Tracks of Choice: "Shave 'Em Dry" by Asylum Street Spankers, "I wish I had an Angel" by Nightwish, "Running up that Hill" by Within Temptation

Chapter 4: Deth Friends?

The managers stood in the middle of the bands who were all sitting on a large semi circle couch with Moira and Nathan sitting at the ends. Munkittrick straightened his tie and began to talk. The whole situtation was a bit awkward for everyone and so the thing the manager had to discuss was going to be difficult. Especially with Moira and Nathan.

"Girls, Dethklok was here to meet you in the first place. As I can see, aside from the frontmen, the rest of you seem to get along." he eyeballed Cherry and Pickles who sat in the center, poking each other playfully, "Cancerous is becoming a big name, but sadly the band still isn't making enough as it should. Now, Ofdensen and I have come up with an idea that could help benefit you girls. But most, if not all, must consent to it."

Ofdenson then took over, "I'm impressed that these girls have been so successful and so Munkittrick and I wanted to know if you, Dethklok, will allow Cancerous to open up for you at your next concert. Perhaps hearing both of you can diminish this 'similarity' fiasco the media has created even though both bands are quite different. And if you can work together fairly, maybe you could create a song together. Sales would go up because of this." Everything was about record sales for this guy, Dethklok thought disdainfully. The CFO needed to loosen up, and since they were in Vegas, aka Sin City, what better way then at a strip club?

The ten people were silent for a while. Slowly, Cherry raised her hand. "I declare we each have our own band meetin' to discuss this over, sir." Without even waiting for a reply, the five women stood up and walked to the bar, huddling around as Cherry took the Bailey off the shelf. Dethklok migrated to the other end of the penthouse to discuss as well.

With Cancerous, Lucy was jumping with excitement. "I says we dos it! Dis coulds helps us boost our fames!" she let out a small squeal as she stared at her friends. "Imagines! Dey makes billions each why we stills makes only hundreds o' tousands toget-ders! If we dos dis, we could finally makes millions, maybe even billions!"

"Well, yea, but I dunno still. What if… what if them crazy fans attack us or somethin? Remember our last concert? How 'em Dethklok fans pretty much ruined it 'cause they think we're tryin' ta take over?" Cherry countered as she took a sip from her cup. "Is money worth safety? I... I really don't trust security here."

"No way!" Moira hissed, "Girls! We've managed to get this far without them! I won't have any help from Dethklok." She pounded her fists on the table, "I won't have it! I will neither be compared to nor work with them!" She gritted her teeth, appalled at the idea.

Runa rolled her eyes again at her leader's stupidity, "Oh comes now Moiras. It can'ts be dat's bad. I am not mindings dat's we cans open fors dem. Are we not one of da best metals band too? We are only seconds greatest now compares to dem. Dis could be goods for us, like Lucy says." She picked up her guitar that she had left at the bar before. Going through a few riffs from their song 'Confrontation', she let the melody float in the air. "If dis helps takes away da claims dat we are likes dem, I's up for its."

Bloodyfist gasped all of a sudden, "I have an idea! Moira, you might like it." Moira stared at her skeptically, but allowed the bassist to continue, "What if we play our best song, or songs, depending on the rest of the offer. And like… we totally blow Dethklok out of the water? That way, we'd be humiliating them and we'd be even more famous! They only have one sound. We don't."

Moira only grinned as she turned around to stare at Dethklok across the room while she leaned against the bar. Bloodyfist had a good point. They could annihilate Dethklok at their own game, in their own concert. With all their fans watching, it would be one event she wouldn't miss for the world. Yes, it was a good plan. Cancerous was going to destroy Dethklok. "Ya know girls, maybe we should make this concert a compilation sort. A battle of the band kind of shit." The others agreed.

-----

With Dethklok, Nathan was desperately trying to prevent the idea. "We don't let bands open for us! No way in fucking hell am I letting them!"

"Ish it becaush they're girlsh? Nathan! I… am appalled!" Murderface said as he crossed his arms.

"I don't care about that! Come on! Their bitch of a front chick is really annoying." he crossed his arms and glared at Murderface.

Pickles chuckled, "Doods, Nathan's got a girl-complex or something. But I have ta admit, I'm curious to see 'em in concert. Seeing their music videos, I'm gonna guess it's gonna be wicked cool." He closed his eyes and nodded to himself, imagining what the performance would be like.

Toki's shook his head, "I tinks I has to agrees with Natans. Maybe dis not such good idea. What if dey sucks?" Lucy was a nice girl, he didn't think he could bear the thought of her getting hurt in any way. She was just too cute.

