Author's note: This chapter didn't end up turning out how I had initially planned it but I am definitely happy with the way it turned out!
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I just like to let my imagination run wild with her characters
Chapter songs: What Part of Forever – Cee-Lo Green, Done all Wrong – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Boxing Day had arrived after the best Christmas ever by far. Waking up in the morning I was super excited about the upcoming Bonfire Party that we were all going to tonight down on the reservation. It had been years since I had been at the last one.
My phone beeped at me letting me know I had a message, the first was from Edward letting me know he couldn't wait to see me this afternoon which put a huge grin on my face. After replying to his message I checked the second. It was Jake.
I pressed the call back button; "Hey Bells" answered Jake's husky voice.
"Hi Jake what's up?" I asked him.
"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out for a bit this morning. If you're free that is" he asked with just a trace of bitterness in his tone.
"Sure I'm always free to hang out with my bestie" I replied "I have to be home round lunch because Edward and the gang will be here but I'm free all morning. How bout I make my way to yours?"
"Okay Bells sounds good" he said happily "I'll see you soon."
I got dressed quickly and made my way downstairs, after a rushed breakfast I made my way out to my truck and started the engine.
The drive to La Push was quick; the roads were fairly quiet since it was still early. The snow had melted a little making the road a little easier for my truck to handle.
Soon enough I pulled up outside the Black's house and Jacob walked out to greet me. "Hey Bells" he said smiling, he definitely seemed happier than yesterday.
"Hey Jake, Merry Christmas" I replied.
"Same to you!" he added cheerily "here this is for you" he said handing me a small wrapped gift.
"Aw Jake thank you, I got you something too" I replied handing him his gift.
We opened our gifts at the same time; mine was a dream catcher "to make sure you always have sweet dreams" he said with a grin and his model car of the very first car her had ever built.
"Bells, this is awesome!" he exclaimed happily. "You remembered what model it was and everything."
"Of course I did" I said proudly, "So what did you want to do today?" I asked.
"Maybe we could go for a walk? I know it's pretty cold but you seen prepared" he added cheekily gesturing at my thick coat, scarf and gloves.
"Still getting used to the cold weather smart arse" I replied laughing.
We made our way down the familiar track to First Beach; it reminded me of all the times we would go down there growing up, for bonfires or sometimes a swim if we were feeling brave.
We settled on the same old tree branch we had always sat on and chatted easily for a while.
"So Quil, Embry and I are going to be moving to Seattle in January" he said smiling widely at me.
"Are you serious? It's definite now?" I asked barely able to contain my excitement. He nodded still grinning. "That's so awesome Jake!" I cried giving him a one armed hug.
"I know, it's gonna be great" he said enthusiastically. We talked about his plans and how good it would be to be able to hang out more. It'd be so easy to integrate him into our little family.
Then after a while he went unusually quiet and stared out at the ocean. "Bells" he said huskily shifting his gaze from the choppy black water back to me. He looked uncomfortable "I kinda wanted to talk to you about something else too" he said.
"Spit it out" I smiled using the very same phrase he always used. That made him smile.
"Umm well shit!" he exclaimed. "I figured I would be able to do this so much smoother. I kind of have been meaning to tell you this for a while" he said nervously. "I was trying to figure out a way to say it but there's no time for planning now, I have to say it before I miss my chance."
I was curious now and a little worried considering the conversation Edward and I had had about Jake on Christmas Eve.
"Bells I'm in love with you. I always have been" he blurted out.
I froze, this could not be happening. I pinched myself discreetly to make sure this wasn't some bizarre dream.
"Bells I know that you and Edward are together but I had to tell you in case it changed things, in case you felt the same" he continued with a little more confidence.
I still couldn't move or speak, I knew what I would eventually have to say would break Jacob's heart. He moved closer to me, obviously he was mistaking my reaction for good instead of bad.
"I mean I know that you and Edward are together but really you did it to make me jealous right?" he asked smugly.
Fuck, this could not be happening. I still couldn't manage to shake off the shock of his confession to be able to speak. He put his arm around me, turned my face to his and began to lower his face to mine. A wave of realisation hit me, he really thought that my silence meant I felt the same, he was about to kiss me! I jumped up quickly completely horrified.
"Jacob" I choked out.
"Bella I know, you don't have to say anything" he said his face softening as he stood up and stepped towards me.
"Nnnoo" I stuttered taking a step back. "I don't..."
Jacob cut me off "Bells, you don't need to worry or feel bad about your feelings for me. Edward will understand..."
