So here it is the chapter I've been waiting to write, smut included so be aware!

Session 11

So I told you last time that there was a case that changed my relationship with Elliot forever.

His name was Victor Paul Gitano. A serial killer and child rapist who killed a mother, father and daughter and kidnapped the two youngest kids, Ryan and Rebecca.

We tracked him down to the George Washington Bridge bus terminal. We were all there trying to catch him but he made us so we had to chase him down.

There came a point when I saw him and I went towards him. Elliot had spotted Ryan and was trying to get him, I pulled my gun on Gitano but he had Rebecca in his arms and he got to close and sliced my neck.

Elliot had a split second to make a decision. Me or Ryan. He chose me… He… He chose me over a victim and that never should have happened.

I remember hearing him call my name and he rushed over to me almost crying saying 'no please God no'. I was shaken and shocked and bleeding but I was ok and I told him to go. I told him I was ok and told him to go but he was too late and Gitano killed Ryan.

Elliot lost it. He lost sight of what was supposed to do, he broke into a car, it was Gitano's car but he couldn't have known for certain and we didn't have a warrant but he didn't care.

Then in an interrogation Elliot was insane, he wouldn't let me get a word in edgeways and he was angry and then we had an argument I don't think anyone who witnessed will ever forget.

"Hey! Hey!" Olivia called.

"He doesn't know anything!" Elliot replied angrily still walking away and refusing to face his partner.

"Have you've got something to say to me because if you do then let's hear it." Olivia replied chasing after him, she wasn't about to let him be angry with her without an explanation, she'd done nothing wrong.

He stopped in his tracks and then turned and walked back to her with a look in his eye that sent chills down her spine.

"Why didn't you shoot Gitano?" He asked straight.

"He was using the child as a shield." She replied angrily.

"How could you let him get so close to you?" He continued.

"There were innocent civilians around I couldn't get a shot…"

"Well he got close and now Ryan's dead." He told her simply.

She looked at him in complete disbelief.

"So this is my fault?" She asked in shock.

"No I can't do this anymore, I can't be looking over my shoulder making sure you're ok…"

"You son of a bitch you know that's not true…"

"I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue." He yelled.

"Alright that's enough!" Don Cragen interrupted before either one could say anymore.

He even snapped at Melinda during that case, he was an angry son of a bitch and it was getting on everyone's nerves but that argument had gotten to me, I have never and had never waited for Elliot to come to my rescue.

He went to see Huang. Voluntarily. He told me.

We were tracking Gitano. We ended up on a military base and thanks to some info and forensics we had a hunch that it was where Gitano was.

We went inside and split up hoping to find him and I heard a crash and a struggle and I ended up flying out from where I was covered. Gitano was holding a gun to Elliot's head. I was yelling for him to drop the gun and Elliot was yelling at me to shoot and Gitano was yelling that he would shoot Elliot but once everyone was quiet I started talking Gitano down.

Gitano was chatting complete shit and Elliot was yelling at me to shoot but I couldn't… not with a gun to his head.

"Olivia you think about me and Rebecca's dead, pull that trigger, shoot him." Elliot said so calmly that it sent chills down Olivia's spine. "Shoot him… Olivia, shoot him."

"Yeah do that, but, you better make sure you take me out with one shot. One. Perfect. Shot. Of course my reflexes are pretty tight, I could pull this trigger before the bullet even hits me or maybe you miss me all together. Either way there's an eighty percent chance that I'm going to take this guy's head clean off. But you try it, definitely, it will probably turn out great." Victor explained throwing more doubt into Olivia.

"You can kill us both Victor but you still won't walk out of here." Olivia said shakily, she really couldn't handle this.

"Oh right, right, because you've got some buddies coming huh? When's that going down?" He replied.

"Any minute." Olivia said.

"Great. Great." Gitano replied shaking Olivia's core with fear.

"Just tell us where you hid her." Olivia stated.

"You know, you could put the gun down. At least then you might find her because otherwise she's gonna die. She's gonna die, he's gonna die, and it will be all your fault. Just like the little boy, how's your neck?"

"It's not the same thing Olivia you know that." Elliot told her softly but she was having a hard time believing it.

"Yes it is Olivia. God you two couple of screw ups…"

"Olivia…"

"How could you let that little boy go…"

"Olivia… Look at me…"

"Maybe you're just incompetent…"

"You can do the right thing, I didn't, I made that choice with Ryan and it was wrong…"

"Elliot." She pleaded in a whisper but he chose to ignore her.

"It was my fault, don't do it."

"Shut up." Gitano snapped seeing the effect Elliot was having on Olivia.

"Don't make that mistake…"

"Stop talking!" Gitano yelled.

"I would have done the same thing." She admitted.

"I said stop talking!" He yelled angrier again.

