Hi Folks,
Thank you so much for your reviews. They are priceless and indescribably heartwarming.
(Chips)
xoxo
Today is the day before your wedding.
You have woken up in one country, wrestled with excitable kids, co-ordinated keyed up friends, flown to another country, quickly settled in at your parent's holiday villa and finalised last minute plans for the wedding tomorrow. Ste has personally made sure everything outstanding is sorted so that the day goes without a hitch... except for the getting hitched part. You are sure he has even made a call to the weather to make sure that it remains 'Warm with clear blue skies'.
You have noticed that he has clung to you more than he normally does today. A manifestation of nerves and anxiety, you think.
You hope that it has nothing to do with the call he ignored from Brendan before you left England. You tried to bring it up with him when you flew over but he shut you down.
"I don't know why you are bringing it up, Marty. I've already forgotten all about it." And he gave your hand a firm squeeze and held it for the whole journey over.
It is evening time now and you are at a 'welcome-drinks-and-tapas' party that your enthusiastic aunt arranged without consulting you.
'Martín, esas gentes han volado desde Hollyoaks para tu boda.Es lo menos que podía hacer.' These people have travelled all the way from Hollyoaks for your wedding. It's the least I could do.
So rather than turning in early to get some rest in preparation for your big day, you are with family and friends at aunt Costanza's villa which happens to be only a couple of roads away from your parent's.
No one else except for Ste seems concerned that you need to get sleep at some point tonight; not your friends or your family, old and young.
It is a sweltering, humid night. Ste is chatting with your cousins near the open door that leads to the patio catching the subtle breeze. You have got yourself locked into a conversation with Michaela McQueen's older brother, John Paul, after you bumped into him when you went to fetch drinks for you and Ste.
"Ste and Mickey are good friends." You say. "Her Chester Times article tripled the number of customers coming into PECKISH!"
"I'm sure he would have got the recognition with time." He says. "Good food speaks for itself and I've heard great things about Ste's creations. I'll be sure to go before I travel back to Ireland."
"Ireland?" Your mind immediately goes to Brendan. You take a deep breath to calm your rising anger.
"Dublin. I followed my boyfriend there ten years ago. We both graduated from Trinity. Anyway, we fell in love with the place so we decided to settle there. I heard you and Ste were in town last month. Had I known...?"
Just hearing the city's name makes you shudder.
"It was a short trip. We didn't have much time." You say quickly then change the subject. "Your name..."
"I'm named after the pope." He says sheepishly. "My mum's Catholic."
"My parents are Catholic, too." You reply.
"Let me guess. You were named after the saint of soldiers."
"Aye," You smile at him. "How did you know?"
"I dated someone who had a direct line to God for a while." He says quietly.
"Right."
"Anyway, it's nice to see that all your family is happy that you are tying the knot."
"I think it's because I am not the first to come out. My uncle, Alfonso, over there is mum's brother. He paved the path." You point at a middle aged man whose fingers are hovering over the tapas table. "I think my folks are just happy that I am not going to be an eternal bachelor like he is."
You share a grin with John Paul as he looks over at Ste.
"It's strange, you know. I went to school with him. He has changed a lot." He says.
"I've heard."
"He looks really calm. He was a bit of a car crash when he was younger. He was trouble. Guess you've had a positive influence on him."
"I can't take the credit."
"You and Ste make it look so easy." John Paul muses. "Being together."
You smirk. How funny. Perception and reality can be such different things. Little does John Paul know that you hit a seriously rocky patch just four weeks ago and that the beginning of you relationship was less than ideal.
"Every relationship has challenges. It's how your work through them that counts." You tell John Paul.
You look over at your fiancé who is now alone. He appears distracted, staring out at the greenery which has the sprinklers going and is bathed in moonlight.
He turns to look right at you as if sensing your eyes on him. He smiles then subtly indicates for you to go to him.
"Look, sorry, John-Paul, I should get back to Ste. It was nice talking to you."
You walk up to your fiancé and lean on the other side of the door frame he is leaning on, mirroring his stance.
"Alright, sexy?" You say.
"I'm shattered." He says tiredly.
