As you can tell, or you will be able to tell when you've finished this chapter anyway, I'm obsessed with two things in Bleach: Squad 11 and Ulquiorra (I think everyone should be in love with him). In fact I think he should be in Squad 11: they don't have a fourth seat, Ulquiorra is the fourth Espada…do I have to do all your work for you Tite Kubo?
That being said it is quite obvious that I don't own Bleach or my Ulqui-baby never would have died, so…
The Plan
Knock knock
"Go away."
Knock knock
"I said go away!"
Knock knock knock
"Fuck OFF!"
Knock knock KNOCK KNOCK
"Look," yelled Nnoitra flinging his door open. "what part of 'fuck off' don't you understand you retar…"
Blinking the tall man stared up and down the corridor in confusion; there was no one there. Snorting in distain at the pitiful prank, he turned to go back into his room when something caught his eye: a letter had been left on the floor outside his room.
Closing the door behind him, Nnoitra sat on his bed and opened the envelope.
Yo man,
I know u lov partes, y don u com 2 1 in my plase, itl hav fireworks an fod an sake. Itl b gr8! I wanna c ur smexy ass, so com 2 it won u?
Lov ya
Ur bitch
The Espada starred at the letter for a while, letting its meaning sank in. Nodding he stood up, opened his door, walked down the corridor and entered the kitchen.
"The fuck is THIS Jeagerjaques?"
Looking up from his cereal, Grimmjow shrugged his shoulders. "How am I supposed to know?"
Nnoitra glared at him "Well you should know; you wrote it!"
"Says who?"
"Says the writing."
"Whaddya mean?" he asked, frowning in confusion.
The lanky Espada snorted. "Look only two people in Hueco Mundo spell this badly and one of them is me. I'll give you three guesses as to who the other one is."
Smirking, Grimmjow gave his superior a sarcastic look. "Just cause I'm stupid don't mean I'm a bad speller."
"So you're not denying your idiocy then?" said a bored Szayel who was half listening to the conversation while flicking through the paper (it was a copy of 'The HM Times', a publication written by Kaname Tousen, edited by Gin Ichimaru and read only by Szayel-Aporro, purely to laugh at the way Gin edited all of Tousen's articles to include sexual innuendoes and dirty references).
Acting like he hadn't heard the scientist, probably because he hadn't, Grimmjow sneered. "And besides, how come you're a bad speller spoon-face, did your ma' drop you on your head when you were a baby?" he mocked.
"No, I happen to be dyslexic, what's your excuse Dummer-jacks?" retorted the lanky man.
Grimmjow frowned. "Dis-lick-sick, the fuck is that, an STD?"
"No you stupid twat, it's where you can't read words properly, the only thing here that's an STD is your stupidity!" snapped Nnoitra.
"For your information, I was as stupid when I was a virgin as I am now, so it's not an STD dumb ass." Retorted Grimmjow smugly, proud that he had proven the other man wrong.
"Once again Grimmjow I am astounded at the level of your intelligence." Came Szayel's dry remark.
Hearing this the blue haired Espada smirked haughtily at Nnoitra as if to say 'see even Szayel thinks I'm smart'.
Nnoitra face-palmed "He was implying that you are idiot you dumb fuck!"
The cat man's smile faded "What?"
"Oh never mind," cried Nnoitra, worried that Grimmjow's brand of stupidity was contagious. "Why did you write this?" he demanded once more brandishing the letter.
Seeing that there was no way to hide it Grimmjow decided to make something up, a trait he was well known for failing miserably at. "I was walking round Soul Society the other day when this Shinigami comes up to me and says 'You're an Espada aren't you?'
"So I said 'Yeah I am, what's it to you?'
"And he says 'Nothin', I just wanted you to tell Nnoitra to come to a party that's happenin' here so we can have a date.'
"So I said 'sure' and so I wrote the letter 'cause I know you wouldn't believe me if I just told you."
Grimmjow squirmed uncomfortably at the stares he was receiving from the others. Nnoitra's mouth was flapping open like a fish out of water and even Szayel had lowered his newspaper to stare at the blue haired man as if he were some kind of horrifying monster.
He had a feeling they didn't quite believe him so he added. "Oh and the Shinigami who gave me the message said that he was only a messenger and that after he talked to me he would have to kill himself so the message would remain secret and then he stabbed himself with his zanpakuto."
At this Szayel seemed to come out of his shocked state and smiled at Grimmjow, the way you would smile at a child who denied eating the cake when it had chocolate icing all over its mouth. "So," the pink haired man said "You were just wondering around the Court of Pure Souls when this happened were you?"
Grimmjow nodded.
"And why were you there?"
"Erm…I was…looking, for…Ulquiorra."
Szayel raised his eyebrow; this part of the story at least was plausible; Ulquiorra had been missing for a few days now. Aizen was hysterical because apparently the petite Espada had promised to see him after he finished his mission, which should have only lasted a few minutes and it was unlike Ulquiorra to break a promise…no, in fact, it went against Ulquiorra's very nature to do it. However Grimmjow's story still didn't make a shred of sense.
"So you just strolled through the streets looking for our missing comrade did you? You weren't stopped by anyone, maybe challenged to a fight? Because I know that if I went anywhere near Seireitei, a million and one alarms would activate and I'd be swamped by Soul Reapers before I could give them a 'missing' poster!"
"Yeah well…I'm awesome at infiltration and investigation…I've got ninja skills that even that stuck up bitch of a Captain has never scene!"
"Grimmjow you are as subtle as Naruto and Black Star rolled into one." Apparently Szayel had been reading some of Ulquiorra's manga.
"Awesome! Black Star, what a cool name, maybe I should change mine to 'Doomagedon', 'The Blue Panther'…no, no, how about 'The unstoppable cat demon'"
"How about 'The dumbest fucker alive'?" muttered Nnoitra, finally snapping out of his reverie.
Grimmjow scowled. "Look, are you going to that party or not?"
"Why should I?"
"'Cause you'll see your beloved there."
"Yeah along with half a million Soul Reapers," pointed out the lanky man. "I mean I know I'm good, but even I have my limits."
"Well you won't be there as you," smiled Grimmjow. "We'll go in disguise."
"We?" asked a suspicious Nnoitra. "Why are you going?"
The blue haired man gave his predator grin. "Let's just say; you're not the only one who wants to see a Shinigami."
11.11.11
"So where do I set up?"
"Over there, in that field."
Kukaku nodded and made her way over to the location indicated by the Lieutenant.
"She doesn't have bigger ones than me." Muttered Rangiku after the other woman was out of ear shot. She looked down at her own assets and sighed; she had always prided herself on the ability to woo any man, and a few ladies, with her chest, but seeing the fireworks expert had deflated her ego a little. "Must be fake," she concluded. "No one has boobs that big and shiny."
"Stop complaining about being second best." Said a board voice.
Rangiku shrieked in mock alarm. "Captain, don't scare me like that."
"You weren't scared."
"Yes I was and why are you here, why aren't you getting ready?"
Hitsugaya looked confused, "I thought the party started at nine."
"It does."
"But that's five hours away!"
The busty woman wagged her finger at her Captain, "You must take every second you have, now, do you have the outfit I bought for you?"
