Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy, it's owned my the amazing Kurt Sutter, FX and everyone else who has the money to kick my ass in court if I don't have this up here. I do however own Taru, her horse and just about every other random that pops up in the story. This has come from the depths of my sick, insane, twisted, depraved mind and my madness fuel's it to keep going as do all my lovely fans that keep reading and reviewing.

Note: Mostly memories of Taru's, not a long chapter but I thought I needed to throw her back into the story, how she got some of her scars is towards the bottom.

vilis91: Ah! You figured it out, that is, indeed, the road I'm traveling at the moment but as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and their reunion will be good.

HaylsValo: I know, I want to cuddle him too XD I can see him being worried about her, she is in a Coma and she is his old lady after all.

In Venere Veritas – H.I.M

Have no fear
There are wounds that are not meant to heal
And they sing, in venere veritas
Come inside
Let the fire burn you alive
And sing, baby sing
There are wounds that are not meant to heal at all
In venere veritas

Wanderer

=Taru's P.O.V=

I wandered along the hallway of the unknown building humming some god forsaken tune, my fingers trailing lightly over the peeling wallpaper of the walls. Wonder where the hell I am now? I sighed softly letting my fingers brush over the faded floral patterns printed onto the peeling paper. I let my fingers trail over a tarnished silver doorknob as I passed the heavy oak door and continued along the threadbare carpet covering the hallways floor. I stalled slightly after hearing the door I'd just past creak lowly as it opened, hinges rusted and pulling away from the door frame. This can't be good. I swallowed roughly before back tracking and peering into the darkness. I am so going to regret doing this later on. I shook my head before stepping into the darkness.

"Isä? Why are you leaving isä?" I cried clutching at the worn leg of my stuffed dog toy.

"I'm not leaving forever Myrsky, you'll still be able to see me every other day"

Tears streaked down my cheeks as I looked my father in the eyes. "Did I do something wrong? I promise I'll be good, just don't leave" I cried out clutching the stuffed toy to my chest.

"Shhh, it'll be alright Myrsky," He hugged me tightly pressing a kiss to my temple. "I promise it won't be for very long"

"But..."

"No buts, I need you to be a strong girl now, can you do that for me?" He asked brushing away the tears rolling down my cheeks with the pad of his thumb.

I nodded clutching the dog to my chest tightly.

"Good, I love you"

"I love you too isä"

I stepped out of the darkness back into the hallway and stalled taking a step back away from the girl in front of me; she was clutching the same dog, long black hair pulled back into a messy braid. A bright smile adorned her lips as she turned and ran up the hallway before stopping and looking back towards me; she waved her hand beckoning me to follow. I sighed softly watching my younger self wearily for a minute. Nothing good can come from this. I shook my head before following after her.

I stopped before another door as my five year old self pushed it open and giggled softly skipping merrily into the darkness. I looked into the darkness before exhaling softly and stepping into the dark room.

"Enkeli! Enkeli!" The tiny blonde turned at my call as I rushed towards her. "Come on, come on!"

She squeaked as I grabbed her hand and tugged her along with me before she broke out in a fit of giggles. "Where are we going?"

"To prank that mean old man that lives next door to me"

"Prank him? We'll get in trouble Myrsky"

"No we won't, we just need to be faster than he is"

She grinned giggling and picked up the pace trying to match my long strides as we headed towards my house.

I stepped out of the darkness and looked around before spotting my former self half way down the hall. I turned towards her and headed up the hall to find another door, she looked towards the open doorway and with a bright smile on her lips before disappearing into the darkness. I shook my head lightly. I never remember being this god damn happy as a kid. I let my shoulders slump before heading into the darkness.

I yawned and stretched before grinning and checking the calendar. Yes! It's my birthday today! I giggled softly and quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a ratty tee before running down the hall and down the stairs. I slid across the hallway carpet and grabbed onto the door frame to the kitchen before running in. I slid to a halt, eyes wide as I blinked repeated before clearing my eyes to make sure I wasn't still dreaming. "Oh my god!" I squealed in joy before moving around the kitchen counter to the black gelding stood on the other side.