"Same."
"You forgot to get me a coke." He says. "You got distracted by John Paul."
"He seems nice."
"I don't really know him. Just what Mickey told me when we were at school. He had an affair with his best friend behind both their girlfriends' backs. When it all came out he got bullied for being gay and Craig dumped him. Then he dated a priest. Then Craig begged for him to get back together."
"Sounds like a soap storyline."
"Apparently they are still together."
"They are. He just told me." You look around you. "It's ten pm. We need to get some rest."
"We could try to escape; just you and me." He raises a conspiratorial eyebrow.
"I want to live."
He rolls his eyes at you. "You're no fun."
"You don't know how single minded my aunt can get. She won't care that we are getting married tomorrow. She will kill us if we leave without her permission!"
You look him up and down; his flushed face and relaxed stance. His lithe figure; arms dropped by his sides, one ankle crossed over the other.
You can picture him as he will be tomorrow in a simple single-breasted black tuxedo cut perfectly to suit his shape. The rings on your left hands will be replaced by ones on your right in keeping with Spanish tradition.
He clears his throat and goes a bright red. "I nearly tongued her and like three other members of your family, by the way. They probably think I'm a pervert."
You chuckle. "What happened?"
"It's the kisses on the cheek, Marty. Sometimes it's two. Sometimes it's three. I go for the wrong cheek first. I've had full on lip contact with Max..." He is your cousin and best man for tomorrow. "... Auntie Costanza and your grandma!"
Ste seems genuinely distressed. How cute.
"I'm sure they loved it!" You grin then call out to your mother's mother. "Abuelita ¿He besado a mi novio en los labios?" Have you been kissing my boyfriend on the lips?
"What did you ask her?" Ste asks sceptically when the Spanish speakers in the room start to laugh.
Your grandmother laughs the loudest and shouts, "¡Si fuera más joven las cosas podrían haber sido diferentes, Ste!" If I were younger thing might have been different, Ste!
"Is she talking about me? Entiendo un poco." I understand a bit. Ste says tentatively.
"¿A sí?" You raise an amused eyebrow at him.
He grins. "Sí."
"Vale, what did grandma just say?"
"Something about good kisses?"
You grin. "She said that things could have been different between you if she were younger."
He smiles. "Your abuela is nuts."
"My family is nuts. I thought you'd figured that out by now."
He takes your hands in his. "I like that you have like a gazillion family members."
"It wears thin sometimes."
"Maybe, but it is better than having no one." He stares up at you with clear blue eyes.
"I hate to break it to you but they are your family now too." You intertwine your fingers.
"Not until tomorrow." He grins.
"Why? Are they a deal breaker?" You curl your lips up.
"No! I like them. They make you look normal!"
"Oi!"
He tugs at you so you move closer to him, trapping him between your body and the doorframe. He drapes his arms over your shoulders and links his hands behind your neck.
"It's strange seeing our friends here in Spain under the same roof with your family."
"I know. Can you believe that we are getting married in the morning?" You say in wonder.
He looks up at you. "I know." He blinks.
His eyes close slowly under the weight of fatigue and he puts his head on your chest. You rest your forehead on his and close your eyes.
"That's a new way of sleeping."
You turn around guiltily to face your sister, Katy, and a posse of family and friends who are all looking at you.
"It's the night before the wedding." Amy informs you as if you didn't know. "You have to sleep apart."
"You're kidding right?" Ste says.
You are yanked apart by Doug and your father.
"Tradition is tradition." Your dad says merrily.
"Say goodnight to your husband-to-be, Ste." Pete says. "You are coming back with us."
"Where am I staying? I have all my stuff at your place." You tell your dad.
Your father laughs. "You are staying here, son. Someone has already brought your things over."
So that's that then. There is no point in arguing so you kiss Ste and whisper against his lips,
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"I'll see you in the morning."
That phrase has never meant so much because in the morning you are getting married.
XOXO
The party is finally over and you are in one of your aunt's spare rooms. The bed you are lying in is more than ample but you can't seem to settle. It is partly the weather. Even in a thin t-shirt and shorts you break a spontaneous sweat. Also, adrenalin is coursing through you. You can't believe you are getting married tomorrow. Your heart thuds at the prospect. It feels surreal.
