Chapter 8 Samantha

Pain.

Anger.

Confusion.

Betrayal.

All of these words swim through my mind as I replay this mornings events in my head.

I was the first one out of everybody to reach G-Major but instead of going in and getting to work I sat in my car and started to cry.

I didn't worry about Natalia because I knew she was in the car with Kwest after he insisted his 'new' niece drive to work with him.

For a good 10 minutes I sat in my car and cried. How could the man I called my father do something so hurtful.

Not only did he ruin my life but he ruined Jude and Sadie's more than it was before. Now when there mom comes back to Toronto they have to worry about breaking the news to her. And Me. I have to worry about their mom hating me and my daughter.

God my life is so fucked up. How am I going to handle this.

But I'm not the only one I have to worry about right now. I also have to worry about Natalia and my mom.

MOM!

She is going to be devastated when she finds out my dad has a whole nother family.

As if on cue my cell phone rang and it was my mom.

Apparently grandpa told her everything and she wanted to call me and make sure it was true.

After confirming everything my mom listened to me cry. I know she's hurt but she's not gonna cry especially while I'm on the phone with her. But once I hang up she will let it all out.

She just kept telling me it's going to be ok. That she knew something wasn't right about him.

After I calmed down. She told me to tell her about Jude and Sadie.

I told her what I knew. I mean I only knew them for a couple of days so I didn't know much.

Oh yeah I told her Jude was staying with me. She was absolutely thrilled when I told her. She said it was great that my 'sister' is also my best friend.

She told me she was going to leave New York tonight and arrive in Toronto by the morning. And that once she gets here she wants to have lunch with Sadie and Jude, go sightseeing and meet my boss Darius.

I gave her my address and told her I was late for work and that I had to go.

After we hung up I cried again. This time I didn't cry for me. I cried for my mom. I know she is just putting up a strong front for me and she has always done that as if she needed to protect me from pain, lies and heartache.

She has never been good with dealing with her emotions. Ever since I was younger she never cried in front of me. At first I never understood why the most hurtful news never effected her. But one day when I was 11 she found out her grandmother in Puerto Rico died. Instead of her crying she put on what I call her 'brave face' and didn't shed one tear. But later that night when she thought I was asleep I heard her in her room crying and yelling 'why did pain always have a way of finding her'.

And ever since then I made it my duty to make sure my mom didn't have to endure any pain or heartache.

For a good couple of years I succeed. Until today when our lives got turned upside down by the man I call my father and she called her husband.

While I was crying someone knocked on my window and scared me. When I looked up I saw that it was Darius with a not so happy look on his face.

I opened up the passanger side door and let him come in. He stared at me for 2 minutes before he brushed a tear off of my cheek.

"Talk to me. Whats got you so upset that your late for work."

I looked out my window and noticed everyone elses cars were already in the alley way.

"How long have they been here?" I asked motioning towards the parked cars.

"About 20 minutes. When I asked them where you were at Eric told me you were out here on the phone crying. So you want to talk about it."

I told Darius everything and for some reason when he hugged me I felt safe in his arms and started crying again.

"Come on there is only one cure for releasing all of this anger."

"What is that?" I asked between sobs.

"Sing. You go in that recording studio and sing your ass off. Put all your anger and fustration into a song and then sing it. It always worked for your sister." he said as he gave me a soft smile.

"Darius. I'm not my sister. How do you know that will work for me?"

"Trust me I know."

I finally agreed to go write a song. I only did it because I didn't want to spend the rest of my day agruing with Darius over weather me and my sister deal with our fustration the same way.

So we exited my car and went into the studio. The whole time Darius had his hand on my waist. It was dangerously low towards my ass. But I didn't care. Just having that one hand on my waist made me feel so loved and safe.

When we got into the studio me and Darius went our separate ways. He went into his office where Liam was waiting. And I went into studio D where Jude and Tommy were recording.

As I stepped into the room I heard Jude recording 'Goodbye To You' and when I looked at Tommy. The pain was evident all over his face.

I chose to ingore him with his faces and Jude with her singing.

Now I need to concentrate on writing the perfect song. One that explains all the anger and pain I have towards my dad.

And like that an idea comes to mind.

1 hour and 12 ripped out, crumpled up pages later I have the perfect song. Now I have to think about a name.

