A/N I own none of this sadly but NO ONE TAKE MEH TACO Mwahahahahahahaha DUN DUN DUN! Also I'm officially a character in this fic I'm officially deity I basically look like link but I wear a black tunic and black hat so I guess I'm his twin heheheh
Link: I. Hate. Valentines. Day.
Zelda: I don't! (Talking happily)
Link: OH DEAR GOD
Zelda: heheheh now you have no choice but to marry me!
Link: how so?
Zelda: I have guards and Impa's behind you (smiling)
Link: (Looking really worried) why do I get all the girls
Zelda: no one can save you now! Except deity
Link: oh yeah deity. DEITY!
Right then I come walking in
Deity: what I was napping
Link: um a little help here?
Deity: k but I'm coming with you for revenge for waking me up
Zelda: (jumps in my way) you'll have to go through me first to get to link
Impa does the same thing but lands on link and he falls unconscious
Deity: well this'll be fun (Draws double bladed sword)
Two minutes later
Deity: did YOU really have to tie me up? Eh at least I got link gone
Zelda: so if link wont marry me I'll make YOU marry me
Deity: oh god (I break free)
Three minutes later
Someone: Zelda do you take Deity to be your husband?
Zelda: YES!
Someone: Deity do you take Zelda to be you wife?
Deity: n- (there's a knife to my neck) I first gotta do something (takes out sword which is strangely still in its sheath) Fight!
Ten second later
Deity: YOU CANT MAKE ME SAY YES! (Hung upside- down with Impa guarding me and Zelda trying to make me say yes by bribing me)
Zelda: two thousand rupees?
Deity: no
Zelda: ten thousand rupees?
Deity: no
Zelda: every rupee in the world?
Deity: tempting but no
Zelda: I hate to do this but (takes cell phone out and invites every friend over) SLEEPOVER!
When everyone's there
Random friend: are there boys here?
Zelda: one, Deity
Other friend: YAY I've been following him where is he?
Zelda: tied upside-down in the other room
Other friend: HES MINE! (Barges into other room but I'm not there) WHAT!
Moments later a rock with a note on it hits Zelda in the head
It reads 'cya I found a knife and distracted Impa with a mirror heheheh cya later I'm in the kokiri forest'
Zelda: well that narrows it down (leaves to hunt me down)
Later with Malon and Saria
Malon: where's link again?
Saria: probably packing to leave (crying)
Right then me and link enter the room
Link: hey Saria and Malon
Saria: hi link who's that?
Deity: am I seriously that unknown? I'm deity links twin but I choose to sleep most of the tim… (falls asleep)
Saria: does that happen often? (Wakes me up)
Deity: huh wha? I'm up
Malon: your links twin? (Reconsiders who she likes)
Deity: yeah he just got the kokiri sword and I have a gold and blue twirled one
An hour later
Deity: so now I'm tied up