Session 4 part 2
So there it was, the first bout of Morning Sickness hitting me at two in the afternoon on the day of Elliot's funeral.
Lucky for me it was Kathy who heard me being sick and came inside to help me, I would have died… that's not really appropriate but you know what I mean… I'm just really glad that it wasn't anyone else.
"Oh Liv." She said kneeling down beside me.
I rested my head on her shoulder as she rubbed my back.
"I can't do this Kathy." I sobbed and she held onto me tight.
Kathy and the kids were, like with the engagement, the only people who knew that I was ten weeks pregnant at that point.
"Yes you can Olivia, because he's with you and that kid don't you ever forget that." She said as I broke out in more wracked sobs, it was like reality hitting me at that point, I'd been able to push aside the fact that I was having a kid because other than the tiny pouch that had started to show just to me and Elliot who knew every line and curve of my body I had no other outward symptoms of pregnancy.
"Come on chick." She said softly as she handed me a piece of toilet roll but I didn't get the chance to take it before I was turning and shoving my head back down the toilet.
I was there for twenty minutes with Kathy rubbing my back and pulling back my hair and on the third bout Cragen knocked on the door and slipped it open when he heard the vomiting.
"She's uh… not dealing." Kathy said softly, she knew this wasn't how I wanted Cragen to find out about the baby.
"Ok. I'll get some ginger ale." He said before slipping out again and at that moment all I could think was that Ginger Ale sure sounded nice.
Once I was sure it was over Kathy helped me to the couch in the living room, the place was still full of people but when they saw how weak I looked none of them hesitated in moving from the couch. Don brought over the ginger ale and sat beside me and took my hand and many people saw it was time to start leaving because it was obvious I didn't want any of them there.
Don and Kathy stayed beside me while Munch and Fin thanked people for coming. I was a wreck and after drinking the ginger ale and crying some more my body and mind finally rested a little enough for me to get some sleep but of course the fact that the sleep wasn't drug induced brought the nightmares and I probably slept about half an hour before I woke up screaming.
Which of course led to more crying. The more I think about it now the more I see how much of a vicious cycle it was back then it was crying, sleeping, nightmares, crying and it just went on and on.
Once I was calm enough I finally said that I wanted to go home. At first everyone thought home was mine and Elliot's apartment until I corrected them and said my apartment in the upper west side. Don was reluctant but I said if someone didn't drive me I would walk or get a cab and then Don agreed to take me.
He came in and saw how unlived in it look. All my furniture had been covered up, all my electrics had been turned off including the empty fridge/freezer. It was obvious no one had lived in the place for months and the truth was no one had lived there for two years. I had been going backwards and forwards though, getting my mail, paying the rent but I hadn't slept in that apartment in two years.
I made the bed up and found some old pyjamas in one of the drawers, it's mad to think I hadn't taken all of my clothes and that the clothes in the drawers hadn't been touched in two years but my scent was still on them, well a combination of mine and his seeing as he lived with me six months prior to getting an apartment together.
I didn't even talk to Don, I just crawled into the made bed, took a couple of the sleeping pills and went to sleep. I don't even know how long Don stuck around for but he did plug in all my appliances, went grocery shopping for me and made sure he locked the door before leaving.
All I know is that for the next six days I didn't leave that apartment, didn't answer my phone and refused to answer the door.