Got it. I'll call the song 'Everybody's Fool'. (By Evanescence)

"What cha got?"

"Huh?" I said as I was snapped out my daze.

"I said what cha got" said Tommy with the anger clear in his voice.

"A song I just wrote called 'Everybody's Fool'."

"Is it ready to be recorded?"

"Yeah."

"Well then go into the booth."

Before I leave the mixing room I tell Tommy this song is intended for a rock ballad. But all he does is shake his head and say "yeah, yeah, yeah" as he presses buttons on the sound board.

God I want to slap him again. I should ask him if he wants to be slapped again cause he's really asking for it. Giving me that damn attitude like I told Jude to write those hurtful lyrics.

"Do you want me to slap you again?" I asked when I reached the door.

"Excuse me?"

"I said do you want me to slap you again."

"No" Came his shocked response.

"Alright then you better change that attitude you have towards me." With that I left the mixing room and went into the sound booth.

I settled myself into the stool, put on the head phones and pulled the mic towards my mouth.

"You ready?" Came Tommy's voice through the headphones.

I shook my head yes and waited for my cue to start singing.

When my cue hits I start to sing the song as if my dad was right in front of me and I was singing it to him and him only.

perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that

never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me

you know you've got everybody fooled

look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

When I open my eyes for a quick minute I notice how Darius, Kwest, Natalia, Jude, and Sadie all entered the room and were now listening to me sing.

without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie

i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore

never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed meand somehow you've got everybody fooled

it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool

I finish the song and open my eyes again. This time I see Jude and Sadie with tears in their eyes and Darius was gone.

"That song is for dad isn't it" Came Jude voice through the headphones.

I didn't say anything I just shook my head up and down and started to cry again.

Within minutes Sadie and Jude were in the room comforting me.

"I'm sorry Tommy. 5 minutes?" I asked through tears and he shook his head up and down.

He then left out the mixing room with Kwest and Natalia.

"Im so sorry you guys this is all my fault. I destroyed your family." I said between sobs.

"Oh god no you didn't Samantha. All of this was dad's doing you had nothing to do with it." Said Sadie as she stroked my hair.

"Yeah it is I mean if I was never born. Dad wouldn't of married my mom and he wouldn't have a reason to come to the states every other month. Maybe life would of been better if my mom just aborted me."

"No it wouldn't" Said a male voice from the doorway of the recording booth.

I looked up towards the door and my eyes locked on Eric's.

"No it wouldn't and don't you dare say that again. What about Natalia? Huh? If you would of never been born do you think Natalia would of been."

Hearing him say that to me made me cry even more.

He was right. I didn't think about that.

Jude and Sadie just stood there as I registered all of what Eric said.

"Let me tell you something Diana. Your father was a low life bastard. He didn't care about you or your mom or for Jude and Sadie for that matter. He only cared about not getting caught. Which failed after you came to Toronto."

Right again.

"Sam listen to me, Sadie and Eric. This is not your fault. None of this is your fault. All of this is to blame on that bastard we called a father"

They are all right. Dad is to blame not me. But I still feel somewhat guilty for the outcome of their parents marriage. After all his excessive 'business' traveling is to blame for their divorce.

"You guys are right. I can't go around beating myself up for the mistakes made by dad."

"Good" said Sadie as she and Jude hugged me.

"Ok me and Sadie have to get back to work before Darius starts complaining."

"Ok"

Jude and Sadie left the recording booth leaving me and Eric alone. With Tommy back inside the mixing room waiting for me so we can keep recording.

"Diana can we talk please."

"Sure. How about we talk after you cry yourself to sleep everynight for the next 5 years."

"DAMN IT DIANA!" Eric screamed.

I can not believe this man just raised his voice at me.

"How many fucking times do I have to tell you I love you and that I am sorry for putting you through all that pain and heart ache."

"Until you mean it and until you prove to me that I can trust and believe you again. But until that time comes stay away from me. Now if you will excuse me I need to start recording. Go visit Calleigh in the hospital."

"UGH! You are impossible" Eric yelled as walked over to me and crushed his lips onto mine.

I tried really hard to push him off of me but I couldn't. Instead I just wrapped my arms around his neck as he placed both of his hands on my waist lifting me up from the stool and bringing me closer to him.

I felt his tongue lick the bottom of my lip begging for entrance into my mouth which I gratefully accepted.

