Disclaimer: I don't own any of these boys.

A/N: Logan goes back to his old ways.

Logan's pov

I sighed and rolled my eyes for the millionth time. "Will you jut listen to him?" I scolded Kendall who was sitting in front of me and a blushing Carlos.

"I don't understand how he just doesn't say that he kissed him?" Kendall told me, voice whiny.

"You're impossible, Kendall." I said, with another roll of my eyes.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Carlos's small voice stopped us from further fighting. "I just feel so confused."

"It's okay, Carlos, it's probably just a silly crush." Kendall pointed out.

Carlos looked at him like he had said the strangest most interesting thing in the world.

"Crush on him?" he squeaked out in a whisper. "That makes sense, so maybe I'm just confused. H-how do I get rid of it?"

"What?" Kendall and I both said at the same time.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Carlos asked, confused. "I mean, it is right?"

I sighed. "No, it's not. It's a lifestyle just like any other." I said, trying to comfort him. "Something...you can't control. It's not acceptable in society, but it's who you are...no matter what people said." I didn't let myself think what I wanted to think, but in the back of my head I knew that I was in big trouble.

Carlos looked at me confused. "Then why do people not like it if it's like everything else?"

"Because people are...they have certain beliefs, Carlos. I don't think they would mind it if they just got off their high horse."

That made Carlos laugh, which then made me laugh.

"James hates me though." Carlos stated. Not a question, but a fact, pure and simple. A fact.

Kendall sighed. "He doesn't."

"He hasn't been here since last night." Carlos pointed out.

"That doesn't mean he hates you." I said, calmly.

"No, you're right." Carlos said with a smile, and both Kendall and me thought that was the end of that. "He's just avoiding me."

We both sighed and slumped in defeat.

"Let's leave it for later. When we find James, we'll ask him okay?" Kendall compromised.

Carlos's eye grew wide and he stared at Kendall in horror. "No! I mean, no, I can do it."

Kendall looked unsure. "You sure?"

"Of course he's sure." I said, coming to Carlos's defense. "Carlos knows what he's doing."

Carlos smiled at me vote of confidence. "Thanks guys, for helping me." He said. We nodded. "I'm going to go watch t.v. now."

We nodded again and watched him go.

"Want to watch t.v.?" Kendall asked.

I shook my head.

"Pool?"

"No, I really want to be alone." I said, and saw that he frowned in disapprovingly. "Kendall, please, I really need my space sometimes."

"I know you do, but you know why I won't let you be alone." Kendall explained, his tone lowered to the point where it scared me how calm he was. He stared at me with his blue eyes like he knew what I was about to do.

"You don't have the right to follow me around like some sort of guard." I said, losing my cool. When I realized what I had just said, I blushed. Noticing that slightly shocked look on his face, I couldn't look at him, so I looked away. "Believe it or not, Kendall. I am my own person."

Kendall was about to say something else, but I knew that if he did, I would lose my resolve.

I quickly got some clothes for changing after my shower, then headed to the bathroom and after locking it, slid down to the floor, throwing the bundle of clothes away from me.

The last couple of days had been crazy.

I really needed a to relax.

To find some sort of release.

My hand itched to get the razor, but I knew that I couldn't.

For a long time, I sat there, my pressed against the cool door, trying to not do anything stupid.

My eyes opened and I happily told myself that I was okay, that I wasn't going to do anything stupid.

Everything fell when I grabbed the razor and quickly nipped through my flesh as easy as it was to cut a tomato, or a mango.

It was so easy and I wanted to do it again and again.

Stifling down a moan, I turned on the water. I measured the temperature, before I cut a couple more times. The blood, an angry red, ran down my arms and legs. Shame quelled down under the extreme pleasure that I felt.

Without thinking, I jumped into the warm water, stifling down a hiss of pain when the water ran into my cuts. I backed up from the water and chided at my stupid reaction.

I looked at the door and it was still closed, not a soul to be heard. I had to be careful now. Kendall was my biggest problem.

When I finished, I grabbed my dark, navy blue towel and sighed as I wiped at the small trails of blood that still ran down some of the cuts.

Staring into the mirror, the cuts were even more obvious. The paleness of my skin was a deep contrast against the throbbing red of the cuts. It made it all more horrifying. All the more real.

I was out of control, and all I could think was: I need help.

Despite that small knowledge, my shame didn't want the help. I just wanted to be left alone. To try and forget everything Katie and Kendall had told me. The things they said to cheer me up. Most of all, I tried to get them out of my head so I wouldn't feel more shame than I did now. Which I knew wasn't possible.

I dressed slowly. Everyone in a while I would glance at the mirror. When I was finally done, I realized what I had found so fascinating.

The person in the mirror, I didn't know who that was.

I didn't recognize myself anymore. I was a stranger. A sad stranger that had nothing under control. That was weak, that was sad. I didn't have control, or knew everything.

I wasn't Logan.

And the person in the mirror, he wasn't me either.

I wasn't me anymore.

A little sad. :(