You look at your engagement ring and think of how far you have come from the commitment-phobic man you were. You could get married right now, in fact.
You close your eyes just as your phone signals a text message at around midnight.
It's from Ste.
Come over. They r asleep.
You grin.
I'm on my way. I'm blaming you if I get caught, though!
You slip into flip flops and silently head out of your aunt's house.
The walk to your parent's place takes less than ten minutes. You use your own keys to get in through the main door and then tip toe through the quiet dark house.
Your mind flashes back to the last time you holidayed here to one particular day; Ste's lazy swim in the outdoor pool while you prepared lunch, his chat, burnt soufflés, the gold ring, you on bended knee, 'yes, Martin, I will marry you', making love in the kitchen and then the living room and then the bathroom, getting sunburnt when you fell asleep in the garden afterwards.
"Hey." Ste whispers to you from the corridor that leads to the bedrooms.
You are surprised that he looks wide awake... And fidgety.
On edge.
"Hey." You whisper back and walk up to him. He is wearing a pair of dark boxer-briefs only. "You okay?"
He replies by reaching up to kiss you. He is tentative at first but then he combs his fingers through your hair and pulls you to him, parting his lips to meld them with yours.
"This feels so naughty." You whisper heatedly when you pull away between breathless pants.
He puts his index finger to his lips, silencing you, takes your hand and leads you silently to his room.
The lights are off but the floor length window-doors let in the night light giving you some visibility.
He kisses you passionately and tugs you towards the bed, lifting your shirt off you efficiently.
You release a laugh when his mouth goes to your nipple and he licks at the hard nub sending a shiver down your spine. "I thought you were tired."
He pushes you onto the bed and crawls between your bent legs.
"I want you, Marty."
He gives you the briefest of kisses and then pulls your shorts and underwear down just enough to let your dick spring free.
You gasp as he goes down on you without preamble.
"Shit, Ste!" You groan as quietly as possible as he works his magic on you. "My parents!" You mumble as you vaguely remember that they are under the same roof. Come to think of it so are his kids and his best friend.
He glances up at you from your groin. His eyes twinkle in the dim light. "We'll be quiet."
And then he gets back to pleasuring you. He knows how to work you until you feel all twitchy and oversensitive and like you need to crawl out of your skin.
He bobs his head up and down slowly, engulfing you. Then he speeds up until he needs to come up for air, gasping while he licks you up and down like a rapidly melting ice-lolly. He looks at you as his tongue darts out to worry the underside of your cock just under the head. Your toes curl in pleasure every time he does that. His hand grips you firmly jerking you off at the same time.
Your hand wonders through his hair savouring the velvety feel of his haircut. You caress over his neck and back and sit up so that you can reach further down over the covered mounds of his buttocks. You push his boxers down and cup a cheek before squeezing its firm flesh.
"Yes." He sighs and emits a low rumble when you rub against his entrance. He takes your dick down his throat again and you watch as it disappears and reappears from his mouth repeatedly. Your eyes shut to savour the sensation of warmth, suction, pressure and tightness. You bite your lower lip and thrust into him while he grinds back against your hand to encourage you to continue your pressure on his arse.
You feel an orgasm build up. He pulls off you when he senses that you are near and you groan in disappointment.
He gasps and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he stares at you with glazed eyes.
"I want us to ..." He goes red all over as he lightly strokes your shaft.
He wants you to fuck him.
"Aye." You whisper.
You pull him up to you and kiss him hard, tasting your precum on him, then he turns away from you to lie on his side. You lie behind him.
You rub his butt then spit on your fingers and lube his hole up. He sighs and pushes back against the pressure then reaches back to grab your cock.
You grip his hips and back his arse up closer to you, settling your cock in the cleft of his butt cheeks. He groans and you look down at his tight and inviting entrance; twitching in anticipation. You push into him slowly, seeing the steady slide of your cock into him. You breech his tightness and circle your arm around his waist to pull him back into you until you are fully seated in him.
