.
"That makes it sound like we just found him lying in the middle of the bloody road!" Peter exclaimed.
"I think Dumbledore's behind it. He still has to keep Remus' lycanthropy secret as long as he's a student."
James pressed his lips together with a sour expression on his face and muttered something that sounded like, "All those uni-brows…"
Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets and walked on in silence.
He couldn't believe that just twenty four hours ago they'd been dueling Death Eaters and werewolves, and had thought Remus to be dead.
In a matter of nine days they'd managed to do what the Aurors hadn't been able to do in years. It still infuriated him, though, that even when they had found the compound, had led them to it, had done all their work for them and basically placed Greyback's in their very hands, the Ministry still failed in capturing him. The negligence of it was eating him up inside.
Now Greyback was still out there, free to attack again, to rise again and to kill again. The fact that he needed to start over from scratch was little comfort… he knew if Greyback had done it once, he could do it again, especially with Voldemort at his side.
Sirius walked through the door to ward 46, engrossed in thought and caught up in his frustrations.
"Dumbledore still should have let us come to the Order meeting," he said out loud, walking past the foot of Remus' bed and kicking the leg of his chair absentmindedly. "It wasn't like coming to the meeting would have meant we were joining. It would have just been that— you know— we could tell them everything we found out. I mean, what the hell else are we going to do tonight?"
He glanced at James, wanting some sort of emotional support, but shrank back. James was staring at him with a wide-eyed expression of disbelief and astonishment, and then looked pointedly at Remus' bed.
"Hey, Pads."
Sirius froze.
He hadn't even noticed the group of people now gathered around Remus' bed. He'd been so distracted with his own stupid contemplations that he'd become blind to his surroundings.
And now that he'd come back to his senses, he was paralyzed in the clutches of those brown eyes.
"Remus," he breathed.
Remus was sitting up with his arms wrapped around his knees, looking vulnerable and entirely worn-out. He stared up at Sirius, chewing on the corner of his bottom lip… and time seemed to stop.
James and Peter rushed forward and embraced him, laughing and exclaiming loudly. Remus laughed too, but looked like he was fighting down a large lump in his throat. There was a pained expression in his eyes as he clutched at their shoulders, his eyes searching their faces as if terrified they would vanish at any second.
Sirius' feet seemed to move on their own accord, carrying him closer until he had sunk down into the mattress next to him and wrapped Remus in his arms.
The first thing that just killed him was how much smaller Remus was now— there was hardly anything to him anymore. Sirius could feel the bones in his ribs and shoulders as he held him tighter, and the arms that wrapped around him in return were painfully thin.
But his warmth was so real; the softness of his light brown hair against his cheek was so silky. Shivers broke out across his skin when he felt Remus bury his face into his neck and mumble a soft little sentiment that was muffled by Sirius' robes.
"Hi."
Sirius choked a little and let out a bark of laughter.
"Hi," he said back, pulling away and grinning down at him. "How long have you been awake?"
"He woke up around half an hour ago," Remus' aunt answered for him. "We've been trying to fill him in on everything, but he was a little startled, naturally."
"What was the last thing you remember?" James asked.
Remus winced.
"I think I've been out for a few days now."
The three of them noted how Remus didn't properly answer the question, but they weren't going to push the issue in front of everyone.
"I'm sorry we weren't here when you woke up," Sirius said. "I was afraid you'd come-to while we were downstairs…"
Remus smiled at him a little.
" 'S alright, Pads."
Sirius' heart fluttered and his breath caught in his chest. Even after all this time, a smile and a whisper was all Remus had to do to get under his skin.
His aunt slid forward to sit next to Remus and hug his shoulders comfortingly. Sirius had to stop himself from scowling at her— now that she had moved in it would have been inappropriate to stay where he was, so he moved reluctantly next to James instead.
Remus' sunken eyes roamed slowly over everyone staring at him— his family, the Potters, two Healers, and Kate's brother— before he addressed the other three.
