GASPING FOR AIR

By spockslovechild

…...

Chapter Three – BEATEN

Natasha Romanoff was exhausted and covered in blood.

Not just her blood. A lot of it wasn't her own. In fact, most of it wasn't hers. It clung to every inch of her body like a pest she couldn't be free of. And the smell of it was nauseating.

As soon as she could, the Russian spy retired to her quarters and stripped off every weapon she had. Every gun she carried in her arsenal placed down on a small table next to her belt. Natasha pulled at the inside zipper of her combat boots and slid them off her feet. She left them sitting there alone on the floor, next to a picture frame that had fallen from the table and splintered. Natasha fell to her bed and peeled back to white socks, which had since taken on a deep yellow and red hue; soaked with a mix of sweat and blood.

Natasha nursed a swollen ankle – a nice, solid black and purple bruise surrounding the bone and heel – as she limped her way to the bathroom. She ran the water as hot as she could stand it, then reached behind her and tugged down the zipper of her suit. Unzipping was the easy part. Wriggling her body free of the suit was something else entirely. Every last nerve ending screamed at her. But once she did manage to get it off her arms and down her legs, Natasha stepped out of it – and her laced panties – then reached around her back to unclasp her bra, letting it glide down her arms.

She pushed back the plastic curtain and stepped in, then turned around and tilted her head back, letting the hot water soak her red hair. It brought instant relief to the numerous bruises marring her body. But this relief would only last her so long, and it wouldn't erase the last week from her life. Natasha Romanoff was scarred; mentally, physically… in every way possible.

No matter how hard the water pounded her skin, no matter how hot it was, she couldn't shake the feeling of Loki's mental mind games from her brain. What he said to her before. It was a conversation not even Clint was privy to. She couldn't tell him. How could she? He asked. He practically prodded. But he would never know of it. And he would never understand it.

And, just like that, her mind was on Loki. Why? Because of what he did to her? No. For the reason that he was laying unconscious in the Recovery Room just down the hall. It was insane. He should be dead. By all accounts, Clint should have loosened that arrow into Loki's skull. Then made they would sleep better. But, no. As Rogers said – they 'owed it' to Thor. Maybe she would be more understanding if she were in Thor's position, and having to seeing a younger sibling in a similar state, but Natasha couldn't fathom it.

She shouldn't even be thinking about Loki. He should be the furthest thing from her mind. She shut her eyes and only pictured the inside of her eyelids. She tried to reach into her memories and pull from it something less dreadful. Less painful. The last time she was at the beach. Clint was wearing his brand new Nike trunks and she was dressed in a black and red blended string bikini. Her lips curled as Natasha recalled Clint picking her up and tossing her into the ocean, taking several back kicks in the process. Good memories like that are what kept her sane. Calm. Collected. Peac –

"Hello, Agent Romanoff."

Natasha's stomach dropped. She knew that voice. The icy black of darkness cutting through silence like a knife through butter. Peeling her out of her thoughts.

Could Loki be affecting her like he affected Clint?

She peeled her eyelids open, and almost screamed. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. How? No, not possible. He was unconscious in the other room. He couldn't be here. Not now. She reached for her weapon before she came to realize she didn't have one.

He stood as naked as she. Emotionless, save for the grin painting his lips.

Natasha took a step back. "H-How…?"

"Isn't this how you want me, Agent Romanoff?" His grin widened, taunting her further. He took a step forward until his mere presence had her backed into the wall.

"No..." She shut her eyes again, and gave her head a shake, trying to get this away from her.

But when she opened her eyes again, there he was. Natasha gave a scream, but he had a hand over her mouth before that scream could even pass her lips.

He pressed his right palm against the tile wall behind her and leaned in close, until he could hear her heavy breathing, and feel it on her face. He dropped his hand from the wall to her bare shoulder, then ached his fingers across her collar bone and down the center of her chest. He felt her heart racing. It gave him pleasure.

He pressed himself harder against her body until his crotch rubbed against the inside of her left thigh. He felt her shudder under the touch. And his lips twisted further into madness.

"Are you…afraid of me… Natasha?"

Natasha swallowed a lump in her throat.

He leaned his mouth in close to her right ear, until his breath tickled her warm skin. "You should be…"

She shut her eyes again, tighter than before. She kept willing him to go away. Kept telling herself this was just one of her nightmares. That when she opened her eyes again, he wouldn't be standing there in front of her.

Natasha opened her eyes.

But he wasn't standing there anymore. It was just her alone in the shower. As it was before. He seemed so real though. There was nothing about him that didn't feel real to her. She felt him breathing on her neck, the groin that rubbed against her thigh, the hand over her mouth.

She consciously reached out to where he was; half-convinced she'd still be able to feel him. Nothing. Just the air around her smacking the back of her hand.

Natasha's body crumpled beneath her as she slithered to the porcelain ground and gathered her knees up to her chest.

…...

Twenty minutes later, Natasha sat cross-legged on her bed with just a towel wrapped around her shoulders. For reasons unknown, she hadn't gotten dressed. She wanted to scream. More than anything, she wanted to wrap her hands around Loki's throat and watch his life drain from his eyes.

Her thoughts pulled her away so much that she didn't hear when the door opened, or see the man slipping in through the crack. Not until he called her name and she looked up to see a familiar face. But by then, tears had streaked her eyes in a way they hadn't before. Not even when she knocked out Clint to free him of Loki's spell over him.

It wasn't until the person drew closer that he saw her face and the tears that had stained her skin. Lack of clothing didn't register in his brain until he was sitting down next to her and noticed how fiercely she had been holding that pastel green towel around her naked body. He reached out to touch her, but she recoiled and his lips creased into a frown. She never did that. But he was aware of how her body trembled and thought for a second she might be afraid of him. Maybe thought he was still under Loki's control or he could easily slip back into it. But that didn't make sense, given the time to consider it.

He reached out for her shoulder again, and this time she didn't pull back. "Tasha," he said in a soft tone. Only one person referred to her as Tasha. To everyone else, she was Natasha or Agent Romanoff. To Clint Barton, she was simply Tasha or Nat.

"Don't…"

Clint arched a brow. "Tasha, wha – "

She met his eyes. "Please. Just… don't. I don't want to talk about it. Please don't ask me. Please, just… " Her shoulders arched forward as she trembled, more tears streaking her face.

Silent as she wanted, he gathered her into his arms and held her there. He stroked her wet hair and gently rubbed her bare shoulders. He had never seen her like this before.

Something must have gotten to her.

A/N: Hey all! I apologize for the long wait. I was having trouble with this chapter. Every time I started one thing, I erased it and did something else. But here it is. Hot off the computer – so to speak. LOL. Thirty-eight people put this story on alert. That's amazing! I've never had that happen before. Clearly I'm doing something right.