He shudders and melts back into you. That never gets old. The way he feels around you. The way he settles into your arms. The filthy sound of ecstasy as if you have just done the best thing to him. Ever.
He lifts one leg up in the air to allow you room to reach for his dick. He is hard and you jerk him off while thrusting into him. His sounds are a chorus of appreciation.
"Shush." You whisper into his ear.
He whimpers and buries his face into a pillow, biting it while he pushes back to you to match your thrusts into him.
You nibble at his ear, tongue his neck and kiss his cheek. You are both sticky and wet from the night's heat but this feels incredible none-the-less.
Eventually, Ste frees his mouth from the pillow to whisper, "I'm going to cum."
And he does over the bedding and your fingers just before you do. You grip him tightly to you as your shudders take hold and you unload, relishing in the sweet release.
When the aftershocks die down you let your hand wonder down his toned belly, over his flaccid dick under his balls and further back, to where you are still joined to him, buried in his heat.
"That was hot." You murmur as you lazily play your lips over the nape of his neck. "In fact, its number three on my top ten list of why I am marrying you."
He cranes his head round to stare at you. You give him a shit eating grin.
"Having sex with me is only number three?"
You nod. "Aye."
"What's number one?"
You grin at him. "I would need to show you."
"Go on then."
You pull out slowly and then gently lay him on his back and get on top of him.
He looks curiously up at you.
"Ready?" You ask seriously.
He nods.
You shuffle down his body, making a big show of your action then suddenly seal your lips over his belly button and blow hard onto it creating a sound not dissimilar to a fart.
He squirms in your hold and laughs, trying to push you off.
"Shush, Marty! Gerroff!" He says trying to keep his voice down but grinning like a loon up at you. "God! I thought you were going to be serious!"
You grin. "I am being serious. You make me happy. That is my number one reason."
You settle your arms either side of him and he wraps his legs around yours. You love how he feels against you; his chest rising and falling against your own.
"You're going to crush me." He mumbles.
"Stop girning."
"I'm not girning."He imitates your accent.
Girning is Scottish for complaining. It isn't often you use Scottish words but hanging around your Scottish family has brought the Celtic out in you.
"What's the number two reason for marrying me then?" Ste asks as he traces his fingers over the length and breadth of your body, idly.
"That you come as you are. No front. No apology. No deception. You are what you are. I love that about you."
His fingers stop moving and his arms fall to his side. He looks at you and blinks then his face clouds over and he turns to one side.
"Ste?" You whisper.
It is as if he has shut himself away from you.
He sighs and pushes against you enough for you to understand that he wants to come out from under you.
He lies on his back by your side, pulls his boxers up and covers his face with his hands.
"I need to tell you something." He says suddenly. He has gone serious all of a sudden.
Your eyes widen in the dark but you stay still, waiting.
"What?" You lay a hand on his belly and prop yourself up onto your elbow to look at him. Inside you are already at panic stations but your countenance remains calm.
"My heart is pounding, Ste. Just spit it out."
He sighs again heavily. He pushes closed fists against his closed eyes. He removes his fists away and looks at you, again.
"I just w-wanted to say that I love you."
You frown. "That's it?"
"And I can't wait until tomorrow." He holds your hand. "I mean it."
You breathe a sigh of relief. God knows what you were expecting him to say but it wasn't that. You feared the worst.
"Good." You give him a crooked smile. "Because it would kind of suck otherwise since I love you too."
The kiss he gives you is full on; pulling you to him, coaxing you into round two.
"Hey." You say softly. "I've got to go before the troops find out. We'll have plenty of time for that."
You slip out of his bed and he throws you the t-shirt he was wearing during the day. You clean up while facing him with a cheeky grin on your face. Then you pull your underwear and shorts up and slip your own t-shirt back on.
He stares at you fixedly in the moonlight so you lift the edge of your top and show him a flash of abs and wink.
The corner of his mouth goes up. "You are so vain."
"Tell me you don't like this." You say with a grin.
"I could take it or leave it." He smiles too.
You laugh quietly and lean in to touch your lips to his. "Alright handsome. I've got to go and get some rest. I'm not sure about you but I'm getting hitched in the morning."