"Pfft!" Skwisgaar rolled his eyes, "So whats? Den dat makes us looks betters. It dere faults if dey suck like… reallys bad." He shrugged his shoulders and leaned up against the wall. "Cause den it shows dat dere lead guitarists is nots as goods as me."

This seemed to spark Nathan's interest, "You think it could happen?"

"Ja, of course. So whats ifs dey says dis Cancerous group is as goods as us? I am bettings dat dey never hads such big concert. We has da world. And dey? Almost nothings!" He glanced over at the group of girls, seeing Moira smirk at them with an evil glint in her eyes before his sight settled on Runa as she softly played a slower version of 'Confrontation' by memory while she continued to speak. He had to admit, even if it was slow, he couldn't really do that without looking at his stings. Or play slow for that matter. Even with his small speech, Skwisgaar had to confess they were good and a formidable opponent. This concert did in fact make him a little nervous.

"So then, it's settled?" Pickles asked as he looked at everyone. Dethklok nodded their heads. Cancerous would open for them.

------

Everyone regrouped in front of the managers. Moira and Nathan stood up, glared at one another, but it was the lead woman who spoke first.

"On behalf of Cancerous, I am…" she rolled her eyes, "…amused to say that we will accept this opening offer completely once we hear the whole deal. How many songs do we play?" she stared at her manager, looking intimidating with her vibrant hazel eyes swirling with determination. She crossed her arms over her bustier clad chest, "But of course, that's if Dethklok wants us to." She left it as an open challenge, incase they originally didn't want them to go.

Nathan's eyes roamed her body. Shin high leather boots, torn jeans tucked into the boots that showed smooth and toned legs underneath, a star studded belt with a pentagram belt buckle, a plain bustier and her hair down, reaching to the smalls of her back as she stared at him, tapping a black painted nail on her arm, waiting for his reply. Damn, she was pretty hot.

He grumbled a little before speaking up, "Uh… we decided to let them."

"Very good." Ofdensen said, "Contracts will be written up by tonight. Dethklok, we will be leaving tomorrow night, the extra room on your right is already outfitted with bunk beds…"

"What!" Nathan shouted, "You didn't mention anything about that!" he had been under the impression they were going to go home after this. Sure they didn't get to beat the snot out of anyone, or come out victorious with the girls groveling at their feet for forgiveness, but dammit, he would not stay in the same shitty penthouse as them.

Ofdensen merely rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Nathan, you and the band used to always complain about never staying in a hotel. Well, this is your chance. Perhaps your only chance. Just… don't rouse your fans when you go out."

Munkittrick chuckled, "Since you will be working together, I suggest you get to know each other anyway. Dethklok's next concert is in a month. Get working girls. Now, Moira… Nathan. Come with us to my office and we will settle on a deal for both your bands." Moira sighed exasperatedly but followed the men into his room.

-----

"Well…"Cherry said as she stretched, "What do we do?" Looking at everyone, she yawned.

Runa shrugged, "Well, I suggests dat we pull outs our concerts tapes to shows Dethklok whats to be expected." Lucy nodded at that. The rest of Dethklok didn't seem to mind. "I gots feelings dat dey tinks we no good for dere stupid concerts." She raised a brow at Skwisgaar who frowned a little.

"Sure. You ladies do that." Pickles said, getting up to go to the bar. Cherry followed him. Little did the female drummer know, Bloodyfist put in her old band's tape, when she was a part of a group called the 'Whore House Band'. When the first song began, she choked on her martini and gasped.

"What the…?" she gapped at the screen as the lights turned on, shining on a rather chubby red headed girl. Dethklok turned to look at her as she blushed furiously, her eyes widen in horror. "Now where the hell did you git that?" she said, glaring at the bassist who merely grinned foolishly.

"Oh hush up, it's one of the best songs you did." Bloodyfist sat on the floor and watched the screen, keeping the remote control as close as possible. "And I've been needing a good reason to put this one on again."

Cherry groaned, hiding her face in her arms as she sat in a stool.

The beginning started with her greeting the crowd in a pair of cut off shorts, cowboy boots and a red flannel shirt. She was probably almost twice her side in the video, her face was much round and the poor shorts looked like they could rip. The boys faintly wondered what happened to her that transformed her from this rather fat lady to as thin as she was now. It was hard to believe that the woman in the video was her.

