Need you now – chapter two
She sat with her legs crossed on her lap, he sat next to her fidgeting, and she found herself putting a hand on his leg to stop it moving up and down, he looked up at her with his magical Derek Morgan eyes, she found herself in awe of his eyebrows but she wouldn't tell him that, he was already looking at her differently lately she didn't need him looking at her as though she was mentally deranged. It was weird; it was as though she would rather be at any other place within her subconscious than in her conscious right now. She could sense how stressed and uncomfortable the bulky strong man was sitting next to her, she wanted to tell him that he could leave or that he didn't need to be here but in all truth she knew she couldn't face this without him.
"Ms Emily Prentiss?" the doctor said as she entered the room, she felt her heart skip a beat, she recognised the name, of course she could, it was her own name but recently she felt as though she had lost her own identity and that name, her own name didn't seem to belong to her anymore. She looked up and smiled as Morgan clutched her hand as tightly as he could, she figured it was half for him and half for her. They walked up the hallway together, he was practically right on her trail, not leaving her side for a minute, she had laughed for the first time that week when he tried to follow her into the room where she was getting changed, she swore that she could hear him anxiously waiting for her to get changed and for the doctor to come back into the room to take all the tests.
She sat down on the examination table. Swaying her legs as she patiently waited for her doctor to come back into the room, but her doctor being in the room didn't change the incredible degree of anxiety within the room, the frown on her face remained the whole time that the doctor made idle chitchat, asking irrelevant questions that Morgan graciously answered, he knew full well that Emily just wasn't up for it, wasn't up for the questions or even contemplating the answers. She woke back up to her surroundings as the doctor put a supportive hand on her knee "You can get changed now Emily, I'll call you later in the week with your test results" she could feel herself gulp, she was confused as to why it all had to take this long, why they couldn't just put it into their mystical machine and get the results straight away and she could see the mirrored frustration on Morgan's face.
"What about an ultrasound, wouldn't that make it easier to find out if you're pregnant?" he said leaning into where she stood
"Derek" she said with all of her energy, she hated herself for doing it but she found herself taking the frustration out on him, not in many words, just in her tone itself.
Who said chivalry was dead? Derek Morgan was on a role, he was opening doors, car and otherwise, constantly asking her if she was okay, given her his jacket even though it was sunny outside and she had insisted that she wasn't cold at all, and while all she wanted to do was laugh and make fun of her very caring friend it would have taken too much energy to laugh so she remained still, just still, as he carefully lead her back into JJ and Will's home and back into the spare bedroom that she currently occupied. She wanted to tell him that she no longer wanted to be a burden, that he should drop her back at her apartment but she couldn't be bothered fighting it all.
X-x-x-x-x-x
Another day approached and a lack of desire appeared in front of her again, she turned onto her side and pulled her blankets in close to her, that feeling of warmth and the feeling of being held engulfed her and she craved that feeling, outside of her door she could hear JJ pacing back and forth back and forth she went, she wanted to tell her friend that she was fine, that she didn't need to be watched every minute of every day but she couldn't muster up the strength of confidence to do so and by the time she had come to this conclusion she could hear a males voice, she could hear the coarse whispers of concern and she remembered back to a week ago when this bed had become her resting place. Some may wonder what events lead to one Emily Prentiss sleeping in JJ and Will's spare bedroom, practically hiding out, she had reached a bad day, hit a rough patch and she had no desire to be alone Hotch and Rossi had taken Jack on a camping trip, Garcia and Kevin were having a games night but the laugh that Garcia had produced when she had announced it to her was enough of an indication that it was no regular games night, she knew Morgan would be home sweating up his perfectly shaped abs, probably with a bandana around his head and his dog Clooney taking up way to much space on the couch, but she found herself at this particular door step and with only a little bit of hesitation she knocked, she hoped that they were home, that she could just sit and be for a while and then the door opened and this perfect picture of a domestic goddess appeared before her, the aroma of a home cooked meal, an apron around her petite frame and a baby resting on her hip. Her baby blues pierced into her soul and she could have sworn that just the sight of her looking the way she did had brought tears to her close friends eyes, she didn't blame her, if she could actually look at herself in the mirror at the moment