XOXO
The morning is rushed. A series of shouting and laughs and last minute panics and ironing out of creases and hair straighteners and missing ties and waiting for the bathroom to be free and late taxis. And people smiling at you and slapping you on the back and hugging you and kissing you and getting teary eyed.
You are amazed that everything has come together. With the help of your family in Spain, you and Ste have somehow managed to cobble together a wedding in no time.
Today is the day.
Castell De L'Oliver is beautiful and the weather has been kind to you. Blue skies are marred only by the occasional wispy white cloud. A light warm breeze bathes the hill the castle sits on. The temperature is a little too hot for some people's taste but perfect for you.
Most of the decorations are from the event that you replaced; a wedding that, by all accounts, fell through at the last minute. You can't imagine how the bride and groom must be feeling but you are grateful that it has meant that you get to have your day. Their set up was thankfully simple and tasteful.
The ceremony is taking place outside in a palm tree lined garden, on the hillside overlooking the city of Barcelona. The adornments are all white. Flowers. Bows. Chairs. Draped sheets. Pillars lining the isle. The low set podium at the front.
It looks like nearly all the guests are here from where you are standing on the podium with your sister Katy and cousin Max who are your 'best men'. You and Ste asked everyone attending to all wear white. You are glad you indulged that diva moment. The effect is startling. Everything feels fresh, vibrant and new.
You hired a pianist who is sat at a grand piano next to the podium playing show tunes as a nod to your passion for musicals. Stephen's music will dominate the reception party.
The officiant is standing next to you at the centre of the podium patiently staring ahead at the guests, rocking back and forth on his feet. You give him an apologetic smile. He smiles back and continues to rock his feet. You have been assured by the venue's staff that he is bilingual but when you switched to English when speaking to him earlier he smiled and nodded as if he didn't have a clue what you said.
You have a last minute plan B.
Your sister will translate from Spanish to English if necessary.
You can't wait to see Ste. Strange really since you only saw him a few hours ago illicitly. But this anticipation is killing you now.
You look down at your black tuxedo and smooth over it. Then you look down the empty aisle and sigh.
Your cousin, Max, whispers in your ear.
"He's coming. Chill out."
You smile at him. "My palms are sweating. I'm a bag of nerves."
"That's amore." Your sister says with a smile. "Just enjoy the moment."
"Yeah." You say with a grin. You look at the time. It is ten past ten. The service was supposed to start at ten.
"And stop looking at your watch." Katy admonishes you. "Weddings never start on time in Spain. You know that. Remember mine was forty-five minutes late."
"I don't think my heart could cope with that." You say and you press a hand into your chest. As silly as it sounds, having got to this point, you just want to get married already.
Your parents are sitting in the front row on your right with Katy's husband and children. Pete, Leah, Lucas and little Liam, who is kicking up a storm, sit on the front row to your left. Amy is with Ste as his 'best man' hopefully within the castle grounds ready to walk up the aisle.
You wonder which one of them is causing the hold up.
The rest of your extended family, from both your dad's and mum's side, fills most of the rest of the seats. And obviously there are your friends and Ste's who are excitedly whispering to each other.
"Where's daddy and mummy?" Lucas asks Pete.
Pete smiles. "They are on their way. Your dad wants to make sure he looks as good as you do for his big day, champ."
"He's late." The boy says.
"There's plenty of time."
There is commotion amongst the guests and for a second your heart leaps because you assume Ste and Amy have arrived.
They haven't.
It's Mitzeee. She is late and she deliberately decided to ignore dress code in her form-fitting above knee flame red dress and matching wide brim hat, lipstick and shades.
She teeters her way over the grass that must be murder on her heels and waves at you with a huge grin. She shamelessly walks up the aisle, overemphasising the sway of her hips and takes a seat with the Hollyoaks posse.
Right behind her is Amy.
She is a vision in white. Pre-Raphaelite. Her long straight hair is adorned with delicate white flowers. Her floor-length high-waisted ethereal dress moves around her like a mist as she nervously walks up the aisle towards you. The jangle of her numerous bracelets call attention to her.