"Don't make my mistake." Elliot told her softly.

"Drop it! Drop your gun now!" Gitano yelled panicking because he heard noise in the distance. "Put the gun down now! You cops don't come in here or everybody dies." He yelled. "Hey!" He noticed that Olivia and Elliot were focused on each other. "Hey!" He yelled again trying to get their attention but their eyes stayed momentarily glued on one another.

"Hey!" He yelled again. "I'll tell you where she is." He was getting desperate.

"Where?" Olivia asked angrily.

"She's in a van parked in a garage in Newark she might still be alive."

Olivia shook her head.

"He's lying." She whispered meekly.

"I know." Elliot replied softly.

"He's never going to tell us." Olivia told him.

"You're right." He reassured.

"We can all walk out of here alive if you just put the gun down." Gitano said trying to distract the partners but they were to fixed on each other to even acknowledge he'd said something.

"It's alright." Elliot told her softly.

"I'm sorry." She whispered so quietly that Elliot only knew what she said from reading her lips.

Elliot closed his eyes and prayed to go quickly as he waited for Olivia to take the shot.

The next thing there was a shot and it wasn't from Olivia or Gitano's gun and the relief flushed both of their faces.

I just looked at Elliot. His eyes on mine and mine on his and we didn't need to speak. My nose was running, tears ran down my cheeks but I didn't care because he was alive and that was all that mattered to me… I could never have taken that shot.

It was quick back to work when we heard the little girl crying. Everything that had happened was forgotten for a moment while we searched for the little girl who had lost everything.

At the hospital I told Elliot the good news that Rebecca hadn't been physically injured, it was the best news we'd had since the whole case had begun. Her mental state wasn't too bad either.

"If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it … I know you would have taken that shot Olivia." Elliot said to me, I have never been able to forget this conversation either.

"No I wouldn't have." I replied in complete disbelief that he thought I would. "Do you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? What about your kids?"

"I don't know." He told me. "I just couldn't get that boy out of my head."

"What about me?" I asked him desperately.

"Look we both chose each other over the job, we can never let that happen again… otherwise… we can't be partners."

I was shocked. He was all I had ever known since being a Detective really. You know he was my partner, my best friend and to hear him say that broke my heart.

"I can't believe you're saying that." Was all I managed to reply I mean, he couldn't even look at me.

"You and this job are about the only things I've got anymore. I don't wanna wreck that." He told me. "I couldn't take it." He said before walking off.

That's when I went to see Don Cragen… and I requested a new partner. I didn't want to but I had too after everything I knew things would be different between us, our relationship was damaged.

After talking with Cragen and agreeing to transfer to computer crimes I didn't want to go home. It was the last place I wanted to go so I made my way up to the cribs and found Elliot lying there and I suddenly became consumed with guilt, I couldn't tell him that I'd asked for a new partner.

"Liv." Elliot said softly as he stood up to meet his partner.

"Hey El." She replied unsure what else she could say.

"You ok?" He asked as he approached her and she just nodded weakly, she really didn't know what to say to him.

"You?" She asked as he continued to walk slowly towards her.

"No." He replied honestly as he stood just inches away from her.

He slowly pushed a strand of her hair out of her face and she inhaled sharply at the contact, it was intimate, so unlike what they were used to.

"I'm sorry." He whispered as he cupped her face with his hand. "I just couldn't bear to lose you Liv."

"And you think I could lose you?" She asked him as she struggled to contain her tears. "El…"

"Shh." He said pressing his finger to her lips.

Her eyes stayed glued on his as he leant closer and closer to her. Then his lips touched hers, just softly, barely a brush but when she didn't jump away in fright or hit him he kissed her again, harder.

He slowly deepened the kiss by edging her mouth apart and when she did he pulled her into his arms quite roughly.

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back just as frenzied as he was kissing her. She moaned subconsciously into his mouth as he stroked his hands up and down her back.

The next thing she knew they were both topless and he was pushing her onto one of the cots. They didn't break the kiss for a second as he went to work on her slacks, ripping off her shoes and socks in the process.

He then pulled away, scanning her eyes for any hesitancy but when he saw none he dived straight back in. She scratched her nails down his back as his own trousers and boxer shorts came off and the next thing she knew there was a thick masculine finger inside her making her gasp into his mouth.

"Shh." He whispered gently before twisting then removing the finger.

He parted her legs further and then lined himself against her opening. Once again he looked at her, seeking permission before he slipped inside of her. She arched at the intrusion and gasped in a mixture of pleasure and pain, he was bigger than she was used to and so the intrusion wasn't quite as welcomed.

For a moment he held still, knowing that he was a man on the larger side and that his partner needed to allow her body to relax again around him. As soon as he thought she had he began to pummel roughly into her.