"No!" I said a little louder finally finding my voice, Jacob looked confused.
""I'm sorry Jake" I whispered, "I don't, I mean" I really didn't want to do this, to hurt him the way I was about to. Damn it why couldn't he have just left things the way they were. We were good as friends, great even, it was so much easier.
Hurt flashed across his eyes as he realised what was about to happen. "Jake I'm so sorry" I whispered again, "But I don't feel the same."
As quick as the hurt had come on it was replaced by anger. "Bella, we would be so good together and you know it" he said raising his voice. He looked intimidating standing at his full height in front of me with his arms crossed.
I shook my head "No Bella you listen to me, this thing you have with Edward it won't be as deep as what we could have" he said his tone softening as he stepped forward and took my hand. "It would be as easy as breathing, I know you better than anyone else knows you."
I began to panic, why he wasn't listening, understanding what I was saying. "He's my whole world now" I said trying to keep the tears at bay, "Edward means everything to me, I'm falling for him Jake, fast. He's all I'll ever want."
"Falling?" he questioned, "In love?"
I nodded, Jacob's face crumpled "I'm sorry Jake, so sorry" I cried. He ripped his hand from mine.
"You gave me so many mixed signals" he fumed "And before you ask, don't worry no one knows I was going to tell you this" he spat.
I stood there horrified; I couldn't believe he thought that of all things was what I was worried about. "I wasn't going to ask" I said in a quiet voice "I'm so sorry Jacob. Please tell me we can still be friends?" I pleaded.
"I don't know anymore" he choked, his anger had faded now he just looked devastated.
Tears were now flowing freely down my face "I'm sorry" I choked out one last time before I fled.
I stumbled along the path miraculously not falling despite being blinded by tears. When I reached the Black's house I wrenched the door of my truck open and threw myself into the driver's seat. Fumbling with my keys I finally managed to get the engine started and I sped away as fast as my truck could manage. I didn't look back.
I had no idea how I managed to drive home in the state I was in, but somehow I made it. Luckily for me Sue and Charlie had taken Renee and Phil out for the day so I had the house to myself.
I went straight upstairs and sat down on my bed. I felt awful, I had just broken my best friend's heart. I began to question myself in my despair. Had I given him the wrong impression all these years, led him on perhaps? I couldn't think of a time when I had acted like anything more than a friend.
I didn't realise how long I had been agonising over what happened when I heard a knock at the door. I made my way downstairs as quickly as I could and tried to compose myself as I opened the door.
"Hey!" Alice exclaimed, but then she saw my face. "Honey what's wrong?" she asked worriedly. Apparently I didn't have a handle on my emotions as well as I thought I did.
"Babe what happened?" asked Rose putting her arm around me and leading me inside closing the front door behind her.
They led me through to the living room and sat me down on the couch flanking me. "I went to visit Jacob" I said dejectedly. They both looked confused.
"Did you two have a fight?" asked Alice gently.
"Kind of" I whispered. "It's more than that. He kind of told me he loves me."
"What the fuck?" exclaimed Rose.
"He what?" asked Alice in disbelief. "I think you are going to have to start at the beginning honey."
"I guess that's the best place to start" I said sadly. I launched into my story, sensing my need to get the whole thing off my chest neither of them interrupted me.
"He has some nerve putting all of this on you" Rose fumed.
"But maybe he's right, what if I did give him mixed signals."
"Isabella Marie you didn't do anything of the sort" Alice said firmly, "Rose is absolutely right, he has no right to pin his mistake on you."
"I can't believe he said he didn't know if you could still be friends. You two are like family, I'm pretty sure both Billy and Charlie are gonna notice if Jacob suddenly doesn't want anything to do with you" Rose vented.
Before Alice could open her mouth to back up Rose's comment we heard the familiar rumble of Emmett's hummer as it parked up outside.
"Okay Bells, we are going to take Em and Jazz to get lunch and a few DVD's so you can have a little time with Edward to tell him what happened. He will totally notice you are upset" said Alice taking charge.
"Thanks Allie" I replied gratefully, "Could you fill them in on what happened too?"
"Sure thing honey" she replied giving me a quick hug and getting up and walking to the front door with Rose.
"Hey ladies!" boomed Emmett as she opened the door, "Where's Bells?" I heard him ask.
"Living room, listen lets go get some food and a couple of DVD's and give the love birds a little time alone" I heard Rose reply.
"Ah got it" said Emmett in a knowing tone.
"See you soon" Alice called closing the front door.
