After kissing Samuel's sleeping form, Tara headed to her bedroom. She didn't use the master bedroom anymore. It just didn't seem right. Instead she had changed what was the guest room into her bedroom. It was closer to the nursery anyway, so it worked well, and it got her out of their bedroom. Their bed.
Changing into pajamas, she flung herself on her bed. Thinking back over the day she was surprised that she did not feel completely overwhelmed with sadness. After the service last year, she had cried the whole day. Today she had actually had a good day. The thought of it brought a wave of guilt. How dare she have a good day today? It wasn't right. And with Myles of all people. Their friend. Why had she asked him to church and lunch tomorrow?
Turning towards her night stand, her eyes fell on the scrapbook. Pulling it onto the bed beside her, she opened it gingerly. Pictures of their wedding stared back at her. Pictures of the whole team standing complete, smiling. Photographs of their honeymoon in Australia. Flipping through she found what she was looking for. The letter. He had written it only a few days before the accident. As if he knew. His handwriting stared at her, haunting her. She could hear his voice as she read the words.
"Hey Beautiful,
You know I am not much on writing notes. I hope the fact that I am writing one today will show you how much I care, and maybe give me some brownie points for later! Tara, I need you to know how much I love you. I am so excited that we are going to have a little ankle biter. I love him already. I've already been thinking of names. You know, Jack is my best mate---besides you, of course---and I was thinking maybe Samuel, since that is Jack's middle name, and it happens to be one of my favorite Bible stories. I haven't come up with a middle name, so I guess you can do that. If you like Samuel that is.
I know what you are saying. It might be a girl. If we have a girl, I hope she looks just like her mum. And you can name her. I don't have any ideas about names for a little Sheila.
I've been thinking about finding a desk job. I want to be around to watch my baby grow up. But, I also know that even with a desk job, there are no promises. So, I want you to know, if something happens to me, I love you more than you can imagine. The last couple of years of my life have been the best ever.
I also want you to know that I am ready to go. I know where I am going, and all is well between God and myself. My desire is that our children will know the type of personal relationship with Jesus Christ that I have found recently.
Whatever happens to me, I want you to be happy. I love you more than anything. Thank you for making me so happy. You are the best wife, my best friend, and so much more.
I love you,
Bobby
She had heard about people that had some type of premonition…as if God had given them an inkling of what was coming. Never did she expect it to really happen. Wiping tears off her cheeks she considered his words. He wanted her to be happy. Just as she would want him to be happy if their roles had been reversed.
It was what she needed to hear tonight. His words…telling her to be happy. That is what she had done today. What she would do tomorrow. Sadness would come, but she would get through it. And somehow, it seemed that Myles had helped her get through it today. As if, through the darkest time in their lives, a bond had developed. Right now, she was grateful for the comfort she felt when he was near. Later she would decipher if there was any deeper meaning, for now she would just enjoy the fact that her heart didn't ache quite as bad as it did this morning.