Twenty-one years ago...
Maybe you are a bit too old to have a bedtime story read to you, but tonight is a special night.
It's your eighth birthday and your parents have just thrown you the biggest birthday party ever. Your friends said so and you thought so.
Now that it is over and all your friends are gone, you get into your new pyjamas, both your parents tuck you into bed, sit by your side and tell you your favourite bedside story from memory; Little Red Riding Hood.
Your dad does a brilliant big bad wolf impression.
"Little Red said, grandmother, what large eyes you have!" Your mother says.
"All the better to see you with, my dear, the Bad Wolf said." Your father growls menacingly widening his eyes and blinking rapidly at you, making you grin.
"And what large teeth you have!" Your mother says innocently.
Your dad bares his teeth and chatters them against each other. "All the better to eat you with!"
He pounces on you suddenly and you squeal with a mixture of shock and excitement when he pretends to eat your arm.
"Um, yummy!" He mumbles while making chewing sounds.
"Dad!" You laugh and try to pull your arm away.
"What? You are very tasty." He turns to your mum. "You want to try a piece?"
She shakes her head.
"Finish the rest of the story, please." You tell them, giggling.
He pretends to swallow and then sighs and pulls away. "Okay. Where were we? Ah yes, the Wolf ate Little Red so that she was in his stomach and so was her grandmother. It was warm and wet and icky in there."
"Ew. Disgusting!" You say.
The doorbell rings.
"Who is that? You ask.
Your dad grins and your mum's face clouds over. He leans over to her and gently kisses her cheek before telling you, "A friend of mine. I have to go."
"Are you leaving now?"
"Just for a few hours."
"But it's night time!"
He rubs your cheek soothingly. "It's business and anyway you should be asleep. How about we do something tomorrow? Just you and me. Cinema and ice cream."
"You are spoiling her." Your mother says.
"I am treating my only baby girl." Your dad replies.
"Because you feel guilty."
"I don't."
"Well you should."
You look between your parents. You hate it when they do this. Bicker. They never shout but they take verbal bites out of each other pretty much every day.
You sigh. "It's okay."
They look at you.
"What's okay, darling?"
"I don't need to go to the cinema."
Your dad gives you a kiss on the forehead and your mum pulls you into a hug.
"We'll all go." She says. "How does that sound?"
You nod.
"Happy birthday, Nicola." They say.
"Thank you." You settle into your bed and close your eyes as they turn the lights off.
Just before closing the door to your room your father whispers, "Dormi bene, amore."
Sleep well, my love.
XOXO
Present Day...
You take a sip of water and look over at Paddy who is sitting opposite you.
You are at the lower ground bar at THE ELECTRIC before club opening times. You aren't normally at THE E since you and Bren informally agreed the he would oversee it while you took care of VIBE but since his illness, he has taken a back seat and Billy has been promoted to temporary manager of THE E with you keeping a general eye over both businesses to make sure everything is ticking over nicely.
Right now you are trying to gather information about Warren from Paddy in as subtle a way as possible. You don't want him finding out Warren is here yet but you do need him here when Mr Fox comes to the club expecting to see Brendan. You know Paddy will be able to get rid of him easily.
You try to butter your mate up with conversation and alcohol.
"So why are we here, Nikki?" He asks as you slide yet another pint of beer across the table to him.
He pushes it right back at you.
"Can't I have drinks with my friend?"
"Not when you cut my work day short and make it seem like it's an emergency meeting."
"Oh stop."
"And you are trying to get me drunk."
"I'm not." You say sheepishly.
His brow furrows with concern. "Is this about Brendan? Is he okay?"
He holds his breath waiting for your reply. Bless him. Patrick is Brendan's longest lasting friend. Finding out about Brendan's cancer hit him hard but he has been a supportive friend every step of the way.
"I saw him while he was having his chemo earlier. He's as well as can be expected." You reassure.
He breathes out.
"Okay. Good."