"I'm not wearing it." deadpanned Hitsugaya.
"But Taicho it's…"
"It's a sailor's outfit."
"Exactly; it'll look so cute on you."
"Matsumoto, I'm too old to wear such a ludicrous thing."
"So you're just going to throw away the present I bought you?" she made a face to look like she was going to cry.
He sighed "No I…"
"The present that I had to search high and low for."
"It's just…"
"The gift that I saved up months' worth of wages for?"
"You're being unr…"
"The gem that I had to travel to the World of the Living to find?"
Hitsugaya had had enough, "Yes, that present, the one that is ridiculous and that you knew I'd never wear…I wouldn't be caught dead in it!"
He finished, breathing slightly heavily and instantly regretted his words; his Lieutenant looked heart broken.
He sighed, "Look Matsumoto…"
"Shiro! Little Shiro…hey Shiro-chan!"
"Momo?" Hitsugaya turned round to see his childhood friend running to his side.
"Hey little Shiro, happy birthday." She beamed at him, panting slightly. "What's wrong with Rangiku?" she asked as the other woman walked off dejectedly.
"She…she bought me a present that she knew I would hate and now she's upset because I refuse to wear it."
Momo gasped. "Little Shiro!"
"You don't understand…"
"I understand enough, you listen to me, you are going to wear what she got you!"
"But…"
"No buts…it was really kind and thoughtful when she bought you a gift and you were very ungrateful. Now you are going to wear it to the party tonight!"
"Who are you, my mother?" sulked Hitsugaya.
"I'm the closest you've got young man, now come with me." Momo grabbed her friend by his wrist and dragged him off to his barrack, with him protesting the whole time.
"What are you smirking about Rangiku?"
"Oh, Yumichika…I'm just happy because my plan worked."
The narcissist frowned slightly (slightly, not too much, as he didn't want to develop worry wrinkles). "What plan?"
"Well…I got my Captain a really cute outfit that I knew he'd despise and he refused to wear it. So I walked off in a sulk, but I timed it so that Momo would see me depressed and ask my Captain what was wrong…"
"Ahhh, I see. She got angry at him and is now forcing him to wear the outfit? Good job Rangiku, very devious!"
The busty woman giggled.
"So are you ready to put the real plan into action?" asked Yumichika, suddenly becoming very serious.
Rangiku immediately dropped the smile she was wearing and replaced it with a business like expression. "Yes, I just have one question though, how are we going to avoid anyone recognising the Espada?"
"Well Grimmjow's coming with him and they'll both be in disguise."
Rangiku clapped her hands in excitement, "This is going to be so fun, but wait…how is Captain Zaraki going to recognise him, if nobody else can?"
"That's easy, Nnoitra will instantly go over to his lover and reveal himself; they'll have the entire night to spend together and beautiful fireworks to watch…it will be so romantic!" Yumichika giggled into his clasped hands and started to waltz around the street they were in.
"Alright Cupid," laughed the female Lieutenant. "Just remember to be there yourself, in case anything goes wrong."
"Of course, of course I'll be there…I am meeting my own Espada after all!" He started to walk back to his Squad. "Remember, we meet under the tree at five minutes to midnight, just before the fireworks go off!"
"I'll see you there then."
"Oh and one more thing," he called back to her. "Don't get drunk and reveal any vital information!"
"I wouldn't do that, honestly…what type of girl do you think I am?"
11.11.11
'It is dark here, but that does not matter. I am able to see with the most minimal amount of light. I am in a strange room, I think it is underground but I cannot be sure. There are noises above me, suggesting that I am under a residence of some kind, however I cannot make out what is being said, even with my sensitive hearing. If I were anyone else I probably wouldn't have heard any sound at all.
'The strange thing about my current situation is the fact that I cannot move and I cannot seem to access any of my Reiatsu, so I cannot signal for help. That little girl must have done something to me.
'The only logical thing I can do is wait I suppose, even though no one will find me. They probably know I am missing by now, after all I told Aizen-sama that I would go back and speak to him straight away after dispatching the Shinigami and that was at least two days ago. However I have no misguided illusions; my comrades will not try to save me, I am in Soul Society after all and it would be illogical – no suicidal, to attempt a rescue.
'Therefore my only chance of escape is the child that brought me here.' Ulquiorra sighed. 'The one problem is that I have never been good at persuading people at all, I do not usually think of my lack of emotions as a disadvantage, in fact I usually think quite the opposite, as emotions are difficult and make people behave quite irrationally. However if I am to please this girl I will have to…what is the word? Empathise with her.' He sighed again, contemplating the near impossible task and how he should go about achieving it. After all, he couldn't even feel any Reiatsu around him, so the walls of his prison must be made out of Sekkiseki rock and even to hollows, it was impenetrable.
11.11.11
"Happy Birthday Captain."
"Thank you."
"Happy Birthday Captain!"
"Thank you."
"Happy Birthday Hitsugaya Taichou."
"Thank you."
"Captain!"
"Matsumoto? Were where you, you were supposed to be greeting guests with me, I've been here for hours!"
"Oh Captain…it's not been hours; I'm ten minutes late!"
"Really?" the small Captain sighed, only ten minutes had passed and he was already this board? It was going to be a bad night for him; he already had the beginnings of a headache, and it would only get worse as time wore on. "What? Why are you smiling like that Matsumoto?"
"You wore it Captain!"
"Wha…oh yes…This. Do you like it?"
"Of course I do it's ador…"
Hitsugaya's eye twitched. "If you say 'adorable' I'm going to freeze you here so you miss the entire party."
"Ador…ning. Yes adorning…because you adorn…the party?"
'He really does look cute though' thought Rangiku as she examined her Captain in the white and navy blue shirt, complete with shorts, a neck tie and a matching hat that was balanced precariously on his spiky hair.
The Captain sighed once more, he decided to let it pass for once and waved Rangiku into the party. She hurried past him as quickly as possible, before he remembered that she had promised to stay with him as he welcomed his guests. She quickly found where the dance floor was, grabbed the nearest male and started 'dancing' – whereas to any observer, it looked as though she were trying to mate with her clothes on.
11.11.11
"Are you sure about this Jeagerjaques?"
"Absolutely."
"I was just asking because, well…I look like a twat."
"Exactly, we've disguised you without losing any of your Nnoitra-ness."
The tall man snarled. "Are you trying to say I usually look like a twat?"
His blue haired companion sniggered. "Ya' usually walk round looking like a kitchen utensil, whadda' you think?"
"Why you…"
"Welcome to my party," said a small child by the archway that lead to the field. "The dance floor is straight ahead, the drinks are to the right, yes there is alcohol and at midnight there will be a fireworks display, enjoy."
"Awesome fireworks, I love fire…ow what the fuck Jeager…I mean…Bob?" Nnoitra gave a silent whistle of relief at remembering to use Grimmjow's code name.
"Nothing Bill, you just forgot to say 'Happy Birthday'." Grimmjow said meaningfully, removing his foot from the lanky man's own, after having just stomped on it.
"Oh sorry, Happy Birthday kid."
It was a testament to how tired and fed up he was, that Hitsugaya did not react to being called 'kid' any more than frowning.