Ste isn't with her.
The guests hush up except Doug who jokes,
"I thought this was a gay wedding!"
Amy comes up to you and touches your arm gently in a manner that makes you know that something is wrong immediately.
You pull away.
"Where is Ste?" You ask forcefully.
She gets onto her toes and leans into your ear. "I don't want to create a scene but you need to come with me now."
"What's going on?" Your sister asks.
"Nothing." Amy says and fails miserably at sounding convincing. "Just a small last minute glitch."
She speaks to the officiant. "Half an hour and we'll be good to go."
He nods. You have the impression that he has little else to do with his time. You let Amy grab your hand and drag you away.
You can hear your sister making up some excuse for your departure to your guests as you leave.
"What's wrong?" You ask anxiously as Amy practically breaks into a sprint while dragging you behind her.
She doesn't say anything until she leads you into the castle and one of its reception rooms.
"I couldn't get him to come out." She says and points at Ste who is pacing the room.
"Ste." You walk up to him. He is dressed and ready; smart in his black tuxedo that matches your own.
You grip his elbow and get him to look at you. His expression reminds you of how he was last night when he said he had something to tell you. Closed. Anxious. Guarded. "What's going on?"
He blinks at you. He has been crying. You can see evidence of it in his red eyes and nose.
"I can't do it." He says.
"What?" You say numbly.
Amy walks up to you both. "It's just last minute nerves, Ste."
"No." He sniffs. "It's not." He looks at you with watery eyes. "I am a terrible person, Marty. I don't deserve you."
You feel the ground open up below you and you enter free fall.
"I love the bones off you." He says.
"I love the bones off you too." You say. "Why are we here, Ste? Why aren't we there?"
You point out of the window at where your wedding ceremony is supposed to be happening right now. Where your guests are standing up and stretching out and taking strolls around the grounds, waiting for you to return.
"I have fucked up." He whispers. "Like really badly and I don't know what to do."
"Ste, it's okay." Amy says gently and takes his hand.
"It's not." He tells her then turns to you. "All I have been thinking is if I tell you, you are going to walk away and if I don't I will live with guilt for the rest of my life."
"What are you talking about?" You ask him. You are shaking. Your hands. Your voice.
You are not sure you want to know. You want to be out in the sun getting married to him and you already know that what he is about to say may mean that won't happen.
"Something h-h-h-happened when Brendan came to see me at the hotel the evening of the Psychotherapy Conference Ball." He takes a deep breath.
You feel your throat closing up. He isn't looking at you. You aren't an idiot. You know where this is going.
Free fall.
"I-I-I s-should have told you straight away." He whispers.
You flashback to your visit to Brendan's apartment the night before you flew out of Dublin. You can hear his voice in your head as if it was yesterday when he asked you what Ste had told you about their encounter at the O'Callaghan Davenport hotel.
'Did Stephen tell you what happened?' Brendan simulated a bomb exploding with his hands 'This. Snap. Crackle. Pop.'
"Did you sleep with him?" You ask Ste bluntly.
Your eyes narrow as your fiancé eyes fill up with tears and he blinks, releasing them. "I... I think I got swept up in memories."
"Did you sleep with him?" You repeat quietly.
"He told me he loved me. We did s-s-stuff we shouldn't have d-d-done. But we didn't go all the way."
You take a breath in. "Your control is remarkable."
Your voice is laced with sarcasm. You walk to a window to look at the sea of white that is your wedding party.
He tries to touch you but you push him away.
He breaks down and starts sobbing.
"I am s-s-s-so sorry, Marty."
Again with the apology.
SORRY for saying I love Brendan.
SORRY for cheating on you with Brendan.
The strange thing is, you believe him. He is sorry but he can't help himself where Brendan is concerned.
You turn to look at him numbly while he rides out his tears. You dig your nails into your palms when you get the urge to fold him into your arms and sooth him.
When he calms down you ask,
"Why are you telling me now?"
His eyes are wide and red. "I were feeling so guilty. It's been eating me up for a month." He sniffs and rubs his nose. "I couldn't step out there and lie during our vows."