"Happy birthday Myrsky"

I looked to my grandfather and hugged him tightly. "Kiitos, Kiitos, Kiitos!" I repeated several times before turning to the gelding and held out my hand letting him sniff it before offering him a sugar cube from the jar. He flared his nostrils lowering his head to pluck it gently out of my hand before nudging my chest asking for more. I wrapped my arms around his neck nestling my face into his thick black neck before taking a deep breath. "He's gorgeous" I grinned softly remembering only a few days ago how my grandfather had taken me to see the very same gelding. I wouldn't have guessed in a million years that he would have bought him for me.

"Take care of him Myrsky; he's your horse now"

"Of course I'll take care of him, what's his name?"

"Tykinkuula"

I crinkled my name. "Is that his real name?"

"It's his show name"

"What about his stable name?"

"Duke"

I grinned pressing my face into the gelding's neck. "Duke," I breathed out hugging him tightly. "Welcome to your new home Duke" He whinnied loudly before stamping his front hoof.

"Now take him out to the stables before you need to clean up the kitchen after him"

I nodded taking his lead rope and clipping it on before leading him out of the kitchen and towards the French doors before leading him down off the porch and towards the small block of stables that housed four stalls, a small tack room and a modest feed room.

I smiled brightly as I stepped out of the darkness back into the hallway. I followed my younger self down the hall; she stopped suddenly at a door as it creaked open, her eyes brimming with tears as she stepped into the darkness, head down and dog clutched tightly to her chest. Just what the hell memory is this one? I furrowed my brow stepping into the room.

I looked in the mirror and felt my stomach turn, whether it was from the alcohol I'd been drinking or from my reflection I wasn't sure, I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I clutched the dark green bottle in shaky hands and exhaled slowly before placing it on the side of the sink, the bathtub behind me filling steadily with water.

I traced the reflection of my face and the tears rolling down my cheeks as I glanced to the straight razor sitting beside the bottle of pontikka, my drunken mind was screaming out that this was the right thing to do, the rational side of my brain being silenced by my drunken thoughts.

I swallowed roughly as I wrapped my fingers around the handle of the straight razor and grabbed the bottle of alcohol before turning not bothering to look at my reflection one last time. I clenched my jaw as I slipped into the luke warm water in the bathtub and shut the taps off.

I took a large drink from the bottle draining it and relaxed back in the tub, my mind spiraling from one thing to the next, the feeling of self hatred over whelming me as I let the bottle slip carelessly from my fingers to shatter on the bathroom floor. My mind was set, this was the end.

I closed my eyes, wrists submerged below the water. The initial pain was a shock to my system; it choked me and forced more tears from my already raw eyes.

"Myrsky? Myrsky are you alright in there?"

I couldn't bring an answer to my lips as I lay there, the water washing the wounds clear of the blood that flowed from them staining my pale skin red. I relaxed slowly, scared and alone, the pain slowly fading as my life did too.

I burst out of the room and leant against my palms on the opposite wall, pain tearing through my system as I turned and slid down the wall crying. "I'm done with the god damn game!" I yelled as I tipped my head back, my voice reverberating off the walls. "You hear me! I'm fucking done!" I clenched my hands through my hair tugging slightly. "I want to go back! I want to go back to Filip and to Tig, to Angel and Jade, to my gorgeous horses and Buster; I want to go back to the land of the living!" I cried before slowly breaking down, my tears staining the threadbare carpet with dark splotches. I want to go home; I want to go back to Filip.

Isä - Daddy

Sorry it's taking so long, I really am sorry but I have so many other idea's in my head... some for Gibbs from NCIS, some for Rossi from Criminal Minds, Mr. Gold/Rumpelstiltskin from Once Upon a Time... hell the most recent one is for Oswald, it won't be as long or complex as this one but I'll post it soon enough providing I get a bit more written. God damn the plot bunnies and their turning garbage into pure gold.