"I told you the disguises would work!" said Grimmjow smugly.
"I don't see how," replied his superior. "They look so ridiculous!" for the hundredth time that night he glanced down at what he was wearing. He had on a bright yellow dress with a red floral pattern, a huge orange hat with a bunch of grapes on top, which was tilted on his head so his hollow mask was hidden and his hair was done up in a loose bun with chop-sticks to hold it in place (they figured that chop-sticks would do because they couldn't find any kanzashi). "And why am I dressed like a chick anyway?"
"We've been over this, it's so you don't look suspicious when talking to your Soul Reaper companion. Especially if you get a bit drunk and start making-out."
Nnoitra gave a confused and embarrassed frown. "If anything I would have thought that would make it extra suspicious. Anyway, why haven't you done the same?"
He glared accusingly at Grimmjow who was wearing a black suit with a white shirt, a black tie and a scarf that hid the lower half of his face, hiding his hollow mask. Together they looked like a gangster who was about to rob a shop and his transvestite whore.
"I don't need to look like a girl, my guy's already out."
"Huh?"
"You know my lover's already openly ga…"
"Grimm…I mean Bill!"
Grimmjow spun around to see Yumichika rushing up to him, he smirked and threw his arms around the Soul Reapers shoulder. "Speak of the devil! How's my baby doin'?"
The narcissist giggled like a schoolgirl, "Oh Grimm, I'm doing fine, how are you doing? How…how…how's it hangin' homey?" he laughed again and clutched at the Espada's arm. Grimmjow knew from the grip that if he wasn't there, Yumichika would have fallen to the ground.
"You drunk baby?" laughed the cat-like man, highly amused about the state his unofficial boyfriend was in.
"Of course…hick…not," hiccupped the Shinigami. "I'm the…hick…responsible one. No, no, no…the other two are drunk though…I told them not to be, but they are." He whispered conspiratorially.
He started swinging on his companions arm, then spotted Nnoitra, gasped and slapped Grimmjow across the face.
"Ow, the fuck was that for?" demanded Grimmjow while clutching his bruised face.
"Are you cheating on me?" asked Yumichika in disbelief.
"What? No!"
"You are aren't you, why Grimmjow, why…?" he wailed.
"Hey shhhh," said Grimmjow quickly. "Don't say my name so loud and you're making a scene."
But the words didn't even register with the feather-faced narcissist who was wailing at the top of his lungs, huge choking sobs that caught the attention of everyone around them, while Grimmjow failed to calm him down.
"It started so well…we only began seeing each other last week…a-a-and now I find you w-w-with another m-man and a transvestite no less. Why Grimm why…? I mean he's, he's…UGLY!"
"Shush baby," soothed Grimmjow, trying to calm the man down quickly. "It's not like that."
But the dramatics carried on as if he hadn't even opened his mouth. "It's the hair isn't it? I only cut it to stop the Lieutenant playing with it!"
"Sweetie, you're hair's great."
"I-I-It's the Squad isn't it, I can't help it; I've tried to make them beautiful but nothing works!"
"Babe, I couldn't care less about your squ…"
"No, no, no I get it," Yumichika sniffed a bit to try and calm himself down before howling. "You think I'm FAT!"
Grimmjow took a couple of steps back from his wailing lover, scratching his head, he looked around desperately as if hopping to see someone jump out from the audience to give him a guide to drunk, emotional boyfriends, or better yet just tell him what to do, as he wasn't a very good reader. Neither thing happened however and the blue haired man resorted to the only thing he knew; force. Ignoring the mutterings and disapproving glares of the Soul Reapers around him, Grimmjow picked Yumichika up, and carried him, over his shoulder, to the nearest building.
Once inside, Grimmjow went to the stand with healing concoctions, provided by Squad Four at every party for overly drunk guests, took one and made a still sniffling Yumichika drink it.
As soon as he had drained the last drop, Yumichika looked at Grimmjow, "The hell was that, whatever it was it…hick…tasted…hick…weird." He then promptly collapsed and it was only thanks to Grimmjow that he didn't fall on his face.
11.11.11
"Hey Ichigo!"
'Oh shit, I've been spotted, stay cool. Act like Ichigo would.' I turned round and waved.
'Oh shit what's his name again, let's see red hair, stupid tattoos…' "Hey …dude!" I greeted, giving up on a name, how am I supposed to know all of the King's idiotic followers anyway?
The man laughed as he jogged up to join me, but his smile faded when he was close enough to see me in detail and he replaced it with a frown.
"You look…different."
'Fuck he noticed! What do I do?' "Different? I don't know what you mean." I laughed and scratched my head like an idiot. 'That's right, when all else fails bluff your way out of an awkward situation.'
The read head looked unconvinced. "No, there's definitely something…"
Well I didn't really expect him not to notice, I look like the King dipped in a vat of Bleach for fucks sake, there's a million things different about us, he could pick from a long list starting from my hair being the wrong colour and ending with my teeth being straighter, although I really hope he doesn't get interested enough to notice that fact!
I started to let my hand wonder from scratching my head towards my sword's hilt.
"Maybe…" he started.
I gulped, if there was a fight the whole of Seireitei would be here in a flash and I wouldn't be able to search.
"…could it be…"
I gripped Zangetsu tightly.
"You've painted your nails, haven't you?"
'What a MORON!'
"Yup, you noticed," I congratulated. "Well done!"
"What a girl." The Shinigami said with a stupid smirk on his face. "So, you here for the party?"
'Party?' I blinked blankly and then smiled widely. "Yeah the party…of course…why else would I be here?" 'Bluffing don't fail me now!'
"I don't know, you could be here to declare your love to me!" The tattooed dolt started laughing loudly at his joke.
I laughed along too while wondering 'Does this man even have a brain?' I was not a very scientific person but I suddenly felt a desperate need to slice his head open to find out.
He finished laughing and clapped his hand on to my shoulder, a fact I wanted him to spontaneously combust for, how dare he touch me, only two people are allowed to do that and one of them is me! "Come on, the party's at Squad Ten, obviously, let's go together…"
"No!"
He turned to look at me in confusion.
"I mean, I need to talk to…" 'What's her name again, the midget who lives in the King's wardrobe…' "Rukia! I need to talk to Rukia…very important, very private."
"Oh, well, Rukia will be at the party."
'Damn it!'
"…Just one thing, I wouldn't mention Captain Kuchiki if I were you, he went crazy a few weeks ago and he's confined to his room now, not even Rukia's allowed to see him. So she's a little depressed at the moment."
I nodded in understanding. "Yeah, hoes always get Horney when they can't get any, he should watch out or she'll go start shagging someone else."
The Soul Reaper starred at me in horror. "He's her brother, you sick bastard!"
'Shit…come on you can do this, just laugh it off!' "Yeah, yeah, I know, just messin' with ya Red Man!"
"Ichigo are you feeling all right?" he asked concerned.
"Never better." I laughed, punching his shoulder affectionately. 'I have to act more like the King. Come on Ichigo's an idiot, what would he say?' "So after I talk to Byakuya and we go to the party, what say you and I go and do manly things…like listening to loud music, looking board at everything and…" 'Think damn it, work brain!' "…braid each other's hair." I mentally face palmed, 'The hell was THAT!'
