"All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." Sue finished signing the book to the child in front of her. His blue eyes sparkling up at her. She had not come here often since the accident. Being around the children caused her heart to break yet again for her own loss. It had been on a whim that she had come to the Bookworm meeting today. Knowing Jack would probably stay late at work, as usual, and not sure she wanted to face an empty house, she had tried to think of something she could do. Somehow, she had ended up here, reading a story that seemed to fit her own life. Humpty Dumpty had shattered into a million pieces, just as her heart had shattered. No one could put him together again. He was hopeless, just like Sue. Of course, no one had ever tried to put her back together…not even Jack.
She knew why. His best friend had died saving her life. How could he forgive her for that? He had lost the hope of a family, which she knew he wanted more than anything. How could he love her? Now he spent countless hours at the bullpen, a place that she had not stepped into since that day. D and Jack were the only two that had remained on the same team. Not wanting to be with her, Jack had poured himself into his job. The looks of love and longing that she had seen years before had been replaced by looks of disappointment and hopelessness.
Looking at her watch, she realized it was later than she thought, and decided to head home. She had not left a note to let Jack know where she was, and though he might not care, it just seemed wrong. Not knowing if he would care one way or the other whether she was home still did not give her a right to not show a little respect.
Walking in the door, she looked around. He wasn't home. Of course, he wasn't home. Anger rose up in her. Without thinking, her eyes drifted to the picture that hung above the mantel. There they were, a lifetime ago. She wore a beautiful white gown, he a tux. Love glowed in their eyes, as they held each other close. Memories flooded her. Happy memories. Their first night together. The way he held her and told her that he loved her more than life itself. How he had comforted her when they had to put Levi down. The joy in his eyes when she told him he was going to be a father. The way it felt when he loved her…when she loved him.
Suddenly, her thoughts moved to two years ago. Two years ago tonight. They had spent the evening shopping for baby furniture. Laughing, planning. Never would she forget the way his eyes had lit up as he talked to her tummy. Always making sure she could see what he was saying. Assuring their baby how much he was loved. That night, he had talked to her tummy for a while, then he had moved up to talk to her. "I think it might be best if I changed jobs. Maybe get a supervisor position. Something more stable. Less time away, and less dangerous."
"But Jack, you love being on the field. Would you be satisfied being behind a desk?" She had asked concerned.
"Sweetheart, I want to be here to see my baby grow up. To have more babies with you. I want to go to his ball games. I don't want to look back and wish I had done things differently." His eyes were so sincere, and held so much love, it had touched Sue, bringing tears. "Know another reason I want to be home every night?" She shook her head, unable to speak. "So I don't miss this." He smiled seductively, then moved in to kiss her passionately. After showing each other how much they loved each other, they had fallen asleep in each others arms. Neither realizing how life would change in less than 24 hours.
Snapping back to the present, she felt him in the room with her. He had not made himself known, and her chocolate lab, Buster, rarely told her when Jack came in. Sue guessed it was because Jack was supposed to be there. It didn't matter. She could always feel him. Maybe it was the last bit of the connection that they used to have. Turning, she saw him, already peeling off his dress shirt, heading towards the bedroom. "Going for a jog?" Even though she could not hear her voice, she knew that her tone was angry.
Looking up at her, his eyes seemed angry too. "Yeah, want me to take Buster?"
"If that is not too much trouble. And I think I am going to call for take out tonight. Pizza ok?" As she said that, she caught a look of sadness pass over his face. Maybe he was remembering the many times they had ordered pizza together…back before…when they were just friends. Friends who loved each other fiercely.
"Sure. That's fine," he signed. He turned as he continued to undress on the way to their bedroom. She knew he would not even notice that she was staring. His body was still exquisite. It still made her heart skip a beat. She caught his eyes in the mirror. He had seen her admiring him. Turning away from him, she went to order the pizza, wishing he wanted her…wishing she could make him happy again, but knowing she would never be enough anymore.