"I think this is a bad idea Sealand..." Liechtenstein muttered, walking next to him, as they walked together to the kitchen (in search of China's sweets).
"How come?" Sealand asked, not really paying attention.
"Well, it's just that with all this political tension, we really shouldn't drop such a big shell on the world. What if they take it the wrong way? By telling them, we might cause world war three."
Sealand shrugged.
"Look, the guys dealing with these stuff are older than both of us, not just physically. I'm sure they know what they're doing."
"Mmh..." Liechtenstein replied, completely unconvinced. "Are we going to tell the others what's going on?" She asked after a moment.
"Why does everyone automatically assume I know everything?" Sealand whined in reply, staring at the floor. Honestly, some other nations had been bothering him about this all day now. Sealand, do you know if we're going to tell the others? You know, the one's who got stuck with the HCS? Sealand irritatedly mimicked in his head.
Why? Why did they think he knew?
"I was just wondering. You're England's brother, and since he's kinda a control freak, I assumed he'd know what was going on and that you'd squeeze the information out of him and then know yourself." Liechtenstein hurriedly explained, looking at the floor nervously.
"Eh? You think England's a control freak?"
"Well... I did spend a year with him as Lilli. I do think I should know him at least a little bit." Liechtenstein replied.
"So you think he's a jerk too?" Sealand asked interestedly.
Liechtenstein blushed and frowned. When did this become an interrogation?
"Nein... I just think he can be a bit of a control freak at times. He's very nice though (when he wants to be). Anyway, do you or do you not know if we're going to tell the others?"
"Er... Well... China thinks they're going to be stable enough to handle the truth soon. They're still a bit unstable though. I mean, Seychelles broke down again recently, so yeah... We'll probably tell them in a week or two..." Sealand said, entering the kitchen.
"OK... I just can't wait until... Until next year I guess. Most of this should have cleared up by then..." Liechtenstein said, helping Sealand raid the sweets-cupboard, by holding the items Sealand was piling into her arms.
"Mhm." Sealand said, biting into a cookie.
"... Hey, Sealand?"
"Yeah?"
"How are you handling... Handling Sweden anyway?" Sealand didn't reply and carried on walking. "Not as badly as Finland will." Sealand said, quickening his pace.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to talk about such a sensitive topic. I... I was just curious. Sorry. I didn't think."
"It's OK. I mean, I know you also aren't handling things well... I mean... How are you handling... Switzerland?"
"Er... I..." Liechtenstein was quiet too. An awkward pause settled between the two, as they made their way to the main living area.
"Hey Liechtenstein?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you know Germany's hired some house staff. He doesn't want any of us working unnecessarily, so he employed some humans. We've got a cleaner now."
"Really? I haven't seen anyone new around here... I've seen the gardeners, who're keeping the paths clear outside, but otherwise..."
"They seem to be avoiding us, nothing to worry about. So far, only Spain and Germany have seen the cleaner... He's called Alex Knöpfer or something."
"Alex Knöpfer? I wonder why that rings a bell..."
"Same here. Never mind..."
Alex was very satisfied with himself. Sneaking into the nations' current hideout was easier than he had originally thought. He got a job. As a cleaner.
Admittedly, he had to wait a few days before he could even apply, since he had to clean up the mess he created after abandoning his grandson in a café, but it was worth the wait.
Getting to know the house inside was exactly what he needed for his sabotage. The only downsides were that he really did have to clean, in order to not be suspicious and that he was surrounded by nations.
If only he could get rid of them for a few hours, he could properly explore the house and find out where they were keeping them. He felt like he would never get the chance though. Sadly...
So, he made do with what he had; Sneaking around in the dark when no one was looking. He started on the ground floor and made his way up.
Once finished with cleaning, he sighed frustrated. Nothing. He couldn't find them anywhere, nore could he find any signs that indeed, nations and not humans were currently residing here. It infuriated him. A lot.
Sighing, he sought out Germany.
"Herr Beilschmidt, is there anything else I need to clean? Like the basement or attic?" He asked. Germany spun on his heel at suddenly being talked to, but quickly recomposed himself. He hummed in thought, then shook his head.
"Nein. At least, not unless someone's let En- Arthur cook again or something-"
"WHO LET YOU COOK?"
"SHUT UP YOU BLOODY STUPID GIT! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE BLACK AND SMOKING! I think..."
"DUDE! DUDE! THE BLACK STUFF HAS JUST STOOD UP AND STARTED WALKING LIKE A FREAKING ZOMBIE!"
"STOP SHOUTING! I CAN SEE THAT!"