I heard someone clear their throat through the speakers and when I pulled apart I saw Darius and Tommy looking at us.

Immediately I pushed back from Eric and slapped him in the face.

"How dare you!" I screamed as I stormed out the room.

I really needed to vent and the only way to do it was to let it all out again in another song.

Then it dawned on me. The duet I wrote for me and Jude. That will be perfect. It's just the song Tommy and Eric need to hear. I then ran off to find Jude.

5 minutes later I walk into the recording booth with my notebook and Jude behind me.

When we look into the mixing room we see Darius talking to Tommy and Eric.

I saw that Tommy and Eric also had the headphones covering one ear and that the speaker light was on.

So to get them angry me and Jude decided we wanted to scream into the microphone.

We waited for Darius's lips to stop moving and when they did. We did the loudest scream we could ever do causing Tommy and Eric to jump out of their seats and onto the floor.

When they looked up the saw Darius, Me and Jude cracking up.

"What the hell did you do that for." Said Tommy as you heard the anger and fustration in his voice.

"Because we want to sing our duet." said Jude as she did a little sheepish smile that made Tommy's knees give away. Causing him to collapse in the chair he was sitting in before.

"Fine whats the name of it."

"Angel" (A/N::By Amanda Perez. I changed a part in the beginning of the song. Instead of 5 months I changed it to 2 years). Jude's part is in Italics...Sam's is in bold.. And together is in Bold Italics

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1" Tommy counted down as the music came on for us to sing.

It's been two years
Since you went away
You left without a word
Nothing to say
When I was the one
Who gave you my heart and soul
Bu it wasn't good enough for you
Nooo
So I ask god

God send me an angel
From the heavens above
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart
For bein' in love
Cause all I do
Is cry
God send me an angel
To wipe the tears from my eyes

And I know it might sound crazy
But after all that I still loved you
You wanna come back in my life
But now there's somethin' that I have to do
I have to tell the one that I once adored
That they can't have my love no more
My heart can't take no more lies
And my eyes are all out of cries
So god

God send me an angel
From the heavens above
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart
For bein' in love
Cause all I do
Is cry
God send me an angel
To wipe the tears from my eyes

Now you had me on my knees
Beggin god pleaseTo send you back to me
I couldn't eat
I can't sleep
And you made me feel like I could not breath
When I all I wanted to do
Was feel your touch
And to give you all of my love
But you took my love for granted
Want my lovin' now
But you can't have it
Oh god

God send me an angel
From the heavens above
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart
For bein' in love
Cause all I do
Is cry
God send me an angel
To wipe the tears from my eyes

Oh-Ooooh god Send me God send me an angel An aaangel

To wipe the tears from my eyes

Send me an angel from the heavens above

Send me an angel God send me an angel

For bein' in love Send me

Oh god Se-e-e-end me-e an a-angel

Send me an angel

An angel

When Jude and I finished the song we opened our eyes to see Eric and Tommy with hurt looks on their faces.

And as if we read eachothers minds me and Jude looked at eachother, took the head phones off and left to the kitchenette to get coffee. Leaving them in the mixing room with the same stupid hurt looks on their faces.

That song should tell Eric how I felt for the past couple years.

"SAMANTHA DIA-!"

I heard Eric scream my name from the enterance way of Studio D.

When I turned to face him to see what he wanted I saw my father throw Eric against the wall and start choking him.

"You bastard. All of this is your fault. You ruined my life." Said my dad as I ran over to try and get his hands off of Eric's throat.

"Dad let him go!" I screamed but he wouldn't listen. "Dad I said let him go."

"Move Diana. This has nothing to do with you."

"Yes it does dad let him go."

This time when I tried to pull dad's hands off of Eric's neck he pushed me and I lost my balance and fell.

While I was slipping in and out of coinscienceness I heard people yelling.

"Someone call 911."

"Oh god there is blood everywhere."

Then I heard Natalia scream. MOMMY

The last thing I remembered was being inside of the ambulance and hearing the EMS worker scream to the driver.

"We're losing her!"

And then all that you heard was the silent."BEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPP!" from my heart monitor.

I'm Dead!

A/N. Hope you liked this chapter. Please R&R I seriously live for them. If I get up to 21 review's I'll start another chapter. Thanks for reading.

Diana