Chapter 16

Elsewhere

I love the time and in between
The calm inside me
In this space where I can breathe
I believe there is a distance I have wandered
To touch upon the years
Reaching out and reaching in
Holding out holding in

I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence
If I chose to would you try to understand

Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
The mold that clings like desperation
Oh mother don't you see I've got
To live my life the way I feel is right for me,
Say it's not right for you
But it's right for me

I believe
This is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence
If I chose to would you try to understand

Bethany Joy Lenz

Nathan turned to look at his sleeping wife. She was now in her sixth month of pregnancy. Her energy levels hadn't really increased yet. She seemed to be tired all of the time. As she lay sleeping on the couch after lunch Nathan couldn't seem to take his eyes off of her face. He smiled as he saw the ever increasing baby bump. He rubbed his hand across his daughter and as the memories of that day a few months ago came back all he could think was how lucky they had been.

FLASHBACK

After taking Quentin home Nathan made his way into the house. He was met by Haley. The look on her face told him immediately that something was wrong. "Hales? You ok? What is it baby?"

"Nathan, I'm bleeding" she breathlessly whispered as she held her abdomen.

"Oh GOD! Ok Hales hold on baby we're going to get you to the hospital. Everything's going to be ok baby. Just take deep breaths."

As Haley moved to walk beside Nathan, tears were flowing down her cheeks. "I can't…Nathan we can't lose this baby"

Her words broke his heart. He silently prayed that their baby would be ok. He knew that would be the final straw. He'd lose Haley right along with the baby if that were to happen. He knew she'd never be able to get over it and their future seemed to depend on this.

….

As Nathan pulled the Range Rover into the ER unloading zone he pulled to a stop. He jumped out and rushed around to the passenger side door and opened it, gently taking her hand in his. As she stood up he brought that hand to his lips. "I love you baby. It's going to be ok" He had noticed that she didn't yet seem to be in a lot of pain. He prayed that was a good sign. He only knew they couldn't lose this baby. He wasn't sure if either of them would make it through that again.

She had been in the back around an hour and half. Lucas and Lindsay had arrived and were sitting with Nathan keeping him company. Nathan happened to look up at his brother and saw his eyes fixed on something. Then Lucas nodded as the doctor came toward them.

"Mr. Scott?"

Nathan jumped up. "Ah yeah. How's my wife?"

"Your wife is going to be just fine. She's not in the process of a miscarriage as we thought"

Nathan sighed with relief, his eyes burning with unshed tears. "Thank God!"

"There were some blood vessels weakened from the surgery. Two ruptured which caused the bleeding. I believe this was probably stress related. But the good news is the baby is fine. She's not in distress and she's growing at a normal."

END FLASHBACK

Nathan smiled again as Haley stirred in her sleep. She had been really careful these last several weeks. They didn't want to do anything that would possibly cause more complications.

Nathan had refused to leave her side. Quentin had been hounding him about practice and Nathan had finally gotten through to him.

FLASHBACK

"Nate, you're just going to give up on your dream? What are you thinking man? You'll never get into the association like this!"

"I'm thinking I got a really hott wife who's going to be bringing a beautiful little girl into this world in a few months and an awesome son waiting for me at home."

Quentin couldn't argue with that. "Ok man"

"Look Q, I can't leave Haley right now, man. She's pregnant and she's still stressed about the near kidnapping. You have to understand. My wife and kids are my life. Basketball is not everything. I almost learned that the hard way."

"I do understand Nate"

"Are you sure? Sometimes I think you believe all there is, is basketball. Don't make my mistakes Q"

Quentin just stared after Nathan as he walked out of the gym.

END FLASHBACK

Nathan had moved to take some clothes out of the dryer. He was doing everything he could to make sure that the household chores were taken care of. He knew that Haley would jump up and work on it the minute her eyes opened if he didn't. As the carried the laundry basket to the ottoman he heard her whimper. He moved beside her and gently soothed her by brushing her hair away from her forehead with his hand. Over the last several weeks since the attack there had been a few nightmares both hers and Jamie's. Nathan had hated those nights. The blood curling screams that came from his wife and son only served to drive home how scared they had been that day.

"Come on baby. It's just a dream. It's ok. I'm right here Hales" Her head began to turn slightly from side to side and her murmured "No No" broke his heart. Nathan shook her lightly in an attempt to head the full blown nightmare off before it began.

As she opened her eyes he smiled at her. "It's ok Hales. You're safe. I'm right here baby"

She returned the smile and her sleepy eyes closed. "I love you" she whispered as she dozed back off.

"I love you too Haley James Scott. Dear God I love you. You'll never know how much Hales" he whispered back.