Alex watched Germany's reaction carefully, noting that the German looked worried and annoyed at the same time. He sighed deeply, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Which could technically be true...
"Sorry Herr Knöpfer. I'm afraid you're probably going to be needed in the kitchen-"
"DUDE, IT'S NOT DYING!"
"I CAN SEE THAT!"
"THE AWESOME ME HAS AN AWESOME FLAME THROWER! KESESESESE~"
"... But I'd leave it a while if I were you." Germany added; the back of his mind wondering where the heck Prussia had gotten a flame thrower from.
"DAMN IT! IT'S GROWING YOU DOLT!"
"YOU MADE IT! SHUT UP!"
"WHO THE HECK LET ENGLAND COOK?"
"WOMAN! I NEED YOUR FRYING PA- OW! OW! STOP THAT!"
"STOP SHOUTING!"
"GAH~ ! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER! AH! IT'S GOING TO EAT ME! AH GERMANY~! I'M SO SCARED!"
"OH MY GOODNESS! IT JUST ATE-"
"... A long while. And I'll pay you extra."
"Ja, Herr Beilschmidt. Danke." Alex replied, rather confused at the noises coming from the kitchen above him. He frowned. Maybe he should have treated the nations as guests, rather than prisoners. They did seem a lot more interesting when they weren't tring to kill 24/7.
And the HCS had failed to ever study the Nations as... As people. To see how they interacted between each other and humans. How close they built their relationships. It soon occured to Alex that no one had bothered studying the Countries on a psychological level. What a mistake to make.
But never mind. The past was the past. The nations surely wouldn't want to interact with them on a social level. And besides, they weren't that human. They were beings with human-like characteristics. That was all. They only represented how people felt towards other nations. They didn't have their own personalities or their own opinions. They blindly did as their people told them to.
That was it.
Nothing human about them.
Alex sighed. Oh, but if they were human...
Never mind.
He walked down the long, empty hallways (most nations, no doubt, were busy sorting out the mess England had quite literally created), searching for a door leading downstairs.
After quite a while of searching, Alex finally found something that looked like a basement door. He had actually walked passed it several times, because the door wasn't very noticeable and was partially hidden away.
Carefully, he walked up to the door and opened it. He frowned in disappointment, discovering it really was just an ordinairy basement. He entered and looked around curiously. It looked very worn-down in comparison to the newly furnished rooms and seemed to be a bit abandoned and a bit... sad.
There was a desk covered in paper in one corner and a bookcase in the other. Alex ignored them for now, running upstairs to get his cleaning kit. He was a cleaner after all, or at least, at the moment he was. He took his job very, very seriously, no matter what, even if it was a "pretendy" job or not.
When he came back, he started in the furthest corner, where a lot of cobwebs had gathered, muling in his thoughts. What he had wanted to do most was kill off the rest of the nations, but sadly, he no longer had the necessary chemicals at his disposal to kill them.
Neither did he have enough people. With the HCS having disposed themselves, Alex found he was unable to track... Anyone. Especially their idiotic leader.
That guy had disappeared shortly after selling the HCS' difficult-to-make, self-developed, high-tec Weaponry. For someone who had just made "easy millions" or even billions, he sure knew how to live like he didn't exist.
If Alex ever got his hands on the boy's neck, he'd... He'd...
Er...
Is that a door? Alex asked himself, walking over to something glinting behind the bookcase curiously. When he pushed the bookcase aside, he found that, indeed, it was a door. A large metallic one, completely new and shiny. Again, he curiously opened the door.
This man had more curiosity than was good for your average man. Not that he was... Average.
He gasped at what he saw. Rows and rows and rows...
Of what he'd been looking for.
He grinned.
He entered.
He finished.
America paced up and down the corridor, frustrated. So, his government demanded he come home. Because he spent a few days (a few weeks) away from home, without telling anyone where he was going or why.
It was just a few measly days! (weeks). He'd done that in the past! Heck, he'd been away for months on end and no one minded! Sure, it'd been during the cold war, when he visited a lot of his "allies" (Germany) in order to tease the Soviet Union (specifically Russia), but that was beside the point (OK, so he spent a few days there, before Germany forcefully sent him home...)!
Honestly, part of the reason why he had left England in the first place, was so that he wouldn't get controlled by anyone any more! Why doesn't his government get that? Did they want him to rebel against them too?
Thing was, was that he couldn't go back home. Not yet. Not with everyone adjusting to the sudden changes. Not with half the world stuck defenselessly in Germany, with only fifteen and a few weaklings to protect them.
They needed their hero to be with them.
But his government naturally wasn't having any of it. Strange that they would only show an interest once he disappears. He should have done that ten years ago, when he was bored and had nothing to do. Stupid idiot...
