Magnolia822 really does take my utter crap and make it look pretty. Kitty and TropicalSorbet pre-read, and if it wasn't for TS and our epic brainstorming session, you'd still be waiting for this chapter. Oh, and if she does what I'll think she'll do to the next Edroar update... you'll thank me later.

SM owns Twilight. But you knew that. I own Teacherward and his glasses. Hooray for me.

Chapter 16: Banging and Other Noises

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A bus full of overly-excited kindergartners does not make for fertile flirting ground.

As I regard the unmistakable line of little five and six-year-olds, each holding onto a long rope with little handle bars on them, I also see the host of moms who have so cheerfully signed up to chaperone.

I wonder why they're all wearing heels and sporting fresh hair-dos?

Blatant. It's laughable, really.

And then I realize- shit, this could turn out to be one uncomfortable trip. Between prying, hateful eyes and screaming schoolchildren, this day just might end with me drowning in a bottle of pinot noir.

And Edward... hopefully.

The kids reach the bus and start piling in, my son smiling his brightest, and it makes me want to kiss him all over and embarrass him. But I won't.

I'll wait until he's thirteen and really hates it.

"After you." Edward gestures with his hand toward the bus when all the kids have made it to their seats. He flashes me the crooked grin which, together with his glasses, makes me want to do bad things to him.

"You're evil," I narrow my eyes accusingly, but can't hold it long enough before I'm smiling back at him.

He shrugs, smug and assured. Yeah, that's hot.

When we board, I notice Lily and Garrett sitting together talking and giggling, and I make a mental note to speak with Angela later and arrange their marriage.

The moms have also boarded, the three of them looking around for suitable seats. One sits in the back with her child while the other two are totally trying to gauge Edward's seat choice and glaring at me to, I don't know, fucking disintegrate before their eyes?

Fat chance, ladies.

Angela also boards, a welcome comfort among these women with too much mascara and cleavage for a field trip. She sits across the aisle from our kids and smiles at me.

Yeah. We'll be picking out wedding ceremony and reception locations tomorrow.

Edward ticks off a head count and sits in the front seat, silently beckoning me to sit with him with his expressive eyes and arched brow.

My eyes bounce between the horny-mommy death stares and his questioning one, and I'm momentarily frozen in place.

What do I do?

I mean, I know what I want to do, without question. Because,pfftt, who wouldn't?

But if I do what I so naturally want to do, I'll be the talk of the PTA for the foreseeable future.

One supportive look and nod from Angela seals the deal for me.

Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all.

I sit. Next to him. And I can feel the women's eyes on me like daggers... no, like heat-seeking missiles. This, combined with the heat and the scent of him next to me, makes me snort.

Don't ask me why. I don't have a frickin' clue.

Edward looks amused with his little smirk, eyes crinkling in the corners.

"You, okay there?"

I sigh. "Yeah. Fine. But I think I just got on every women's shit list in here... well, with the exception of Angela. She thinks I rock," I say, catching Angela's approving expression in the driver's huge ass rearview mirror.

Edward takes my hand in his and places it on his thigh, leaning toward me until his lips are at my ear. Damn goosebumps.

"You worried about what they think? I thought we agreed we weren't going to hide," he whispers.

I turn slightly towards him, my lips inches away from his. "I'm not worried about what they think. But I am worried about what they might be telling their kids. You know how cruel children can be in school, and I'm sensing G might come home any day now all distraught and upset about something one of the kids could say about me or you, or us."

I breathe and exhale deeply, happy to have let all that out.

Edward turns away and faces forward, his face the picture of quiet contemplation. He's mulling over my words. I know enough about him by now to see. Any moment, he'll say something to make me feel better.

However, the silence between us continues through the rest of the ride- through bumps, gleeful kids shouting and laughing, and I'm actually freaking out a bit he hasn't responded. He's still holding my hand, so that's something at least.

By the time we arrive at the museum, my mind has gone through several scenarios, from the realistic to the ridiculously farfetched. When the bus door swings open, compulsion drives me to bolt out of my seat and into the fresh air.

I don't know why I'm freaking out so much, but as soon as Edward is out with the line of little people trailing behind, I pull him aside.

His forehead does the crinkly thing where he looks like he's either bothered or worried.