She rocked her hips just as roughly and scratched her nails down his chest. This was eight years of intense sexual tension and frustration being let loose when both of them where in a state of anger and frustration and it was going to have damning consequences for both of them as they caused each other considerable amount of pleasure and pain.

As the sweat doused their bodies his grip on her hips slowly faded and he bent over her and gripped her shoulders tight. She suckled on his neck, leaving a nice purple bruise for anyone and everyone to see, she was marking him her own.

"Fuck Liv." He groaned as he edge closer to his climax.

She said nothing, words would ruin the moment so she continued to focus on the feeling of his hands on her naked body, his instrument inside of her, his lips on her.

As she edged she grasped his shoulders and dug her nails in before biting down hard on the area his neck met his shoulders. That sent him over the edge and he gripped her hard guaranteeing five finger print bruises on her shoulders the next morning but the marks on her thighs and the soreness between her legs would probably be worse.

He collapsed on top of her and she held him tight as their breathing began to normalise.

"I'm sorry I was such an ass Liv." He whispered and Olivia could sense that he was near tears.

"You have nothing to be sorry about El." She told him softly as she ran her hand through his hair.

"I couldn't lose you Liv, it would kill me." He whispered and she sighed softly.

"And what do you think losing you would do to me huh El? You think it would be a walk in the park for me too?" She asked angrily.

"No Liv, of course not but … but I love you Liv don't you get it?" He asked turning so he could look into her deep brown eyes as she registered what he'd just said.

"And you think I don't love you?" She asked in disbelief. "Elliot, I've been in love with you since … since God knows when, I could never be the one to cause your death because without you … without you there's no me." She explained as the tears trickled down her cheeks.

Elliot cupped her cheek gently and stroked his thumb across the tears.

"Don't cry Liv." He whispered before placing his lips on hers. "It hurts me to see you cry."

"I'm sorry." Olivia replied trying to wipe the other cheek. "I need to go." She said.

"No." He replied. "You're not running from us Liv, please give me a chance?" He asked as she crawled from beneath him and began to pull her clothes off.

"El you're my partner… for better or worse… please don't make this harder than it has to be." She pleaded softly.

"So what this just happened you confess you love me obviously as much as I love you but you're going to walk out of here like nothing happened?" Elliot asked trying to mask the anger he felt but failing miserably.

"You're married…"

"Separated in the middle of a divorce." He informed her.

"Still married." Olivia pointed out. "Ok? I love you El I really do but … but being with you isn't possible." She leant forward and gave him one long hesitant kiss before turning on her heels and walking out, not just on Elliot but her job at the one six too.

So there you have it. The first sexual encounter between myself and Elliot, in the cribs after the toughest case I think either of us ever faced.

What happened after you left the one six?

What that night?

No job wise.

Oh. I went to computer crimes, ignored Elliot's phone calls and texts at first but he's a … was a persistent son of a bitch. Anyway I got a call from Cragen because Elliot and his new partner got into a fight.

"I liked that shirt." She said commenting about his now ruined shirt he was in the middle of changing.

"What are you doing here?" He asked her not liking how she was stood there leaning up against the door frame like nothing had happened between them.

"Heard what happened between you and Blaine." She replied honestly.

"What can I tell you, he's a prick." Elliot replied closing his locker door.

An awkward silence descended on them, neither one of them sure whether to look at each other or not.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked her once he'd walked to be standing within inches of her causing her breath to hitch in her throat, especially with the fact his shirt was open and his scratch marks from her were clearly visible.

"Elliot we've been partners for seven years, longer than anybody else here I just … we needed a change." She explained weakly. "I'm sorry." She added after a few moments silence of them staring into each other's eyes passed. "I should have talked to you… it's just… it's just too complicated."

He looked at her for a moment then nodded.

"Thanks for dropping by." He said before walking off leaving Olivia to feel her heart break once again.

You know it was tough. I loved him so much even then and he broke my heart so many times, I forgave him every single time, I mean I did my fair share of heart breaking too, I ran when things got tough leaving him to pick up the pieces.

He came by on his case. It was awkward even if he was only there for five minutes, he didn't like seeing me sitting there behind a desk that wasn't the one he was used to seeing me behind.

Anyway, the case kinda fascinated me and I kept following the blog I showed Elliot when he called by. I found some information and I took it over to the one six and I can promise you that he was not pleased to see me there. Not the slightest bit.

The next case SVU brought me was a few weeks later. Elliot even managed to get me to the precinct. He told me SVU was in my blood and he was right. Any awkwardness from us sleeping together was gone… a bit anyway.

I knew then it was time to go back you know? Back to SVU, back to my partner and try and salvage something of a relationship with him.

It didn't last though, because I ran again but this time I ran to Oregon.