"Ok," said Renji brightly. "See ya later then." He waved as he walked in the direction where the loud music and drunken laughter was coming from.
I stood there in shock for a moment. 'That worked…seriously?' I shook my head, if that idiot made lieutenant I shudder to think about the unseated officer's level of intelligence, could they even talk?
I set off again, I have no idea who Captain Kuchiki is and I don't care, I'm here for one thing only. 'Now where could you be…Ulquiorra?'
11.11.11
He could hear sounds around him, noises, muffled and indistinguishable and as he opened his eyes he saw colours, blurred shapes with no outlines. He turned his head to the side, however it did no good. The a blue shape moved in front of him and a sound, louder than the others battered his ears, but he couldn't understand what it said…such a nice sound though, he tried to listen harder. "…a…p…up…you' gotta wake up!"
Gasping the narcissist sat bolt upright, startling Grimmjow who had to dodge to the left in order to avoid being head-butted.
"Wow, wow, calm down there Yumi." He soothed.
"Where am I, what happened, who are you? Oh Grimm, sorry; I didn't see you for a moment." The narcissist took a deep, calming breath as he looked around, trying to get some bearings. "Where is everyone else?" he gasped. "Where's Nnoitra?"
The blue haired man scratched his head. "I dunno 'bout the others, but spoon-head's by the punch bowl."
Yumichika nodded "Well we need to…oh my head." He groaned, clutching at his hair after trying to get up. "Why does it feel like Shuhei is trying to play that wretched guitar thing in my brain?"
"You got a headache, aw my poor baby." Cooed the Espada, pulling the other man into his lap. Yumichika rested his head against his chest as Grimmjow stroked his hair. "You drank a bit too much and I had to give you that disgusting smelling drink over on the healers table."
"Really? That usually leaves you with nothing more than the taste of aubergines in your mouth, I've never had a migraine this bad before…" Yumichika stilled as a thought occurred to him, slowly he rose his head until he was eye to eye with the other man. "…Grimmjow, which potion exactly did you take from the table?"
"Uh…the blue one I think, I dunno, it smelt like shit whatever it was. Why?" he added as Yumichika slapped himself in the fore head.
"Some of the new recruits came up with a hilarious game." Muttered the Shinigami resentfully. "They swap some of the hangover potions with a brew of their own and see who's unlucky enough to pick the wrong ones."
"Don't seem like much of a game to me." Frowned Grimmjow. "If ya knew about the game ya wouldn't pick the wrong one would ya?"
"But you see most people are too drunk to tell the difference."
"So, ya got the wrong drink, so what?" said the Espada somewhat defensively, after all it was he who gave the hung over man this strange concoction.
"So Grimmjow," glared the narcissist. "So…for a few hours…you can only speak the truth! That's why it's such a fun game, because people go spilling secrets about themselves and others. It's ruined friendships, love affairs, reputations, sometimes even marriages, it's a horrible thing and now I've got it! Thanks a lot Grimm!"
"Well sorry." Growled the blue haired man angrily. "Ya know I was jus' tryin' ta help, how was I supposed ta know what some fucktards had done, I aint' no Soul Reaper!"
"No, you're just a stupid little cat with all brawn and no brai…" Yumichika gasped in horror and capped his hand over his mouth to muffle the rest of the sentence which was said by his treacherous mouth, at last he lowered his hands and hung his head. "You see Grimm, this is why it's so terrible; I didn't mean to say that, it just…came out…I'm sorry." He finished in a small voice.
"Hey, hey…don't worry about it, I know I aint' the smartest guy alive." said Grimmjow soothingly. "Don't worry, just try not to talk too much tonight okay?"
After receiving a nod from his still downcast partner, the cat man straightened up. "Now, let's go get those two misfits together!"
11.11.11
"Seriously?"
"Why though?"
"They probably just killed each other."
"Yeah, I mean it's not as if they were vital to the group or anything."
"Enough!" Demanded Aizen, he had gathered all of his Espada to form a search party and all they seemed to be able to do was complain. "I will have no arguments, we are going to the Soul Society to recue your brother and that's final!"
"Don't you mean brothers?" asked Szayel.
Aizen looked at the scientist in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"You said brother, as in only one person, we are going to try and find several aren't we?"
"Oh, yes, several…of course. Brothers, I meant brothers…and we will find them…no arguments. Now let us go fourth my children!" He declared as, on cue, Tousen opened a Garganta into Seireitei .
Aizen ran through the crack in space and was slowly followed by his 'children' with much grumbling and dragging of feet. After they had gone Tousen closed the portal and turned to the only person who had wanted to stay.
"So Wonderweiss…want to play a game of chess?"
"Uh?" enquired the blond boy.
"Don't worry, I'll teach you how to play," started the justice obsessed villain. "Now there are 32 pieces in total, half are white and half are black, a very racist game if ask me, no justice in it at all, all about trying to destroy your enemy, that's why I have made up my own version. Much better. Now one side has to commit a crime…" he continued, oblivious to the fact that the recipient of the information wasn't paying any attention but was trying to see if he could touch his eye with his tongue like he had seen Nnoitra do.
Meanwhile Aizen was sprinting through the darkness, impatient to reach the sliver of light ahead, 'don't worry Ulqui, daddy's coming!'
11.11.11
Ulquiorra curses silently as he tries to hold back a sneeze, it is vital that he makes no noise. After careful deliberation, the Espada had decided that there was no hope of him 'empathising' with his captor, so he was opting for the second option open to him: knock her out when she comes to see him and run away. This is why he is now standing by the wall next to the door, as footsteps start to sound louder and louder. He takes a steady breath and prepares to attack.
"Hum, what's this?" he hears from the other side of the door. Ulquiorra frowns, it is a man's voice, definitely not the voice of the small female. This means that he has a chance of getting out of his current predicament without any violence, violence that could easily lead to him being the target of multiple zanpakuto attacks from many soul reapers. This being the case, the pale man steps forwards, in front of the door, so he will be in plain sight.
Even though he has more of a chance reasoning with this person, he still prepares himself for a fight, after all the first things most Shinigami would do upon finding an Arrancar in the middle of Seireitei, would be to sound the alarm and attack.
He tenses, hearing a click, as the door is unlocked and he blinks twice as he is suddenly bathed in light after having been kept in the darkness for so long.
"Well, well, what have we here? An Arrancar…no, an Espada!" said Espada sighs slightly, well there goes that plan. "What are you doing here?" asks the man as he walks towards the smaller male, he dims the light slightly and Ulquiorra can just make out a very distinguished looking gentleman, who has a long silk scarf draped around his shoulders and white kenseikan in his dark hair.
"I am Ulquiorra Cifer and judging from your white haori, you are a Soul Reaper Captain, so you should know me without having to ask, trash."
The Shinigami looks surprised. "You think that I, Byakuya Kuchiki, Captain of Squad Six and head of the noble Kuchiki clan…am trash?"
Ulquiorra merely blinks slowly in the affirmative.
