Dedicated to Scrotie McBoogerBalls because they pointed out some great things and told me their input. Really appreciated there :)
Previously...
So now, as I'm being forced to leave my family temporarily, I have no idea what the future will hold. I don't know if I'll be able to help the Clave with Maryse. I don't know when I'll be home. And, I have no idea if I'll talk to Jace or not. But I did know one thing.
I'm going to do what ever it take to do the right thing. Even if it kills me.
When I finally made it to Idris, I realized my mistake as soon as I stepped out of the portal. I was outside of the city, so I'd have to walk. At least it'd give me time to think.
I'm here. Idris. Why does it seem like every time I come here, either something horrible is going on or I'm about to be told something that will change everything. And, in a way, I guess that things are going to change. They already have, what am I talking about?
I don't want to be here. I don't want any of this. What I do want is to be able to just live my life. To be able to give my kids everything that they deserve. A safe home, a mother who can make sure that they're never hurt and is never sad...a father who loves them.
Grrr! Why do I keep thinking about him! All he's done to me is hurt me! I don't care if somewhere in my heart, I do love him! I hate him more! At least...I think I do. Man! I do not need this right now! I just need to focus and get the job done here so that I can go home.
You know that you don't really have a home.
I froze mid-step. "Who said that?"
My ears perked and I listened. But I heard nothing else. I must be really loosing it. I'm hearing voices now. My steps continued, as did my thoughts. OK, so, I have to come up with a plan. Everyone will be here, all the Lightwoods, that is. The Clave wants to find out if any of us are secretly involved with Maryse. Which, I highly doubt. She's Izzy and Alec's mother for angel sake. And Jace -Dammit!
Fine! Someone must want me to think of him because Angel knows that I can't keep my thoughts off of him! So, what am I going to do about him? No! I am not going to keep thinking about him right now!
My lip came between my teeth and I bit down. The pain made me remember the pain Jace had brought me. No sooner than I had done that, though, I was on top of a hill and looking at the city. How beautiful it was! I might not have been born here, but it was my home. Just like it was home each and every Shadow-hunter.
I flipped open my shoulder bag and pulled out my contacts and my compact. Even though everyone that I wanted to keep the truth about knew it, I still didn't want to chance being caught by anyone else. So I popped in my deep blue contacts and kept walking.
The guards only asked me my name and let me in. Strange, really...Anyhow, one led me to the Halls and into this huge room. "The Lightwoods and Mr. Wayland shall be here soon." I took a seat in the chair close to the corner, away from the couch and other chairs. Then, I opened my bag back up and sent a quick text to Lucas.
Before you say anything, yes, I did say text. Only my phone works in all of Idris. That's because I made a special rune that would allow it to work. But, hey. I'm a mom to four who has two identities. I need a phone at all times.
W8tin 4 others. We cool?
Yeah. :) U OK?
Yeah. Kids OK? R they still crying?
No, but they want their momma. U gonna B home soon?
Hopefully. I G2 get off B4 they come. Call if emergency?
Defiantly. Bye. :)
*Waves
I put my phone on vibrate and put it in my pocket. My brain, once again, thought about the Jace situation. I hate him and I love him. So what do I do? Do I give him a chance and talk to him? Do I just keep him out of my life forever? I can't run again, because it isn't fair. Fair? Why do I care if it's fair or not? He didn't when he-Ya know what? Fine.
I keep thinking about him, so I'll talk to him. I'm not telling him about having three kids though. Or where I live. Just basic questions. That way, he'll leave me alone once and for all. Plus, if I don't, I have a feeling he'll just try to track me down and force me to talk to him.
As I made my decision, the door opened again and I stood up. Robert led the others in, Jace in the end. A guard followed though. Once we were all in, the guard said, "The Inquisitor will be late, due to an unscheduled event. Please, feel free to roam around for an hour. But please be back in this room in an hour. Sharp." We nod and he leaves. OK, an hour. Jace and I can talk. Speaking of, he came over to me and said, "Clary, please. I-" I held up my hand.
"Listen here Jace. I want you to know something. I don't want to hear your apologizes because I could care less. But I'm willing to talk with you. We're both adults and I don't see why we can't act like it. I swear though, I'm not forgiving you or taking you back." Not yet, at least. Wait, what!
Slowly, he nodded. "Do you...want to go somewhere?" "Lead the way. But you only have an hour. Less really." He nods and we walk out. As I'm following, I see the others' faces. All shocked, but Robert was more...relaxed. Or was that worry?
We went out and sat down by the fountain. It was quiet, until he said, "So...how-how have you been?" Was he for real? "Well, being a single mom isn't exactly the easiest job in the world." He nodded so slightly, I wasn't even sure it was a nod. "W-was it a boy or a girl?"
"You lost the chance to know." At this, he glared at me, but it faded and he huffed. "It'd be two, right?" That surprised me. He'd been keeping up with the months? My voice didn't show my surprise though. "In two weeks and three days, yeah." OK, doing good. He doesn't know about them all yet.