she would probably cry to. Without word or question JJ passed little Avery to her father and swept Emily into the house, she sat her down on the leather couch and looked at her, her eyes pleading for Emily to tell her what was wrong or what she needed her to do, JJ was the teams little go to girl, you needed anything beyond the realms of humanly possible she was the girl for you, she was like a super hero especially now that she could kick criminal ass, literally. And when Emily finally gained the courage to speak, she held back tears and simply said "I need to sleep" this was a demand that she felt horrible for, there was no please or thank you, that's what was wrong with this disease there was no grace, little dignity, it was purely selfish, and she knew that that wasn't her, that she herself was not like that but she also recognised that for her to survive this she had to stop putting other people first and put herself first for a change, but what was happening to her body was going to make that incredibly difficult. JJ had put her in the spare room, tucked her into the bed and lay a kiss on her temple, giving insight to what it would be like to have JJ as a mother. She drifted in and out of sleep; she was in a completely groggy state but she was still incredibly aware of her own surroundings, she could hear JJ standing in the hallway, telling Henry to go and put his toys away before pressing the tune filled buttons of the telephone, and by the third ring the phone was answered, Emily knew that she was calling Morgan, Morgan throughout the whole situation had been Emily's rock, her comfort, her support crew. She could hear the delicacy of the words that JJ whispered into the phone's receiver "She is in a pretty bad way" and with those words and that concern out there Morgan was over within half an hour, the houses were thirty minutes away from each other but knowing the time an extra ten minutes would need to be added in, she knew this because she had driven there in it all, she wondered if Morgan had used his siren, if he had felt that the severity of this warranted it. She saw the light enter the room as the door opened and then she felt a warm breath and a shadow in front of her face, she opened her eyes and smiled "Hey Em" he said with his gentle voice that could convince any woman , scratch that anyone into bed with him, she wanted to tell him that he didn't need his macho crap to score women he just needed to reveal his kindness, it seemed ironically funny to her that her brain was still working to its full capacity, that she was thinking all the same thoughts she would have when she wasn't in this position of suffering but the difference now was that while she could think all of these thoughts and feel all these feelings she couldn't express them to the outside world, the world that didn't revolve simply in her brain. "You okay baby?" he asked, she knew he was choosing his words carefully, not wanting to push her, not wanting to over stimulate her, simply wanting to protect her.
"Sleep" was the only word she could manage to get out of her crazy hazy brain
"Okay" he said standing up and putting a hand on her cheek, giving it a brief stroke as though he needed to stay in contact with her while he decided what he was going to do, and then in a matter of seconds he was lying on the opposite side of the bed, a hand on her lower back, she felt her body instinctively turn, she placed her head on his heaving chest and curved her body to match the curves and crevasse of his shape, he lay with a hand on her back and a hand on her middle. By the time she came out of her own world of remembering the male and female voices had relocated, she could hear them slightly in the distance, she hoped that she wasn't causing a strain on the couple, JJ and Will had worked incredibly hard despite her career to be together, to be romantic and to raise two amazing children and she couldn't bear to think that she could be wrecking that for them. But the selfishness kicked back in and she succumbed to sleep.
"We've got to get her out of bed" JJ said from her position on the kitchen bench, he stood before her with his concerned and sympathetic eyes
"Go to work" he said with his southern drawl, he had witnessed and he had known how much the team especially Emily had meant to his wife, how much that team needed each other to feel, to survive all that they saw out in the field.
"I think I will call Hotch and tell him that I can't make it in today, he'll understand" he knew that this statement was true, they were a family
"Jennifer, he is already short staffed without Em, you have to go to work"
"I never thought that you would be pushing me out the door" she said with a small smile "But she has to get out of bed, I should be here" she said with this raw determination
"She doesn't need a whole bunch of people that she loves looking at her as though she is crazy or that she is going to have a mental breakdown at any minute, and while I love you and all the guys on the team that's all you seem to be doing lately, You need to first of all go to work and second of all you need to work out what we are all going to do about this because it is going to take all of our efforts to do this"
"But…"
"I will get her out of bed, I promise" he said moving closer to his wife and kissing her hand.
