CHAPTER 1

It's not the same; even after a year. It's not the same without you.

I thought I could try to forget… but I can't. You were my best friend… you are my best friend, and that will never stop.

I wish I could tell you everything, what I'm doing with my life. You can't see this can you? What I write. What I say. What I think.

Well it's always you.

I haven't stepped in that flat since the day that you… went, and I never will. All those beautiful memories, I can't ruin them now.

I remember the time that you said that you appreciated the stars, I always remember that and so each night I look up at them, hoping that you are looking at them too. Like a bond of magic is holding us together.

But you are gone aren't you? You will never come back. You can't look at those stars the way that I can.

Molly is doing well, she misses you like all of us but she doesn't seem quite as hard hit as we all are, like she knows your alive still. But your not. That's just her imagination.

Mrs Hudson checks on me once a week, just to see how I'm coping; I'm not doing any better. Every night I have nightmares of you falling, you don't stop falling, down you plunge, closer and closer to the ground where you will meet your end. Your coat floating behind you and your hair flying in front of your eyes. Your eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes which I can always remember seeing tears escape when you stood on that ledge.

That's when I wake up.

That's when it stops.

You aren't a fake. You are real.

I have to see you again. I have to. I can't go on any longer. It's not fair.

I love you.

This is my note Sherlock,

Goodbye,

John x

I pull on my jacket and slip the letter into my right pocket, I turn around to see a plain room which I made plain so that I can try to forget about him, but I can't and I limp towards the door.

If I'm going to die. I want to die in a familiar place. 221B.

I step out of the taxi and look up at my old home, Mrs Hudson still lives here, I don't know how she can bear it. I knock on the door and she answers, she looks shocked to see that I am here.

"I have to do something" I say, she nods and lets me in.

As I walk into the hallway memories of Sherlock and I flood my mind and my body and I can't breathe properly, but I head towards the stairs. I have to do this. I have to today.

I slip my old key into the door and turn it slowly, and as the door creaks open I take in everything. Sherlock's chair, the wall, the skull, the science equipment, everything. I shut the door behind me and limp towards Sherlock's room. It's locked but I want the note to be kept there so I kiss the envelope and slide it under the door.

I make my way back to the lounge and pull the gun from my pocket, this is the end, the end of my suffering, I will be with Sherlock from now on.

I hold it to my head and breathe deeply as I take in my surroundings one last time. My finger rests on the trigger and then I hear footsteps coming from behind me.