He reaches for the pint as an afterthought and takes a drink.
"So how's life treating you?" You ask.
He leans back in his seat. "Busy. Stressful. You?"
"Fine." You smile knowingly at him. "You found someone nice?"
"As in a bloke?"
You nod. "Like a potential boyfriend."
"Give me a chance, Nikki. I've only been out five minutes!"
You take in his relaxed stance. "Gay looks good on you, Paddy."
He laughs. "Oh yeah? No one has ever told me that before."
"Yeah well, I know what I'm talking about. I've known gay men my whole life. You'll find someone in no time." You give him a small smile.
"I don't know, Nikki. I'm not boyfriend material. Guy's don't see me as a long term thing." He sips his drink.
"Is there someone that you fancy?"
He avoids your gaze. "No. No one in particular."
"Liar."
"It's a pointless infatuation." He grins and changes the subject. "Have I told you about dad and mum? They are taking part in a demonstration supporting gay marriage next week."
You chuckle. After his parent's initially lukewarm reaction to his coming out, the O'Flaherty family has embraced their son's sexuality completely, going so far as to join the local LGBT friends and family society as one of its most active members.
"That's sweet."
"It's mad but it's better than how Brendan's folks reacted." Paddy says.
"His mum's alright about it now." You concede.
"Yeah but papa Brady is M.I.A. What a moron! He doesn't even see the grandchildren anymore."
"From the sounds of it he didn't really see them before so." You say. "What I don't get is that Bren's parent's only found out about Brendan when he came back to Dublin and his sexcapades got leaked in the papers and yet he had dated Ste for two years before and brought him back home a few times."
Paddy raises an eyebrow to you. "Yeah but Bren kept Ste away from his parents. He didn't want them to meet each other."
"What were they like together?"
"Ste and Bren?"
"Yes."
"I met Ste nearly a year into their relationship. It had been a bumpy ride and it was a secret affair at the time. They were both publically dating women but I... uh ... found out one day. I can't speak for Ste but Brendan was different around him; less guarded, playful. There was none of his macho posturing we all know. You know what I mean? He was smitten. An idiot could see it."
"Why was it a secret then?"
"Brendan didn't want anyone to know. Only a few did at the time."
"Why?"
"You're full of questions today, aren't you?"
You shrug.
"Bren and I grew up knowing that to survive we had to show off our strengths and hide our weaknesses."
"Being gay isn't a weakness."
"I know... now... and I am not talking about being gay. I am talking about caring about something or someone so much that they become your Achilles heel. Other's can use it to hurt you. Ste was Brendan's Achilles heel."
"But their relationship went public." You say.
"Exactly." He looks at you pointedly. "And look what happened."
"What do you mean?"
"All I know is that Brendan had enemies and that Ste got badly hurt."
"Are you talking about the abduction? You think there's a connection?"
"I'm saying that Ste was a bartender. Why would anyone kidnap a bartender? What do they earn, maybe £13,000 a year?"
"Has Brendan ever said anything to you about what happened?"
He looks at you like you have gone crazy. "You're kidding right? "
You sit up straighter. This is your opportunity to pounce. "He didn't get along with the co-owner of Chez-Chez."
"Warren Fox? You are right. Warren had been trying to scare Brendan out of Hollyoaks for a long time. He felt that there was only place for one of them in the village."
You lean over the table. "So what, did they battle it out?"
"You could say so. They tried to get one up on the other." Paddy says. "That is how I ended up in Hollyoaks for a short time."
"What happened? Who won?"
XOXO
Twenty-one years ago...
You wake up in the middle of the night dying for a pee so you scramble out of bed and sleepily go into the bathroom. When you are done you head back towards your room but you are stopped by the sounds of voices downstairs; deep and muffled.
You quietly head for the staircase and lean over the banister to look at the floor below.