"What impudence," said the Captain, staring at the little Arrancar who looks back emotionlessly, preparing mentally for a fight. "That…is the cutest thing anyone has ever said to me!" squealed the noble. "No one's ever told me what they truly think of me before, they were always too scared to, but you actually said it to my face and with such a serious expression too…ohhh I just love you, you are too cute for words!" he gushes as he grabs Ulquiorra into a bone crushing hug while he rubs his cheek against the younger man's face.
Poor Ulquiorra was very confused, he had been told that Shinigami were part of a military based society, that they were all hardened warriors who treated any outsiders with mistrust and who's policy on hollows were 'kill now ask questions later'. Yet the only Soul Reapers he had encountered so far were utterly mad!
The stoic man sighs as the other babbles on about how sweet he is, it was going to take a lot of willpower to keep his sanity in a place like this…
11.11.11
Aizen gasped and came to a sudden stop, he held up his hand, an indication to the Espada who were following him to halt. He had felt Ulquiorra's Spirit energy, he was sure of it, but it was feint, only a trickle of it was being emitted, which meant that either the Espada was somewhere mostly surrounded by Sekkiseki, or…his Ulquiorra…his dear, sweet, cut little Ulqui…was dying! This was too much for Aizen, he had to act now, but they still needed to be cautious, after all if Soul society knew they were here, they would use his baby as leverage, possibly harming him in the process and he couldn't have that!
Currently the rescue team were in a corridor in the Squad Three barracks and had been in the process of searching it. Aizen, still crouching by the corner of the hall, turned round the his followers and started making hand gestures to indicate what was going on without having to talk to them for fear of being discovered.
"What's he doing now?" asked an exasperated Harribel.
"I don't know," answered Szayel carefully as Aizen made a hand gesture that looked like he was trying to imitate a bird. "But I think I ought to do a full psychological exam when we get back home."
"Yes, I think that would be best." Nodded Starrk, a little concerned about everyone's safety as their all-knowing and powerful leader started to mime strangling himself. He sighed silently, as soon as they had landed on Soul Society soil, the former Captain had started acting like he was in one of those action movies from the world of the living. Sneaking around close to walls and jumping through windows. Starrk could have sworn he had heard him humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme tune to himself and now he was trying to communicate with ridiculous hand signals? "Hey, Aizen-sama, don't you think we should look for Ulquiorra elsewhere, he's obviously not in these barracks." He called down the corridor.
Aizen made a panicked hushing gesture and ran up to his Prima as quickly and as quietly as possible. "What do you think you are doing?" he hissed. "We're supposed to be quiet, we don't want to get caught before we've found your brothers do we?"
"Caught by whom, exactly?" enquired Szayel dryly. "It's not as if we've seen anyone." It was true, they hadn't encountered one Soul since they had arrived ten minutes ago. Which was strange really, as one would have expected there to be a guard or two at least, where was everyone?
"I'm just being careful," whispered their leader. "I've lived here remember? You don't know what it's like, everyone knows everything, even the walls have ears." He muttered conspiratorially.
As one, the search party started eying the walls next to them dubiously. Little did they know that in fact the walls did have ears, well microphone anyway, most walls in the Court of Pure Souls did, the reason? Well, Myuri Kurotsuchi was a highly paranoid man who thought the world and everyone in it was trying to steal his research, therefore he kept a record of everyone's conversations with each other, and spent hours every night pouring over the tapes and films, trying to decipher what hidden messages these seemingly innocent encounters held. Fortunately for the band of intruders, the majority of Squad Twelve were at the party getting drunk and the rest were either sleeping or doing work completely unrelated to invasions of privacy.
"Besides," continued the former Squad Five Captain. "I've just felt Ulquiorra's Spiritual Energy, it's coming from over there." He said as he pointed in an Easterly direction. "Come along men, let's go!" and without further ado, he turned around and jumped out of the nearest window, shattering the glass.
The Espada stood in silence for a moment before Baraggan decided to try his luck. "Aizen, you dead?"
"No man," came the response. "But I think I need some help getting this glass out of my arms."
11.11.11
"Jeagerjaques are you sure about this?"
"Positive, come on trust me."
"I wouldn't trust you as far as I could throw you."
"Well you could throw me pretty far if I didn't fight back, now go on lover boy, go get 'em!"
Nnoitra nodded, took a deep breath and started walking determinately towards the Squad Eleven Captain.
Yumichika returned to the feline Arrancar's side. "There he goes; oh I hope it will go all right."
"He'll be fine." Assured the blue haired man, putting his arm around the Soul Reaper's waist.
Despite his confident words Grimmjow joined Yumichika in watching the lanky male, dressed as a girl, weaving his way through the dancers. The Espada hesitated at the edge of the dancing platform for a moment before pushing his way through the swaying party-goers. He emerged from the other side and carried on walking with his fists clenched in quiet determination. The couple followed him, looking on with baited breath as their quarry took the final few steps to Captain Zaraki and…veered off to the right at the last second.
"Wait, what?" cried Yumichika in disbelief. "Why'd he do that, was he too much of a coward?"
"I dunno." shrugged a mystified Grimmjow. "He seemed so determined, I thought he'd go through with it..."
The two were lost for words as they saw Nnoitra stop by the punch bowl and tap Lieutenant Hinamori on the back, all the while blushing like a school girl. They watched, mortified as he spoke to her and slowly her expression of at being adressed by a strange cross dresser, turned into one of horror and disgust. In the end both men winced as the small Soul Reaper slapped the Espada hard and ran away screaming, leaving Nnoitra on the verge of tears, "But I love you!" he yelled after her.
Slowly Grimmjow turned to Yumichika. "What…just…happened?"
"I don't know. But if I had to guess, I'd say that we had the wrong idea about the Fifth Espada."
"No kidding."
"…terrible, I thought she'd love me," the pair jumped as they realised that Nnoitra had come up to them, sobbing. "You told me she'd love me! It's all your fault Jeagerjaques!" he yelled, pointing at Grimmjow accusingly.
"My fault, it's your fault ya' dozy bastard! I didn't know ya' were in love with a woman, I thought ya' were inta' guys!"
"Guys? The fuck would you think that Jeagerjaques, you been at the cat-nip again?"
"Oh I get it," said Yumichika suddenly, interrupting the fight. "Nnoitra, you were the one that sent Momo those letters and that thong weren't you?"
"Yeah, so what, who are you anyway."
Yumichika was shaking his head, "And you blame your failed attempt on Grimmjow, it's your own fault!" the narcissist declared to an incredulous Nnoitra.
"What, why? How?"
"Those letters you sent were creepy, she was really worried."
"Why would she be worried, they were supposed to be romantic?"
"Romantic? Don't make me laugh. You talked about watching her in the shower, watching her sleep, wanting to rape her…"
"Hey, I never said..!"
"And then there was the thong."
Nnoitra blushed. "What was wrong with the thong? I thought it would look good on her is all."
Yumichika sighed. "You can't just go up to someone who you've never even spoken to before and give them a piece of dirty lingerie. It's creepy!"
The lanky man grimaced. "Did she really hate it that much?"
"Oh yes, she was too scared to go out of her room, surely you noticed!"
"I thought it was just…you know…her time of the month."
Grimmjow nodded knowingly and then frowned. "What time of the month?"
