Rating - T ( might change to M in the future )

disclaimer - I know Mediator doesn't belong to me (*le sigh*) If it did , Suze would end up with Paul (*grin*)

A/N - A big thank you for Fizii, Rock The Rain and loulabel246 again for giving me motivating reviews to upload the first chapter of this story !

I know other people are reading this fanfic because of the hits. So, if you like it please spare a little of your time to review it. Even if you see mistakes in my story do not hesitate to point them out and give me a constructive critisism so that I can improve my style of writing when I upload the next chapter.

So read and review people !The next update will be in a week ^ ^

Now enough of my rant ! I present to you the first chapter of "Denial"

Chapter 1

It was one of those days when you wake up and know everything is going to end up bad, especially after having to endure a horrifying nightmare during the night – and in my case , the shadowland.

'It has already been 3 months' I thought with a deep sigh. Almost immediate as thoughts about him filled my head, I was quick on attempting to stop myself on making another journey down the memory lane.

But I just couldn't do it.

The memory of him always brought tears to my eyes. Yes, for today it has been exactly three months since I lost Jesse. Three months after Paul's successful attempts to kill Jesse.

No, not kill….for he was already dead. Paul only got rid of him. Well sent him to the place wherever he was meant to go after death.

Father Dom assured me that Jesse was finally at peace after 150 years. And he was at a place where he was supposed to be. "Heaven" the good father was always quick to assure me whenever I was in a slump.

Yeah, I can't disagree with Father Dom about that. With the good, virtuous and selfless way (I think giving up your dream for your father and family and agreeing to marry a skank like Maria, pretty much selfless ) Jesse had been leading his life and after death he was bound to go to a place like heaven.

That was the only hope that's keeping me from collapsing and losing my sanity.

But still, it was like murder and I will never forgive Paul for it. Oh he did ask for forgiveness, he practically begged but I opted to ignore all his attempts to apologize. With a sulking face he went back to Seattle with his parents and his little brother Jack.

His little brother begged for my forgiveness hugging me so tightly as if his life depended on it. Of course, I forgave the little guy. Do you take me for a heartless wench? It was not his fault I lost Jesse. It was entirely his brother's fault.

Well though Jack is the person who actually exorcised Jesse, he did it unknowingly. If there was someone to blame it was only Paul Slater who made my life a living nightmare.

I dressed in a black shirt and blue jeans, not bothering too much. Then again who should I dress up nice for? My boyfriend? Well he's already dead and gone…I mean he was dead…but still he's gone. So why should I dress up for?

But I can't just go to school looking like a total bummer. I won't let princess Kelly Prescott rub it in my face. So I bothered with some make up. With some Eyeliner, mascara and a little lip gloss. 'Not too drab, not too flashy' I thought as Dopey's voice hollered from downstairs. "Suze if you don't come down in 5 seconds we're leaving without you"

"I'm coming!" I shouted as I ran downstairs. I grabbed my lunch bag of Andy's gourmet thandoori chicken sandwiches and climbed to the backseat of the rambler.

We had history after marking attendance. The subject was always such a bore for me and I scarcely listen during the period."Yada yada yada" Mr. Walden's history lecture was boring as always. I was dozing off when Cee cee, the editor of the school newspaper and my best friend in Caramel slipped a note to me.

Did you see the new guy in school today?

What new guy? I asked back uninterestedly

He's sooo hot, you should have seen the way Kelly was drooling all over him She wrote back to me.

I thought you have eyes for one guy and one guy only I replied with a small smile on my lips and sneaking a glance at Adam McTravish. Adam was the class clown and everyone except him knew Cee's huge crush on him. He acted completely oblivious trying to focus on getting well errr me on a date.

But he's still my friend you see and I just don't think of him that way. Sure Adam is good looking and he's certainly not gay like Debbie rudely says but still, me and Adam will be like totally gross. My head snapped to a little dream of me and Adam tongue wrestling. Ewwwwwwwwwwww Cee you can totally keep him.