"Hey beautiful" Edward said as he entered the room, when he saw me the smile on his face quickly disappeared. "Bella what's wrong?" he asked his voice full of concern, as he sat down next to me on the sofa.
I took a deep breath, "I went to visit Jacob today" I told him sounding as dejected as I felt.
"What happened?" he asked.
I groaned putting my head in my hands "He told me something, something I wasn't expecting. Something you won't like"
Edward gently reached for my hand, "You can tell me anything Bella, anything" he said gently.
"You were right, well kind of right" I said wincing hoping he would catch on.
He frowned, suddenly recognition spread across his face, "Ah so he does have a crush on you then?" he asked with a small smile.
"It's worse than that" I whispered, "He told me he's in love with me."
Edward stared at me, not moving, "I told him I didn't feel that way about him. Edward I broke his heart. He doesn't even want to be friends anymore." My voice broke at that point as my emotions got the better of me.
His expression softened, "I'm sure that's not true sweetheart, give him time" he reassured me.
I shook my head "I've never seen him so angry."
"He got mad at you?" he asked incredulous.
I nodded, "He said I had led him on all these years, he had convinced himself that I felt the same."
Edward now looked furious but I could tell he was trying to keep it under control for my sake. "Is that what he said to you?"
"Yes, he blamed it all on me. But I swear I never ever gave him that impression" I told him worried he would think I had.
"I know you wouldn't Bella" Edward told me. "Its okay babe you don't need to worry. Jacob will just have to get over it, like I said give him time."
"I guess we shouldn't go tonight, it'll be awkward."
"Did he tell you that you shouldn't go? Will your friends side with him and take it out on you?" Edward asked before pressing his lips into a firm line, I could see the irritation in his eyes.
"No no he didn't, he said he hadn't told any of the others" I said quickly.
"Don't you think though that if we don't go they'll all wonder why then?" he asked.
I paused he did have a good point. If we didn't go they were bound to get suspicious and call to find out why.
Edward smiled at me "We'll go, it'll be fine. I won't let him treat you the way he did this afternoon ever again sweetheart" he said softly. "Come here" he said pulling me into his lap and kissing me chastely on the lips.
Hanging out with the gang and Edward definitely helped my mood and mentally prepared me for seeing Jacob tonight. I knew it'd be awkward but I didn't see how that could be helped. At least he hadn't told any of our La Push friends what had happened, if he had I knew I wouldn't be able to face them out of guilt.
I hated that I had hurt Jacob but it was better he knew the truth, I wondered if he was still going to move to Seattle with Quil and Embry or whether he had only made that decision because he thought we would be a couple by then.
I still couldn't quite get my head around it, to me it didn't make any sense but then Jacob had always been a little strange.
All afternoon and on the ride to La Push I was quiet, trying to think things through in my head and trying to figure out what to say to Jacob if he approached me. Edward and the others didn't try to distract me and for that I was glad it gave me time to get ready mentally.
When Emmett pulled his hummer into the car park at First Beach I felt a little sick but I forced myself to step out of the car.
Edward grabbed my hand and we walked down the familiar path to the beach where the others had already got the bonfire started. The blue flames that the salty driftwood created were crackling happily and the atmosphere was relaxed and happy.
"Yo Bella!" yelled Quil making his way over to me "Glad you could make it" he said to me and the group with a huge smile.
"Wouldn't miss it" I replied cracking a smile, you couldn't help but feel happy when Quil was around.
Quil lead us over the fire where the others were seated on huge drift wood logs that were positioned around the fire the same way as they had been for years.
After saying hellos I went and sat with Paul and Sam and Edward joined me. Rose and Alice sat with Emily and Kim to catch up on all the gossip I knew I would hear later and Jazz and Em were joking around with Quil and Embry.
I knew Jacob was sitting around the fire somewhere but I didn't want to catch his eye so I struck up a conversation with Paul.
"So Bells, off the market are we?" he asked with a wink, he must have seen Edward and I holding hands when we arrived.
"Ah so you noticed" I teased "Yeah I am" I told him gazing at Edward affectionately as he chatted to Sam.
"You seem happy" he remarked, "I'm glad."
"Aw gee Paul I hope you aren't going all soft on me" I teased him.
He laughed loudly "Any lovely ladies you have your eye on?" I asked.
"Hmmmm well now that you're taken I guess I'll have to start looking" he said winking again. With Paul I knew this was a joke and but I still felt uneasy, I hoped Jacob didn't hear that comment so I just laughed it off.
"Just kidding and no, just living the bachelor lifestyle" he said proudly.
