A/N: Just so you get the picture, sessions are once a week in case I mention in future chapters how many weeks along Olivia is and it confuses anyone. She would be 20 weeks in this chapter!

Session 9

The second year as partners was very different to the first. In the first year we had just been getting to know each other, slowly learning each other's strengths and weaknesses and how we worked with and without each other. The second year was filled with a growing bond, we became one that year, became the team that we continued on being to everyone else, so unlike the team we felt we were. Of course the difference is that they didn't know by the end we were sleeping together.

During our second year as partners my Mom died. It was while we were working this big case about a girl being raped. I was called into Don's office when he told me that she'd been found dead after falling down some subway steps. I was heartbroken, my Mom and I might not have gotten along and she may have lived most of her life in a drink induced coma but she was still my Mom and she was the only family I had.

Elliot, Fin, Munch and Jeffries came to the funeral. I felt like such a fraud I didn't even know my own Mom. People were talking to me about her and I had no idea what to say to them.

"Your Mother was so special, it's a great loss for everyone at Columbia. Remember, neither fire nor wind, birth nor death, can erase our good deeds" A professor from Columbia said as he held Olivia's hands.

She remained still as he talked to her, barely even looking at him.

"Liar." She said as Elliot came over and rubbed her back, she was staring at the photo of her mother above the casket.

"Anything I can do for you?" He asked as she turned away from the coffin.

She shook her head in reply and just relaxed into the hand that continued to stroke her back as she looked towards her co-workers in the distance.

"I feel like such an idiot." She said turning to look at Elliot.

"Don't." Elliot said as he continued to caress her back softly. "Hey look, look, if you wanna talk later…" He caught that she wasn't listening instead looking at someone in the distance. "Who's that?" He asked her gently.

"That's my Mother's oldest friend." She replied. "And drinking buddy. Excuse me." She said before walking off leaving Elliot to hope that she was ok and remind himself to be there for her if she needed him.

He really was there for me during all that. It was nice to have someone there for me because other than my drunk Mother I never had that you know? Elliot was seriously my knight during all that and I still, even to this day, feel blessed that he was there for me during it all.

A little while after that I got too involved in a case. It was a singers son, she claimed he'd been molested, he'd ran after his abuser just to end up being hit by a car. Poor kid. But they had another daughter, her name was Ashleigh Austin-Black. Beautiful kid. She got really attached to me after I'd spent only two minutes with her, I called Elizabeth Olivet and met with her for lunch because I needed help with this kid, she was calling me to work nonstop, she ran off and came looking for me, it was ridiculous. Olivet said it was reactive attachment disorder. I know you know what that is so I won't bother explaining it but poor kid, she just wanted to be loved but her Mother pulled out a restraining order against the whole unit and no one was pleased with me about it because we thought Ashleigh was being abused physically but turns out she was hurting herself for attention. Don was so close to firing me during that case but I had to put my ass on the line for that kid you know?

"Hey, what are you still doing here?" Olivia asked as she walked back into the bullpen after taking Ashleigh into foster care, Elliot just shrugged in reply.

"Did you drop her off at late street?" He asked as she took to her desk.

"Yeah. Never been there before, it's a room filled with a dozen cots." She sighed.

"It's been about a month now hasn't it?" Elliot asked and Olivia frowned.

"Since what?" She asked confusion evident on her face.

"Your mom." He replied softly.

"Where did that come from?" She asked feeling annoyed at her partner.

"Olivia it's me, I know the issues you had with her." He said keeping his blue eyes fixed on her as he sat back in his chair.

"No." She replied with a subtle sigh and a shake of the head. "No connection."

"Successful woman rarely home, when she was home she was drunk. You were lonely and neglected and you never had the chance to resolve the things before she died." Elliot said in a systematic manner and Olivia bowed her head slightly as he spoke.

"You're wrong." She replied lifting her brown eyes to meet his.

He kept his eyes on hers for a moment, trying to see if there was a way he could break through the barrier that was between them right now.

"Let me get you a coffee." He said pushing back his chair and giving her a gentle smile.

I guess you can't win them all right? I wonder often what happened to Ashleigh, she was such a lovely little girl if given the right love and care she'd grow into an amazing woman, she'd be in her late teens early twenties by now and I wonder what she did after leaving home, if she ever made it into the real world as strong as she could have. There's a mark in my jacket about that case, I ended up in front of the disciplinary for insubordination and was lucky to come out of it with my shield, was it worth it? I don't know, Ashleigh's Mom still went on tour which meant she violated the Article Ten that was on her and her promise of postponing the tour she made in open court but I guess I'll never know how little Miss Austin-Black turned out.

