A/N- Hey everyone! It's been so long! I know I have issues with updating and I'm truly sorry again. The fact is I was debating the end of this chapter for weeks it seemed like. I had about a page more written in this chapter, but I deleted it becasue I really hated it. So, this chapter has more confrontations and you probably are sick of him screaming and crying and shit, and I'm really sorry. However, I just really think this fitted in nicely; I do promise there will be the confrontation that everyone is looking forward to in the next chapter. If it's not I swear all you faithful readers may get an angry mob and kill me. Okay, so ignore all dumbass typos and have please enjoy! I hope you don't hate it! So, anyway happy holidays, I hope everyone had a great time and please enjoy Chapter 5!

Summary: Derek's estranged mother, is diagnosed with a rare, terminal disease and the doctors are giving her two weeks to live. With this Derek must deal with old emotions surfacing as well as old memories he'd like to forget. But, you know what they say, with all pain, there comes love. Dasey!

Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek

Life With Derek: Depths of our Beings

Chapter Five:

Unanswered Fear

Death…one word whether one likes it or not will define them; the one word that drives people. Death…the feeling that one day we will be gone keeps us going day by day to accomplish something great before our time is up. Everyone whether they like it or not will die…they can out run it for a while, they can cheat death once, even multiple times, but it will always come back and bite them in the ass. See, death is like that; it comes at the most unexpected moments and sometimes scars others for life. Death…knowing that deep down in the depths of one's soul you're not going to be around for forever. And perhaps in the wake of death is where one's true colors shine true. Even if one was to commit suicide they have doubts and part of them wants to keep going, keep on breathing. Because, the fact of the matter is no one wants to willingly die…

I thought as I sat in my "personal" chair in the principal's office. I thought how I was going to explain ditching class…and not even leaving school to my dad, how I was going to talk to anyone about anything without having a nervous breakdown, and in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I was going to say to Casey, whenever I saw her.

I tapped my fingers in overly anxious rhythms wishing my father would just get there and lecture me.

Just then, he burst into the door, quietly took a seat next to me, and whispered, "This better be good, Derek…"

"Mr. Ventruri," the principal said giving me an icy stare, "so nice to see you again."

My father nodded in his direction and waited for him to start his usual spiel.

"Well, Mr. Venturi the fact of the matter is and your son's teachers would agree with me on this…I'm…well worried, about Derek I mean. Instead of his usual overt disregard for authority…he seems to be…umm well, distracted. I mean it isn't like the famous Derek Venturi to skip class and stay within the building, is it?"

My father shot me an unreadable look, "Well," he said scratching the back of his neck looking for a quick explanation, "Well, you see…ummm Derek just is going through a rough time…his mother's in the hospital it's been hard on him…"

He cleared his throat, "Oh, I didn't know… Well, it seems like you get off with just a warning this time Mr. Venturi…but NO MORE FUNNY BUSSINESS!"

"Yes sir…" I replied softly.

"Well, then I would recommend you sort out all your little personal problems before you return to this fine educational facility!"

I rolled my eyes

"Well, I will hopefully not see you in my office soon," he gave me the "look" and ushered my dad and me out the door.

I grabbed my remaining things from my locker and met my father in the parking lot. I bound into the passenger's seat and hung my head waiting for his usual speech, however it never came.

After about five minutes of dead silence in the car ride he lifted my head to look him directly into his eyes, "We need to talk about this, Der…"

Try as I might I couldn't avoid his stare, "I don't know what to say…"

He let out a deep sigh, "I'm not sure either…we've been avoiding this topic for so long it's hard to know where to start…"

I nodded

"You have to see her…" he said voice certain.

I almost choked on my on saliva, "Are you INSANE?"

He sighed yet again reaching over to run his fingers through my hair in his own paternal manner, "No…Derek, you're never going to forgive her if you don't get some type of closure."

I pulled away from his embrace, "Thanks, Dr. Phil…"

He rolled his eyes at my sudden surge of anger, "Listen to me Derek…I should have done this years ago you need to see her, you need to see that she can't and will never hurt you again. You need to face her."

I stared at him, "I can't do it, dad…I can't…"

He looked back at me, "Yes, you can…you're going to have to."

I turned away from him to stare out the window at the various landscapes we were passing by trying to calm myself down and divert my attention. I wasn't doing as well as I hoped…my brain was flooded with images…horrible scenes…sounds…even smells…I then started hyperventilating.

It took my dad a while to realize what was going on, "Der…are you okay?" he said reaching over with one hand to shake me while driving. He then pulled over to the side of the almost vacant side street.

It started becoming more and more hard to breathe.

My dad was almost panicking, "C'mon bud in, out…c'mon…"

However, try as I might I could not slow down my breathing or take shallower breaths, I couldn't.

"Der…you need to breathe…" my dad stated almost frantically, he being in unfamiliar territory.