"Oh right I'm sure" I replied, "You know if you lived in Seattle Alice would probably set you up" I told him.
"Really?" he asked with a grin.
"Yes really, whether you wanted to be or not."
"Maybe I'll have to talk to her about that later" he informed me, "Looks like we'll be neighbours soon, well not literally but you know what I mean."
"Are you moving to Seattle?" I asked him excitedly.
He grinned "Sure am! With Quil and Embry, Jake decided just today that now wasn't the right time to move, he doesn't want to leave Billy on his own just yet."
I frowned at that comment; I was certain that wasn't Jacob's reason for staying behind in La Push. But he had stayed true to his word; he hadn't said a thing to any of his friends about what happened.
I quickly smiled hoping he hadn't seen my frown, "Paul that's awesome!"
"I know, you lot will have to take us out when we get there, show us the city lights!"
My conversation with Paul was cut short by the announcement that the food was ready, Jared and Embry had cooked a heap of meat on an old barbeque and Emily had provided sides.
We all grabbed a plate and helped ourselves. As I was dishing myself some salad Jacob came to fill up his plate.
"Hi Bella" he greeted me with a strained smile; I could see the hurt swimming in his dark eyes. Before I could open my mouth to reply he moved away to sit down with Jared and Kim.
Sighing I went and sat down with Edward and the gang. They all looked at me when I sat down.
"You okay Bells?" asked Jasper beating the others to the punch, "What'd he say?"
"Just hi, he walked away before I could reply" I told them.
"Don't worry bout it Bellsy" said Em patting my back. "Least the food is good" he mumbled happily as he stuffed his mouth with potato salad.
"Emmett!" scolded Rose hitting the back of his head, "Don't be insensitive."
We all laughed; you could always count on Emmett to lighten the mood and Rose to keep him in line.
I didn't get a chance to talk to Jacob for the rest of the night; he did a pretty good job at avoiding me. Thankfully no one noticed.
We headed for home just after midnight, the events of the day had taken their toll on me and I fell asleep with my head resting on Edward's shoulder.
"Time to wake up sleeping beauty" he said softly in my ear as the car pulled to a stop.
"Oh!" I woke with a start, I looked out the window, we were parked in Charlie's driveway just behind his cruiser.
I bid the others good night and Edward helped me out of the car and to the front door.
"Goodnight beautiful, I'll see you tomorrow' he said before kissing me softly on the lips. "Sweet dreams."
Four days later we were getting ready to head home to Seattle, Renee and Phil had left the day before to make a trip to visit Phil's family in California.
I still hadn't spoken to Jacob and it was not from lack of trying on my part. I called him every day and had sent him a few text messages, but he wouldn't answer.
I had been forced come to terms with the fact that that friendship had officially ended. I wasn't happy about it but it was out of my control.
Edward and Charlie were helping me carry my bags out to the Volvo to pack them into the trunk when I heard the familiar noise of a motorcycle engine.
I looked up and sure enough it was Jacob pulling into Charlie's drive behind his crusier. I glanced at Edward and Charlie.
Charlie had a disapproving look on his face, being a cop he didn't approve of motorbikes, in his opinion they were dangerous and made people behave recklessly. He also knew a little bit about what had happened between Jacob and me. I got fed up of his constant pestering as to why I hadn't gone to visit Jacob more. Edward on the other hand looked strained.
"What are you doing here?" I demanded angrily after Jacob had taken his helmet off and hopped off the bike.
"Arrrrr" he replied glancing at Charlie and Edward and their hostile expressions. "I was hoping to talk to you before you left" he said nervously. "Alone."
I raised my eyebrow at him, "What makes you think you deserve that?"
"Sweetheart" Edward said calmly walking over and putting his arm around me. "I'll finish putting your bags in the car, you go" then he added in a whisper "You'll regret it if you don't hear him out beautiful."
I turned to look at him, his face was calm but I could see the worry clear in his beautiful green eyes. "Okay" I whispered.
He kissed me gently on the lips and then I turned around to face Jacob. "You have five minutes" I said firmly "That's all and then we have to hit the road."
I walked off with Jacob, leading him towards the forest where we were just out of view of the house.
"What?" I demanded again.
"I really screwed this up didn't I?" he asked gesturing between us.
"Yes" I answered bluntly.
He sighed "I guess that can't be helped now though" he replied. "I just wanted to come and see you before you left to tell you one more thing, to try and make it right."
It was my turn to sigh, "Get on with it Jacob" I said sadly closing my eyes. This was all so exhausting.
He didn't reply and when I opened my eyes it was too late to stop him.