"Where are you staying at?" "I don't think I want to tell you that Jace." I really didn't. Now he glared and said, "What? You think I'd come kidnap our kid?" I glared right back and corrected him. "Not our kid. Mine. You thought we were too young, remember?"
((Lots of dialogue next, so it might be a bit confusing. Sorry!))
J- "Because we were! Hell! You were just 17!"
C- "But I did what was right!"
J- "You mean run? Why the hell did you leave anyway! You had a home and everything!"
(glaring)C- "No, what I had was everyone that I thought cared about me hating me. Wanting me to kill my child. I had no where, so I left."
J- "Who the hell wanted it to die?"
C- "Ask Jocelyn! Ask Luke! You didn't even want it! You all wanted me to have an abortion!"
(glaring murderously)J growled- "I never said that I wanted my child to die."
(same glare and growl)C- "And I told you that it was mine. But what did you expect me to think when you never said you'd be there for us? That you'd just welcome it?"
J- "Dammit Clary! Quite making me seem like the bad guy!"
C- "You are! You're a no good bastard who decided he didn't want me or his children!"
Oh no.
Both our eyes widened at my words. My hands clamped over my mouth and I froze. Dammit dammit dammit dammit! Nononono! Why the hell did I say that? Now he knows! You're such and idiot Clarissa Rowena Fray! What the hell am I going to do now!
Jace gasps for air and whispers, "C-children? What? Do-do you have more than one?" I can't tell him the truth. I just can't! "No, just drop it Jace. This talk is over." I stood up and walked quickly away. After a second, he was right in front of me. Damn his speed!
He put his hands on my shoulders and demanded, "How many kids do I have Clary?" I jerked away and yelled, "Keep your dammed hands off me!" "How many kids do I have!" "NONE! THEY'RE MINE! IF YOU COME NEAR THEM I SWEAR I'LL CUT YOU!"*
I pushed away and ran. Subconsciously, I must have realized where I was going because I went to the room where I'd have to be when it came time for the meeting. Stranger than that? I didn't shed a tear. Not a single one. That didn't mean that I wasn't crying on the inside.
He knows. He knows that there's more than one baby and it's all my fault! How could I be so stupid? Why did I even give him a chance? I should've never even talked to him! I should've just kept to myself and left as soon as possible! Angel I'm so stupid! I did the one thing that I swore I'd never do! I'm a horrible mother. I can't even keep them a secret from their father! Why me Angel? Why! What did I do to deserve this? Did I piss off Raziel?
"Clary? You OK?"
I turned and say Robert. "No, I'm not. I'm the worst mother in the world Robert! I can't even protect them from him!" He comes over and takes my hand. "Clary, calm down. It's OK. Look, what happened?" "He knows. You know when we were talking? Well, we started fighting and I blurted the word 'children' and now he knows! What am I going to do Robert?"
"Maybe you two should talk again, and you tell him everything. And he can tell you the same. That way you both here the others' side of the story. Then you can decide what to do. But...you have to remember that they're his children too, whether you like it or not."
He...has a point. "I can't Robert. Not now, at least. The only way he'll even be within ten feet of them is if there's no other choice or he earns my trust back. You know how I feel about him." "Yes, I do. Now, unless you want him and the other to hear us, I suggest that we end our chat for now."
So we did and I tried to calm down. As long as Jace didn't try anything, I think that I'd be fine. For now at least.
The door opened back up and everyone filed in. No one spoke. After a few minutes, Inquisitor Kevin and a few men came in. Kevin...oh! I hate him so much! If it wasn't for him, Jace would've never had known that it was me in the room with him. My life could be normal...maybe.
The man nodded to us all and said, "Thank you for waiting. An urgent matter popped up and requested our services. Now, for the reason you all are here. Please, have a seat." We all did. I kept my eyes on Kevin as he spoke.
"As I said in the letter, we have discovered that Maryse not only has been discovered for being a traitor, but she's also reporting to someone who we thought was dead. According to the reports we were given, that is. It was almost 3 years ago, when the report came in. More so, it was just a day or so after Valentine tried to take over. Funny, really. I believe it was the same day that the celebration was. I'm sure you all were in attendance.
That's besides the point. Now, I'm sure you Lightwoods and you, Mr. Wayland, have discovered that miss Rowena Carter is actually Clarissa Fray. If not, oh well. You are Valentines daughter." He paused, giving me a moment to say, "Yes, we all know that. Everyone does. But what does that have to do with anything?" "I'm getting there, be paciest."
He pulled out something from the inside of his robe that looked like a recorder and said, "This holds on it a conversation between Maryse and a man named Josiah held two weeks ago." A button was hit and we all listened.
"Josiah! You know that you cannot be here!"
"Our master sent me."
She gasped. "What does he wish?"
"We must leave. Master has a duty for us and we must do as he says."
"What is it? Why didn't he tell me directly?"