"How did you think this was going to go exactly?" You ask. "Do you think I am going to say it is okay, that we will move on from this and get hitched?"
"Marty, I think he is trying to wipe the slate clean." Amy says. "Start afresh."
You stare at her. "Who asked for your opinion?"
Amy marches up to you, angrily and jabs a finger into your chest. "Hey, you kissed Toby!"
Ste's Rottweiler. Faithful. Devoted. Generally calm with a tendency for extreme aggression if she feels her best friend is under threat.
"Amy!" Ste says holding her back. "Stay out of this. Go. I need to speak to Marty alone."
"No." She is poised to defend him.
"Please." He says.
"Are you sure?"
He nods so she gives you a warning look and then slips out of the room.
You start.
"She is right. I know I am not perfect, Ste. I was wrong to kiss Toby but it meant nothing and I felt like shit about it and I told you after. When you slept with Brendan it meant something."
"We didn't fuck."
You wince at his words. "But it meant something."
He stays quiet.
You nod sadly. "I rest my case."
"Okay." His shoulders slump. "Okay. It meant something but not how you think."
"What do I think?"
"You think I am still in love with him."
"Aye."
He exhales slowly, emptying his lungs with a tremble.
"When Brendan left me it was hard, Marty. I didn't know how to deal with it. I look at you and I think how lucky you are. Look at everyone out there. Most of them are here for you. You are surrounded by people who love you all the time. Your whole life it has been like that. But not for me. I didn't even know what love meant. I didn't get that maybe someone could like me and want to be with me just because I was me. I never got that with me ma or with Terry or with anyone growing up. I didn't know how to handle it when I met Amy. She taught me slowly and suffered for it.
"And then I met Brendan and I think we taught each other how to love. But he never used the word. He never told me he loved me. And, yeah, I knew that he did because he showed me but I guess a part of me was still that boy who didn't believe he was worthy or deserved it. And when he left me and he told me he didn't love me it proved what I suspected all along. That I was unlovable."
He wipes his cheeks briskly. "And I know I am not making sense but what I am trying to say is that when he came to see me at the hotel and held my hand and looked into my eyes and..."
"Stop." You interrupt him because it hurts too much. "I don't want to know, Ste."
"But you need to know. When he looked into my eyes and told me he loved me and told me that he had lied when he said he didn't all those years ago, I felt complete again. Everything we had shared together had been how I remembered. It had not just been a fantasy in my head. I wanted to feel it again. In that moment I wanted him back. I wanted to go back to how we were because it was the first time I had ever felt truly happy. But they were nothing but memories. He is in my past, Marty. Now I have you and you are the best thing to ever happen to me. You are my present and my future."
"I can't do this." You say suddenly in distress. "This is too much. I can't even stand to look at you right now."
You back away from him and out of the room, closing the door behind you.
Your mind is all over the place. You don't know what to do. You don't know what to think. You have been betrayed. You need to get away from here.
Ste is right behind you, silently following you through the high ceiled corridor that leads to the reception desk. He grabs your arm when you get outside in the bright warm summer weather.
"Marty! Please!"
You stare down at him. "No, Ste."
"Let's talk about it." He pleads.
Someone bumps into your back and mutters 'sorry, mate' but you barely notice the stranger.
You tell Ste, "There is nothing to talk about."
Ste isn't listening to you. He stares at the stranger like he has seen a ghost.
"Fuck me! If it isn't the groom himself! Have I missed the ceremony?" The man says with a big toothy grin.
You glare at him. You don't recognise him so you size him up. Slightly overweight and casually dressed. He has the potential to look good but hasn't made the effort. He has an edge of menace that is coated by a strangely jovial demeanour. It is disconcerting.
"Warren?" Ste takes a fearful step back. "What are you doing here?"
"Is this the fiancé? Or is it husband now?" He points at you. "I haven't interrupted something, have I? Lover's tiff? Bit soon int'it?"
You don't like him.
He extends a hand out to you and grins. "Warren Fox. Ste's old boss at Chez Chez. You must be Martin."
You don't take his hand. You know Ste didn't invite him. You don't know why he is here but he makes you feel uneasy.