And I'm the horny bitch who still manages to get all hot and bothered by it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the day so early. Maybe it's just everything- the looks, the small town thing, the loud kids... I worry," I whisper, turning my back on the moms exiting the bus so that I don't have an audience. Edward does a good job of looking ahead and nodding as if I'm giving him some really important mommy information.

When all the kids are assembled at the entrance, Angela looks back towards us, smiling warmly as the guide starts to give her welcome to the group. She has no idea how much her smile helps. At least one person, besides Alice and Rose, is on our side.

Edward finally turns towards me when everyone is out of earshot, his expression serious but with a soft smile playing on his lips.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Bella. Everything you're feeling is valid, and I guess I just felt stupid not anticipating how this could affect G and Bree. I didn't know how to respond, so I didn't. I suck."

"You don't suck. Let's just forget I said anything. We'll deal with things as they come. I might be worrying for nothing." I brush off the argument, walking with him towards the group to experience the children's museum with the kids. My son's eyes widen along with the other children's as the guide explains the benefits of recycling.

All the evil looks from the Mommy Monsters can't keep the grin off my face as I watch my kid marvel at everything around him. And when I glance over at Edward, he isn't looking at the guide, or the kids, or the moms.

He's looking at me with a content smile on his face.

I might just melt a bit more.

...

About an hour and a half later, the kids are busy excavating a large sandbox full of carefully placed fake dinosaur bones and broken pieces of pottery, when Edward calls everyone for lunch. The kids quickly clean up and arrange themselves on the picnic benches located right outside the greenhouse.

I'm dispersing their bagged lunches along with the other chaperones when I'm close enough to overhear a certain conversation.

"My mommy says that your mommy and Mr. Cullen do a lot of banging."

Say what now? What?

"Banging? What do you mean?" my innocent child asks.

Little Tiffany Freeman, whose mother, Peggy, is one of the piranha moms with us today, sticks her nose up in the air as if she's got top secret information.

"Banging! Like making a lot of noise. She says your mom and Mr. Cullen probably make so much noise that they wake up the neighbors in the middle of the night."

I immediately seek out Edward with my eyes. When he sees my expression of pure panic, he makes his way over without seeming too hurried.

"I want to ring Tiffany's neck. Can I do that? That would be illegal, right?" I whisper as he starts to listen in.

"You're lying! Don't you think I would know if they were banging? I mean, I think I would hear them banging stuff in the house! And I've never seen any drums around."

"Well maybe they do it when you're not around," the girl responds, batting her eyelashes just like her gossipy mother.

"Okay, how we doin' over here? Tiffany? Did you finish your sandwich? I think you need to leave Garrett alone so we can finish eating and head to the best part of the museum, don't you?"

Oh, Edward. Best. Man. Ever.

Tiffany at least has the decency to look a little embarrassed, quickly dropping her head and taking to the business of eating.

When Edward looks at me again, his eyes are apologetic. But it doesn't last long.

Both of us strenuously try to rein in the uncontrollable laughter that's itching to escape. Edward looks red and flustered, like a volcano about to erupt. I probably look the same, just not as pretty.

Angela glances over to us, confused. "I'll tell you later," I mouth, before she nods and continues handing out juice boxes.

This is the most eventful field trip I've ever been on.

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A/N: Sigh. Kids. We need to be more like them.

So, I'm working on completing When the Night Comes this coming week, and I'm also slowly writing my new story, Bella of Victoria (due to start posting January) so I may not have the next TotY update in exactly a week... I'll try to have it within 10 days.

BTW, the uber-talented JaimeArkin made me the awesomestestestest teaser banner for Bella of Victoria which you can see on my blog (address in my profile)

And if you're in the mood for a little holiday-inspired cheer, Merry Textmas is a short story i posted last year. If you like a lot of text banter... click on over.

A couple of fic recs:

Inappropriate Touching by jenjiveg: This is one of the whackest fics I've ever read, but I can't look away and I'm hooked. OCDward/Latexward... um... yeah.

String Theory by theladyingrey42: I love Geekward. I love her writing...every story. That is all.

Once and Future Lovers by littlesecret84: I want to cut Edward's balls off, but it's a very well written fic.

Alrighty then. TTFN! ;)