Your dad is near the front door which is slightly ajar, dressed in the clothes he was wearing when he said good night to you after Little Red Riding Hood. He is speaking to a man who you know quite well. You have known him for a while. His name is Dave and he works with your dad. He is funny and he makes an effort to speak with you more than anyone else who works with your father. Dad calls him his friend and Dave always gives you a lolly-pop when you visit.
What is he doing here?
You nearly run down to say hello but something makes you stay put.
Your dad leans on the door. "You didn't need to drop me off."
"It's no problem." Dave says. "I'll see you tomorrow then. We have a shipment coming in."
"No. Can't. You'll have to handle it on your own. I'm taking the day off to spend some time with Nicola."
You smile. You love your dad.
He is the best dad ever.
"And Monica?" Dave says.
"Yes."
Dave suddenly pushes your father forcefully in the chest so that he stumbles into the house. You want to run down and kick Dave in the shin but your dad smiles at him.
"You're jealous."
"Fuck off, Enzo." Dave says angrily.
Your dad approaches Dave and your eyes widen as he places his hands on Dave's arms really gently, the way you hold flower petals in the garden to stop them getting crushed.
Your father whispers, "How many times do I have to tell you that you have no reason to be jealous of my wife?"
Your heart is beating fast. You don't understand why but it has something to do with the way your father and Dave look at each other and the way Dave's hands pull your dad to him by the waist.
"Monica knows about us. We have an understanding. Everyone's happy."
"Maybe you are but I am making the best of a bad situation like I am sure Monica is. This is not how I want it to be." Dave says.
"It's the only way it can be."
"You should be honest."
"I am being honest."
"Leave her. Tell Nicola. Be with me."
Tell me what? Why would your dad leave your mum?
"No."
Your breath catches when your dad leans towards Dave but Dave pulls back.
"They are upstairs." Dave whispers hesitantly. "That's wrong."
"After what we've just done, this feels wrong?" Your father's fingers curl around the nape of Dave's neck and he presses their lips together.
You have never seen a man kiss another man on the lips before. It looks like they are fighting only not exactly because your dad looks relaxed and he is pulling Dave to him and not pushing him away.
Dave looks at your dad like there is no one else he wants to ever see when they move apart.
You want to cry but you force yourself not to. Your dad is only supposed to kiss your mum, isn't he? This isn't right.
He whispers all out of breath. "I love you but I am not leaving her, Dave. She will take Niks and I can't have that."
"You can fight to have her live with us."
"Fight? Jesus. I am not using my daughter in a war against Mon and I refuse to be a weekend dad."
Dave steps away from your father and shakes his head sadly. "Then it's over. I can't do this anymore."
"Don't be dramatic."
"I am not being dramatic. I deserve better than this. Consider this my notice as well."
"Let's talk about this." Your dad says frantically.
"Bye Enzo."
You cover your mouth as Dave leaves and closes the door behind him. Your dad wipes his mouth roughly and then looks at the closed door. He touches it as if for support and starts to cry.
You run back to your room.
XOXO
Present day...
Paddy, Warren, Brendan and you are at the cafe you frequent on most days.
Paddy looks surprised. Brendan looks upset.
He has just found out about Ste getting married tomorrow in Spain.
"I brought Warren here because I found something out. I wanted him to apologise to you for getting it wrong and messing with you and Ste's lives. I wanted him to be the one to tell you who really took his £50,000." You say.
"How do you know all this?" Brendan asks you shakily. "No one knows"
"No one has really bothered finding out." You say. "I did."
The truth is you enlisted the help of one of your father's businesses for free; a private investigation firm that operates nationwide. The team have been working over night with you tracing the minutia of the Chez-Chez business, Warren Fox, Brendan, Stephen, his new business. The findings were unexpected and colourful. All three men have had colourful pasts and both businesses have had interesting beginnings.
Like a jigsaw puzzle you pieced together the events of six years ago.
Brendan stares at Warren.
"Look, mate." Warren says nervously. "I thought it was you who did it at the time. I only just found out myself. You know that right?"
"So who took the money?" Brendan asks numbly.
