Walking past Slappy's was always the hardest part of her day. Not once in the last two years had she walked by without seeing it in her mind. The building had been rebuilt, and business resumed as usual. Pictures of the victims were hung on the wall as a tribute, but people came in and out everyday without much more than a glance at them. Eight people had lost their lives. One of them had been the only man she had ever loved. Yet people just went on with life. Feeling the small hand holding her own, she was glad that they did. In some small way, going on with life helped. The bright eyed little boy staring up at her needed her to live, and so she did. Some days he was the only reason she got up in the morning, but he was worth it.
Reaching down, she picked up the 18 month old child, and looked deep in his eyes. Eyes that she had looked into so often in the past. Eyes that haunted her sleep even now. Eyes just like his father's. "Hey buddy. We gotta get movin' or we're going to be late." Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to the Hoover building and made her way to the room where she would meet the people who had been so much like family for so long.
Walking into the room, she noted all the pictures that were collected on the walls. Most of them were pictures of men and women who she never knew. A few she had seen. One was a friend. And one was the love of her life. Her feet moved instantly to the spot she knew his picture hung.
"Daddy!" Little Samuel burst out with a smile. She had tried to keep pictures of Bobby around so that he would at least become familiar with the face, telling him that was his daddy, and how brave he had been. Hearing him squeal his name now brought tears to her eyes.
Feeling a hand on her shoulder she turned to find Jack standing behind her. "Hey Tar. How are you doing?" His tone was subdued, and she saw the sadness in his eyes.
"We're fine Jack. How about you and Sue?" Since the accident, Sue had been distant. Tara figured that when she had Samuel it had been hard on Sue, so she never pushed it, though she desperately missed the friendship they had shared.
"Good, thanks." Somehow his answer seemed strained, but now was not the time to decipher deeper meaning into his words, so she let it go. They stood for a few more seconds together, then Jack walked over to the picture of Wes, and left her to her own thoughts.
So many memories swirled around in her mind, it was hard to grasp onto one. Memories of the day she met him. The times they worked closely together. The first kiss. Wondering if he loved her. The moment he told her. Feeling as if her heart was being squeezed to the breaking point, she returned her gaze to the toddler in her arms. A spark of joy in her life, in the midst of all the pain.
"Tara." The voice behind her was unmistakably Myles. He had moved to NY after he got out of the hospital, and she rarely saw him. Turning to him now, she saw he was quite near to her. Putting her one free arm around him, she hugged him, surprised that he quickly moved closer and hugged her back. There were tears in both their eyes when they stepped back. She was slightly surprised when she realized how much she had missed this man. But then, everyone in the pen was like family, and Myles was no exception. No matter what loss they suffered there would always be a connection between those team members who had learned to trust their lives to each other.
"Hey there little guy." Myles' tone was soft as he looked into Samuel's eyes. "You sure do look like your dad." Tears filled his eyes again. "How are you doing Tara?"
"We are making it. What about you? How's New York?"
"It's ok, but it isn't home. I miss this place. Miss all of you." He gestured to the people around the room.
"We miss you too Myles." Tara's words were cut short by Dimitrius beginning the service. Together Myels and Tara found a place to sit.
As she listened to the loving words, she looked around her. From her seat she could see Sue and Jack, Lucy and Kevin, Donna was sitting next to an empty seat that was waiting for Dimintrius. The heart ache of being alone suddenly seemed to engulf her. As if he sensed her thoughts, she felt Myles arm go around her shoulder. Suddenly very grateful he was there, she smiled towards him. Tears were falling down his face, and she realized just how alone he must feel too. Placing her hand on his, she squeezed gently, and silently thanked God that he was here. For the next thirty minutes they sat with his arm around her, gaining from each other the strength to make it through this day. Samuel slept through it all.