OK, so his sudden disappearance may have worried them, what with the legendary WW3 possibly on its merry way, but come on. They were Americans! Even if World war 3 did break out, they wouldn't join in until absolutely necessary! Absolutely necessary being of course, turning up like the calvary and saving everyone's sorry butts.
Just like in WW1 and WW2 and...
"Ow! What was that for?"
"England asked me to do that to you, just now." Germany replied, standing behind America. Germany had a stoic expression on his face, but his eyes twinkled with mirth. While it had been creepy that England had known America was standing right next to Germany while he was walking passed him, he had no complaints.
"Yeah, but why does Iggy want you to- Ow! Hey, will you quit that?" America demanded, after Germany whacked him behind the head again.
"That was for calling him Iggy apparently." Germany said. America only then noticed the phone Germany was holding in his one hand, by his ear.
"Is that Iggy on the pho- Ha! Missed! Ow! Seriously. Not even England whacks me that often..."
"He's shorter than you. He can only reach you if you're unaware of the danger." Germany curtly explained.
"What was the first hit for anyway?" America moaned in complaint.
"Not sure. England said he just felt like you were mentally insulting the whole world again or something. He's drunk."
"He's drunk?"
"With Prussia, Spain and anyone else they could convince to tag along. Or anyone else, that was traumatized enough from England's cooking to go..."
"But... Why is he drunk? I've not even had dinner yet! It's way too early to go drinking! Why're they drinking anyway? I don't get it!"
"You didn't honestly think they'd stay sober for long, did you? I'm surprised England hasn't touched alcohol in weeks. It was just a matter of time."
"B-but... But that means I have to deal with angry British rants again or possibly even angry Pirate rants... Bleh, the last one's the worst type of rant. He really only ever does those when he's really, really drunk. He's always so demeaning to me then... He constantly claims I'm not a real man; he's always belittling my manhood... You know?"
Germany sighed, deciding that that had been too much information.
"Wait, if he's drunk, why's he calling you?"
"He's not. Technically not. Originally, it was Prussia calling me, asking if I wanted to join them. But he kinda lost the phone and England got it instead."
"Oh... What's England talking about?"
"Er... Most of it's in Old English, so it's hard to follow... I think it's something about... Rainbow... Ponies..."
"Wait; Dude! Seriously?"
"America. No. No drinking. You're underage."
"What? I'm over four hundred years old! No way am I underage!"
"You look nineteen."
"... Ah, but you can legally drink at eighteen here!"
"I have special rules for Americans. They're not allowed to drink until twenty-one."
"Hey! You just made that up!"
"Yes. And now it's law."
"Aw, but that's not fair~ I just want to see Prussia, Spain and Iggy talking complete nons- Ow!"
"I'm still on the phone America. He can just about hear you."
"You don't have to follow his orders!" America whined. "Besides, I may look nineteen, but I'm really, really old! Like, as said, four hundred years old?"
"I beg to differ. You have the brains of a three year old." Germany replied.
"Dude, wake up. Half the world is like that."
"... England just asked if you really did just call yourself really, really old."
"Wha-? N-no I didn't! I didn't say a thing! I am not an old man, like ENGLAND. Ow! Seriously, what is it with you and following orders?"
"I follow orders I like. Anyway. No drinking. No watching their drunk rants either. No gathering blackmail material. If they want to die a slow, premature death and reveal their darkest secrets to complete strangers, then so be it."
"Dude, they're nations. They don't die of alcohol poisoning."
"No, but they will suffer from alcohol poisoning and be forced into cold turkey for a while."
"What has Turkey got to do with this?"
"... Never mind. Go find Japan and tell him I'll need him in about three hours."
"Three hours? Why three hours?"
"That'll be when they're finally thrown out. Or out cold. Depends on how strong the alcohol is."
Tadaa, the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. Not much happened and the stuff that did happen? Crackkkk.. :D Sorry, I really didn't plan on England's food becoming alive at all or eating someone, but uh...
Yeah. Crack. Sorry. Crack is the result of too much school stress and lack of nerves of steel. ^^;
Oh, and I've realised Fanfiction is missing to categories. Fluff. And Crack. Seriously. We need those two categories. They're the AWESOMEST THINGS EVER. Besides not being officially recognised genres, of course. :D
On other news, I've prematurely launched my probable next multi-chapter, called "The Magician". If you wana read it, you can...
I would prefer a review though. Here. On this story. So yeah.
LOVE YOU GUYS! THANK YOU FOR 140 REVIEWS!
Oh, and uh... This only just managed 3000 words. Short chapter. he... ^^;