Not long after that Elliot and I were working yet another rape homicide, the amount we've worked over the years I'm still surprised I can identify one from the other but this one was particularly memorable. It was a school teacher, found dead in her apartment. She had uh… quite the fascinating sex life. Anyway, we found out she was a regular at sex clubs which meant we had to pay them a visit. The place was called Flings, as soon as we walked in we were greeted and welcomed. Then we were told we would be given a privet room to change and do whatever and Elliot turned to me and said "Olivia you go first." I cannot even begin to describe what was going through my mind and body at that point. My face spoke a different story, they thought I was nervous but truth was I was terrified that he'd be able to see that I was thinking 'you and me let's go now'.

Anyway that was really it for the second year, it gets more exciting as the years go by but for now we'll go onto year three.

It wasn't that exciting. Not really. In our third year as partners I had my first good kill but before I tell you about that I have to tell you about the case itself, another one that has haunted me throughout my career.

His name was Eric Plummer. He'd been in prison for eight years after I had helped build a case against him and the Jury found him guilty. The truth was he wasn't guilty and DNA cleared him. He then went on to kill three people I'd worked with, two victims and one family member of a victim then he killed the father of one of my victims and laid him out in front of my door.

I almost lost Elliot during that case.

The perp was out to get me, that was obvious quite quickly but you know me I wasn't backing down. Elliot ended up putting a protective detail on me which caused me to pull my gun on an FBI unit. I made them then drive me up to Queens and woke Elliot up and we had a real big argument.

"I didn't tell you about the detail because I knew you'd refuse." Elliot said as he sat down on the steps of his house.

"It's only the rat squad that puts cops on other cops Elliot without telling them." Olivia snapped back, she was furious with him for going behind her back. "I deserved better than that especially from you."

"You've been under a lot of stress lately." Elliot said after a few seconds of awkward silence as he thought through his words carefully.

"I've always backed your play." She replied.

"And I did what I had to do." Elliot explained. "This guy's murdered four people what's to stop him from coming after you? Olivia…"

"If you can't trust your partner Elliot, it's time to get a new one." She said before walking off leaving him sat there on his steps in his robe and all he could do was watch her go.

That was the first time I took some time off work voluntarily, I was really questioning whether or not I could do my job. Except I knew I couldn't let it rest so I continued investigating on my own, playing some Velma vigilante or something.

I found him holding a gun to a woman's head. He told me the gun wasn't loaded while my gun was aimed at him and he told me, he told me the gun wasn't loaded but I couldn't believe him and when he clicked the safety off I shot him. I shot him three times and when I was told the gun wasn't loaded I was almost physically sick and I went home and I cried. I killed a man and I cried.

Elliot came around to check on me. I was sat in my living room and he was knocking on my door and he was calling me but I wasn't answering him. I was sat in the dark just wanting him to go away and leave me alone.

We got back to normal pretty quick once I'd dealt with it all. It seemed though that Elliot's personal life was on a downhill spiral. He and Kathy weren't talking very much about anything but arguing about everything and he became a bastard to work with.

We were on a stake out and he was really being a class A prick and that's why I think I did it you know? Every time his relationship was downhill I would advise him how to fix it with his wife or kids. I don't know why I did it. I really don't because by this point I think I was head over heels in love with him.

The next big one that really hit hard was when we were looking at cases that required us to look into children of rape. There was a professor who had the son of her rapist but he died when he was two hours old and she thought it was a blessing, she said she couldn't have lived with the constant reminder of her rape and I had to stand there and act completely unfazed of what she was saying to me.

"Alright, now we go back and look at rapes that Sterns wasn't connected too." Olivia said as they left the office, she was determined to find this son of a bitch anyway she could.

"Unsolved rapes from twenty years ago they should be easy enough to crack." Elliot replied sarcastically, he knew exactly how to push Olivia's buttons.

"You got a better idea…"

"Yeah let's continue to pretend this isn't bothering you." Elliot replied.

"Oh Elliot knock it off." Olivia sighed, she really didn't want to get into this.

"You're going to tell me that what Professor Shelby said in there that isn't getting to you?" Elliot said once he'd stopped and looked at his partner, he could tell when she was lying or hiding something if he was facing her.

"I'm a child of rape Elliot, I've known that for a very long time and I appreciate your concern, I really do but I've dealt with it so I'm… I'm fine." Olivia replied softly.

He watched her, nodding his head gently as his blue eyes stuck on her brown ones just for a moment before he turned and carried on walking.

He knew though. He could really see how it was affecting me and it didn't matter how much I told him that it didn't it he knew it was. Even back then he was an overprotective mind reading son of a bitch.