"Mitzeee." Warren says without hesitation.
"She used it to set up a beauty business that went bust." You add.
Brendan says nothing for a while. He falls back into a seat and for a second you think he is going to be sick.
"I should have known." He nods sombrely. "You treated Anne like shit."
"That's rich coming from you."
"Get out." Brendan says softly.
Warren smiles. "What?"
"What?" You shout angrily. "You've got to be kidding me. Call the police, Bren. Get this arsehole locked up!"
"They won't do anything. Where is the evidence, Niks? Burnt six years ago. I'm tired and I am done with this bit of scum. Let him go."
Warren gives you a sly grin. "Thanks, Bren."
"Don't think you are off the hook." Brendan sneers and points at his enemy. "I own you. I don't want you harassing Mitzeee. What happened as a result of her stunt is still all on you. Don't make her feel shit about it."
Warren crosses himself and says, "Cross my heart and hope to die."
"Careful what you swear about." You say angrily. "You might find yourself six foot under."
"God, you're feisty! I like them feisty... and with dark long hair." He winks at you.
"Fuck off." You hiss.
"I guess I'll be going then." He waves at you all and walks out of the cafe with a strut.
You turn to stare at Brendan.
"Do you know how many strings I had to pull to find all that out and get him here, Bren? I haven't slept since Warren came into town. I can't believe you just let him go?"
You are so angry and disappointed in him right now. You have been investigating, bribing, impersonating and lying all night to get to this point. And for what?
Brendan marches up to you with a determined look. His blood shot eyes are unwavering. His voice is low.
"Why can't you think of something else to do besides dining on the drama of other people's lives? How does me knowing that Mitzeee stole the money change anything? It's done. Ste still got hurt! It was still because of his association to me! He is still getting married tomorrow!"
"Because you let it happen! You pushed him away! What else was he supposed to do? He moved on. He had to. He had to continue to live. You know what, you remind me of my dad sometimes. I don't know why you had to make it so complicated when it's so simple. We don't choose who we fall in love with it just happens. But do get to choose whether we want to spend our lives with them. If you both love each other then what's the problem? Dive in. Give it a shot. Have a stab at happiness!"
"The problem is that it isn't that easy, Niks."
You take his hand. "I am trying to give you a chance to at least be honest with Ste. Let him know that you didn't sacrifice him for a poxy fifty grand because I am going to assume that, and the fact that you dumped him, is why he doesn't like you very much. Tell him that you didn't leave because you had a cold heart but because you wanted to protect him."
"So that he, what, comes running back? He won't. He loves someone else and he deserves more than what I have to offer. He always has. Look at me."
"Let him decide what he wants to do with his life. It is his decision whether he wants to be with you or not. Don't force his arm by lying to him. Don't push him into Martin's arms."
"Why do you care so much?" He asks.
For a split second you are an eight year old kid on the night of her birthday leaning over a staircase banister and you watch your father unnecessarily throw the life he could have had away for your sake.
You pull him into your arms and he eventually wraps his arms around you.
"Room for one more?" Paddy mumbles before encircling you both.
xo
"Quit procrastinating!" You say.
"I'm not." Brendan says as he stares at his phone. "I'm not going to tell him to come back."
"You don't have to. Just tell him how you feel and explain everything." Paddy says.
"And don't congratulate him on the wedding!" You say. "That's as good as giving him your blessing. In fact, maybe you should fly out to Spain. It's not until tomorrow."
Brendan scowls at you. "And do what exactly?"
You picture him in your mind; running up the aisle, stopping the wedding proceedings, standing in front of a surprised Stephen and his guests and telling him breathlessly that he is making a mistake. That he shouldn't marry Martin and that he should run away with him.
You look at Paddy who shakes his head, warning you not to spill your fantasy. You are that transparent.
"Just call him." You say.
He takes a deep breath in and dials Ste's number.
"It's ringing." He says as he looks at you. You can sense his nerves. He is trembling.
