Chapter 3
I stared at the pocket knife in my hand with horror. The knife gleamed in the porch light. It was wicked sharp. I started shaking when I realized that my own father wanted me to kill myself. He had asked me to die for him. And the surprising thing was, I knew I would do it. I loved my father that much. I felt Andy and the others staring at me as I raised the knife to my throat.
"Dad, I love you. So I will die for you. Goodbye," I said quietly. My father smiled at me when he heard that. It was the first time I had seen him smile in a long time. He hadn't smiled since my mother, his wife, had commited suicide after her coworker/best friend had died. A few weeks later, he had lost his job and became a drunk. The shock of seeing him smile again solidified my choice. If it would make him happy again, I would gladly die for him.
As the knife got closer to my neck, my hand stopped shaking. I couldn't change my mind now. I became aware of shouting next to me and Andy smacked my hand, causing me to drop the knife. It hit the pavement with a sharp clanging noise. My father rushed Andy as I lunged for the knife. I didn't get anywhere near it before someone grabbed me around my waist.
" I'm gonna' take her back to the bus, Andy! You handle her father!" CC yelled. "No! Let me go! It's my life and my choice what I do with it!" I shouted angrily as I struggled with CC. But my struggles did nothing but cause me more pain - I probably cracked a rib or two when my dad pushed me into the outside table. I was screaming and crying now as CC dragged me to the bus.
I saw my dad attack Andy and Andy punched him in the face. Then Ashley got between them and was holding my dad back and talking to him in quiet, furious tones. I couldn't make out what he was saying, but whatever it was caused my father to go back in the trailer and slam the door. I didn't see anymore after that because by then CC managed to get me into the bus.
As soon as he released me, I tried to run past him to the door but he grabbed me again and said, "Look, if you don't stop fighting me, I'm going to lock you in the bathroom." I just snarled, "Let me GO!" CC sighed and proceeded to drag me to the bathroom and lock me inside. I banged my fists against the door, screaming out, "LET ME OUT OF HERE!" I got no reply. Eventually, I my voice went out and I just sat on the floor and cried. If Andy hadn't stopped me, I really would have killed myself to make my father happy. Why couldn't he just let me die? I mean - it's my life, let me decide what I do with it. Even if it means me deciding to end my life.
I heard the rest of the guys entering the bus and Andy was asking CC, "Where is Clarissa?" CC replied, "I had to lock her in the bathroom. Otherwise she would have kept fighting me." Damn right.
I heard the guys walk towards the bathroom. I stood up already planning my escape. As soon as one of them would open the door, I would rush to the exit. But it didn't work out that simply. Of course not.
Andy said, "Clarissa. I'm going to open the door. When I do, it won't do you any good to try and escape. There are five of us and one of you, so...just don't try it." I almost wailed in frustration. They couldn't keep me here. That would be kidnapping. So they would have to let me go eventually. Logic 101.
Andy opened the door and I did not try to escape. I just stood there, glaring at them, my voice to far gone to say anything at the moment. Jinx, CC, Ashley, Jake, and Andy all wore matching but somehow different expressions of concern.
Andy took a step towards me, but I managed to find my voice and said, "Don't you even think about touching me. Kidnapper!" Andy stopped in surprise. "We just want to help you! Suicide is very bad! It was really cruel for your dad to tell you to kill yourself! Why would you do that? He only asked you to, so why did you actually say yes?"
Tears fell down my cheeks as I replied, "He's the only family I have left. I haven't seen him happy or smiling in a really long time. I would do anything to make him happy again. I love him!" I was sobbing by now and when Andy came toward me and wrapped his arms around me, I didn't push him away.
"It's okay, Clarissa. You have a new family now," Ashley said from the doorway. "I told your father that we were going to take care of you. He said he didn't care as long as he never had to see you again."
That only made me cry harder. My own father didn't love me, never cared about me, and was eager to get rid of me. Andy stepped away from me but kept one hand on my shoulder. "You can crash on the couch tonight. We'll get another bunk installed tomorrow," he said.
I nodded and took a step towards the couch, but before I reached it, a wave of dizziness came over me and I blacked out.