Authors note: "Kulta" is Finnish for "Darling". Don't own, so don't sue. Never happened and probably never will. I don't know the people annnnd etc… Lets continue on now lol.

Chapter 2

I sighed as Bam threw himself over the back of the couch and onto the floor; Dunn and Raab were running around after him, laughing. I really wasn't in the mood to put up with their ridiculously superfluous behaviour tonight. Bam pulled himself off the floor and onto the couch, still laughing insanely. He stretched as he yawned loudly. Dunn and Raab sunk lazily onto the other armchairs.

"So what are we doing now?" Dunn asked Bam anxiously.

"Well I don't care, I'm going to bed." Bam yawned back at him.

"What?" Dunn laughed, "It's like only 11, we have heaps of time to go out and you're going to fucking bed?"

"Dude, you suck." Raab laughed at Bam.

"Fuck you," Bam grinned, "Why don't you just go out without me then? Go and find yourself some fuckin' minge hags."

"We will then!" Dunn laughed as he stood up and left the room, Raab not far behind him.

I turned my attention back to Lauri. Whenever I sat on the couch Lauri would sit between my legs so I could play with his hair. I continued to run my fingers through his black hair, being careful not to move any of the feathers that he had so carefully weaved in. I could see Lauri turning his head slightly so he could look at Bam. Bam rolled onto his stomach and groaned loudly.

"I'm so effing tired." He whined.

I glanced at Bam briefly before I continued to comb my fingers through Lauris' coarse hair. Bam huffed anxiously as he pulled himself upright. After eyeing Lauri curiously for a moment he rose from the couch and moved closer to Lauri and I.

"Dude, why the fuck do you have feathers in your hair?" Bam said in an almost snide voice as he pulled a feather out of Lauris' hair to examine it.

I felt Lauri flinch between my legs at Bam's harsh tone. I slapped Bam's hand and snatched the feather from him.

"Bam, piss off." I snapped at him.

"Whatever." Bam yawned before he walked away.

When I heard Bam leave I looked back down to Lauri; he had his arms wrapped around his knees and his face buried in one of his arms. My heart sank when I realised he was scared. I didn't know that Bam intimidated him so easily.

"Kulta, it's okay." I said reassuringly as I put his feather back in his hair.

Lauri shook his head, keeping his face hidden beneath his arm. I put my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it tightly.

"Lauri, it's okay." I whispered to him in Finnish.

The moonlight spilled over us, the liquid silver glistened on our skin. The crisp night air filled the room. When I looked out the open window I could see thousands of tiny, glowing stars in the black sky. I appreciated such opportunities; it was very rare that I was able to witness such natural beauty.

I looked down at Lauri – he was still asleep, but I had been awake for hours. I often woke in the night, and it wasn't unusual for me to not be able to get back to sleep. Whenever I woke in the night I would just lie in bed, watching over Lauri. I knew that he always had nightmares, and I always wanted to be there for him if he woke up in a state of fear or panic. I wanted to be there to soothe his pain and to ease his fears. I could never stop thinking about it. Months ago he told me to keep him safe while he slept, and I knew that if he had a nightmare and I wasn't already awake he would never wake me up – even if he needed me, so I would just lie awake at night watching him, just in case he did ever need me.

Lauri rarely spoke – everyone knew that, and when he did speak, what he said was always said with good reason. A few months ago he told me to keep him safe while he was asleep – that was the first thing he had said to me in over a month. I hadn't slept more than an a few hours a night since he said that to me. I'd love to say I wasn't affected by his behaviour, but I was. Every positive sign I got when he did speak, ever negative sign I saw when he didn't speak – they all hit me hard. Bam always told me that I should let go, and a lot of the time I wished I could have agreed, but I could never have left Lauri. I'd seen the real side of Lauri, the side that no one else had ever seen, and it was beautiful. I prayed every day that I would get to see that side of him again.

Lauri stirred in his sleep, quietly mumbling to himself in Finnish. When he talked in his sleep was usually the only time I got to hear his voice at all. If it weren't for his sleep talking I probably wouldn't have heard his voice for a few months at a time. Sometimes I missed how we used to be. Years ago now, we were like two normal people – we talked, we laughed and we sung. Lauri had the most enchanting voice, although he would never have admitted it at the time. I missed his voice, but more than anything I missed him. The person lying next to me wasn't Lauri. Lauri was vibrant, happy and courageous, but the person I was looking at was depressed and completely damaged – every ounce of hope and spirit that once existed had been stolen from them. Their spirit had been crushed and they were damaged to the core. This wasn't who Lauri was – this was what he'd become.

I felt tortured every time I thought about it. I didn't understand how or why Lauri still loved me, but he did. Once before Lauri told me the same thing; he would never understand how or why I still loved him, but I did. He would never know how much I loved him, and it was for that reason that I blamed myself for what happened to him. He would never understand the pain I felt every time I looked at him; a constant reminder that I was the reason he had become this. I would always blame myself. Every time I watched him whisper in his sleep I would cry – not for me, but for him. The damage that he had suffered was irreversible, no matter how hard I tried to undo the devastating effects it'd had. It was possible that I would cry again tonight, but nothing would ever stop the pain that was slowly tearing my soul apart.