No Safe Harbor

I hurt her. I hurt her. I know that, but why couldn't I just shake the feeling off? Thank God that Aro didn't have anyone that could feel or manipulate emotion, or else they'd inform him why I was feeling like I want to die at this moment. Alice had informed Aro that she would be leaving, much to Aro's dismay. The whole castle had been talking about Alice's departure, and what the effect would be if she wasn't going to be here with me. That really didn't matter, because it would affect me greatly if she was to leave. But I could handle it, I know that I was strong enough to handle Edward's violent way of trying – at least – to control his thirst to no avail. I've grown used to the physical pain, and perhaps the emotional pain if I could let myself go numb. With Alice, however, I couldn't let myself go numb, no matter how much I wanted to.

"How do you feel?"

Heidi's sudden presence startled me a bit. I didn't know that she specialized in sneaking up on people, especially me. I sighed and turned to look at her, her crimson eyes bore into mine as if she was trying to read whatever that I was feeling right now. I didn't know why she was the only Volturi member that would actually hang around me, when the others only got jealous or just the fact that they hated my presence here. Either way, Heidi was my – as I dared say – friend in Volterra, while everyone else didn't bother to get to know me, and had quickly judged me because Aro favored me more than them.

"I don't know." I lied. "What am I supposed to feel?" What a perfect answer to a question. A question for a question.

Heidi eyed me incredulously, as if I had gone insane because of Alice's departure. In a way, I was getting there, I just didn't know when I would get there exactly. "Sad? Devastated? Heartbroken?" She suggested, and I tried not to cringe at every single one of them. I didn't think she would go to that extent.

"Is that all?" I asked, and I know that I must have stunned her because she was just staring at me, dumbfounded.

"Bella…" She sighed and shook her head. I know that she was disappointed that I somehow had no emotions left inside me. I still had some, but I just didn't want to show this side of me to Heidi. I wasn't going to show this weak side to any of the Volturi, even if I was fond of any of them.

"What?" I asked, and when I heard the softest footsteps coming from behind me, I turned to only face Alice approaching me with a luggage under wing. I know that she bought a lot of clothes for herself, but the bag that she was carrying right now didn't really scream out 'I'm full of designer clothes! I need more!'. She didn't look happy either, and I know that it wasn't about the amount of clothing that she had.

"Ready?" I asked her, and I saw her momentarily cringed before she tilted her head away, nodding a little. I sighed and turned before starting to walk out of the castle. There was nothing on my mind right now, except for escorting Alice to the airport and coming back here. How on earth was I to tell her that I love her without her having to stay here? I wasn't exactly the stubborn one.

We went through the sewer tunnel, went up to the surface where the humans live, and got into a cab when we all know that I wouldn't be needing the cab to get home. Well, it would depend on how I was feeling then, because right now going inside a cab to the airport was the worse idea ever. Not that I was still a newborn, my eyes hadn't changed much within the past several days. So once the taxi driver saw my eyes, his heart's rate picked up quickly and I had to fight the monster inside me to not kill him in the car. Shopping was fine because no one had even noticed my appearance. It was funny how I could always hide what I'd look like so well.

The drive to the airport was a quiet one; painfully quiet. Neither of us spoke, and all we could hear was the heart beat of the driver and the engine of his car. All of that ended when we exited the car and got Alice's bed. The man even dared to try his luck on her, which she had politely refused him. I wanted to strangle him then, and I had decided upon that but Alice's warning look stopped me from doing so. So that was over, the most painful part was going to come within minutes. Alice stopped just before she made her way towards the check-in attendants. She hesitated, as if she didn't want to go. Well, neither did I want her to. She looked down at the floor, while I debated to myself whether to just pull her into a hug, or just say my goodbye and that hopefully I'd see her again. Either way, it was going to cause the both of us pain.

"Alice, I'm sorry that everything has to turn out this way." I muttered, and she shot her head up and looked over at me. Our eyes locked but only for a brief moment until I broke the contact. I didn't want her to see that I was hurting as much as her. No, that I was hurting more than she was.

"As much as I didn't want to say this, Bella, but you chose this to happen." Alice replied lowly, and I sighed. So she knew what would to happen if I had chosen the other way. That would mean that she had foreseen it coming until I changed my decision, and chose to hurt the both of us instead.

"What do you want me to say, Alice? 'Don't go'?" I asked, and I was sure that my voice wasn't dripping of sarcasm. However, I heard Alice gritted her teeth then. The sound of it was like sandpaper rubbing against the concrete ground, except that it was too quiet for the human to hear.

"Just…tell me that there's still hope for us." Alice asked, and when I looked up, her eyes were shimmering in unshed tears that would never fall. I wonder if they ever would.

So instead of doing the opposite of what I was supposed to do, I stepped forward, closing the gap between us, and pulled her into a tight embrace. If I could just hold her forever like this, then I would be able to face everything that would be approaching me. But I had to let her go, because even when she was my safe harbor, Aro would just corrupt her and turn her into his sadistic nature. Heidi would probably think that I was turning into something like him, with me being sarcastic about my feelings when she thought that I was actually serious about it.