The other two men turned to stare at him.
"Her time of the month…when chicks get all narky and bitchy and want chocolate all the time and you can't do a thing right in front of them…that time." Said Nnoitra.
Yumichika nodded. "Yes, it's the time that…you know."
Grimmjow shook his head and looked at the Shinigami expectantly like a curious child, but as the saying goes curiosity killed the cat.
"It's the time when…well. They finish their cycle."
Grimmjow cocked his head like a kitten. "Cycle?"
"Well…"
"Dude," said Nnoitra, slapping his comrade on the shoulder. "Don't worry, from the looks of it," he glanced at Yumichika. "You'll never have to worry about it."
11.11.11
At last Ulquiorra was out of his prison, the insane Captain had decided that he would help his 'cute little Espada' escape the clutches of the 'pink haired demon'. Though it sounded like a good idea at the time, the green eyed man was starting to think that he would have been better off staying in the dark. Several problems had arisen, the first being that his saviour seemed to be, himself, a prisoner as he was unable to unlock his front door. After finding this out, the head of the Kuchiki clan had decided to try and volt over the garden wall, dragging Ulquiorra behind him like a doll, he was however stopped by several ninja, who seemed to be guards employed by the clan, as they treated the captain with respect and did not once question why he had an Espada with him. Then, the little confidence the Arrancar had in Captain Kuchiki's sanity and prowess as a Soul Reaper vanished as the noble decided to throw a temper tantrum. Luckily he soon recovered from this and came to the conclusion that they could use the tunnels Lieutenant Kusajishi had under and around his manor to evade his captors and escape. It was no surprise to Ulquiorra when he found out that the Kuchiki had been searching these tunnels when he had discovered the prisoner, apparently the suspicions that Ulquiorra had had, about being held under a residence of some sort, was correct.
The Captain of Squad Six had tried to block off these tunnels when he was hard and straight lined, but had been unsuccessful. Now that he was traversing them, he knew why. They were vast, many, many passages criss-crossing one another, some so wide and tall that her 'Ken-chan' could comfortably walk along it, some so small that only the Lieutenant herself could squeeze through. Also, his previous assumption that they were only under his residence, was proven wrong, the maze carried on for what seemed like miles, the seemingly endless network spread through the entire Seireitei and it was easy for Captain Kuchiki and his new 'friend' to walk, and sometimes crawl, away from his estate without raising the alarm.
All in all, Byakuya was feeling very pleased with himself.
11.11.11
I can feel him, he's near and he's moving, there's someone else with him. 'Where are you going baby? Don't worry, I'll save you from whoever's holding you captive, hold on Ulqui!'
Panting a little, I pelted round a corner and ran head first into a man I definitely didn't expect to see.
"Aizen, the fuck you doing here you little shit?" I glared at the other man as I picked myself off the ground.
"I came to save my precious Ulquiorra from the likes of you, you villainous cur!" the scumbag spat.
'Self-righteous little prick!' I thought darkly. 'How dare he think he's good enough for Ulqui, he doesn't know him like I do!'
It may sound strange but it's true, Aizen never fought Ulquiorra, I did. When you're in that position, when it's life and death, when every second counts and one wrong move could be the end of you, you and your opponent reach an understanding of sorts and you realise what makes the other tick, what it is they're fighting for.
I realised that Ulquiorra was unlike any other opponent I had ever faced, because he wasn't doing it for himself, he wasn't doing it for a friend like that prat Ichigo, he wasn't even doing it for fun like me…he was doing it because he was told to and he wouldn't disobey and try to save himself or surrender because, without orders, without someone to follow, he was nothing, a lost puppy in a storm.
As soon as I had realised this I had felt a rage unlike anything I had ever felt before, someone had taken this man…this powerful, spectacular, beautiful man…and used him. They had forced him into a war, forced him to fight and kill, when I could tell he was no soldier, to be a soldier you needed to want it, but this fallen angel…he wanted nothing, he yearned for nothing, he did as he was told and that was all.
I had spared him, I had knocked him out and moved on before letting the King take over again. I made a promise, a vow of sorts: I would destroy that bastard who had used my angel and I would take his place so Ulquiorra would never have to fight or feel pain again. For someone like him…someone as untainted, as pure as him, should never have to suffer.
That is why I am here, trying to rescue my cold, lonely bat from the clutches of the ego maniacal bastard in front of me.
"I don't think so, It'll be me doing the saving, shit head." I threw at him before shunpoing off towards his reiryoku signature.
11.11.11
"Captain Kyoraku, please, stop doing…oh thank you so much lieutenant Nanao."
The party at Squad Ten was in full swing and the Soul reapers were all acting like they usually did at a sociable event; Captain Kurotsuchi was conspicuously absent, along with his lieutenant. Captain Unohana was scaring drunken Squad members with sweet words and smiles, Captain Kyoraku was completely drunk and trying his luck with anyone in a skirt (this included an unfortunate Nnoitra who had almost unwillingly had his first male on male kissing experience). Captain Zaraki was beating everyone at drinking games (he had an amazing capacity for alcohol and was continuously challenged for his title of 'heavyweight drinker in the afterlife'). Captain Ukitake was piling present upon present into a weary and slightly bemused Captain Hitsugaya's arms, Captain Komamura was on the dance floor, Captain Soi-Fon (recently discharged from Squad Four) was standing by a wall waiting for Lady Yoruichi and glaring at anybody who came within a ten meter radius of her. Lieutenant Hinamori had not been seen after running away from Nnoitra, the Women's Shinigami Association (excluding a few members) were still trying to act like men, while the Men's Shinigami Association had taken their idea and were trying to get into the mindset of being a woman (Lieutenant Kira and Lieutenant Hisagi were currently walking around, arm in arm, talking about shoes) and Lieutenant Kusajishi was following Kukaku Shiba round whilst asking questions about anything and everything that came to mind, the fireworks expert was displaying an unusual display of calmness, answering all questions put to her.
Rangiku was watching all this before her attention was drawn to the three figures approaching her. She was under the tree and it was the time that they had all decided to meet up.
"So, how did it go?" she asked as the men approached her looking like warriors coming home from war.
"It was horrendous." sighed Yumichika, slumping against the trunk of the tree.
Ikkaku stared at his friend, "You know, that's not like you Yumichika; you don't look very graceful at all."
"Well I don't care at the moment," snapped the other man. "I'm tired, I'm miserable, I spent hours on a plan that didn't work because we based it on the wrong assumptions and I have just told Head Captain Yamamoto to cut his beard off as it is most unsightly!"
"Why did you do that?"
"Because Grimmjow gave me the spiked drink that makes you tell the truth."
"Oh." Said the bald man nodding, "So Rangiku, we're all out of ideas, can you think of anyone else the Captain might be sleeping with?"
"No I can't," the busty woman huffed. "To be honest with you, I'm starting to think that that hair was his and Yumichika just got over excited about nothing."
"I did not, it definitely wasn't the Captain's hair!"
"How do ya know sweety?" asked Grimmjow soothingly as the Soul Reaper became agitated.
"Because it had shampoo and conditioner on it, the Captain uses soap to wash his hair so it remains stiff. I'm telling you, that hair belonged to someone else!"