He turns to Ste. "The silent type, your fella. He's a good looking lad, Ste. I'd say he is a definite step up from tache-man. Or should I say tacheless-man now he has gone and shaved it off."
"What are you doing here?" Ste asks. "How did you know about the wedding?"
"I have my sources." He says and goes serious. "Where are your guests? I need to have a word with one of them."
"It's a private event." You tell him briskly. "Please leave."
"He speaks." Warren says jubilantly. "Thought you were Spanish mate but a bit of tartan just fell out of your mouth when you opened it. Guess I was misinformed."
He pats you on the cheek and then heads for the gardens. You and Ste follow him.
"Oi. Get back here!" You shout after him.
"Piss off, Braveheart!" Warren shouts over his shoulder as he heads towards where the wedding is.
Ste tells you. "I'll get security."
"Okay."
You stare at each other for a second then he runs back to reception. You are tempted to go after him. God knows why? You should have nothing more to say to him. He has put the final nail in the coffin that is your relationship.
You go after Warren instead.
When the wedding guests see you they start clapping and a couple of your friends make crude jokes about what you and Ste have been up to while they were waiting.
You can tell when the Hollyoaks crowd recognise Warren's presence. There is a collective gasp of surprise from them. They seem petrified to see him.
He must one son of a bitch.
Your dear mother looks confused and asks you,
"Can you please tell us what's happening. Where is Stephen?"
Peter and Amy come up to you and stare at Warren.
Pete asks, "What the hell is he doing here?"
You don't know what to say.
You have just found out that your fiance has cheated on you.
You are numb.
"I don't want a scene, yeah?" You say to Warren. "Security will be escorting you off the premises soon."
He grins at you. "This won't take long."
He stands in front of the Hollyoaks collective and points a finger at one person.
"You never thought I'd find out, did you? Did you think you would get away with it, even after six years?"
"What?"
"I know you took my money so drop that innocent look. You can't hide from me. I am here to let you know that I will collect and there is interest..." He looks at his prey up and down, "... Lady in Red."
Mitzeee's eyes widen in shock and fright.
You notice that security and Ste have arrived. Ste never takes his eyes off you.
He has heard what Warren said.
He must know it refers to the £50K that was stolen six years ago.
Warren sneers. "You are just like her."
"Who?" Mitzeee says shakily.
"Louise." He says. "You stabbed me in the back just like she did. I was saving that money for us. For our future."
You would have never guessed it in a million years. Brendan didn't steal the money from Warren. Mitzeee did. Brendan lied to Ste and Pete to make himself look like the bad guy.
In an instant you understand his motivation. He even told you but at the time you didn't get what he was trying to say.
'You have him, right? Back in your arms. Ste hates me. He loves you. To the victor go the spoils. No need to thank me.'
You became enraged at his words. The cocky git. You asked him. 'Why would I ever need to thank you for Ste?'
'Because I showed him that you should be his first pick.'
Brendan made you Ste's first pick by making himself into the villain. There can be only one reason for that; because he cared for Ste enough to guide him to what he thought was best.
You.
Ste walks up to Mitzeee. "Did you take the 50K from Warren?" He asks with wide eyes.
She looks to the floor.
The security guards take hold of Warren by the shoulders and elbows but he frees himself and raises his arms up, "It's okay. I'm going."
He winks at Mitzeee. "I'll be seeing you around, Anne."
Mitzeee trembles with fear as Warren walks away.
Everyone looks puzzled except you, Ste and Pete. It is understandable. You are the only people who know the facts enough to make sense of what has just happened.
Pete looks at Mitzeee. "It's not true is it? It can't be."
She bursts into tears. "I wanted to teach him a lesson. He always kept me in the dark and lied to me. He needed to know that two can play that game."
Pete shakes his head in upset. He looks at you and Ste before telling her,
"Mitz. You have no idea what you caused. You ruined everything."
She looks confused.
The officiant chooses that moment to come up to you pointing at his watch.
"It's getting late. Now that everyone is here and the crazy man is gone shall we start the ceremony?"
His English is spot on.