"You aren't in trouble, are you? They told me the Ministry was questioning you."
His voice was frail and kept wavering in volume as he spoke.
"We weren't expelled, if that's what you mean," James grinned. "Even if we did break a million rules to find you."
Remus nodded and lowered his head to rest his chin on his knee. He stared down at his sheets drowsily.
"You guys are idiots," he sighed finally.
Sirius doubled over laughing with James and Peter.
" 'S not funny," Remus slurred sleepily.
"We're not laughing at that," Peter chuckled.
"We just really missed you," James grinned.
Remus blinked and then gave them a tiny smile.
"I missed you too. I never thought I'd see you again."
He sighed tiredly and avoided everyone's eyes.
"My parents…," he whispered after a long while, "…they didn't suffer too bad, did they?"
Everyone glanced around uncomfortably. Remus' uncle was the first one to speak.
"They fought with everything they had in them, Remus," he said. "But no, they didn't suffer. They weren't tortured or anything… they were just out numbered in the end."
Remus stared down at his sheets again and didn't respond. His small arms wrapped themselves tighter around his knees as he scrunched into a more compact ball.
One of the Healers cleared his throat and everyone turned to look at them.
"Well, everyone," he said started. "Now that the worst phase of spell damage has been taken care of, we'll be working with Remus on his rehabilitation. St. Mungo's afternoon visiting hours begin at noon and end at one thirty. Since we've only got an hour until noon, you can all just stay here for now, but will need to leave at the end of the visiting period."
"But—," Remus said, looking desperately at James, Peter and Sirius.
"We can't stay with him tonight?" Peter asked frowning.
"We will… discuss it," the wizard said unconvincingly.
The other Healer pointed her wand at the desk in the corner and summoned three bulging platters of sandwiches, fried chips, and cake.
Remus straightened up to looked over at it and Sirius laughed when he saw the nostrils on his freckled nose flare out.
"I'll get your plate for you," he said, standing up. "I got you a box of chocolate frogs, too."
"You didn't," Remus breathed, his face lighting up for the first time.
Sirius couldn't remember the last time he'd smiled so hard.
He could recall distantly, well over a year ago, the reason he'd developed an attraction to Remus in the first place. It was some innate calling to protect him, to heal and comfort him, and to do anything in the entire world just to make him smile. He couldn't even put into words what it felt like to be able to do it again, after he'd thought for so long that all hope was lost.
When he sat back down at the foot of the bed five minutes later with an overflowing plate, he watched in rapt fascination as Remus ate ravenously. Sirius looked around in time to see Peter and James grinning too. Even the tiniest sign of strength from Remus was a relief to see.
But just like himself, he knew that James and Peter were itching to speak with Remus alone— they were unusually silent, and every time they did open their mouths to speak, they'd stop and stutter themselves silent.
All three of them wanted to just let loose and tell Remus everything— about all they had done since they had last seen him, about their mission to find him, and everything that had gone on in the world. And they had so many questions for him too… what had really happened when he was captured, and what had happened to him in all the months since?
There was an entire puzzle that needed to be pieced together and it was hard to contain their questions until they had privacy.
Remus' relatives on the other hand were chatting loudly with Mr. and Mrs. Potter about possible living arrangements for him during the Holidays. Remus wasn't listening in much, and Sirius had a feeling that his mind was still dwelling too hard on the issue of his parents' death.
Slowly, and making sure no one else was watching, Sirius slid his hand over the mattress and gripped Remus' baby toe affectionately through the sheet, caressing it gently with his thumb.
Remus blinked down at it for a moment as he chewed on a large bite of sandwich. Then, after a half glance around at his visitors, his toes curled inward, trying to grip Sirius' fingers in return.
They both looked up at each other and linked eyes.
"Tonight…," Remus murmured so that no one but Sirius could hear, "… don't leave me on my own. No matter what… please..."
An intense and almost unbearable urge to kiss Remus practically knocked the wind out of him.
"I won't," he whispered.
~*~ Please Review!~*~