"Ok, Ok," said the blue haired Espada quickly. "But are you sure about how it got there? I mean there are loads of explanations, it doesn't necessarily mean he's shagging someone."
"If you can think of another way someone's hair found its way into my Captain's private room, that is locked most of the time, then be by guest!"
"Well…hey, do you guys hear that?"
They stopped and listened, to hear a feint rumbling sound. Silence quickly spread through the party-goers like a disease as the ominous noise grew louder until the ground began shaking.
"It sounds like…footsteps." Said Ikkaku.
No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the building of the Squad Ten barracks exploded and Captain Kuchiki came bursting out of the rubble and clouds of dust, a confused looking Ulquiorra being pulled along behind him.
"At last," panted the Squad Six Captain as he looked around. "FREEDOM…oh and sake." He added, spotting the drinks table. Walking over to it he started perusing through the different beverages on offer while the Espada he had hold of sighed when he realised his predicament; alone, in the middle of every single Soul Reaper in Seireitei, while looking quite conspicuously hollow, with his half mask and hole at the base of his neck.
Everyone was so shocked at the sudden appearance of a mad-man and an Espada in their midst, that no one realised that the rumbling hadn't stopped. Until they were shocked once again as the Squad Ten training hall was also blown up.
Captain Hitsugaya groaned, "Oh great, that's another year's budget gone on repairs. I can feel my headache turning into a migraine."
Out of the wreckage this time came an angry looking Sousuke Aizen, half running, half walking, with an equally pissed of white version of Ichigo Kurosaki speed walking by his side. The two were glaring at each other while each trying to take the lead in their strange race, behind them the rest of the Espada came strolling out of the rubble, taking their time to look around.
"Oh look," said Szayel-Aporro, disinterestedly, "There's Ulquiorra."
Instantly the fighting men stopped their staring contest in favour of looking around wildly, as soon as the spotted the Fourth Espada they rushed over to him as quickly as possible, while trying simultaneously to push the other away.
"Ulqui!" cried hollow Ichigo who had reached his destination first due to a strategic elbow in Aizen's face at the last moment. "Oh baby, I've missed you, where have you been?" he flung his arms around the smaller man's body and crushed him to his chest (Byakuya, who had lost interest in Ulquiorra in favour of the alcohol, had release his death grip on the boys arm just moments ago, saving his hand from being crushed).
The small Espada was highly confused with the situation at hand. "Excuse me, but…who exactly are you?" he asked, which was hard, as he could barely breath.
Hichigo gasped , braking the hug, he pulled back from the boy slightly so he could look into his eyes. "Baby, it's me, don't 'cha recognise me?"
"…Kurosaki?"
"No, no, it's me, Ichigo's inner holl…well I guess you've never seen me looking humanoid before, but it was me who defeated you remember?" He received a blank stare. "Think horns, mask…mullet?"
"Oh, that was you?"
"Yes." He smiled encouragingly.
"Weren't you taller back then?" Ulquiorra asked, cocking his head to the side slightly.
Hichigo was squealing at how cute the other looked, when Aizen staggered back to his feet, coughing slightly. "Ulquiorra," he commanded. "Come here."
"Yes Aizen-sama." The Espada replied before pushing past Ichigo's alter ego in order to obey his master's command. He was almost there when he was knocked to the ground by a black blur. When he sat up a second later it was to see his master flat on his back with a tiny woman sitting on top of him, beating him over the head with the hilt of her zanpakuto
"You jerk, jerk, jerk, jerkity-jerk jerk!" she yelled while pummelling him.
He was about to help Aizen when he felt strong arms encasing his waist. "Leave them to it, it's obvious he deserves it." Muttered the white haired version of Kurosaki.
"Still…" said Ulquiorra before pointing his finger at the woman and starting to form a cero.
"No! MOMO!" screamed Nnoitra who flung himself in front of the cero, grabbed his love interest and jumped out of the way just at the green cero was unleashed. Aizen on the other hand, wasn't as lucky and took the full force of it…to his face.
"Oh dear." Monotoned Ulquiorra. "I got the wrong person."
"Don't worry about it," smirked the man behind him. "I'm sure he'll be fine."
As smoke rose from the battered Aizen's burnt body, those that had good hearing heard a croaky "Why?"
"Mr stalker, you…saved me?" Asked Momo in wonder, looking up into the face of the cross-dresser that was Nnoitra Gilga, who smiled shyly back at her.
"Yeah I…guess I did." He replied bashfully, a light tinge of pink appearing on his cheeks.
Momo stared at him for another minute before reaching up, pulling his face down and crushing their lips together.
"Awww." Everyone chorused lovingly.
"Well, that explains the mystery of where our friend has been going in his spare time." Szayel muttered to Harribel.
Said woman was staring at Nnoitra with a frown marring her hidden face, "Is that my dress?"
"Espada, Espada! Espada in Soul Society!" yelled Captain Kurotsuchi, running into the clearing waving his hands wildly in the air.
"Yes we know, they're all here." Said Captain Kuchiki, pointing to the Espada who waved at the new arrival.
"You have only just detected us now? My, my, the equipment you have here is a joke!" smirked Szayel Aporro.
"Grrr, shut up Granz!" screeched the infuriated scientist.
The funny moment was shattered however as Head Captain Yamamoto appeared in the middle of the crowd that had gathered around the action.
"What on Earth is going on here?" the old man demanded in his gruff voice. "Why are the Espada here, why is Aizen burning so inconsiderately on the ground and why, in all that is Holy, is one of our Lieutenants kissing a hollow so unashamedly in front of all of her colleagues?"
"Well you see…" everyone started babbling at the same time.
"There was a note you see, but we…"
"…couldn't find a dress so…"
"…a pink rhinoceros came into the room…"
"…wearing a cute little sailors outfit..!"
"ENOUGH!" screamed Captain Hitsugaya before unleashing his Hyourinmaru and freezing everyone up to their necks, there was instant silence. "Now," panted the child prodigy angrily. "I am too hot, I am tired, I look ridiculous in a stupid outfit my lazy Lieutenant bought me and I have a splitting headache, which none of you are helping with! So, one at a time please."
"Alright," continued the wizened old Commander. "Who knows this story from the beginning?"
Ikkaku and Rangiku glanced at each other and silently agreed not to say a word. Unfortunately, they had forgotten Yumichika's current predicament and inability to hide the truth.
"Well it all started off with a hair you see," rushed the narcissist and he proceeded to tell everyone present of the things that occurred, leading up to this event.
He meticulously revealed every detail of their investigation, leaving nothing out, which made things a bit uncomfortable at times, for example when he was ruthlessly retelling the tale of how Momo had been sent a black leather thong, how Tier Harribel could not cook or how Ikkaku had, at one time, been convinced that fairies entered your bedroom at night, snuck into your ear and stole your dreams (it had nothing to do with the story but he told everyone anyway).
"…and then Captain Shorty-Pants froze everybody and I started telling my story!"
There was silence as everyone tried to absorb what had just been said.
"So…you found a hair in my bed and automatically assumed that I had to be shagging someone?" clarified Captain Zaraki.
Yumichika rolled his eyes, "Yes, weren't you listening?"