Ready? Shave 'em dry!" the music began like any country blues. This surprised Dethklok a little, but at the same time, it was kind of catchy.

I got nipples on my titties, big as the end of my thumb,
I got somethin' between my legs that'll make a dead man come on,
Try me honey, shave 'em dry
And when you have me hollerin' baby, come on shave 'em dry

Pickles glanced at her as she swirled the olive in her glass around. She let out a big sigh, but never once turned to see herself on the screen. There was almost no way that the women on the screen could be her. The vulgarness was almost too extreme in his opinion for any woman, but then again, he didn't know her. How did one go from country to metal?

Well, I fucked all night, and all day daddy,
And I feel just like I wanna fuck some more, come on.
Grind me honey. Shave me dry,
Oh please now, baby, you can shave 'em,
Oh, how I want you to try

Cherry decided to just bear with the rest of the song. She wasn't much of a party pooper, and besides, the girls always told her how much they really loved the song. She had only wished they would have asked her to sing it for them and not watch herself from what seemed like a life time ago. Pulling out her vodka, she began to drink right from the bottle.

I'm gonna turn back my mattress, and let you oil my springs,
I want you to grind me baby, 'til the bell do ring,
Come on, grind me honey, shave 'em dry.
I'll fuck you baby, honey, I'll make you cry.
Now if fuckin' was the one thing that could take me to heaven,
I'd be fuckin' all night, till the clock struck seven,
Come on, grind me honey, shave 'em dry!
Oh please now baby, honey, shave 'em dry

Skwisgaar and Toki couldn't help but snicker a little at the "grandpa" guitars being played. It wasn't metal at all, but they had to admit that Cherry had one hell of a voice, much like their Pickles when he sang along with Nathan or back at the Snakes n' Barrels reunion concert. The screen caught of angle where Cherry grinned mischieviously at the guitarist beside her. The man smiled right back. The man had a sturdy build to his physique, probably he worked on a ranch since his visible skin was heavily tanned.

The present Cherry frowned at that and gripped her bottle tighter.

Now your nuts hang down like a damn bell slapper,
And your dick stands up like a steeple,
Your goddam ass-hole stands open like a church door,
And the crabs walks in like people. Shave 'em dry!
Oh, shave 'em dry.
Oh please now, baby, come on, shave 'em dry

A big sow gets fat from eatin' corn,
And a pig gets fat from suckin',
When your sweetest pork, fat like I am,
Baby I got fat from fuckin'. Shave 'em dry! Yeah, shave 'em dry
Oh please now, baby, come on, shave 'em dry

Now my back is made of whalebone,
And your cock is made of brass,
And my fuckin' is made for workin' men's two dollars,
They got round to kiss my ass. Shave 'em! Yeah, shave 'em dry!
Oh please now baby, come won't you shave 'em dry?

The crowd cheered on the video just before Bloodyfist got up take out the old and withered tape. She grinned back at Cherry who merely flipped her off as she took another swig from her bottle, finishing it off in a matter of four last gulps.

"You bitch!" Cherry slurred, wobbling back and forth just a little, "Why ya gotta go 'n show 'em dat clip? I woulda sang it ta yall if ya just asked! I was drunk singin' then and Imma sure as hell drunk right now." she shook her head, which was a bad idea as she nearly threw up, "Damn… I feel sick. Now put on one o' our's! Like the one with what's his name… Mo'ra's ex 'fore the fucker got put six feet under."

The next tape was of Cancerous's last concert. Moira looked a little different than she did now. Perhaps it was the atmosphere and her hair was pitch black and shorter. There was a shot of the crowd, and by the looks of it, it was pretty massive, much bigger then Dethklok thought.

"I wish I had an Angel, for my moment of love…"And so the song preceded with Moira dressed in this elegant and plain silk dress next to a man in a tux. They watched several other songs in forms of music videos and concert clips, each one different from the other. Pickles finally figured out why they might have been so good and weren't completely shadowed by them. They never stuck to one tone. They expanded from one end of the Metal Spectrum to the next, covering gothic, symphonic metal, to heavy and death metal, even rock, which the male drummer thought was very good. An hour had probably passed before everyone began to get hungry, and no signs of their leaders and managers coming out from the office. Only a few screeches, breaking ceramics and furniture toppling over signified that everyone was indeed, still negotiating a contract.

Dethklok and Cancerous were out in the lobby, waiting for a limo to come pick them up so they could leave MGM and probably eat over at the Stratosphere in old town Las Vegas. The whole place immediately reserved for Dethklok upon request with a single phone call. Cancerous wasn't very impressed.