"Is he not picking up?" You ask as time stretches out.
"Leave a message." Paddy says encouragingly.
Brendan rubs his eyes tiredly. After a moment he puts his phone down and pushes the heels of his fists into his eyes.
"What happened?"
"I think he cut me off." He mumbles.
"Then try again." You say.
He stands up and puts his phone and car keys into his pocket.
"I'm shattered. I'm going home."
XOXO
Stephen,
I am writing you a letter because you can't decline or ignore it the way you can a phone call. I suppose you could rip it to shreds, though.
I want to let you know what I really feel. No bullshit. No lies. The truth.
Today is the day you are getting married and I can see you with Braveheart at an alter somewhere holding hands, doing the ring thing. I imagine that you are happy in a way you have never been before in your life and that you are surrounded by people who are pleased that this day has come. They are probably the same people who told you that you were better off without me.
Those were my thoughts too and now you are looking at the future and it must look bright.
I should be happy for you because it is what you deserve and it is what I had intended for you but I'm not, Stephen. I am consumed by jealousy. I don't want you to be with him. I want you to be with me. I miss you and I want you now more than ever.
A part of me feels I should be there now, breaking the ceremony up, telling you that you have chosen the wrong man. But that would be unfair. I pushed you away again and again and now I should deal with result and the choice you made.
And here I was thinking I could go through life alone and never feel like this. When I met you I thought you would be a passing phase. An itch to scratch. The cocky mouthy boy with the blue eyes, sexy lashes and cute arse. But you never went away and neither did the itch and it scared the shit out of me. I never told you that, did I? I don't know when you stopped being a fuck with no strings attached. Do you? All I know is that one day I looked at you and you looked back at me and I thought you could see into my soul.
Is that what you were trying to do? Could you read my mind too? Because sometimes I think you could. Which means you could hear me think. And if you could hear me think then I didn't need to say out loud that I couldn't picture my life without you and that I loved you, because you would have known already.
The day I saw you hanging onto life by a thread I had to face the possibility of a world where you weren't in it and I felt like I couldn't breathe, Stephen.
It may not make sense to you but I carried the guilt over what happened to you when you got kidnapped. It was simple in my mind. If you hadn't been with me then it wouldn't have happened. I didn't take Warren's £50k but he thought I did and he kidnapped you and demanded it back in ransom. I tried to collect but failed. I let you down and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
I left you because, in my mind, the solution was simple. You needed me out of your life to save your life.
And now here we are, six years on. You have everything you deserve in life; a guy who seems good for you and a life you wanted with your very own family. State approved. And the scars have faded. The past is a long time ago.
I'm probably not in your thoughts like you are in mine every day.
I love you, Stephen.
BB
XOXO
Present Day...
You stare at Declan in disbelief as you hold the letter in your hands and he chews his thumb nervously looking back at you.
You can see why he has been acting like he has ants in his pants all evening and why he dragged you into Brendan's office in his apartment before dessert is served.
"Put it back." You say and pass him the A4 sheet.
"Okay." He opens one of the desk drawers and stuffs in under a pile of papers. "But what do you think?"
"When did you find it?"
"A week ago. I was revising and I went into his drawer looking for a hole punch."
"And you had a little rummage while you were there?"
"It really wasn't that hidden." He says sheepishly. "What do we do about it?"
You shake your head. "He didn't send it, Dec."
"No." He rubs his chin in a manner that reminds you of his father. "He poured his heart out, Niks."
"I know."
"I didn't even know Ste got married last month."
You nod. "Yeah. Your dad hasn't wanted to talk about it."
"You knew?"
"Yes."
"So Ste did move on." He looks stunned. "They must really love each other. Him and that guy. What was his name again?"
"Martin."
"Right." He sighs. "I honestly thought that there was something still there between dad and Ste."
"I think we all did."
"I tried ringing Ste, you know, after he left. He never answered his phone."