"There wasn't time. We must go. We have to find the angel children. Especially the girl."
"Clarissa? Why her?"
"He did not say. But he wants something of hers that no other has. Now come."
What was this? Me? Who wanted me? And why? I looked at Kevin and said, "Who exactly wants me? And why?" He suddenly becomes more serious than I had ever seen him.
"We know not why he wants you and Wayland. But we have figured out who it is." His gaze went to each of our faces before it falls on me and he says,
"It was your brother Clarissa. Jonathon Christopher Morgenstern."
No. No way. He's gone. Jace killed him. He said that he killed him...Jace jumped up and said, "There's no way! I killed him myself!" Kevin nodded. "Be that as it may, he's come back. And he's after the angel children." Is that why he was in my dreams? Because he's after the angel...children...WAIT!
THE KIDS!
I pull out my phone in a blind furry and called Mike. Ring...ring...ring... Dammit! I dialed Lucas. Ring...Come on...Ring...Dammit Lucas! Pick up the fudging- "Hello?" I sighed in relief, then went back to freaking out.
"Listen to me Lucas, is everything OK? Where is everyone?" "Here...Roe, what's wrong? You sound like something's-What's wrong?" "Nothing, just...forget it. Be on alert till I get home, OK?" "You got it. What's-" A huge explosion cut him off.
"Lucas? Lucas! What happened!" Every eye in the room is on me, but I concentrate on what Lucas is saying seeing as I can barely hear him. "Attack...can't see who...the kids..." NO! "I'm on my way!" I snap my phone shut and pull out my stele and began to draw.
Kevin says, "Clarissa, what's happened?" "He's at my home! I know it's him. He's attacking and I gotta go!" He says quickly, "Wait! He's at your home?" "Yes! Now I have to-" I ran threw the portal before I could finish. My mind was just set on saving my kids.
I entered a room with dust clouding the air. I screamed, "LUCAS! MIKE! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS!" I heard Maddy yell, "ROE? IN THE KIDS ROOM!" My feet were moving as soon as she finished. Please Angel! Give me Jace's speed!
As soon as I got there, I threw the door open and scanned the room. "Roe!" There, in the corner, were my family. Maddy, Joe, and Sam all held the kids and the others were guarding them. My fingers reached into my pockets and I cursed. I dropped my stele!
How was I going to save me family? I have to. There's no other option. So when a portal suddenly appeared, I didn't question it. Just yell to the others, "GO!" If I did make it-and I truly can't tell you if I did or not-then they'd all end up at Magnus'. His place was the only safe place I could get to.
My family all ran threw-kids first. I was the last. When I looked back, I saw Sebastian coming fast. Everything about him was the same. Only this time, his hair wasn't died. It was a blond-ish from what I could tell. He gave me a murderous glare and I stepped threw before he could touch me.
I fell to my knees as soon as I was out and started coughing. That smoke had gotten to me. But I instantly stopped when I heard my kids screaming for me. Stumbling, I stand up and run to them. To hold them all, we have to get on the ground. My arms fit them all and I rock back in forth, trying to comfort and calm them all.
"It's alright sweeties, momma's here. Momma's here. Everything's going to be alright now babies. It's OK." We all sat on the floor, crying and rocking. All I could think about was praising Raziel that they were all uninjured. When the kids were calmer, I was about to say something when Magnus suddenly roars, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!"
I look up at him, pleading. "Magnus, please, can we stay here? Please? I'll do what ever you want. This is the only place I have left to go that's safe. Anywhere else and I risk the l-i-f-e-s of my kids and everyone else. Please Magnus, don't make us leave." The kids couldn't know how close to death they just were. And possibly still are.
He looked down at me on the floor for a few moments, thinking. Please Angel and anyone else who's listening, don't make us leave. We have no where else. He nods. "Fine. But I want answers and I want them soon. And I do, in fact, mean soon. Upstairs are eight rooms. Clary and the children will be in one, and the rest of you will bunk with another. There's a bathroom in each room. In one hour, I want to talk to you Clarissa."
He turned and walked away after I nodded. Then I said gently to the kids, "Sweeties, we're gonna go upstairs and get you guys cleaned up, OK?" Maddy reached down and picked up Lilly and Simon. They both screamed, "Momma! No!" "It's alright babies! Momma's not going anywhere, I promise. Mommal is just helping me carry you all, OK? We're going to go upstairs and clean you guys up. Calm down. Everything's going to be alright."
As we walked, the kids clung to us as we went upstairs. They were covered in dirt and smelt like dust. Their terror was unbearable for me. But hopefully they'd calm down after getting cleaned up.
Hopefully...and I pray that Magnus lets us stay here till we find a place to go.
*thought that was better than just punching him or attacking him. kinda out of charactor though, but *shugs*
Hi guys. Posting like I said I would. You should totally review and make my birthday happy since it's been total shit-other then the power going out at school and it being cancelled.
~Jess