"It never occurred to you that it could just have been mine?"
"We went over this ten minutes ago Captain…you don't use normal products on your hair, you use soap so that it stays stiff, so stiff in fact that if one fell out I bet you could use it as a needle. The hair I found was soft and smooth, it bore no resemblance to yours in the slightest!"
There was silence once more, then Ikkaku decided that it was time they put an end to this entire fiasco.
"So…who's hair was it?"
"Mine." said everyone they had investigated.
Needless to say this caused much confusion, especially with Captain Zaraki.
"Wait, wait, wait," said the huge man. "When the fuck have you lot been in my room?"
"I went in there to collect DNA for my research." Said Captain Kurotsuchi.
"I went to find more pillows for a threesome I was having later that night." Smirked Captain Kyoraku.
"I was doing a physical exam on you while you slept, as you never keep your appointments." Smiled Captain Unohana sweetly.
"I thought it was Momo's room," admitted Nnoitra. "Oh and by the way, if you find any of your clothes missing, I thought they were Momo's too…you probably won't want them back."
"Ewww!" was the general consensus.
"I was investigating your Spirit energy for Aizen-sama." Continued Ulquiorra, completely oblivious to everyone else's discomfort.
"I was trying to find a suitable brain for Lady Yoruichi, you were on my short list." Nodded Captain Soi-Fon.
"I was trying to find Lieutenant Kusajishi in a game of hide and seek but I got tired and fell asleep on your bed." Admitted a sheepish Momo.
"I was trying to find the entrance to the tunnels under my mansion and came out in a trap door in your bedroom." Explained Captain Kuchiki, whilst stuffing his face with cake.
"I do not believe my name was mentioned but I was also collecting test samples of DNA for my Captain." Monotoned Lieutenant Kurotsuchi.
"So…none of you actually had sex with the Captain?" asked Yumichika deflated.
Everyone shook their heads.
"Oh…" the three friend looked at each other sheepishly.
"Alright, who's ready for some fireworks? Hey sexy, come over here and help me with the big one would ya?"
"Would ya shut up woman, I'm kinda' in the middle of somthin' here!" Captain Zaraki shouted over his shoulder to the fireworks expert, who had just ambled over to see what all the fuss was about.
"Wait…Miss Shiba…you know our Captain?" asked Ikkaku, confused.
"I should hope so, been shagging him for three years now, I'd be kind of a slut if I didn't know em!" laughed the busty woman.
"So…so…oh Captain, you are sleeping with someone!" cried Yumichika happily, clapping his hands together, now that the ice had melted.
"Well yeah, what d'ya think I was a virgin or somit'?" he growled menacingly.
"Oh no, no, no, I'm just happy that we didn't go through this whole investigation thingy to find out it was all for nothing!" explained the narcissist.
Everyone quickly agreed.
"Oh yeah…"
"That would have been bad…"
"Kinda like saying 'and it was all a dream' at the end of a fan fiction!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all very romantic, now can we please get on with my fireworks display, I've gone to all the preparation of planning it and settin' it up and I 'aint goin' home without a few explosions, so let's get to it!" complained the fireworks expert, who had never had much of a stomach for 'soppy, lovey-dovey crap' as she called it.
"Yay!" everyone cheered as they all followed her to a huge field with rockets of all shapes and sizes, spread across the ground.
"Now y'all have to stand under the shealter of these trees as any one of these bad boys could blow ya sorry ass to hell…I mean it 'Chiru," she added looking pointedly at Lieutenant Kusajishi who had a mischievous smile on her face. "Well, here we go!" she decaled as she reached down to light the main fuse that spread to all the fireworks.
"Where'd everybody go?" Aizen wondered out loud as he stumbled around a clearing with trees all around it. "Great, this is all I need…I've been elbowed in the face, burnt by my baby's cero and frozen solid by that damned ice-brat, my day couldn't get any…oh hello, what's this?" He saw a small light quickly moving across the ground. Suddenly, it split into several small lights, all heading in different directions at different speeds. Aizen made his way over to the nearest one. "What are you little fellow? You're a spark aren't you, yes you are, you're so cute little spark! I shall name you sparky and you shall be mine, you shall be my !"
The audience winced as Aizen was catapulted into the sky by a rocket that had gone up his trousers. They all then 'oooh'ed and 'Ahhh'ed as an intricate and stunning display of a multitude of fireworks, lit the nights air, along with the black figure that was the great and all-powerful Lord Aizen, being hit by explosion after explosion, bouncing around like a ping-pong ball.
Everyone was content; Captain Unohana snuggled up to Captain Ukitake, Grimmjow pulled Yumichika into an affectionate hug, Momo and Nnoitra were in the forest doing God-knows-what, Lieutenant Kusajishi was excitedly pointing at the fireworks in Kukaku Shiba's arms while Captain Zaraki stood next to her, glaring at any man, or woman, who tried to stare at her breasts. Stark had quietly slipped his hand into Tier's, Ikkaku was looking at Lieutenant Kurotsuchi beside him whilst blushing deeply, Rukia was hugging Renji tightly who was slightly uncomfortable, as Captain Kuchiki was glaring daggers at him, promising him a slow and painful death with nothing more than his eyes. Hichigo was laughing in hysterics at Aizen whilst the Espada in his arms was watching him, Ulquiorra eventually gave a small smile and relaxed back into his chest.
All in all, it was a happy ending for everyone, but as Rangiku looked around at all the happy couples she felt a twinge of sadness. That was until she felt a pair of thin arms wrap around her waist, she looked over her shoulder to see silver hair and a familiar smile. "Hey Ran, hope ya didn't miss me."
"You idiot," she shouted. "Of course I did!"
"I guess so." He replied slyly.
They leaned in for a kiss, when Rangiku suddenly pulled away. "Wait a moment, if you're all here, then who's guarding Las Noches?"
"Oh don' worry, we got a guy back there."
11.11.11
"Achoo! Oh, sorry Wonderweiss, a pretty girl must be talking about me. Now, rule number three hundred and ninety four in my justice chess says that…hey, Wonderweiss, take that out of yo mouth, that ain't for chewin' on fool!"
11.11.11
Well, there you go, that's it, the end of an era…well not so much an era, but hey!
It's taken me about a year to write and I'd just like to thank everybody who's supported me…It's corny but, I couldn't have done it without you!
Now as it's the last chapter, and I don't mind if you're reading this years after it was published, but it would be nice to hear what you thought, criticism would be greatly appreciated, I'm being serious guys, I do take into account what you say and try to improve myself!
Anywho, that's it. Thanks once again.
Maximoff's Forever signing off.
Yumichika woke with a start. "Oh my goodness, what a strange dream. How ridiculous it was!"
"What dream?" yawned Grimmjow, stretching sleepily next to his lover.
"Oh nothing, I just dreamt that none of us really existed and we were all manga characters designed by a man named Tite Kubo and the investigation we just concluded was a fanfiction, written by an eighteen year old girl with no writing style or sense of plot, and that the last chapter was written at two in the morning when she should be studying for her physics exam!"
The blue haired Espada just stared sleepily at the narcissist. "Yeah, that is weird…now go back to sleep babe."