"Your dad rang him the day before the wedding but Ste cut his call. At least this way there is a definite line in the sand. Brendan can move on. He has been in limbo for six years."
"I suppose. I worry about dad. And now that I'm back at uni I don't see him as much."
Declan's hair is growing out after the buzz cut he did in support of his father's hair loss from chemo. He rubs it distractedly.
"He's doing okay, Deccy." You say reassuringly.
You lay an arm over his shoulder and lead him out of the room after kissing him softly on the cheek.
"Oi, Niks! Aoife will beat you up if she finds out you are trying it on with me!"
You grin and nudge his ribs as you walk into the living room.
This get together has been organised by Brendan. It is a thank you to his close friends and family for being there for him over the last two months since he got diagnosed with leukaemia. In true Brendan fashion he hasn't bothered cooking. Instead he has hired a private caterer to feed you. Cheryl and her family, his mother, his kids, Eileen, her husband, Aoife and of course you and Paddy are here. His father isn't. No surprises.
You and Dec join them at the large table just as the dessert of Eton mess is being served.
Everyone is talking over each other. You can barely make out individual conversations.
"Where did you guys go?"Aoife asks as you take your seats.
"I had to tell Niks something about VIBE before I forgot." Declan says then takes a big bite out of his pudding.
"Oh." She says when he gives her a forced grin.
"Dec, I was telling everyone that we have a school trip to London next term. It's part of a history project." Paraic says excitedly.
"Oh yeah. I remember that trip." Declan says. He went to the same secondary school as his brother. "It was fun."
"I can't wait! I've never been to London have I, dad?" Paraic gushes.
"No you haven't, champ." Brendan says and stares into his dessert as if it is poison.
There is no way he is eating it. All that cream will do a number on him. Despite his reduced appetite you reckon he is looking better than he has for weeks but that isn't saying much. He is still drawn and tired.
"How many teachers are going?" Brendan asks.
"Plenty to keep our son safe." Eileen says kindly, detecting the concern in his voice. "Michael and I have taken care of it by the way."
She takes his hand and gives it a squeeze.
Brendan nods briskly and looks over at Paraic. "So what are you going to see, explorer?"
"I want to check out the Natural History Museum. It has a massive Diplodocus skeleton in the main bit apparently."
"What's that?" Brendan's mum asks.
"It's a dinosaur, grandma." Paraic replies.
"Oh, sounds like fun." Grandma Brady pipes up.
"It's a replica, Par." Declan says. "There are very few originals on display in the world."
"Really?"
"Yep.
"Oh." The kid looks disappointed. "Still it will be great. Brad says he wants to share a room with me when we go."
"Who's Brad?" You ask.
"My best friend." Paraic says with a full mouth covered with cream that he licks clean with a darting tongue.
"I've not heard you mention him before." Cheryl says.
"He has been going on about him non-stop since school started up." Eileen says in amusement.
"He's a new kid. He's really cool." Paraic says. "He's the one who told me about the dinosaur."
The intercom sounds and you all look at each other.
"Whoever it is, they are too late for dinner." Paddy says with a smile.
"I'm not expecting anyone else." Brendan looks confused as he starts to get up off his chair.
"It's okay, dad. I'll get it. Sit down. It's probably a door to door salesman. I'll get rid." Declan gets up.
"Do door to door sales men come round at this time?" Grandma Brady says sceptically.
"It's probably a neighbour who has forgotten their keys." You say dismissively.
Paraic leans towards his father and whispers something in his ear.
Brendan raises an eyebrow.
"He tried to do what!" He looks like he is keeping a burst of anger in by a thread. "When?"
"Last week." Paraic says cautiously.
"And what did you do?"
Paraic blushes and you wonder what father and son are talking about.
The whole table listens to the hushed conversation. "I don't know."
"You don't know."
"I can't remember, dad." The blush deepens. "My heart was beating really fast."
Brendan whispers. "Did you let him?"
"Let who do what to whom? When?" Michael asks.