"I wouldn't mind if you'd have to lie and tell me you love me. I just want to hear it, so can I, please?" She pleaded even though she wasn't pulling away to look up at me. I didn't want to lie to her, and I didn't want to make her think that I was lying either. This was…really difficult on my part. How could I tell someone that I love, that I love them when they'd probably think that I was lying?

Even though I wanted to feel her in my arms a little bit longer, I reluctantly pulled away from her and looked away with a sigh. How was I going to begin this? I couldn't say I love her to have her think that I was only saying it to make her happy. I know that she was waiting for my answer, but I couldn't think of anything else to make her think that I wasn't lying to her. Would action speak louder than words though? Edward had done both of them, and both action spoke so low of a volume. So how would I know that action would speak louder than word, or vice versa? Edward had shown me nothing but utter pain ever since that I had gotten to know him, and of his secret. I wasn't going to complain about that, because it led me to Alice and I was glad that I had met Edward, even though I hoped that it would do the exact opposite; me meeting Alice first.

"Alice…I don't…" I started but I was cut off by her pleading tone.

"Please."

I did the only thing that came to my mind. And I know that she wouldn't be able to see this coming, not when I just thought it up and acted upon it. So shock could have been the perfect word when I suddenly pressed my lips against hers. Her lips were soft, much softer than Edward's even though I know that my lips were cold and marble-like as hers. Now I couldn't help but wonder what her lips would feel like against mine if I was still human. Well, it would feel cold and hard, but I doubted that it would feel anything like Edward's lips. So now I just savored this moment until I pulled away, not forgetting to leave a soft whisper of,

"I love you."

Against her lips before fully pulling away. I think that was enough to let her know that I truly meant what I just said. I felt dozen of eyes were on me, but I didn't care then. I only cared about the little pixie woman standing before me, flabbergasted, and staring up at me as if she was actually dreaming that I actually just kissed her. I would have laughed and tell her that she wasn't daydreaming, but I couldn't do that in this situation. So I just stared back at her, waiting for any kind of reaction other than surprise. Anything other than that would be great, because I was getting a little panic that I may have done the wrong move.

"You…really mean it?" She asked a moment later, her voice was low but it was raising a little volume. I gave her a sincere smile, and reached down to grab both of her hands and gave them a gentle squeeze.

"Yes, I do really mean it."

The side of her lips curled up into a smile, before it was a full blown beam. Now it was the time to chuckle, and I did. She started bouncing on the spot, and if I didn't quickly grab her hips and just stilled her, I know that people would be wondering how on earth a girl could be bouncing up and down so fast, in such an inhumane speed.

"That means I get to stay!" She squealed in delight, then her excitement died down at the look on my face. I didn't want her to stay because of Aro. Of course, I'd be happy for her to stay, but not when Aro would be lurking around in the dark to actually abduct her.

"Alice, I love you, I really, really do but you have to go back to Forks." I said, looking at her sternly and hoped that she would just nod and agree to what I was telling her to do.

"Why?" She asked in a whining tone and I sighed. At least I got my Alice back to her old self, and that would be she didn't really care if she would have to join the Volturi if she'd get to be with me, she'd join anything if I was involved in any group, at all.

"Aro, I know that he still wants to recruit you." I sighed and looked away, before looking back at her again. I know that she had already seen what I was about to say, since her eyes came back to life the moment that our eyes met once more.

"You're my safe harbor, with you here I don't really care how much trouble Aro is putting me through just by training me. But I know that he isn't training me to his full ability, he's trying to restrict me to get my shield up at the highest level, so I can shield all the oncoming future that you'd be seeing. If you leave, there'd be no safe harbor for me here, but it would give me the chance to reach that level so that Aro won't be able to use you. If I do reach that level, no one can hurt me, not even Dimitri can track me down. I will leave this place, as soon as I'm stronger than what I am now."

She opened her mouth then, and shut it close when I shook my head. There was no negotiation in this, not when I've already made up my mind.

"Do you think he'd let me come and visit you?" Alice asked, and before I could answer her, she let out an irritated sigh. "Just as I thought, I don't think that he would let me visit you."

Her and her clairvoyant.

"Then I will try and do whatever I can to visit you. I promise." A promise that I will never, ever break. Not like I had broken any promises in my life.

Alice smiled at me then, and leant up at the tip of her toes to give me a quick kiss. It was time for her to go, even though I really wanted her to stay, or just jump in the plane and leave with her. I decided on the latter, and she quickly shook her head.

"I don't think it's a good idea. They'd drag you back the moment you'd land in Forks."

I sighed, then pulled her in another embrace. "I'll miss you, each and every second that you're not with me." I would be blushing if I could. I normally wouldn't say this, and I know I haven't said this to Edward, but with Alice it was the need to tell her that I will always think of her.

She pulled away, looked up at me and smiled, "I miss you too, with each breath that I take."

We lingered on for a while, until I had to urge her to go. I didn't want Aro to suspect anything about my late return. I certainly didn't want him to start asking either. Alice turned, grabbing her luggage and went up to the check-in counter. I watched her until she disappeared from my sight. I sighed silently and turned, readying to leave when I saw a tint of mahogany hair out of the corner of my eyes. When I looked up, I saw Heidi there staring at me with a small frown.

A/N:

I could continue, but I'm tired, and I need to pee then sleep. Heh, thought I'd tell ya. ;]

Thanks for reading and reviewing. :]