X-x-x-x-x-x
He needed to think of a new strategy, he had promised that he would get her out of bed but he had no idea how that was going to happen. He thought about turning on the smoke alarm to pretend that there was a fire and get her out of bed that way but he knew that wasn't going to work, so he sent in a new troop, he sent in Henry, the boy that wasn't going to look at her as though she was going to have a mental breakdown at any minute, the boy that would look at her as his Aunt Em and charm her with his big pearly smile, he also knew that on the best of days Emily couldn't resist Henry, he knew that this was a long shot and that this wasn't like any other day but he had to attempt it. The bedroom door creaked open and then the blonde boy jumped on top of her and she felt herself smile.
"Aunt Em" he said lying on her side, attempting to force her to open her eyes and when she finally did he gave her his massive grin that in so many ways matched his mothers, the cheeky dimples, and the curve of his little lips "Are you awake?" she nodded as they both remained in eye contact "Daddy and I are going to make a cake do you want to help? Daddy said that if we help really good that we can have ice cream" he said with such glee that her heart physically hurt, how could she be selfish in front of him, how could she tell that little angelic face that she didn't want to help him make a cake, that she didn't want to spend time with him, so as a matter or will she threw her covers off as quick as her body could adjust, which turned out to be quite slow, the boy jumped off her but continued eye contact and what happened next surprised her "I would love to Henry" a piece of her that she hadn't seen in weeks appeared before her, she could speak, she could express how she was felling, she could do something for this little boy who looked up to her and looked at her now, she recognised that she couldn't let him down and she got out of bed. It wasn't easy and she could guarantee that this wasn't going to happen every day, some days she wasn't going to be able to hang out with Henry or do everything that he wanted to, but today he was her motivator, he provided the motivation that gave her the power and desire to get out of bed. Just the fact that she could actually get out of bed indicated that this was a good day, and what she needed to establish was a memory bank of all the good stuff, of all the good days so that on the not so good days she had some ammunition to fight.
"DADDDDDDDDDDDY" Henry yelled as he ran out into the kitchen where his father stood "Emmy is going to help us make the cake" he said dragging a chair over to the kitchen bench and standing on it so that he could help while Emily slowly walked into the room, she had to adjust her eyes to the luminosity of this room compared to her bedroom with the curtains drawn.
"Is she?" he asked with his southern drawl and a smile, internally thanking his lucky stars that his plan had worked
"Yaha, daddy can she had ice cream too if she helps good" he said with all the concern of a five year old boy
"If Aunty Em wants some ice cream she can have some for helping too" he said as Emily pulled a chair over, sitting down as he smiled at her, he could tell that it was difficult for her to do but she smiled back.
If receiving the ice cream came down to Emily's participation she wouldn't have gotten any, she sat with a boy filled with abundant enthusiasm who jumped at the opportunity to mix, stir, eat and preheat anything that came his way, his dad laughed at all the enthusiasm and Emily found it hard not to smile at the two boys before her.
"Hey daddy" he said as Will put the cake in the oven and Emily held his little sister Avery
"Yes Hen" Will asked turning back around and beginning on the dishes
"Can I have a pyjama day like Emmy tomorrow?" he asked referring to the fact that Emily sat next to him with her dark hair tied up in a simple pony tail whilst wearing spotty red flannelette pyjamas, Will didn't know what to do, he looked at his son and wondered what the right answer to that would be and just as he went to answer him in all seriousness a noise came out of Emily and surprised them all, she laughed, her eyes began to water and her face turned red as she hysterically laughed and Will felt himself loosen up and appreciate the humour in the statement his son had just made.
"Sure you can buddy" he said with a smile as his son pointed to the freezer indicating that he wanted to claim his bargaining tool for being well behaved while they cooked. But instead his dad and his aunty continued to laugh, loud enough that no one noticed his mother walking into the room and smiling in the doorway. JJ looked on at the scene in front of her and instantly fell more in love with her husband, he had kept his promise, in fact he had one upped it, he had made her laugh when no one thought it was possible. And then the scene was broken by the ringing of a mobile phone, JJ walked into the room and scooped the baby girl out of Emily's arms so that she could answer it, JJ knew what it was about, she had been talking about it with Morgan earlier, Will got Henry his ice cream so he would remain quite while his Aunty was on the phone and Emily shook as she pressed 'accept' and put the phone to her ear "Hello" she said waveringly "Yes this is she"
To be continued