Again, people began to whisper as they saw the bands with each other, each standing next to the respective other, and at this close up, they noticed just how physically different the two were. Bloodyfist and Murderface were perhaps the two most distinguishable opposites. Bloodyfist had much clearer and smoother skin then Murderface. Although her hair was not in the greatest condition, her shoulders definitely did not show signs of bad dandruff. Yet they both seemed to have the same basic shape. Wide shoulders, a gut that never seemed to go away and almost the same nose, only the she bassist's was smaller, but definitely crooked and flat from the many times it was broken.

Toki was less childish standing there then Lucy, who opted to wear an off the shoulder top with a hot pink corset like over top that pushed her breasts closer together with black spandex type pants and boots with fuzzy pom-poms at the end. She was bouncing around, still on a high from the candy as she fixed her pigtails, adding little pink bows with black cross bones. Her bangs finally came out from their hiding, arching around her eyes brows to frame the sides of her face in a slightly dark, but still golden toned halo.

Pickles and Cherry eyes were different shades. While his were dark, her's were bright, standing out more because of the eyeliner. She stood just a few inches shorter than him, and shocked many on looking fans as she laughed at whatever he said and leaned against him, wrapping an arm around his. Her hair against his was different too. Her red hair was darker, as if she dyed it the bloody red that it was. Perhaps she did, though no one knew. Paparazzi never caught her with orange roots. Always red. Pickles didn't seem to mind the other drummer as he gave her his full attention. The only thing the by standers could hear was small segments of sentences, some about embarrassing drunk moments, others about different ways to make a cocktail.

Finally, the last two were Runa and Skwisgaar, talking in their native tongue as they stood side by side. Runa was a tall woman. While Skwisgaar was said to be at least six feet and six inches, maybe even more, she was a phenomenal six foot one. Her body was much more toned this his, since he was just lean because of his height, with hardly any definition in his muscles. Runa's hair was silkier looking as well. Skwisgaar took care of his trademark blonde hair, but Runa's had a soft glow about hers in the light and everyone could see it was more of a platinum blonde, practically white. Seeing them without their guitars was legendary. Her super model like body was graceful looking compared to his lazy, almost lanky body.

The limo finally came, picking up the eight to take them far away. Inside, they bands did not separate into their groups. Since traffic would delay them for a good twenty minutes the most, everyone decided to play a small game of 20 questions.

"I ams curious to know why Cherry losts weights." Toki began. Lucy nudged his ribs painfully as she glared. That wasn't something you asked a woman.

Cherry chuckled, leaning her head on Pickles without really paying attention. Everyone lifted a brow but said nothing.

"Well, as yall saw, I was pretty overweight. Just wasn't healthy. So years ago I went on a diet, I lost more weight with the help of Runa and her crazy ass areobic routine. Lost half my weight. Don't see how guys can be chubby chasers. The dark guy with the guitar was my first boyfriend. Back in like… high school 'er somethin." Then she sighed, "Plus I didn't want to be the fat one in the group. Not anymore." Bloodyfist made a move to protest but just grumbled instead. She was currently over seventy pounds heavier then the rest of her band mates. "So guess it's my turn." She looked at the boys before settling on Skwisgaar. "I hear ya like 'em big. What do ya think of Runa?"

"Cherries!" squeaked Runa, "What cans you be thinkings?"

Skwisgaar scratched the back of his neck uneasily, "I do… nots know. I admits she's very pretty ladies, and yes, I am does likes gmilf, yet… I would so totallies do her." Everyone burst out laughing as she covered her face in embarassement. Of course, like him, she was the whore of the group too, but she never thought of actually screwing the infamous Skwisgaar Skwisgelf. In fact, the boys didn't know what was her type, but sooner or later they figured they'd find out.

Pickles snorted, "I don't think you've ever screwed a model since Mordhaus got done, man. You liked them really old or really big."

"Hmm, ja… I go to Lucy. How you make little Toki's blush when Runa and I's finds you with manigers?"

It was Lucy's turn to blush. "I… well… eh… maniger's catched us sharings candy… and dey startles us, so we… we… kissed ax-dentaly since was I gettings up, but I trips on da box and lands on poors Toki. Den Ofdensen's said he should be carefuls 'cause somedays we coulds end up marrying each uders. I justs thinks it was funnies, but now… it's not." she let out an embarrassed cough as the older adults laughed at the two. "So… uh… Murderface. I hears you tries to make band. What is calls?"