Nathan knew he had been lucky all of those years ago when she came home from the tour. Things had been rocky then but he never stopped loving Haley. He never would. He was hurt and frustrated but he always knew they'd make it. He never gave up on them.

Thinking back now to the four months after his accident he had no idea what he had been thinking. His main worry was that Haley wouldn't see him the same way and that scared the hell out of him. He had told the counselor that he was terrified of no longer being what Haley wanted him to be. That was the truth. When he had given up basketball in their junior year, Haley had gone on the tour. He had always thought that she no longer saw him the same way and when he lost it after that night in the bar, he was afraid she'd leave him. He was afraid she wouldn't want him anymore and in thinking that he had pushed her away, not realizing all he needed to be for her was her husband.

He again placed his large hand over their daughter. All of his dreams were coming true. Nothing mattered to him but his family. Haley had stuck it out with him. She had given up her dreams of Stanford to go to Gilmore with him and she had turned her back on the tour. Now it was his turn to set his dreams aside. Basketball could wait. It didn't matter. Yes he loved playing the game but he loved Haley and Jamie more. Nothing was more important to him than his role of husband and father and he spend the rest of his life making sure his family knew that.

"You're my life Haley. You and our kids" he whispered as he kissed her forehead gently.

……….

Lucas and Lindsay were helping to clear the dinner dishes. They had come over and Lindsay had cooked to give Nathan a break. They all wanted to keep Haley off of her feet. Lucas and Lindsay both knew that Nathan was panicking. He was stressing out that they had come close to losing so much. He was nearly driving himself insane. Lucas had tried to talk to him about it but his brother wasn't convinced that Haley and the baby were going to be ok. He was worried sick. So much in that his blood pressure had been shooting through the roof and he had begun to feel sick to his stomach a lot. He had been to the Dr and he had told him it was nerves. Nathan knew that he was a mess and had tried to calm himself down for his family but that was easier said than done.

"Hey Nathan?"

"Ah yeah?"

"I need to tell you something. You got a minute? Can you leave your thoughts for a second?"

"Lucas…."

"Man you've got to calm down. You're stressing yourself out. You're worrying Hales to death Nathan"

"What?"

"You heard me she's worried sick!"

"Why?"

"Because she knows you're driving yourself crazy! She knows there's nothing she can do and it's about to worry her to death. You and I both know that's not good for the baby, Nathan. Man, if you don't calm down you're going to have a coronary!"

Nathan stared at his brother. He'd had no idea Haley was so worried about him. That was the last thing he wanted to happen. She didn't need to be stressing about him worrying about her and the baby. 'God he had to get it together' He was just so scared that something was going to happen. They had been through so much with the miscarriage, the surgery, and now the last miscarriage scare. Nathan knew though that if he didn't get this under control and talk to his wife to ease her fears it could complicate the pregnancy even more. They'd been lucky that they hadn't lost the baby and Nathan couldn't bear the thought that his own fears could put them back in a situation that they could go through that terror again.

"I will. I'll calm down Luke. Now what did you want to tell me?"

"Well Lindsay and I….. I asked her to marry me Nathan. We're engaged."

"Luke, man that's great!" Nathan pulled his brother to him in their signature man hug. "I'm happy for ya big brother. When's the big day?"

"Well, see that's the thing. We're getting married in eight weeks"

"What?"

"Yeah man. Neither of us wants to wait. We're ready to start our lives together."

"Lucas I know you don't want to hear this but man are you sure this is what you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"Peyton…."

"Nathan…. Don't!"

"Lucas I just want you to make sure you know what you're doing man. You loved Peyton along time."

"Nathan I asked Lindsay to be my wife not Peyton."

"Yeah and a few months ago you were seen kissing Peyton."

Lucas stared at his brother, unsure of how Nathan knew that. "What?"

"Haley saw you Lucas. She saw you and Peyton and it has been bothering her ever since. She thinks you're still in love with her"

"Well she's wrong Nathan. I love Lindsay. I'm going to spend my life with Lindsay"

"Ok man as long as you're sure. Hey Lucas I'm happy for you man. You know I love you right?"

"Yeah I know"

Lucas turned to look at Haley and Lindsay sitting at the kitchen table. He knew Lindsay was asking Haley to be her matron of honor. Now that he knew Haley had seen the kiss he was worried she'd begin to stress about him marrying Lindsay. That was the last thing Haley needed. Lucas had to talk to her.

He smiled as he heard Haley laugh. He turned to his brother and smiled again. "She looks happy Nate"

Nathan smiled too. "Yeah she does." He couldn't stop the familiar swelling of his heart. He loved his wife so much and he was so thankful they had made it through the trying times they had, had recently. He'd love her forever. He had told her that the day he asked her to share his life and he was even more sure of that today.