A Few Contemplations

Daryl

The full moon illuminated the inside of the tent. Daryl dug through his bag of supplies for an extra shirt and wrapped it around his aching hand. He hit that damn tree pretty hard; most of the bleeding had stopped, but he wanted to at least clean it up a little.

His head pounded with conflicting thoughts. One part of him hated himself for hurting her, but the other part hated her. Or at least he thought he did.

Daryl groaned and rolled over in his sleeping bag, hearing Sarah open and close the tent she was staying in. He was too stressed out to even consider sleeping; the only thing that ever cleared his mind was the forest because it required so much attentiveness. With hope of bringing peace to himself, he ventured outside once more with his crossbow. He reasoned that Rick would expect some game in the morning anyways, and Daryl never failed to deliver.

Daryl picked up on the trail of what he believed was a deer soon after entering the forest. He wove through the trees, ears tuned into every deviation from silence. Tonight, there was something off with his instincts though; whenever he thought he was on the right track, he'd run out of clues and have to make an educated guess in order to continue tracking.

If he couldn't even concentrate on the hunt, what did he have? He cursed and sat down against a tree, putting his head in his hands. The conflicting thoughts came back in a tidal wave.

Daryl couldn't shake the fact that if the epidemic had never occurred, she wouldn't have even considered sleeping with him. They were two completely different people, too different to ever be attracted to each other. He thought of who she must have been before everything happened.

She would leave early for work every day to stop by Starbucks and grab some low-fat coffee shit, and then head to her practice in the Empire State Building. Daryl wasn't even sure if the Empire State rented to health practitioners, but figured that it was the sort of ritzy place Sarah would work in if possible. She would enter her office without saying hello to her new secretary; she wouldn't even know her first name for at least two months after her hiring date.

She would press the play button on the answering machine to hear whatever she had missed over the weekend. At least the messages that hadn't been sent straight to her Blackberry. She'd sigh and roll her eyes at the guy she went on a date with last week who kept calling for another. She would give most men her work number so that her cell phone wasn't cluttered with unheard messages.

After she was done seeing patients, she would head home to her penthouse apartment with a spectacular view. Most nights she slept in the king-sized bed alone, unless she was coming home from a night of clubbing, each time with a new man in tow. She would get dressed up in a short, tight red designer dress.

Sarah once found other people to be a nuisance, unless of course they were doing her a favor. She wouldn't settle for anything less than the richest, most attractive bachelor in New York City. Her daddy wouldn't approve otherwise.

Daryl was someone she'd laugh about or blatantly ignore. Even if he had the nerve to ask her on a date, she wouldn't have taken more than a second to consider it before laughing in his face and turning down the offer, not bothering with courtesy.

The only reason she was different after the apocalypse was because she lost everything that was ever important to her. Money would be worthless, and her family gone. All she had left was Rose and Marco, so obviously she was trying to replace the voids in her life with something. Daryl was convinced she was using him as a thrill and distraction, nothing more.

He took off his crossbow and set it beside him on the leaves. The two sides of his mind were still at war, and he felt his anger turn internally. He was angry at himself for judging her, thinking that she was just a fake bitch…he didn't really know her at all. Daryl just felt like a hypocrite then; he was pissed at her because she probably would have only seen him as a redneck before. But then there he was, stereotyping her as a snob and fabricating her entire life.

Daryl didn't know quite what to do…he decided that it wasn't her fault that he was upset, only his. She hadn't given him a reason to think any of those things, besides the fact that she made mention of coming from money.

He felt a bit calmer and started thinking about the things he actually did know about her. He knew that she was weak and helpless. Her lack of survival instincts was both amusing and endearing; it made Daryl want to protect her and teach her everything he knew. He liked the fact that she was into bikes…and pretty into him as well, if the events of earlier were any indication.

Daryl thought of her smooth, pale skin and her fit body. He wished he was still massaging her large breasts or squeezing her tight ass. After thinking it all through, he wanted to kick himself. He could have slept with her, but ended up just freaking her the fuck out instead.