Cee cee noticed the direction of my gaze, let out a little sigh and wrote back

That doesn't mean he's the only guy on planet earth, I say a guy is hot when I see a hot guy. I'm not totally immune to their charms like you are:-P

I am so NOT I wrote back with a small glare.

You so ARE, Scott Turner was totally flirting with you yesterday and you completely dissed him, I was there remember? She wrote.

Ewwwwww Scott Turner, he's the twin of dopey. One of his buddies at the wrestling team and a total airhead.

Ewwwww flirting with Scott will be sooo immature. The guy may have abs but he's a total blockhead I wrote back horrified with Cee's taste in guys.

Cee cee's white eyebrows frowned and she wrote hmm…can't say no about him being a block head. His intellectual capacity is a big zero

I was going to reply back to her when my pen paused in mid air. That was because the guy Cee cee was mentioning earlier decided to make his appearance. My mouth opened in horror as I stared at his figure unable to utter a syllable.

I was completely shocked. I saw Cee cee was muffling her laughter at the horror-struck expression on my face from the corner of my eye. But even THAT was not enough for me to snap out of my shocked state.

No, I was not shocked because the guy was hot. I mean he definitely was hot but I'm not like Kelly ok? Drooling over every hot guy I meet. I took in his figure…..the six feet tall, olive-complected, curly brown hair the kind of which you wish to run your hands over and mesmerize over its softness, the intense ice-blue eyes….

As soon as I met his eyes all the nightmares I've been having came tumbling down upon me. I slumped back into my seat.

I think you can guess why because the new guy Cee was talking about actually turned out to be Paul Slater. Paul that freaking psychopath…I can't believe that guy had the nerve to show his face after what he did to ME. I glared daggers at his direction but he didn't meet my gaze, YET.

"Class this is Paul Slater. He's originally from Seattle. Paul grab a seat. I'm in chapter 24 in the text book, you have it I presume?" asked . "Yes sir" Paul replied in a deep voice and I shuddered. The exact same voice which haunted me in my sleep.

The females of the junior class started drooling with "ohhs" and "ahhas". Yeah ladies swoon all you want. But believe me that guy has a heart made out of ice. Kelly was fluttering her eyelashes and pointing rather unsubtly to the seat next to her. The place Heather used to sit when she was alive and the place I avoided when I first came to mission academy.

Kelly was making a fool out of her. One look on her face made me gag. Not just her but EVERYONE! Every girl that is. Only the guys were in my side. They were glaring at the new comer who was able to capture the attention of all the girls.

Paul gave Kelly a charming smile and I let out a relieved sigh and guessed he decided to sit next to her instead of the seat behind me.

And boy was I ever so wrong. No Paul didn't take the seat beside Kelly .Instead he passed her and averted his gaze to me. He stared and I stared back. I glared and he smirked. See what I'm talking about the guy not having any ounce of dignity? He had the nerve to SMIRK at me. After WHAT HE DID!

All the girls averted to the direction of his gaze…that is well umm me. "Hey suze" he replied casually as we were actually FRIENDS. Errghhhhh

All the girls glared at me, seriously they glared. What the f*ck! You can have him for all I care. He's not my freaking PROPERTY for god sakes. Get your claws on him, do whatever you want with him, see if I care.

Paul came in quick graceful strides towards me and sat behind me. I went rigid all of a sudden. Everyone was glancing at me, even Cee cee. "you know him?" Cee cee mouthed to me. I didn't reply back.

I shook my head and stiffened. Cee frowned and gave me a look saying "you better have an explanation at lunch Simon". I nodded dumbly. How the hell can I explain Paul Slater?

"ohh yeah Cee, you know he murdered my boyfriend in the wish of getting into my pants" I can practically see her violet eyes blazing in surprise.

I shook my hair and saw Kelly watching me wearily. And boy was she so damn jealous. For a moment I felt some pleasure with her jealous stare but it was quickly overcome with fear at the thought of the cold-blooded teenager behind me.

The memory, the memory I was trying so hard to forget came down came crashing down upon me at the thought of Paul. Everything was ok until that time I admitted my true feelings to Jesse. It was then that the nightmare started.

The day I was finally able to bite down my cowardice nature and tell Jesse that I truly loved him.