Looking around the bullpen, Jack felt empty and alone. Not because he was the only one in the office, but because he really was empty and alone. Had been for the better part of two years. Closing his eyes he tried to remember how it had happened. How things had gotten so messed up. When had it happened that he did not want to go home at night? Just a few years ago he would have never imagined an evening that he would have preferred to be in a dark, empty bullpen rather than at home with Sue. Yet, here he was. Wishing he could just find one more reason to stay a few extra minutes.
He tried to remember what it had been like….before. In his minds eye he could see the happy faces. Tara peering around the computer screen, happily sharing the latest bit of information she had pulled magically from the computer screen. Myles, sharing his Harvard education with the rest of the world, whether or not anyone wanted to hear it. Dimitrius, always with a word of encouragement, and a quiet humble spirit. Lucy, with a wide grin, ready to match him and Sue. Suddenly his eyes opened. He had to get out of here. As much as he wanted to remember those good times, he couldn't. It was history. Sue would be at home with supper, probably angry with him for not calling to let her know he would be late. At least she would talk to him tonight. After all, some nights they barely spoke two words to each other. How did it come to this?
He knew the answer to the question even before his mind asked. She had died that day….just like Bobby. Just like their baby. Though her body had healed for the most part, her heart had never recovered. And now, their marriage was just a facade. They rarely talked, rarely touched. Oh, most people thought they were fine. They put on their "happily married" faces when they were out. At church, they had even been asked to mentor some of the newly married couples. They had bowed out gracefully, giving an excuse of their work schedules being so hectic that they did not have time. Never giving an inkling to others of the truth. They were falling apart.
Gathering his things, his heart heavy, he looked around once more. His eyes rested on the place Bobby had sat. Tomorrow he would go to the memorial, and remember. He would relive the moment he saw the building blow up. His heart would feel the pain again. Two years, and yet he could still feel the heat on his face, as he ran towards the burning building. He could hear his own voice screaming Sue's name. Still feel the nausea as he saw her. Bobby was laying on top of her. He was already gone. His heart constricted as he remembered pulling Sue out from under his friend, and seeing the pain plastered on her face. Never would he forget the look on the doctor's face when he told Jack that the son she was carrying was dead. Nor would he forget the look on Sue's face when she realized that she would never have the opportunity to hold her son. Never be able to conceive again.
"Jack, you gonna be ok?" D's voice came from the hallway, bringing Jack to the present.
"Yeah, just finishing up." He tried to smile, but he knew D would see the tears. He also knew D would understand as much as anyone.
"Jack, go home to Sue. I will see you at the service tomorrow." Jack could see the depth of concern in D's eyes. "Sue needs you tonight." Hearing those words, he felt like a knife cut him through the heart.
"D, I'm not sure." He could see D's questioning eyes. Feeling he could not hold it in anymore, he made a quick decision to talk to his friend. "She barely speaks to me D. We lead separate lives. I--I don't know what to do."
The look of understanding in D's eyes reminded Jack of the days that D had his own marital issues. He and Donna had made it through, but he knew there had been some rough times. "Jack, she needs you and you need her. You just have to find each other again. You have to fight for it Jack." He paused, making sure he had Jack's full attention. "Remember what you said to me all those years ago. How you wished you had what I had." Jack remembered well those words, and nodded. "You have that now Jack. Don't lose it."
Looking into D's eyes, his heart felt as heavy as led. He had a wife, but he did not have what D had. And he never would. No children would ever grace his house, and his wife hated him. "See ya tomorrow D." It was all he could say. He needed to get home. Needed to get the evening over with. Needed to go for a run.