He sighed. There was no way he could screw her now, he'd just get too attached. When he was on top of her and staring into her pretty blue eyes, all he wanted was to stay in the forest with her forever. It was a dangerous thought- there was too much that could go wrong if he let his emotions run wild. He wouldn't be able to focus on his own survival as well; he'd have to put her first always like Rick did for Lori and Carl. It was better to let her own people protect her, like they'd done all along. Another thing that stopped him was the fact that life had become too unpredictable. If he let himself fall for her, he'd lose her just like the group lost Sophia, Dale, Merle, and so many others. It would be only a matter of time until the zombies got her too.

With those things in mind, he decided that keeping his distance would be for the best. He didn't want to hurt her or get hurt himself, it just wasn't worth it. He wouldn't let himself apologize for that night, as it could lead her on too much. The more distance the better.

Finally, Daryl's mind was clear. He stood, feeling much better that he finally decided on something. Walking through the forest once more, he picked up on a good trail that led him to a tiny pond in the middle of the forest. He hid behind a tree and watched a sizable buck lower its neck to drink. When its nose brushed the water, Daryl launched the arrow that pierced straight through the jugular.

"Oh hell yeah," he smiled, happy to seemingly regain himself. He was determined then; no more losing himself in Sarah's charm.

He dragged out the arrow and wiped it off on his pants. After storing it away, he heaved the beast over his shoulder and started back to camp.

After three hours of sleep, the sun shone brightly through Daryl's tent. He would have stayed in bed a bit later, but he was eager to show everyone his prize from the night before. It would be good eating, for a while at least. To Daryl, it meant no more pop-tarts and fruit for breakfast.

"That's a pretty remarkable piece of game Daryl," Rick commented when he came outside and saw the buck near the fire. Daryl was busy chopping it up into chunks of meat that they could use for cooking.

"Ew! Why are you doing this in the middle of camp!" Rosalyn had also exited her tent. "I was wondering what that putrid odor was!"
"Go inside if ya don't like it," Daryl said with a glare. "Didn't ask ya'll to sit out here and help."

"That's appalling," she backed away from Daryl by a few steps after he pulled out the intestines and placed them on the ground beside him. Rosalyn gave him one last look of disgust before walking toward the blue house.
"Don't let it get to you," Rick said.

"Like anything that crazy bitch says would get to me," Daryl scoffed. "Damned social activists."

Rick didn't say anything in response, but helped Daryl carry the meat into the house after he was done cutting it up. "We'll probably leave for Savannah after lunch," Rick said.

Carol walked downstairs and into the kitchen while Daryl was washing off his bloody hands. He looked out the window and saw Lori and Carl playing a card game on the front porch. A familiar streak of blonde caught his eye in the camp, and he watched Sarah as she exited her tent. She saw the deer by the pit and looked around, probably for Daryl. Then Marco went to her and they headed in the direction of the backyard well.

"You alright Daryl?" Carol asked him, probably because of the fact that he had just been standing still with his hands in the stream of water.

"Just fine," he said gruffly.

She looked happier than he had ever seen her, likely because she was back with her family.

"Rick, I've been thinking. I don't want to go with ya'll to Savannah. I just want to stay here with my family now, they're all I have left and things seem pretty safe here. I'm sorry…but it's what's best for me."

He nodded understanding. "No one's going to blame you for wanting to be with your family, Carol. You've been through a lot. Do you want to tell the group or should I?"

Daryl could barely believe that they had just lost another member of the group; they were really getting weaker and weaker every day.

He decided to stay in the house for breakfast when he saw that Sarah was sitting by the tents with Marco and Rose. He made himself look away when she sadly looked at the ground and traced pictures in the dirt with a stick. He felt bad about hurting her, but knew he couldn't talk to her anymore without giving the wrong impression or putting himself at risk for falling for her.

Daryl enjoyed the venison that morning; protein was always a nice eye-opener, he had never needed coffee. Carol stayed inside with him even though her family and everyone else ventured outside. "Ya'll are sure about staying?" he asked. Though he wasn't romantically inclined toward Carol, he thought of her as a sister or at least a good friend; one of the few people that had seen his softer side.