I then started to think of school. Yes, I know not a very good time to start thinking about school, not that I had really had ever done much before. There was this really weird guy in my biology class freshman year; he hyperventilated every time he talked to a girl. I'm not even exaggerating…every single time. He used to carry around a paper bag with him just in case. However, my biology teacher finally pointed out to him that doctors no longer recommended breathing into a paper bag because it could cause a person not to get enough oxygen. She advised him to pinch one of his nostrils and breathe through his nose. I did exactly what I had remembered her telling him.

My dad looked at me questioningly, "What are you doing?"

I did not answer, however my breathing gradually became slower and less shallow and eventually returned to normal.

I leaned back in the chair and relaxed exhaustedly.

My dad patted me on the back, "You gave me a scare, bud, don't ever do it again…"

I gave him a half-hearted smile, "Sorry."

He gave me a last look and pulled back onto the road.

We drove for a while in silence both of us trying to collect our thoughts.

"Hey Derek?" my dad asked breaking the spell which had overtaken the car, "Has that ever happened before?"

I shook my head, "Not that I can remember."

He stared at me, "That's kind of scary," he paused, "You know you don't look well."

I laughed, "I know…"

He shook his head, "I'm sorry."

I picked up my head, with much effort, to look at him, "For what?"

"For everything, for making you have to go through his."

I stared at him; I was at a loss for words, "You're forgiven…"

Out of nowhere he reached to feel my forehead.

I opened my mouth to protest, but he interrupted me, "You're running a high fever, Der…"

"I'm fine…" I again disputed.

His tone became suddenly harsh "No, you're not don't give me that," his voice softened a little, "Derek, we have to deal with this…we've pussy footed around for so long… I mean Der, only thoughts of her are making you physically sick!"

I didn't know what to say, "I'm always fine I can get through this!"

He shot me a look, "A blind man could see your not fine Derek!"

"WHO GIVES A FUCK WHAT A BLIND MAN SEES!" I said voice cracking in the process.

This sudden surge of weakness brought my dad back to reality, "Just get some sleep when we get home, okay? You look terrible."

Just then my phone started going berserk.

He dad eyed me carefully, "Aren't you going to answer that?"

I shook my head, "I don't want to talk to anyone."

It stopped ringing momentarily and then started back up again.

"Derek," my dad voice becoming angrier by every past ring, "just answer the god damned phone!"

"Fine…" I mumbled. I then flipped open the phone and gave a half heartened "Hello".

"Der, man where are you?" it was Sam.

I stiffened, "Where do you think I am?"

Sam didn't find it funny, "I don't know man, someone said you got caught ditching class…and no one's seen you since. You know playoffs start next week, and we need you this is no time for you to be pulling any shit."

I shook my head, "Sor…ry" my voice cracked mid-way through the word.

There was an awkward silence, "Hey man are you okay?"

My blood started to boil over, "YES SAM I'M FINE! WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THAT?"

Sam laughed, "Someone's a little tense…" he paused, "You're going to practice tonight right?"

My dad over heard, "Absolutely not!"

I laughed nervously and replied to Sam, "No, I don't think so…"

He let out a harsh sigh, "Der? Are you thinking straight? We have a week until playoffs start that means if you miss a single practice you can't play…it's like a law!"

I slapped myself mentally, "Oh right…umm I'll be there…"

Sam started to answer and I slammed my phone shut, not wanting to take the energy to talk.

My dad watched me fall into the back of the chair in a relaxed manner, "What was that about?"

I sighed heavily, "Sam wanted to know if I was going to practice…"

He rolled his eyes, "No shit, why'd you tell him yes after I distinctly told you no?"

I let out an exasperated sigh; "I have to go if you miss any practices the week before playoffs you get benched, it's a team rule. I can't miss; I'm the captain and I have to be there for my team."

He eyed me vigilantly, "Why don't you let the team be there for you?"

I cradled my head in my hands not liking where the conversation was heading, "It's not the same thing…"

"Why not?" he shot immediately back.

I again let out a weary sigh, "This is something I have to deal with myself…they couldn't help even if they wanted to."

"Okay," he paused, "I know where you're coming from, it's your choice…"

"I know…and I'll tell them…when it's the time…and truly I don't know if there will ever be an appropriate time…"

He reached over and gave my shoulder a squeeze, "I know this has been tough on you, but it's in fact just making you a stronger person…"

I eyed him but choose not to respond to his last comment.

A/N- Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Oh, and I that thing about that crazy kid with girl issues is true! No lie, in my advanced Algebra class last quarter there was this boy who hyperventilated everytime he made eye contact with a girl! So, I guess you don't care, but it was some funny shit. However, I kind of felt bad for him. But, enough about me! I hope you relly liked chapter 5! I'm so sorry if it sucked! Please if you have a second review you would make my day!

-chickenboyssuck