"With all due respect, Mike, I am speaking with my son so stick your nose elsewhere."Brendan says.
"They live under my roof too, Brendan." Eileen's husband says. "I think I have a right to know."
Seamus, Cheryl's middle boy, decides to contribute to the conversation with kissing sounds. His mother tells him to shut up.
"I'm nearly twelve. I can kiss him if I want!" Paraic says stubbornly.
"So you kissed him!" Brendan says.
Eileen looks distressed. "Who?"
"Brad." Little Paddy says quietly. "But I didn't kiss him. He kissed me."
"Does this mean your son is gay too?" Grandma Brady asks in disappointment.
"Good for your, Par." Aoife says with a smile.
"Don't encourage him." Brendan hisses angrily. "He is only eleven! You are not sleeping in the same room as that boy when you go to London, you hear me, young man?" Brendan orders.
"Why? He is my friend. That's not fair!"
"What do you think they are going to get up to, mate? Come on." Big Paddy reasons.
"Let's talk about this later." Eileen says.
"See. This is what happens when you expose your children to what you get up to, Brendan." Grandma Brady chips in. "The good Lord..."
"Shut up, mum!" Brendan says then looks at his son. "And you. To your bedroom. Now!"
"Brendan!" Eileen says.
Paraic stands up looking tearfully at his father. "I thought you would understand. I shouldn't have told you!"
"Hey. Your dad does understand, love, but you are still young and your parents want to talk to you about what happened and make sure you were okay with it." Cheryl says soothingly, holding her nephew's arm. "Isn't that right, Brendan?"
"We kissed and I liked it, so there!" Paraic throws his napkin on the table before grabbing his dessert and marching off to the balcony.
"Well done, Bren. Well handled." His sister says sarcastically. When her children try to go after Paraic she points at them to stay put. "No, boys. Let your cousin calm down. He needs a moment alone."
"I don't understand what's going on. Are kids doing this now a days?" Grandma Brady says in confusion.
Brendan shakes his head in dismay. "I don't know."
Paddy grins as he looks at Brendan's crestfallen expression. "It's really no big deal, man. Little Paddy has just had his first romantic experience. Its the beginnings of hormones kicking in. A milestone... like walking."
"What are we going to do with him?" Brendan asks Eileen in defeat.
"Let him ride it out." You suggest.
Eileen nods and says. "We'll do what we did with his brother when I caught him in a lip lock with Aoife for the first time."
Aoife looks down in embarrassment.
"Ground him?" Brendan says hopefully.
"No." Eileen smiles at her ex-husband. "Talk to him. Birds and the bees."
"Um, guys." Declan's voice cuts through the drama at the table.
You look up towards him and your jaw drops when you see who is standing next to him.
"We have a guest." Dec looks straight at his father with apprehension.
The spoon Cheryl is holding clangs into her glass dessert bowl. Her hands go to her mouth in surprise.
"Oh my God!"
She stands up.
"Ste?"
xo
Paraic runs into the apartment from the balcony when he hears his aunt's shrill voice. He runs up to Ste and flings his arms around him.
"Ste! What are you doing here?" He says with a huge grin on his face.
"Hey, you." Ste clears his throat as he ruffles Paraic's hair and looks apprehensive as he takes in the assembled guests. He did not expect to see you all here and you can see how you can come across as an intimidating group; you are a united front.
"Sorry, I picked a bad time." He says nervously.
"You're alright, Ste." Declan says. "We're just having a small get together to celebrate how well dad is doing with..."
Brendan gives him an icy glare and a subtle shake of the head that shuts his son up. He doesn't want Ste to know about the cancer.
Declan continues, "We can pull up a chair or you can use Par's since he was in the middle of a tantrum."
"Was not!"
"Was too!"
There is something about Ste that you failed to appreciate the one and only other time you saw him. He radiates potential energy. There is vibrancy about him; like a kettle just before it boils or a corn just before it pops. And there is something unconventionally attractive about him that keeps you looking at him. Maybe it's those crystal blue eyes framed by enviable lashes.