"I'm sure…I mean they're family. Ya'll have become family for me too, but it can't replace actual kin. Plus I'm just getting sick and tired of traveling."

"Yeah," Daryl ran a hand through his hair.

"I'll be thinking of everyone though…and I hope you find what you're looking for," Carol said, placing a hand on his forearm. Her eyes were serene and he could tell that she had reached a level of peace with her life that she hadn't in a long time. "You're acting strange today. What happened?"

He told her that it wasn't a big deal and that she shouldn't worry for him. After they finished breakfast, the two of them ventured outside to the others. Daryl avoided eye contact with Sarah as much as he possibly could, focusing his vision somewhere in the distance. Even so, he felt her eyes on him. Rick announced to the group that Carol would be staying behind, and they began taking down the tents and packing up for the next three hours on the road.

Hershel spoke up. "Beth, Maggie, and I talked last night. I think Beth and I are going to be staying with Carol's family too; they said it was alright. We're just not up for the journey and we want to stay close to home still."

Maggie began crying and Glenn held her. Heartfelt goodbyes were given all around. Daryl shook Hershel's hand, thanking him again for fixing the hole in his side that the arrow had made.

Carol hugged everyone goodbye before they left for Savannah. "Take care of yourself, Daryl," she told him.

"You too," he said, still regretting the fact that they didn't find Sophia in time.

Finally, they were on the road again. Daryl found that the motorcycle didn't give him the same thrill as usual that day. Maybe having a pretty girl on the back changed things and he'd never get the same enjoyment out of it again. Dismissing the thought, he sped up the bike and passed the other cars. It was nice to be on the open road; one positive outcome of the outbreak was the fact that Daryl didn't have to be as cautious on his bike anymore. It wasn't as though there would be anyone else driving that would crash into him.

Daryl had only been in one motorcycle accident, when he was sixteen. He had just bought his first Yamaha street bike from what he earned working at a local farm for the summer. He could remember coming up to the intersection. He didn't have a stop sign, but the street it intersected with did. Someone from his right blew through the stop sign right in front of him. Daryl remembered his quick reflexes swerving right to avoid them, and was so close to safety, but he had just hit the rear tire on the car. He was flung over the front of the bike and hit the stop sign with his head.

The next thing he remembered was waking up in the hospital with Merle standing over him, giving him shit about his road rash and scraped up face. "Man, fuck you," were the first words Daryl painfully managed after waking up.

His recovery was as expensive as it was excruciating; his parents had the minimal Medicaid insurance, but it didn't spare Daryl from the ass-kicking he received from his father as soon as he was able to walk again.

That didn't stop him from getting a new bike, though. He took care of it like it was his first-born kid, spending hours every weekend detailing it and making it gleam in the hot Georgia sun. It definitely made it easier for him to pick up chicks.

He glanced in his rearview mirror to see that Sarah and Marco were a few cars back. He began getting thirsty; the ride was a long one. It was still odd to pass by so many deserted towns and abandoned cars, even though the infection had been going on for so long. It was just something none of them would ever get used to.

Daryl saw the city of Savannah in the distance. He had never been there; his family wasn't one for vacations. Daryl fell back into the line so he could follow Scott's car. They didn't take the main exit to the city, but closer to the ocean before getting off the highway.

Scott's beach house looked like a scene on a postcard. Daryl had never seen anything like it in person. They parked the cars, and after scoping the area for walkers and only finding a couple that were easily eliminated, they brought some supplies into Scott's house. Daryl walked to the window in Scott's living room and saw that the beach was less than a hundred feet away from the back deck. It was pretty, but only if you looked at it in the teenage spring break sort of way. He just couldn't see the real beauty while everyone else gushed about how great it was.

Looking at the water, he realized that all he wanted was another forest.

Hopefully that answered some few questions about last chapter. Just hang in there fellow Daryl fans, it's gonna get better :p. Thanks to those who have left reviews!