"Planet Pish." He grumbled, "Schtupid Toki. I shtill gotta kick your ash for what you did." He glared at the youngest member of his group before glancing at Runa, "Finish thish… 'If I had a nickel for every time I wash…'"

"…asked to be models or enters some pageants again, I be da richest women in da worlds. Apparentlies I cans entered into Miss Universe withouts enrolling. I donts thinks I am dat perfects." She rolled her eyes. "So, Pickle, you seems to bes comfty withs Cherry. Is dere sometings we are missings?"

Pickles removed his arm from around Cherry's shoulder and shrugged, "Nah. Maybe it's all da alcohol we both had. It brings people together." he nodded his head in a matter-of-fact kind of way.

"Amen to that!" Cherry grinned. On the radio, she heard one of their songs. "Holy hell! It's that damn song you guys made meh sing when Mo'ra got sick durin' recordin'!" she turned the volume up a little, "Damn I sound different..."

Lucy smiled, "Running ups dat Hills was pretty. I dun tinks Moira could have dones better job. Hmm, hmm... makes deal wits gawd."

"So yeah… ain't nothing wrong with being friendly with one another, right? We're going to be working with each other after all." Pickles cleared his throat before staring at Bloodyfist once Lucy and Cherry decided to just listen to the song and tune everyone out, "I'm curious to know what other instruments you play."

Bloodyfist thought for a while, slouching in her seat as tried to remember what she played. "Well… I play bass… and Standup Bass. Taught Moira how to play one, well more like attempted back in the day. Runa and Lucy taught me how to play a Cello, which is almost like a Standup. In high school I played the bass in the jazz ensemble. I think that's it. Pretty much all of us know how to play at least two other instruments. So Toki… why did you decide to play metal?"

Dethklok gawked a little. That was a question they never heard asked to them. Metal was what they lived for. They didn't decide to play it. How sad that none of them could really think of a good reason.

"Well… I… I am does liking da music of Metals. It be real good and I likes da brutal stuff." The group continued on until the limo finally came to a stop at their destination. Once by one the stepped out and smiled, once again standing next to their other. Already they all could feel a friendship forming, but none would tell the other that they planned to humiliate the other at the concert.

-----

Back with Moira and Nathan, they finally came to an agreement.

"Ok… so let me get this straight, Explosion." Moira sighed as she rubbed her temples, looking down at her lap, "Not only are you one hell of a tough cookie to crack, you got some fucked up offers to come up with on the spot. So… Cancerous is to open up with four songs, play one during your guys' intermission and since somewhere along this whole…" she looked around for a clock, "three hour ordeal, we somehow agreed to compose a song together and play it at the end? And because of that, the tour is postpone until another month while we stay with you at Mordland? Am I correct?"

Nathan Explosion made a grunting noise, which everyone figured it was his way of agreeing. Both Managers finished off their glass of whiskey. Never in their careers had they dealt with such a discussion. Nathan and Moira were already hard to deal with by themselves, but together, they both had wondered if they'd ever get their contract written up. Munkittrick looked around his destroyed room and sighed. Another several thousand dollars wasted to repair damages done by not only Nathan, but Moira as well. Those two were alike in behavior, it was scary. Yet in some twisted way, they tamed one another. Normally damages would be much worse, but they two pretty much yelled at one another for the most part. If only she had stayed away from the mirrors and chairs. Why couldn't she be superstious? A pen that had been stuck to the ceiling finally fell down next to him.

"I still… don't understand how that last one came up… but whatever. The song has to be brutal. I don't do pussy songs for douchebags."

Moira's eye began to twitch as she tried to remain calm, "I don't either… But I already have an idea about what language to use."

"Language?"

Miss Implosion nodded her head, "Oh yes. To me, no language is as brutal as German. You, Explosion, are going to learn to speak German. And if you don't, you are the cuntface asshole I knew you could be."

"Ugh… Brutal."

"Better believe it, cuntface."

Wah! Shave 'em Dry was original sung by Lucille Bogan in the 1930's (?). Finding lyrics was a biotch and A.S.S (lol) version to it is slightly different, but I thought it be cool for Cherry since she's suppose to be like Pickles. Pickles was Rock, she was Country. And finally! I came up for a catch phrase for them. Skwisgaar says Dildoes and Pickles says Douchebags, while Cherry and Moira say cunt face. So yeah... the story might be ready to hit M because of language. I don't think I'll actually make naughty scences... but language can get... terrible...

Hope ya enjoyed!