There is a spark between your friend and his ex. Definitely. They sizzle as they look at each other as if no one else is in the room. Ste must notice the changes to Brendan. The lack of facial hair. The trusty black beanie hat. The more slender form. The bags under the eyes.
He clears his throat and says, "Yeah. I can see this is a bad time."
Declan grins. "You've said that already."
"Please stay." You say quickly and stand up.
"You are more than welcome." Cheryl says cautiously.
"It's good to see you." Eileen says with a small smile.
"Yeah. You're looking well, Ste." Paddy says.
They all remind you that he was once a part of all of their lives. Strange how that makes you feel like the outsider. They all knew him when he was an essential part of your best friend's life.
What is he doing here anyway? He is married, right. He has his own life going on...
"I came to s-see Brendan. To talk." He takes a deep breath. "So it's better if I come some other time."
Brendan hasn't said a word since Ste got here. He adjusts his cap as if trying to cover the side effects of the chemo and stands up, holding onto the back of his chair as Ste walks up to him.
The room goes dead quiet.
Ste places a business card into Brendan's palm then looks up at him. "I'm at the O'Callaghan Davenport for two days. My room number is on the back. I would like to see you if that's okay."
"Um. Yeah." Brendan's voice comes out all croaky so he coughs.
Ste walks back towards the door again.
"I'm sorry I disturbed your meal." He says to everyone.
"See you soon, Ste!" Little Paraic waves excitedly.
Declan pulls Ste into a hug before seeing him out and closing the door.
Once he is gone it is as if the un-mute button has been pressed.
Everyone starts talking at once.
"Did anyone else just see that or did I trip out?" Paddy says.
"I can't believe he is here?" You say.
Declan, Eileen and Cheryl grin like idiots.
"Yeah." Brendan looks stunned as he looks down at the business card. "Why?"
"Was he wearing a wedding ring?" Paddy asks. "Anyone?"
You were too shocked by his presence to notice.
Brendan looks stunned.
"How come you can kiss Ste as many times as you wanted but I can't kiss Brad once?" Paraic moans at his father.
"Not now, Par." Dec says.
"Who was that young man?" Grandma Brady asks in confusion to his son.
Brendanfinally moves. He taps the card against his lips and looks at his mother.
His voice is full of disbelief as he says,
"You never met but that was my ex-boyfriend, ma. His name is Stephen."
xo
You ring the doorbell and wait. It is a little late but you feel a strong need to be here now.
A few moments later the door opens and your father greets you.
"Nicola?" He says in surprise and ushers you in, closing the door behind you. "We weren't expecting you. Is everything okay?"
"Yes." You say and then burst into tears.
Your father pulls you to him, holding you so tight that the tremble of your body calms down.
"Hey, piccola! What's the problem?"
"I love you, you know that, right?"
"Course I do." He strokes your hair.
"And I want you to be happy, dad."
He pulls you away just enough to see your face. "Look at my face. Don't I look happy to you? I am happy. I have you and your mother. What else does a man need?"
You rub your tears.
"I had dinner with Brendan and his family today."
"That's nice." He says uncertainly.
"And out of the blue his ex turned up."
Your father's expression darkens. "And..."
"I never told you but he was seeing this guy called Ste ages ago and they were really happy together but then Brendan left Ste because he thought it was better all round if they weren't together anymore."
"Okay."
"Brendan has carried Ste's picture in his wallet for six years and now Ste is here and it may not amount to anything but I guess it made me realise that there is always hope. That it is never too late, dad."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you ever think of Dave?"
He stumbles back from you in surprise. The fact that it took him no time to know who you were talking about answers your question.
"Who?" He says unconvincingly.
You take his hand. "Maybe it isn't going to be Dave but it is never too late to be who you want to be."
XOXO
One more chapter to go...! I had to end it with Stephen...